Marivhon's Equipment List: Don Katsu's Apple, Wicked Big Sack
Marivhon, interesting tactics, Shi Jukka, 5, and even Don Katsu are stunned for 1 round by your strong NC-17 rated language. Shi and 5 have to light new cigarettes after dropping them on the ground again.
Alas, perhaps Shi was talking too softly to 5, but it seems that the shackles have rendered her unresponsive to even such blasphemy.
The pixie's like "Damn, chief. You got a wicked big sack talkin' like that. Okay, I'm not gonna mess with you no more, just sit here in my hat. Woo hoo!
Next round, you smack Don Katsu for 1 hp. He hands you an apple.
ok I say to Dave the Fist of Odin. "forgive me for my blasphemy I'm just trying to wake her up and if Odin shows I'll beg for my forgiveness and hope you'll help out."
I yell "Grunna you candy assed bitch. I'm gonna fuck you like that goat loving god you worship does to his fucking little faggots every night. I'm gonna show you a real fucking monk I don't know whay you hang out with these fuckers sucking their dicks and wipping their come through your hair as you serve them nestea."
I attack as I say this hoping Odin shows and straightens this all out.
BR for Odin to show 55
Br to hit the old guy 19 damage 1 point if it hits.
A Lawful Good Time
Dave, badger brought and potion drank. Then Don Katsu unleashes his deadliest move! He says "Watch this ancient move called Everybody Move One Seat To The Left! It is so powerful!!!1!" Everyone's attacks go off on somebody else!
But actually given your rolls it totally sucks. Brogg, you heal the modron for 3 hp. Marivhon, you miss Dave. Dave, you miss Cinder. Cinder, you hit Brogg for 5. That's about all.
Don Katsu is exasperated. "That was the result of my greatest move! God you guys suck so bad. YOU SUCK SO BAD!! Hahahahahhaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah. Now I just Sun Greet you all SO BAD!!! HAhahahahahahahahahah"
Then, finally, you guys get some tactics together. The angry badger is totally sick of this chop-socky crap. Brogg has one more good firebreath in him (it's 3d6+3), and Cinder finally attacks someone who isn't a PC. Moby Ru is defeated! He disappears in a pile of nasty gray sludge.
Marivhon, the pixie says to you: "Okay genius, tell me this. How, possibly, could I be of any help, especially if I have to stay in this goddamn hat. Please, just speculate wildly, I'm eager to hear some hypotheticals. Whaddya want me to do, blow in your goddamn ear? Sing you a goddamn fighting song? Attack your head lice? Jesus Christ!
Don Katsu Sun Greets the badger, sending him to the same bad place as Moby Ru went.
Cinder, you miss, and now we're all back in steady rotation. Can you finish this?
5 pulls out a pack of cigarettes. "You wanna smoke?"
Shi: "Uh... Well, sure, why not. I am the Master of the Quick Flame, of course. Ha ha!"
5: "Ha ha, yeah, that's rich."
Shi, reading the label: "'Primus Brand Cigarettes... A Lawful Good Time.'"
5: "Yeah, you know, Nirvana, everything is Primus this and Primus that."
Shi: "I hear you."
5: "So what's the deal with the hot stoner Nestea babe?"
Shi: "Oh, that's Grunna, the valkyrie who used to live here. Mysterious X captured her."
5: "Uh, isn't that kind of dumb? Why didn't he just kill her? Does she make really good iced-tea or something?"
Shi: "Kill her? A hahahaha," Shi laughs heartily. "Oh no. She's basically like a god." Shi considers this. "I guess, at least. I'm not too sure what her deal is."
The two friends are silent for a moment, watching the fight, quietly enjoying their smokes.
5: "So... what, you bonin' her?"
Shi: "Are you crazy?!"
5: "No, I think you're
crazy if you're not hittin' that!"
Shi: "Well, I think Mysterious X seduced her with his magical powers of erotic seduction. Then he slipped on those shackles and she lost her memory."
5: "Really? So I guess someone around here at least is getting some. And I thought you monks were supposed to be celibate."
Shi: "I'm not sure Mysterious is getting any. I think the only way it happened is he had some help from Primus." Inhales, holds, exhales. "Primus hates all this shit. I think they're planning on using her to promote their new book 'No Gods Allowed'."
5: "Another best-seller, I'm sure."
Shi: "Mm. Anyway, that's why she's still here. Marketing."
5: "That's tough. Those must be some kick-ass shackles to chain that untamed piece of ass."
Shi: "You're just lucky those shackles are still in place. If she heard you talking like that, it'd be POW! Valhalla!"
5: "Heh. Oh, oh my god! They killed Moby Ru! FUCK YOU, MONK-HATERS!"
Shi: "Relax. Don Katsu's still got this under control. Besides, Moby Ru died with honor."
5: "Honor? Fuck that, dead is dead!"
Shi shrugs, silently puffing away on his Primus brand cigarette.
Cinder was so ashamed that Old Man Crenshaw made him stab Dave fist of Odin for 3, that he just had
to sit out for a round.
Cinder looks at the Geezer then back at the Modron. The Geezer is pretty fuckin cheesy tough, but the Modron has six attacks, which even if they don't individually do as much damage, is a lot more dangerous to those of few HPs. Like Cinder. So he's gonna attack his ass. His ass? Ok. Some Blogrolls:
To hit:18, 16, and 10 Aww fuck yeah! With Thaco and sword bonus that hits AC -1, 1, and well, 7 anyway.
Here is the damage for all three in case the AC7 hits:
5, 9, and 7 points respectively.
This bitch is gonna be Non-Euclidian when Cinder and Dave get done with him if you know what I mean.
Alright, screw you old man. Next thing you'll have me giving myself a rim-job.
I attack Moby Ru, BR:3. Yeah!
Hey, how many Fire Breaths is that Potion good for? And, what's the damage? If I have any fire left in me, I am going to blow it on Mr. Tinker Toy.
hey... I mention to the pixie that if he could maybe help us out of this mess it might buy him some freedom... He has to stay in the hat while he helps of course...
A Special Request
This is a message for Cinder. Hey Cinder, you're a couple rounds behind, so make sure that when you post, you take a few rounds worth of actions; follow Dave's lead maybe and queue up a few, maybe with a contingency plan if you're not planning on simply blogrolling THACO every round.
5: "Hey, didja see that? That orc guy can breathe fire too!"
Shi Jukka: "Yeah, hmm. What do you know."
5: "Well I guess that's not so special after all."
Shi: "Who knows, maybe that guy's a monk also?"
5: "I thought orcs can't be monks."
Shi: "Hmm. That's right. Maybe he found the Cold Flame also? Hey, did you ever hear about the time I..."
5: "Uh, yeah, I think I heard that one already..."
Shi: "Oh, okay. Hey look, badger."
Ok, well I take a look around and try to find out what is most hurt.
BR 12 to hit it so it doesn't really matter.
I will try to use my monk senses if Don Katsu tries to do some kind of whirlwind attack.
I quickly take a drink of Nestea
In effort to avoid Teabagging myself once again, I am going to sit back and wait for the old man. I Cure Light myself again, BR:3. I am at 19hp, again.
Dave, Fist of Odin
Yup, so I take a potion, for 16 (x-tra healing) and bring in a badger.
The round after that I miss the modron.
Now Is Probably Not The Best Time To Enjoy A Tall Glass of Delicious Nestea
Okay, Brogg, you drink the potion. You can go ahead and breathe fire on Don Katus for... 11 hp. Together with Marivhon's 1 hp dmg, Don takes 12 this round. This is the first damage Don Katsu has taken so far this fight. Cure Light Wounds puts Brogg up to 5 hp.
Marivhon, when you ask Grunna to help, or stand by the door, or anything, you just get this glazed over look from her, like she's not really hearing you. She does offer you some delicious Nestea, though. Perhaps those magical shackles have turned off her brain!
Okay Dave, we'll just put that miss on hold and bring it back later in the game. I mean, you guys are seriously getting your asses kicked here, so I don't mind you Curing now, missing later. Brogg, you're up to 13 hp, back in the game!
Cinder's still sorting through his AOL email, but I'm sure we'll be hearing from him any time now. In the meantime, Moby Ru'll just take a step up on Dave... 3 more slaps for 8 hp total, putting Dave at 11 hp. Mike the zombie, another shoot on Moby Ru! 6 more hp, nice work zombie.
Don Katsu prepares to unleash his best move of all...
Dave, Fist of Odin
... And, there it is. The there that I am at. Oops - I mean there it was. I agree with Brogg - I am so far from there that the there is a dot to me.
I know I wiffed my next attack roll, but Brogg's hurt pretty bad. I would like to subsitute a cure on Brogg - for (BR 6) 8 hp, and then bringing a badger online - oh, so angry - and THEN maybe the wiff. If I get hit in there, I'll take an x-tra heal potion. See how it goes.
Yup. The temple used to be Odin's? Sure, I'm pretty angry about that. I mean, as far as rage goes, that's maybe a plus five to my baseline. Monks breathing fire and shit? Another plus five. Turning one of Odin's chosen babes into an iced tea slave? Plus twenty, easily. Temples come and go, but c'mon. Hot valkyrie babe, first off, and then not even mead, but NESTEA?
But this motherfucker's going to get my metal. They'll have to invent a new MATHEMATICS to measure how on it is, or how much time is in this go. It's ON with a capital O, and then a capital N, and then a capital C-L-O-B-B-E-R for good measure.
Of course, the next round I attack him I kinda wiff, but you know. I'll catch him on the flip side. Maybe someone could take down the dude healing the Master of Gaytarded Flowers?
BR 18 to hit the Don for 1 whole HP.
ok so did Grunna even react when I asked to to help out a fellow monk.....If she could even stand by the door and keep others from coming in that would be great.
my next attack is a wiff with a 4
Holy Mother of Fuck. Son of a Shit Biscuit. I just Teabagged myself for 18hp?
Alright, when this old guy goes down, it is not ending there, I am doing some serious desecration.
Dave, Fist of Odin, I don't know if you aren't there yet, but I am way there
,. I am way past there
. I can't even see there
in my rear view mirror anymore.
Ok, I Cure Light Wounds myself, and step back from the cheesy geezer. I am also going to quaff a Potion of Fire Breathing. If that fucker comes near me, I am breathing on his face. BR:4 for the cure. I am at 5hp.
Don Katsu's Unbeatable Fighting Style!
Brogg, I got some bad news for ya. It's your two-attack round and all, but Don Katsu suddenly feints left, feints right, slides between your legs, and comes up behind you, and says: "Now you will see Fox Spirit Tricked You!" And basically he makes you stab yourself with those great attack rolls for 18. That puts you down to 1 hp. He then roundhouses you to finish the job for... well, he missed, so that'll wait til next time.
"Fox Spirit Tricked You! is one of my best moves. But now watch closely, Shi Jukka... I am preparing to unleash my best move of all!"
Marivhon, miss, Dave, you smack the modron good. Mike the zombie finally gets a hit, backstabbing the modron for... wait for it... 1 x 3 = 3 hp. Cinder?
Brogg, I guess that means you teabagged yourself. Say it with pride
Dave, Fist of Odin
Smacking the modron again.
BR 18: hits AC -1. BR 6: 9 points damage.
Next round, BR 9: hits AC 8. Ummm . . . BR 3: 6 points damage?
I'm working myself up here. Damn I'm mad, but it's just not there yet.
First off, some errata: I am at 19hp, not 10. I was at 16, took 6 from the Fire Breath, then drank my other Potion of Healing for 9. Yes, I crossed them both off.
Hey, Master Tea, what's with the diaper jokes? Why does it have to be that way? You want to talk smack? I can talk smack.
Here's my Double Dragon Teabag! BRs:17,13. Yes! That's AC -1 and 3. For 8 and 10 points, respectively. Consider yourself Teabagged, Grandpa.
um...I guess I attack the old guy eep.
BR 3 hrm. I shed a tear for each of my 7 hps I see going away soon.
so what next?
Hey I have an idea....I'm a monk. Grunna might be compelled to help monks....I tell her to get rid of the elemental modron blah blah crap if she would be so kind. thats as I do that attack.
The Modron's All Like: SLAPSLAPSLAPSLAPWHOOPSSLAP!
Sorry, I misread Dave's post. Seems to be going around these days. Dave, you actually don't attack Don Katsu for 8. You cast Aid and gain 5 hp (that includes the RoBH bonus). And next round you want to attack the modron. That's fine, because this round, since Moby Ru don't got to play healer, it'll come on over and monk attack you! Six attacks! Two hits and one critical fumble. We'll just put that 8 hp towards the fumble. You take 5 hp, including your armor bonus, so that takes care of the Aid.
Look how that worked out!
Marivhon, the potion heals you for 7, i.e., back to full. Brogg and Dave, make sure you cross off those potions you selflessly gave to li'l Marivhon. Grunna's shackles seem to have no obvious lock, and they're made of glowing green metal. So don't bother rolling OL because there's nothing to do that with. Instead, let's just say you give Don Katsu a Sun Greeting of your own... 4 hp plus stun, except of course, being a kick-ass monk, he's not stunned. Still, he's impressed with your double damage. "I sense much strength in you, young one, like the green sapling that is bent but not broken my the typhoon wind. Too bad I have to kill you now."
We have officially now cleared the round queue and back in rotation. Everybody go.
BR on the Save 9! uh nope. so I guess i drink another potion if someone has one so I have more than 1 hp.
I will now try to Open locks on Grunna's chains if Cinder has some picks
BR 28! my open locks is 10% heh.
well that should do it for me. And if I should attack something it BR 20! biatch that might stun 2x2 =4 (thats int)
can we use blogroller if we tabletop again.
if I stunned something it's for 5 rounds.....
When Raccoons Steal Tea, Good People Die
Okay Brogg, PFEd. Dave, you do 8 hp with a well-timed mace bash to Imperial Master Don Katsu, clocking him in the face. He takes a step back, tests his lip... mm? Sure enough, you drew blood. He nods and smiles slightly and says "Well I see one of you at least is done with diapers!"
Cinder, you try to strike Don Katsu, but he pulls an amazing move. He nimbly leaps on top of your head, then comes down right behind you, grabs your swordarm, and swing! You actually hit Dave Fist of Odin with your sword! Armor soaks 2 of that 3, for 1 hp net. Which might be a crappy round for Don Katsu... except that that wasn't his round
! That was your round Cinder!
5 turns to Shi Jukka and says: "Whoa, that was pretty cool. Can you do that?"
Shi: "No." Thinks for a second, then adds: "But I can breathe fire, I guess."
5: "Well that's something."
Don Katsu says: "That was a famous move called Raccoon Steals the Tea. You will see a variant of this move coming up soon. But first, how do you like my Sun Greeting, bobcat-san?" With that, before the bobcat can get some of his own fighting moves in, Don Katsu grabs him and shucks him kinda like a corncob, pulling off the cat's skin and muscle with one hand, and ripping out the intact cat skeleton with the other hand. Because there has been some recent confusion over the game mechanic meaning of some of my flavor text: this means the cat is dead and cannot attack.
Oh, and Moby Ru heals Don Katsu to full with the power of meditation. Mike the zombie shoots Don Katsu, but he easily dodges the bolt. Doesn't even pay any attention to that.
Marivhon: 7/7 (pending fire breath save)
BR:18 on that save vs fire!
Yea...there has been a shitload of flavor text. Cinder wants to slip into the shadows and drink a healing potion at some point a long time ago. Hmm. 2 points. So after the save vs fire, Cinder is NET-1 HP.
Hide in shadow: 83% Oooookaaaaaay......
Let's try...attack the old dude.
BR:18!! And here we go back to mediocrity...for 3 points of damage.
Dave, Fist of Odin
Well, hunh. This is NOT the mysterious Mr. X, I think. The bobcat's still kickin' for another round or two, yes? I cast Aid on myself and then smack that Moron. Oops, I mean MoDron.
I say something like that as I smack it . . . BR 15 hits AC 2; BR 5 is 8 points damage.
Consider it brought.
Ok, first off, the fire breath: BR:6, oof that's 6 points.
Now, there has been quite a bit of flavor text going by, so in that interval, I am going to quaff my other healing potion, BR:7, putting me back at 19hp. Breath Weapon saves aside, that blog roller has been pretty good to me.
Up to this point, Brogg has seen a lot of stuff, but he can't recall ever seeing anything as freaky as Moby Ru, and that's including Vrill's Growlbear. At first glance, Brogg makes a move for his Wand of Deconstruction, but remembering how it failed to destroy the Lightning Machine in the Mt. Storm Weather Station, he pauses. Brogg makes a mental note to speak with the Oracle of Gryss about such things. Still, it seems to Brogg that these things are alien enough that they might fall under the qualifications required for PFE. Thus, Brogg acts:
I am going to cast PFE upon myself: Grisbane, Lord of Half-Breeds, protect me from these freaky geometric Monks!
That being done, I step up to the Old Man and square off.
I have seen enough Kung-Fu movies to know that Old Men are always the best fighters, and I know that you are going to pull all sorts of crazy moves, Don Katsu, but I also know that the good guys always win, and if Grunna's state is any indication, you are no good guy, Tea Master! Let's get it on! BR:2.
I Dedicate This Post To "Italics". Thanks For All You've Done
You... I mean... c'mon, be nice now. Sister Brenda worked really hard to get where she is. Skillpoints, gps, xps, tears, sweat, and blood have all been lost. Those sais were a gift from her famous grandmother, forged by a one-eyed dwarven smith who once had the power to speak to the ores beneath Mount Kumi.Do you really want to hear her story?
That's what I thought.
Anyway, backing up, we have Dave doing serious amounts of damage to Brenda. Two good mace bashes, and you guys better be hoping that janitor is next to come through that door. Seriously, it's fucking gross
. Bren's dead, and that means... Shi Jukka got the power
As he rides the Quickening though, the door behind you bursts open! In comes... well, in shuffles Grunna with a pitcher of Nestea. Seeing all the dead monks, she looks confused and just sort of stands there unattractively. Don't get me wrong, Grunna's a valkyrie, so she's hot shit, the CHA to awe
, if you get me. But even the hottest woman, standing in a burlap sack, holding limply a pitcher of Nestea, with her mouth sort of open, slack-jawed... If People magazine were to run the photos, you'd be sure they'd be getting a cease/desist letter from Odin's lawyers.
But that's not all! The other door bursts open, right as Shi Jukka is about to launch into that speech. You know the one he was about to give. It's like the moment all NPCs wait for. When they get to make their speech about revenge, and victory, and destroying the PCs, and they're doing it for all the right reasons
, like at the end of Star Wars Episode Three where Ben Kenobi's all like "You're evil!" And Anakin says: "But from my point of view, you're
evil!" Which if you ask me is totally lame. The bad guy's not really going to say 'from my point of view'. One, it goes without saying. Two, it totally undermines the idea that he's really acting from conviction, right? That even though he did all those bad things, he did it for love
Anyway, Shi's like right there
. He's so ready to give his speech, that on a WI check you'll notice a flicker, just the merest, most meager- let's make that a WI check with a -3 penalty
- just the smallest indication that he's sort of disappointed he didn't get to say it.
But in fly two more monks! And one, well, two, really... they're sort of these shaped things? Like a cube and a, a cylinder in monk robes.
Uh, let me start over.
Okay, all monks are dead but Shi Jukka. It's about to come back around, but three more guys enter the room. Only two of them aren't really 'guys', not in the Sister Brenda way, but in the sense that they're not human or humanoid at all... oh fuck it, I'll just tell you. It's a master monk and two modron pals. Remember 'modrons' from MM2? Two of 'em. One of them is also dressed in monk robes and does some of that awesome 'wire-fu' flipping grand entrance stuff. He's the hexagonal cylinder kind of modron in a bulky yellow robe with an awesome Japanese headband on- the red rising sun on a white background, think 'Karate Kid'. The human monk is an old man! He's got a long flowing white beard and moustache, and leaps over your heads.
He lands, and it's so great, check it out- he lands, and balances on one foot, on a single, upright mah-jongg piece that fell to the floor. Balancing, he smiles and says: "Shi Jukka! Nice to see you! Stand back while Moby Ru and I tidy up in here! And then we might enjoy some more Nestea and mah-jongg!" No weapons on the old guy. He just stands in some martial arts pose. 'Moby Ru', you guess, is the 6 armed modron. The old man regards all of you and says "I am Don Katsu, Imperial Master of the White Tearoom. I hope your fighting skills are worth rousing an old man from his nap!"
Shi kind of steps off to the side near the entrance door. I mentioned that there were two modrons. The other one is kind of small, just a spherical body with a pair of crappy, but apparently functional, wings. It flies into the room, and lands next to Shi, and hangs out, not part of the combat either.
Shi says: "Hey 5, how's it going?"
Modron 5 says: "Eh, you know. Workin' hard, hardly workin."
Shi grunts and nods.
5: "Looks bad. Who're these guys?"
Shi: "Some adventurers who hate mah-jongg and monks, I guess. I don't really know though." Shi pauses thoughtfully for a moment, and continues: "It's actually pretty bad. Dong and Bren are dead." He points to their bloody corpses around the lounge.
5: "Ooh... sucky sucky."
Shi frowns. "Don't be a racist."
5: "Oh, no, sorry... didn't mean it like that."
Shi and 5 stand back while Don Katsu and Moby Ru prepare to kick your asses. Moby Ru concentrates for a second, while Don Katsu seems to be giving you the first move... "What are you waiting for, me to die of natural causes? It is time for a demonstration of your fighting skills!"It is time for a demonstration of your fighting skills.
Dave, Fist of Odin
Yeah, yeah, whatever. Firebreath? BR 10, so I take 6. Sai attack? BR 17, so I keep my weapon. What kind of gaytarded weapon is a Sai? That's something that a movie monk would use, in her died red leather that really doesn't protect so much as lift and seperate.
Here's a real weapon, babe - the mace. A metal rod with a think hunk of clobbering at one end. Let me show you how it works - with a BR 20, 'cuz I really, really want to show you all the little tricky bits involved with a good clobber. BR 5, plus two, doubled gives 14 points of damage.
Disbelieve that, bitch! Odin may not have the tricky jumps and breaths of fire and shit, but that kind of stuff, I find, only gets in the way of what it's all about.
Being the clobbering, see. The about it is all is the clobbering.
Next round I BR an 18, which hits AC 0, and I do (BR 4) 6 points of damage. I'll drink a healing potion too, which gives me (BR 4) 6 HP back.
It Says It Right There On Her Character Sheet Under Skills: "Fancy Monk Tactics"
Hey Cinder and Marivhon, you guys both struck out, Chung Wu is already dead. Actually, I forgot to mention something... when the crazy bobcat kills Wu- cause that's what did him in, if you'll read the bottom of my last post, all that about opening jugulars? Usually hard to survive. That's just flavor text for "DEAD". Anyway, when the Master of Stone dies, each of the three other elemental masters surges with power! Confirming your suscipions, Shi Jukka says "Yes, that's right. When one of us die, the rest become stronger! Now, Drunken Master Yell!" And Shi Jukka breathes fire on everyone! All of you, make saves vs. breath weapon! (If you don't roll your save, I'll just accept that as you opting to fail. Now let's see who among you actually read this post...) 6 hp if you miss the save, 3 hp if you make it. Hey, Shi's not an ancient red dragon or anything, and really, a total of 30 hp in one round ain't bad for a 5th level monk.
In any case, that won't drop any of you, so we'll just proceed. Marivhon, you would have already drunk Brogg's healing potion before you got DM Yelled, so you'll be up. Brogg, nice rolling, and with Cinder's and Marivhon's help, because you know, Marivhon's NOT RETARDED and Cinder, being 5th level, I'll assume he knows better than to attack the already dead monk and move on to Brother Dong. Between the three of you, you cut him up real good and the good brother is dead.
Energy surge! Shi Jukka and Sister Brenda are empowered! This breaks the hold spell and Sister Brenda is mobile! Sai attack on Dave... it's payback time, and Brenda's got your money. One hit Dave! You take 4 hp, and make another save, vs. wands, or you are disarmed by her fancy monk tactics.
Mike the zombie steps up to the plate, and... steps back down again. Not a grand day for zombies.
Push the water,
be a monk.
Be a monk,
break the table.
Be a thief,
Break the monk.
Cinder stabs Chung Wu with a solid 18 modified. Kickin it for 3 more points of damage. (Unless Brogg just capped him, -then I'll stab someone else).
Ok. Potion of healing 5 1 is 6 more putting me to full at 7hp. that was my potion so I'll mark it off.
I attack the guy with the hammer BR 3.
and next round I will take that potion from dave if I can just so I have one on me and I'll attack again if I can. Br 17 to hit him for max damage.....3hp.
Grunna has left the room right? So I can't remove her manacles...
Poison Dog what
Shi, nice story, by the way.
Alright Dong, Ding-Dong, Dingle-Ling, Weiner-Face, Penis-Head! Perhaps you have a tough time believing in the All Father of Valhalla, but have no doubt, Grisbane guides this blade through your entrails! BRs:17,12, Yes! That's BRs:3,8, that's 19 points of damage to the Dong!
Nothing makes me more anrgy than an atheist! Aaarrrrggh!
You Know That I Know That You Want To Know
Marivhon, just so you know, we're playing house rules: you can drink a potion as a free action. So go ahead and quaff and do whatever, my friend. Go ahead and quaff
Okay Dave, Hold it is. I think you can only hold three dudes. Four is 3rd level mage if I recall. Anyway, I know you hate it, but they're non-believers
. Which means, if you want to know, which I think you do, because I know you, and I know you want to know, and what you want to know is what that means, and what it means is that even if they fail their save, they get a WI check to be immune to priest magic
. Uh huh. Now the Grunna thing is beginning to make a little more sense, don't you think?
Anyway, hold manages to catch the Wind, Fire, and Water monks, but Wind and Fire doubt Odin
, and aren't held! Their lack of faith is strong! Ol' Brenda's doing some serious pause and studying though.
And Dave, if you want to toss Marivhon another potion, well don't let me stop you. Marivhon, you're mister popular with the potions. So if you're doing that, do it soon.
Cinder, as it turns out, these monks are adventurers. Most monks aren't, being deep in contemplation, but being elemental masters, they've had some adventures. You see, it all started when Shi Jukka, not yet Master of the Quick Flame, just an Initiate of the Slow Flame, it all started when Initiate Jukka had a vision of the Cold Flame. He saw it clearly, a blue flame, that burned cold, frosting to a crisp anything that it burned, or cooled, whatever, you get the gist. For three nights he had the vision, until it consumed his waking days.
He went to the Master, Mysterious X, and confessed that his mediation had been disrupted, that he could not focus, the table would not break
. MX asked him a simple question:
"Do you know why this flame burns cold, Shi?"
He called him Shi because Mysterious X liked to keep it friendly and informal with the initiates, you know, not to rub in the whole Mysterious Master thing, which might inspire envy or humor, neither of which was conducive to good, honest meditation.
Initiate Jukka shook his head. "I know not, my master. This troubles me!"
MX said "There is the story of the monk Hirudo. Do you know this story?"
Jukka replied "I know it, master. Hirudo, an elderly monk, heads out of the shrine to fill the bucket with water from the stream. Upon filling it, he finds the bridge has collapsed and he cannot return to the shrine."
"And what did Hirudo do?"
"Hirudo walked a ways down the stream until he found a dead turtle laying in the river. Using the turtle's shell as a stepping stone, Hirudo crossed the river and made his way back to the shrine."
"And what lesson can we learn from this, Shi?" MX smiled. God, he loved these stories.
"Um, every problem has a solution?"
"And... and..." Jukka really didn't know, and felt a little stupid.
"And," explained Mysterious X, "often, the solution to our problem requires a journey into the unknown, where often we encounter death."
Jukka blinked. "Um..."
"Shi, take your naginata and a knapsack with a loaf of bread and a jug of water. Leave the monestary and seek the flame which does not burn. Do not return until you have this flame in your heart."
Initiate Jukka did as the master commanded. Collecting his things, and bidding his friends Brenda and Dong farewell, Shi Jukka left the safety of the monestary for the world outside. For days, nay, weeks, he ventured into the mountains, deciding that a cold place was where the flame of ice would be. He met an ogre and wrestled it to the ground. He dispatched three halflings who tried to steal his jug. He befriended a small orphan. He acquired 1000 xp when he chanced upon a Wand of Magic Missiles. He went into a cave and battled two troglodyte brothers who were engaged in a bitter dispute over how best to cleave a maiden in two. And freeing this maiden, he asked her: "Do you know of the undying flame that burns cold? Do you know where I can seek this thing?"
The maiden replied: "Good monk, who respects my chastity, who has freed me from certain demise, this much I can tell thee. My elder sister, she once told me a poem of the cold flame that turns to ice all that touch it. Seek her wisdom. But I warn you, she has been taken as the bride of a fearsome giant who lives at the bottom of the sea."
Jukka bid her thanks and farewell, and journeyed to the sea. Once there, he left his knapsack behind, taking only his naginata spear thing and swam to the bottom of the ocean, where he found a large castle on the brink of the great oceanic chasm. Entering it, he found it filled with air and could breathe again.
"I'm glad this castle is not full of water!" Shi thought. "I was getting low on air!" He found the undersea castle to be empty, full of furniture and paintings, but all covered. Finally, in a room at the top of a tall tower, he found a young woman sitting in a large chair. As he approached, he noticed that she was unraveling the threads of an ornate tapestry depicting kings and things.
Shi Jukka asked her: "My lady, I'm sorry to interrupt your work, but I met your sister, and she told me you knew of a flame that burns cold. I humbly ask you, please tell me of this flame, so that my dreams may end and I may return to a quiet life of... sorry, I may return to a simple life of quiet contemplation."
The woman looked at him with sad eyes, and said: "Do you know why I am unraveling this tapestry?"
Shi did not.
"Because my husband-to-be is a monstrous giant, and I am to weave this tapestry as the centerpiece for our wedding. When it is complete, we are to be wed. And every day, from start to end, I weave it under his steady gaze. But when he goes to sleep, I work to unravel most of it. Alas, he is awake more than asleep, and I fear that in twelve days, according to my calculations of the average time it takes me to weave vs the time to unweave, that I shall be wed. And that is something I cannot abide."
"I am sorry," said Shi, sincerely. "Perhaps I can solve this problem quickly. For you see, I am but a simple 4th level monk, with naught in this world save my pants, shirt, soft-soled shoes, and my naginata."
The woman told him where the giant slept. Using his Hide in Shadows, Move Silently, Climb Walls, and THACO, Shi crept into the giant's bedroom and slew the giant in a single blow. He returned to the maiden and said "It is done. You are free." They left the castle and swam back to the ocean shore. The maiden handed Shi the tapestry, almost completed, and said: "Take this as a gift of my thanks. You wanted to know of the cold flame, is this true?"
"The cold flame has haunted me. I feel that, although I am pursuing it, perhaps it has been pursuing me all this time."
"The cold flame is the passion that is unreturned. You see, good monk, I am not the maiden you thought." With that, the maiden turned into a large giantess, powerful and terrible. She looked down at the surprised monk and said: "My husband fell in love with the maiden and brought her back to our castle. I was enraged and slew her and took her appearance to appease him. But nothing worked and he was inconsolable. Now at your hands he is dead. My love for him still burns, but chills and destroys all it touches. I will return to our castle to bury him together with the maiden, and mourn my love for him, and his love for her, until the end of my days." With that, she returned to the sea with nary a look back.
Initiate Jukka then knew the cold flame of bitter love, and the hot flame of murderous passion. He returned, neither slowly nor with haste, to the shrine, where he approached Mysterious X and said quietly:
"Love, deceit, desire, the ocean and the flame are all one." And Mysterious X nodded and told him that he was now the Master of the Quick Flame.
Anyway, where were we? Right, Cinder and Brogg, you guys smack Chung Wu for 11 total. Mike the zombie shoots Wu for 2 hp more! He's looking pretty bad.
Dave, Jukka naginatas you for 6, I mean, 4 hp (after armor subtraction). Cinder, Chung Wu hefts his hammer and yells "Earth Dragon Smash! 4 hp!" Brogg, Brother Dong runs up the wall, the ceiling, the other wall, and comes down behind you. He says: "Poison Dog Strike!" And PDSs you for 3 hp.
Then, Dave brings some bobcat fury. Let's see... okay, the bobcat can attack either Dong or Chung Wu. Actually, he furies it up on Chung Wu and yells: "Viper Paw! Heartbreaker!" And slices open Wu's jugular with a well-placed bobcat talon.
One down, one held, two others fresh. Bring it.
Dave, Fist of Odin
Wow - I'm cheesed off now. Hoo boy. Monks get all frontin' and shit. Well, we came in here to rescue Grunna, and so we started it, maybe, or maybe they started it by capturing Grunna - fuck it. What I know is, we're going to finish it.
I bust a hold on four monks. Maybe they save, maybe they don't. Myabe they throw off Odin's shit, even here, in what used to be his temple; and if I know Odin - and I think I've proved that I do - He's not too happy about that. But it should slow them down for a round, at least.
Then in comes a bobcat. That's my next two rounds. After that - hit point check?
Oh - if Marivhon's going after Grunna, can I toss him a potion while I cast? I got a levitate, or another heal; let me know what you want . . .