"Uh, bye Theo...I guess you're not dead......maybe just a little dead.......see ya soon."
  Theodore Koppel
Dude, I am biting any guard that tries to french me.
  French The Princess
KT, who exactly are you planning on surrendering to? The dead guard captain? Threnody and Azoth?

All the (live) guards are gone.

You can put some black dots on peoples' faces, no problem. No one to surrender to. No one to take the Princess from you. No idea where the 18 and under bar is. ("18 and under"? That's not what the guards were talking about...)

You bind Dag's wounds and distribute some Goodberries. Rushing downstairs to surrender, there's no sign of the guards or Theodore. Well, damn.

You head back into the building, and rest up a bit. Everyone has at least 1 hp now and is conscious. You can train if you so want...


Theodore, you come to. There's a bag over your head and you're tied up. Not a good sign. Plus you feel like shit. Like 0 hp shit. Nearby, some familiar guard voices are discussing your fate.

G1: "So, those assholes got Captain Bekkers! That totally sucks!"

G2: "Yeah, but at least we got the Princess. We should get outta here."

G3: "Captain Ambassador Bekkers knew the contact though... you guys remember who that half-elf was?"

G2: "All I remember is watching fuckin' 'Forest Gump' on his couch. Guy was pretty out there. We could head back to his pad, although that place was damn creepy."

G3: "Yeah... yeah. What are we gonna do with 'him'? I mean, 'her'? And the false Bekkers too, we can't just leave them around while we wait for our ship."

G1: "Well... shit. I bet Captain Bekkers would have a great plan. Looks like the assassins managed to cleverly disguise Her Highness. Maybe we need to go back and kill those guys? If we like kill the wizard who ensorcered her or whatever-"

G3: "'Ensorcelled' is the word I think."

G1: "'Ensorcelled', 'encircled', 'circumsized', whatever. If we kill the evil wizard the spell will break! Uh, isn't that how this stuff works?"

G2: "Fuck if I know. G3 is the master of magic knowledge apparently. Well Mr. Ensorcelled, what's the plan?"

G3: "Look, just cuz I know how to spell a damn word doesn't make me 100% Arcane Knowledge Boy. I just read a lot of fantasy books."

G1 (snickering): "Dork."

G3: "Bite me. Naw I don't think it works like that. Maybe it's like that story where... you know... uh, the Sleeping Beauty story?"


G2: "You mean, like, if... if we... if you and her..."


G1: "Huh. So, who's gonna do it."

G2: "Fuck that."

G3: "It's just a little kiss, don't be such a fag."

G2: "Great, loverboy. It's your idea anyway. Go ahead, what are you waiting for, 'french' the Princess."

Theodore, uh oh.


And dude, actually I forgot that magic-user non-prof penalty is even worse. It's -5, not -3 I think, making my THACO with a bow around 26. I totally suck at missile combat.
Hm. Not sure what to do. A bunch of guards who do a ton of damage v. a party that sucks and fighting and has already lost 2 members.

I'll give Dag a berry, and Theo too if I can save him. Then I'll surrender, I guess they get the Princess after all. Oh well, I didn't know who to believe anyway. I'll surreptitiously add a small black mark to our forehead's and behind our ear, and tell the guards that we were mind controlled by pedophile Beakers, and that they should go easy on us. Since we are defeated, they should head to that bar, since it's under 18 night they need to go shower up and get their drink on before they head out...and it's always good to get there EARLY and get a good table, because then more girls will want to sit with you.
  Theodore Koppel
If I can just...... eeh.
Thren, you were healed a couple times... I think you are like up at 4hp. I believe Az and Tut are also alive and awake. I am at -7 and about to die for good... and Theo isn't far behind. Princess is in the closet.

Rob, did I get that right?

P.S. Where's my fresca? sheesh... thanks a lot Thaka Corpsa Dula... that hurts...

you cut me.

you cut me deep.


So - is anyone still up? Last I heard, I went down, and then some other people went down - is anyone still kickin'?
  Theodore Koppel
I think you're being too harsh on yourself. I'd give you a 20 THAC0.

I bleed for my round.
  Dude I Am No 5th Level Fighter
Dude, let's do the math.

I'm like a 3rd level mage, non-proficient, with a DEX penalty. That puts my THACO at 24, meaning that to hit Theo I'd have to roll a nat 20 anyway.

I ain't a 5th level fighter who may or may not have spec. THACO of 16 means they needed 12s to hit you, which they rolled.

"Want to end it"? Man I'm sittin' here posting every day. You got 100% DM commitment. If this thing dies, it'll be because the players just faded away.


Anyway, you hear a horn honking outside. The last guard nods to himself and flees.

Thoughts? Feelings? Crickets?


  Corpse of Koppel
Oh geez, that'd be great. Thanks!

Wow, I feel all tingly.
"hey buddy! Have a seat. Would you like a fresca?"
  Theodore Koppel
I guess you just want to end this thing, eh?

Ever try to shoot the archery target at the Renaissance Festival? -Now imagine it's a invisible running gnome.

Oh well.
  Theodore's Magical Solo Adventure
Thing about invisibility is, it lowers your AC by 4. So you cast it and begin to move. Meanwhile, here's six more arrows comin' your way. You pop the Goodberries, getting you up to 11 hp.

BRs: 18, 19, 5, 14, 2, 12. That's four more hits. You take 18 hps dmg, and your invisible body falls to the ground.

Huh, that's a weird twist.


  Theodore Koppel
This is bad.

Did I have time to rememorize on the airship? -If so, I go invisible and run back inside.

If not, I just run.

Do We all have goodberries? If so, I eat mine.
Thren gets dibbs on this shotgun... Damn... silver bullets? Did the guard think I was a lycanthrope? I'll just call it a crime of passion... perhaps he and Bekkers were reach-around buddies. In my unconcious state, I dream of what this magical Fairy Paradise Island must have been like back in its glory days... wine, women, song... I dream of Tut's future inventions: Unconcious Imagination check - BR 2 oh hells yes. I have some good dreams...

I see Gaddianheim at the end of the tunnel of light... give him the finger and go back to my dreams.

oh yeah... can some one hit me with a CLW or maybe a goddberry? -much love.


  The Combat Is Winding Down...
Dag, nice work. You drop the Guard Captain.

The last guard here yells "No!!! Guard Captain Ambassador Bekkers!"

"You bastard, you dirty son of a shit eating whore."

Dag, he runs over, picks up GCAB's pistol, and blam. Shoots you... well, shoots you damn good son. You take a silver bullet in the neck. You drop to -7 and counting.


Meanwhile, Theodore, I don't know why you'd think the guards are unconcerned with you. Quite the opposite. In fact, a black van just pulled up outside, and the fifth guard gets out. Each of them takes bowshots at you...

4 hits, one 20, and one fumble. Bow doesn't break though. Let's see...
Hit 1: Image 3 destroyed.
20: Image 1 destroyed.
Hit 2: Image 2 destroyed. That was oddly clean.
Hits 3 and 4 each rolled a 6 for damage, dropping you to 3 hp.
  Theodore Koppel
I think I get d4 images. That makes 3 more of me.

If these guys seem unconcerned, I'll run off around the corner, and then circle back to where Az and the boys are.

Hell, I can't take two guards anyway. I'll run off regardless.

If the guards follow, I won't go back to the building, but try to circle around the general area.


Indeed my God does hate me... It is with shame and sorrow that I continue my attack- I keep swinging on Bekkers:

BR13 for 7 (BR5 +2)
BR18 for 8 (BR6 +2)

Did you get the last round of attacks I posted Rob? I healed Thren and then had a double damage...


Theo didn't get all the guards outside. He got half of 'em. One guard and Guard Captain AB left in the derelict office.

Since no one's moving that combat forward, so it goes. Everyone's in stasis. Theo, okay, you drop the Change Self and bust a Mirror Image. Figure out how many more gnomes appear.

"Whoa! Dude looks like a lady!" exclaims one of the guards.

"No man, you got that backwards."

"Uh, no... oh wait. Yeah, you're right. What the fuck happened to the Princess?"

"Maybe she's under a spell or something? Like in that fairy tale about the frog and the well?"

"You mean where like the frog jumps up three feet each day and falls back two? Three feet? I think it's like one of those MENSA brain teasers. You know, you gotta figure out how many days the frog's in the damn well but it's not like the obvious solution."

"I hate those things. Whatever dude, it's like when my math teacher tried to tell us we all needed to learn algebra cause when we have to cut a rug, we need to know how much to cut and solve for x, shit like that."

"Yeah. Heh, 'cut a rug'. You goin' to Slim's this weekend?"

"Get my drink on. 18+ night on Fridays you know."

"Hell yeah. They should call it 'Barely Legal' night."

"For real. Let's do this thing and hit the bar."

If Theo really got all the guards outside, I take the princess and leave through a back door, if I can find one. From there, well, shit, any evident safe-houses around here?
  Theodore Koppel
I run outside!

I run as fast as I can until the guards get close. I then drop the Change Self, and cast Mirror Image.

Ha! Multi-gnome!
Descent into Depths is an old school 1st Edition AD&D adventure run by the Infinity Group.

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