I take another potion of healing. putting me back at full. I attack again. round 2 hit ac 2 for 7.
Rob under first edition rules the ring does work with armor that I gave Brogg.
Round 3 will be an attack for well nothing.
Who are the other two prospective pie ingredients? Anyone of note? Do they look like they could in any way help bring the giant down?
A little bookeeping.
Roll on list one: +sleep, +shild, skip improve sales, +friends, skip detect olwbears, -feather fall
Roll on list two: +good friends, +melfs acid arrow, -web, I'll skip PFA.
What the hell did steve have to fear from aprentices. I always thought that those improved sales spells were kinda sleazy. It's like mages who use them are the guys that go to the bar a use charm spells on sixteen year olds.
What circles of three spells do I get to select Dungeon Master?
Before we go I cast Stregth on Brogg for 3 extra points when it goes into percentiles it increases by tenths. The spell lasts for 30 turns. The book says that a turn is ten minutes is it still the same.
When I hear that bitch bellow I cast shield on myself.
next round he gets magic missiled for 9 pts. and the same next round for 10 pts.
That's Unusually Generous Of Me. The Ring, Not The Kettle.
I've already given out another +2 ring? Huh, okay, if you say so. I'm trusting you here.
Anyway, you smack the giant good. Moth and the other pie people are pretty appreciative, as that distracts the giant, who cleavers you for 10 hp. Drives the butcher knife right into your scapula.
The giant looks around and spots a giant kettle of boiling water he had on the stove. He grabs it, grins maliciously, and cleverly says"HAR HAR IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE HEAT GET OUTTA MY KITCHEN!"
These giants are a laugh a minute.
Actually Brogg the ring you got from me isn't +2 to Cha, ou got my old ring of Pro +2. As to your question Rob, I will smash his knee cap for 11hp of damage this round.
Your Magic-User Mentor Had A Sick Sense Of Humor
Well, I dunno how useful those spells will be in a fight, Moth, but maybe you can make some side gps down at the Grito Laser Light show.
The arrow hits the giant right in the heart for 2 hp. Good work, now you just have to hit him in the heart about thirty more times. Still a great showing from the two new PCs so far.
A grey-haired half-elf stands among the other soon to be pie'd citizens, scanning a spellbook.
"Light... Dancing Lights... Message... Geeze, what was I thinking..."
Abandoning magic as a possible attack method, I draw my bow and arrow and fire at the frost giant. BR 15 hits AC 5 for 2 damage.
Fight Another Giant (Plus: Another New PC!)
Okay Marivhon, wow, that's pretty nice of you. Brogg, you get a +2 Ring that's +2 to saves and CHA (but not AC because you wear armor).
Steve's 5 crystals are each worth 200 gp.
Steve's 6 potions are:
Protection from Avians
Endurance (+1d6 CN for 8 hrs)
and a bottle of Rolling Rock (non-magical)
Scmektor and Marivhon, wow, great job. You hurt the giant so bad his leg comes right off, right at the knee, and a torrent of thick arterial blood gushes out of the tattered stump. The giant gawks in disbelief and collapses onto the floor.
You might think that this concludes D3: Fight the Giant, but you'd be wrong... that wasn't the giant you were supposed to fight!
There's a noise from a giant corridor heading out of the giant's lair. You head into the giant corridor, and see a giant iron door at the end, being closed. You rush down the corridor, and enter into what looks like a giant's kitchen!
A vicious frost giant is here, wearing a bloody apron that reads KISS THE COOK. The frost giant has a crazed, hungry look in his eyes, and there are three fellow Grito citizens about to be added to a giant meat pie! Seeing you, he realizes his opportunity to pack a lot more meat in his pie, and draws a giant cleaver. What will you do?
Plus, you recognize one of the Grito guys over there is this fighter-mage-thief you kinda know named Moth. Moth, welcome to your first combat. Good luck against a frost giant.
Just in case Marivhon's skills haven't finished off the giant... As soon as I am in the combat zone, I connect with a 16 doing 5 more points of damage.
I flip my Ring of Pro +2(I hacan't wear 2) to Brogg as a reward for posting the most, well not including me. Yeah my Cha is now a 10! That 5 wis and 4 con really stand out now as important flaws in my character to overcome. I have 6 unidentified potions I got from Steve. Two were on his body and 4 from his room. I also have 5 valuable looking crystals. It might be nice to know what they are worth so we don't lose track of them.
Back to the Fight
BR 18 hit for 8.
Next round hehehh 20! and 20! byatch!!!I might not have waited long enough so in fairness I rolled again and hit ac 4 so. First 20 is for 26hp. The next shall we say hit is for 12 or doubled for 24.
bye big guy.
According To The Clock, It's 12:34 PM
Okay Renwick, you learn Identify. I forget what all Marivhon has. Guys, if you want something ID'd, remind me and I'll tell you what it is. Or I'll tell Renwick and he can tell you, you definitely had enough time to ID everything you have, retroactively.
Renwick, you can pick three other spells to learn. That does not include any of the goodies from Apprentice Steve's book:
1) Sleep, Shield, Improve Sales I, Friends, Detect Owlbears, Feather Fall, Detect Magic, Read Magic, Wizard Mark, Magic Missile
2) Good Friends, Melf's Acid Arrow, Web, Protection from Apprentices
You can roll to learn all of these that you don't already know. Congratulations on getting a new spellbook, courtesy of Marivhon. Oh that's right, Marivhon's ring is magic. The ring he got from Steve. It's a +2 Ring of Protection and CHA. Pretty fucking great!
Renwick, you can actually just leave the cart. The reason it's a Tard Card is because RETARDS CAN'T LEAVE IT. You can decide for yourself if that applies to you.
Hey, by the way, guess what? In a month, I'm starting a real table top campaign here. Sarpagal V. 80% likely at this point.
Anyway, Marivhon because you have infravision, you don't have to take the -4 penalty. I dunno if that means you hit now.
Brogg, you tag the giant again, but get the apple twice (once for the crit fumb). The giant totally clubs the fucker for grand 12 hp. That drops you back to 3 hp by my count. The giant, although he drank a special potion, you can tell his shoulders are sagging... perhaps you're getting close to being done Fighting the Giant?
Schmektor, good thinking, you grab Cinder's flint and tinder... hmm, he's got a pretty nice sword there too... and light a fire. You rush through the cave and rejoin the combat.
With Schmektor's light, you can see that you're in the giant's lair! It's a big ass room with some giant shelves, giant nick-nacks, a couple big barrels, and one of those Fritz the Cat clocks wiith the eyes that move back and forth with the tail.
I get 9 new hit points (1,2+6).
I roll to learn identify again 51% Yea.
I identify Marrivons stuff.
Whats in that spell book?
Ha Ha or maybe I wait and see how this combat ends.
How well is this cart put together? Could I break out if I used a Strength spell.
Last time I checked... Cinder has flint and tinder in his back pocket.
"Uh, Cinder... I hate to trouble you man, but would you be so kind as to light some shit up? I think I just crawled into some Giant feces"
[said feces was no doubt let loose during the beating that Brogg and Marivohn are laying down]
Well, then I take this opportunity to attack!
BRs:15,5. That's one hit for 13 points of broadsword. -Thank Grisbane!
Next round I do a cool spin move, BRs:4,1. Oh.
I think I'll finish that spin move with a 'bite the club
(p.s. let us not forget the hidden links...)
Let's see here a 9 lets say minus 4 for the dark is a 5. Does a 5 hit Rob? If not well I uh, duck and bob.
Better Than A Frosty Lager
Brogg, 'attacks of opportunity' are 3E. You want weapon spec, you play 1E. You want cheesy feats and sophisticated tactics blah blah, not here.
Anyway, you too chase after the giant, and when you get there, hit him pretty hard. Marivhon too. The giant, now in his dark lair, drinks a giant potion! "Ho ho
," he bellows, "that's better than a frosty lager after a long day of squishing hobbits
!" Giants live the cliche.
And... the giant misses Marivhon.
Schmektor, you and the other humans stumble around in the dark. Make a WI check (roll a d20, you want <= to your WI), and roll a d6, lookin' for a 1. Failing that, you begin the LONG DARK of the giant's cave. Yes, it sucks, but it is certainly better than being the giant's smack-tard. You hear the sounds of combat faintly up ahead in any case, so they ain't too far away.
I'm not sure which is worse... the fear of the dark or being overwhelmed by 'wounded giant halitosis'.
"Wait up you guys!" I scream giving my best effort to follow the half-breeds into the darkness. But only a few uncertain steps in the cave prove too much for this guy. I drop to all fours trying to feel my way; Either to the continuing battle, or to a lucky box of matches that some poor cigar-smoking Giant may have left behind in his haste. I'd continue running - but hey! A guy could stub a toe. Or worse!!!
I'm still a little shook up about the badger...
Hold on, I've got infravision!
That guy isn't getting anywhere. At least I should get an attack of opportunity as he flees. BRs:8,13. That's two hits for 13 and 10 points of damage.
If, for some cheesy reason I don't get attacks of opportunity, I'll make chase with Marivhon and do the same when I reach him.
I drink a potion for 13 putting me at full. I attack BR 15 hit ac 2 for 9 points of damage.
Wisdom Check Missed
Okay Marivhon, you half-sprint off after the wounded giant. After a while, he stops and attacks you, all alone. He hits! 11 points, hot shot.
don't forget my keen elf eyes.
I make chase. I assume the giant is loud as he moves and even at half movement I move at about 10, so I attack. I miss.
Hot Shots In Darkness
Okay Schmektor and Brogg but not Marivhon, the damage adds up. The giant is looking unhealthy!
He breathes in real big and exhales, extinguishing the torch! The giant flees deeper into the cave, leaving you in darkness!
It is so dark you are scared
. Gonna cry?
Well, if things ever get to hot for you Schmektor you could always do some play therapy with Cinder. We have been told to flip him and he's got this ball. You'll figure it out.
BR on round 5 is it? 2 attack round eh? mis mismss
The Hits Keep Coming! Rolled 15 and 18, miss and a hit. "Take that you Badger-killing BASTARD!!!" (some one please remind me what to roll for a club damage. I want to say D6 or D4)
Thanks for the kudos on my picture. Stephanie quit that job at hot shots. Her manager was constantly sneaking up behind her for an ass grab. She started her own parlor called Glamour Guild... I find that she has a unique ability to capture my uber-low charisma yet deliver on my strong and wise nature... I still have a 5x7 and a few wallets left if you want one.
**hoping the giant doesn't connect with my head**
Hey thanks for the Heals Dave, Fist of Odin (Zelba?). Could you please close the cart behind you, though? Yeah, that's great. We don't want to lose Cinder and Renwick.
Yeah, yeah, I know. It's my turn to change him. After this combat, ok?
Speaking of, time to bring down this big guy. I cure myself for 2 for the last round, and for round five (I think), Broadsword loving! BRs:3,8. That 8 hits for 9 points of damage.
BTW, welcome Schmektor! Great to have another fighter aboard! Man, you look buff in that wallet photo. Did you take that at Hot Shots in Greyhelm? That Stephanie is great. I really think she knows how to capture the warrior without going overboard, if you know what I mean.
Whoa, watch that Giant!
Bandanas Are Gonna Make A Comeback
Check out Schmektor's totally bad ass picture. Hell yeah.
OH HELL YES
Second Edition Was So Lame, It Was Like, "There Aren't Any Demons Any More, They're Called 'Tanar'ri Fiends'" 400% RETARDED
Ya, gimme some time here to get the fourth circle summon list up and running. For those of you playing along at home, expect temporary delays for the next couple of days, but I'll post when I can.
Aid and a badger coming right up. The badger hits the ground running, as badgers do
, and totally fucks up the giant's shit
. Fucks it up for 3 hp
. God I'd be lost without the italics tag. Badger gets in another smack the next round for 4 hp. That's 4 hp LARGE
. He's all fur and fangs everywhere, around the giant's ankle.
Schmektor misses on round 2. Hey, you're 1st level, no one expects that much.
The giant takes his third round to drop a boulder on the badger. So ends the saga of the badger. Nasty badger juice leaks out from under the boulder. The giant laughs."Ho ho, did you hear the one about the... what was that, some kinda dog? The one about the dog a giant dropped a boulder on? His name was Stew."
Brogg, you're up to 9 hp with a +1 to hit from that Aid. From ZELBA. Dave FoO, I'll assume you CLW Brogg, for 6 more, putting Brogg at 15 hp. The giant in round 4 then swings at you... BR 3 is a miss.
Marivhon, damage accrued. The giant's not looking all that great.
Coming into round 5- do all you want, peoples- Dave FoO, the giant takes his club and slams it down so hard on your foot. You take 10 hp and GOD does it sting. You know how like your toes just kill when you bang them on a table leg? Imagine a giant BANGED THE TABLE LEG ON YOU. That's gotta hurt. You retaliate with 7 more hp, skinning the giant's knee with your mace.
By the way, yeah sure, Clerics can use staff slings, another great Unearthed Arcana cheesy-as-hell weapon. And Negotiations is a fine NWP, although you won't probably get much use out of it on this module. Because it's fuckin D3: Fight the Giant, not D3: Let's All Talk About Our Feelings and Try to Work It Out With the Giant. That's a second edition module.
Tard Card makes me laugh. And okay, it's a walled, barred cart. A big ass mule pulls it.
'Free Grettin Card' also is good. I mean, shit. You're an ettin, and you're forever living in the same body with your retarded twin brother. Wouldn't you want to be free too? So Free Grettin is super rare, because the Church of Grisbane officially banned it, too sensitive a topic.
Finally, sigh. Alright, for the love of... last time people, so listen up. THERE IS NO JUG FUCKING IN THIS CAMPAIGN. Are we clear?
NO JUG FUCKING HERE. Maybe try Mark's haiku blog, just two doors down. Or Scraps Ahoy: www.scrapsahoy.com
. Tons of jug fucking there, kids. SRSLY.
Dave, I don't know why you waste space with these delusions but so be it.
I attack again on round 3 BR hit for hrm 6.
"hey there uh, big guy. Nice to have you around."
Descent into Depths: Table Talk
Hey Rob - what kind of beasties can I bring in with a fourth circle spell? I'm kinda hoping that 'green slime' is on the list - bring that fucker in over a death knight and let 'em figure things out.
Oh - and Marivhon, two can play the retroactive game, but if you're referencing an 'on it' that is related to me somehow in your posts, you might want an apostrophe and an e in there. See how I did that, with the "your" and the "you're"?
I thought 'Tard Card' was funnier than 'Tard Cart', but that's just me.
How's them fourth circle spells coming, Mark? It also looks like Schmektor needs access to the Did:TT page.
Also - in the last month, two people were referred to DiD by searching on 'jug fucking'. I hope they weren't too dissapointed - hard to type that in with one hand. There was also a search for 'free grettin cards', which I imagine are rares in the DiD Collectable Card game. I would have thought that Grettin and Shettin would both be on the same card, but I guess that's the way of the gods.
Dave, Fist of Odin
Hey Schmektor - well met! I'm Dave, Fist of Odin, and (ducking) whoops! Hold on a minute, here . . .
I bust an Aid on Brogg for (BR 5) 7 points - and a blessing from Odin.
Next, I bring in a Badger. Go, my angry forest friend!
Anyone hurt? I'll pop a CLW on 'em. Otherwise, the clobbering! BR 15, which hits AC 0. I do (BR 4) 7 points of clobbering, with a -1 to the Giant's AC.
So there's this round, and the next two-ish.
A New PC
Let me be the first to welcome Schmektor to Descent into Depths! How's it going. I guess you're a 1st level fighter. Round 1 is a hit, but I don't know your STR stat. I'll guess you'll do +1 dmg, for a total of 5 more hp dmg to the stone giant. Well done. Try to avoid that club there buddy.
Just so you know, you'll want to check out the other DiD affiliated blogs, on the sidebar over there on the right. For example:http://didtabletalk.blogspot.com/
is where the out-of-game, peanut gallery, shit talking stuff usually goes on. Mark is our 'webmaster', so if you want stuff added to the sideblogs, just ask him, although he's pretty busy so don't expect instant results.
Schmektor, a large [ugly] human is enjoying an afternoon walk when he stumbles into a sinkhole and falls into the Cave. After surveying the situation, I decide that the Giant looks like trouble and I start swinging. First round Rolled 16, second round a 4. I believe that makes a hit and a miss. Rob, I'll let you calculate damage from a club (oak table leg).
Fighting The Giant, And: In The Danger Zone
Okay Brogg, smack. The giant groans in pain and smacks you back with his giant club. 12 hp dmg there.
Next round, you continue on. Marivhon and Brogg, one hit each. The giant is AC:4. The combat is underway.
Brogg, end of the second round, another giant club lovetap for, oof, 17. That puts you in the danger zone with 2 hp left.
A Giant?! Ooh, I wish I was a Ranger...
I get two attacks per round now! BRs:19,2. That's one hit for 11.
Taste the fury of Grisbane, Mr. Marble!
Next round, more of the same! BRs:4,16. That 4 hits AC:6. What's his AC? The 16 does 10 points.
Now about this cart... I was thinking it was one of those jail carts with the bars and all. Is that true?
I said cart, and that's why you're on it. Maybe you need glasses. I attack the giant. Didn't rob say we'd get bonus points if we all posted on the same day? HA! Your challenge is too great Dungeon Master.
BR a 4 would prolly miss eh?
next round a 15 is prolly a hit.
prolly for 5! yeah!
Jump Motherfucker Jump
Hey, if you're in Dave FoO, you're in. Not too late to special train. Feel free to jump into the combat. The giant readies his giant club.
Dave, Fist of Odin
Aha! I wake up, on, umm . . . the what? The Tard Cart? Sigh.
Well, never mind. I rise to fight the giant, and . . .
What's that? I'm knocked out? Hunh.
I guess I'll sit on the, the . . . sigh. The "Tard Cart" some more. That makes me a little sad.
Oh - if it's not too late to retroactively special train, I do so. I'll update my Character sheet tonight. I BR a 4 for HP, +1 for Con, +2 for special training?
And I get another NWP as well as the WP, right? Hmmmm. I think my biggest contribution lately has been in telling Vrill I was too tired to chase him, so something like that. Negotiations? A strange skill for the Fist of Odin, yes, but as Odin's High Priest, perhaps some negotiating needs to happen.
I mean, All Will Be Clobbered and all, but sometimes one has to sort out those who get clobbered now from those who will get clobbered in a little while. So yes, negotiations. And, I dunno - are we playing the rules where Clerics can use Staff Slings?
Wait - never mind - I'm not THAT lame. I'll take 'Flail' as my NWP. But I'll mostly ignore it, I suspect, 'cuz I like my mace a lot.
A New Adventure
Okay, mule and a cart. You guys head off towards Greyhelm. I guess that means it's time for a new adventure!
Welcome to...D3: Fight the Giant!
So you're walking down the road after a couple days and suddenly there's a sinkhole and you fall into a cave. You stand up and brush yourselves off but hear a voice!
"Huh huh, puny peoples! You're in my hut now!" It's a tremendous Stone Giant! He throws a boulder and oh damn, totally knocks Cinder and Renwick and Dave FoO out.
Time to fight the giant.
We should prolly put Renwick in the cart too.
"I've got a spellbook here buddy..."
I wave the spellbook in front of him, I open it and show him the pictures
"See it's real a real spellbook, and I'll give it to you if you can ID my stuff."
"My god if that won't work we may need to get a new mage..fuck."
I say we Christen the Wagon the Tard Cart. So we aren't off to get Vrill, just one of the Knights of Armek. Ok. Just for the Record I have the Potion Guild Ring on if it does anything.....
I leveled up. That's for sure.
My spell list is up to date, I am ready to go.
I kind of want my soul back. It sucks not having it. I mean, it's supposed to be Grisbane's. Not some stupid God named Zelba.
I grab the party, get a mule and a cart, and lead them towards Greyhelm. Better yet, if the Grito jail had a prisoner cart, I'll take that.
We'll deal with Vrill in a bit. Maybe after he cleans things up. But, first, we are going to nab a Knight of Armek for Stan. -If Vrill rids the world of the rest of them, that'll make it all the more valuable.
We are off towards Greyhelm.
p.s. I put Cinder and Dave, Fist of Odin in the cart to keep them safe.
Well, it's a sign when people won't even level up, for chrissakes. I'm not pushing things on 1) to give you guys a chance to level etc, and 2) to see about a change in direction.
So hey big world wide web out there. Anyone actually read this? If anyone wants to be a player, we're opening it up. 'Wide up'. Just email:email@example.com
and I'll hook you up with an account.
So. Anyone read any good books lately? I'm finishing Thomas Pynchon's "Vineland", and god does it suck. Like Quentin Tarantino adapts Tom Robbins. Ugh.
Anyway, Grito's a pretty chill place. The rumor is that Master Vrill has a master plan, and in two weeks of real time, the whole Knights of Armek thing will be cleaned up, and the world can get back to normal.
Gregolas is watching "The Great Space Coaster" on a crappy TV he found. He shrugs. "It ain't my TiVo, no 'Sopranos', no 'Big Love'... no Chloe Sevigny boobage, but it'll do."