Recap 04.19.05- really fucking long version
Mark: I cast a PFE and go down the steps...
DM: Anyway, the PFE protects you from the skeleton's scimitar, but the wizard who summoned it Magic Missiles you for, let's see, 4 hp. Remember if you attack the skeleton your PFE goes off.
Mark: Rob, that puts me at 3 h.p.! I run past the skeleton and swing at
the foul wizard with my broadsword!
DM: Okay, you hit him for 5 hp, he's down, and the skeleton disappears.
There's a small chest and a door S, both closed. Your torch flickers.
Mike: I search for secret doors.
Mark: I am going to search that wizard while Mike checks for secret doors.
Dave: I cast cure light on Mark.
DM: Okay, Dave, you cure Mark for 3 hp. Mark you're down by one now.
Mike, you don't find any secret doors, but you think there's a trap on
the door S, like a poison needle. Mark, you find 5 gp, 7 sp, and a
light blue potion on the wizard. Nice teamwork guys, 100 xp.
Unfortunately Ed, you're still bleeding, -5 hp and counting. I guess
that skeleton got you pretty good.
Ed: Damn it, will somebody please bandage me?! Um, I know this is out of game, but that might be a healing potion on that wizard, -hint hint...
Mark: Mike, stay away from that trap! Ed's the thief. I give Ed the potion.
I pocket the gold to keep it safe. I'll give Dave the 7 sp. for the cure.
Mike: I'll stick my finger into the lock to see if it really is a poison needle.
Dave: Shit - I didn't realize Ed was down. I'll burn another cure on
him. Anyone else wounded?
DM: Okay, Mike, you disarm- uh, I mean 'discharge'- the trap. Yup, it's a
poison needle. You take one point of damage, make a save... 7
huh? Nope, doesn't do it, sorry, you start to feel ill. You're pretty
sure the door is safe to open now. Mark, you give Ed the potion. Ed
polymorphs into, let's see, 57... an owlbear. Ed, you're now an
unconscious owlbear. Dave, you heal Ed. Good roll. Ed, you're up
to 2 hp and conscious. You're still *you*, just in the body of an
owlbear. Hit point check: Dave, fine; Mike, down by 1 and poisoned,
Mark, down by 1, Ed, down a lot to 2 hp. Dave, you have one spell
left. There's a door to the S.
Mark: Mike, I told you to watch that trap. Ed, sorry about the whole owlbear
thing. I guess you were promoted from thief to fighter. I've got the
torch, so I will open that door to the south.
Mike: I'll cut my finger off before the poison can spread.
DM: MARK> OPEN DOOR
Which door do you mean?
You can't go south, the door is closed.
MARK> S DOOR
I don't understand what you mean.
MARK> OPEN S DOOR
Okay, you open the south door.
A draft of wind blows out of the hall leading south, causing your torch
to flicker. The hall is tiled with speckled green and gray marble. The
hall opens into what appears to be a larger antechamber- the
torchlight you have reveals what seems to be a fountain in the center
of the room. You also hear a low growling from within...
You are in the entry chamber. There is a dead wizard here.
MIKE> CUT OFF FINGER
Which finger do you mean?
MIKE> CUT OFF MY GODDAMN FINGER!
Thinking quickly, you sever your poisoned finger from your hand.
Ouch. [-1 permenent hp; -1 on "to hit" rolls; you gain 50 xp for killing
part of yourself.]
You are in the entry chamber. There is a dead wizard here.
There is a finger here.
Ed: Godddamnit. An Owlbear? Does that mean I can claw/claw/bite? Christ,
-is there a DURATION on that potion?
I still have my skills...I hide in shadows and wait for the party to
open the door to the South. I will follow them in shadows, and if
there is an enemy, I will attempt to claw/claw/bite-backstab the shit
out of the nearest one.
DM: Okay, Ed you attempt to hide in shadows and move silently. As an
owlbear, you're a "large" creature, so you have -10% to hide in
shadows. Owls and bears are both pretty stealthy though, so no
penalty to move silent. You creep down the hall into the fountain
room. It's too dark to see much detail, but you do see 1d6 kobolds
preparing an ambush. 3 kobolds. You successfully claw/claw/bite
backstab a kobold for, hmm, 18 points of damage, ripping the little
guy limb from limb. The other two kobolds are alerted. Initiative.
Mike: I'll roll initiative. It's a four.
Mark: I am going to rush in and help out Ed! I swing my broadsword at the
Dave: I draw my mace and move to smash some Kobold hedz.
Ed: Shit. What's my armor class again? I attack those bitches. 2 hit
points huh?...Dave, get ready with that last cure! Uh do I have time to check the pockets of the one I killed real quick? Just kidding.
DM: We return to "Descent into the Depths!"
Okay, Mark you have initiative. You hit a kobold with your
broadsword for 5 hp and it dies. The other kobold attacks you with
his wooden spear. He hits you for 3 hp, you're down to 3/7. Dave,
you are next, and you hit. 3 hp but the kobold is still standing. He
looks bad though. Then the fourth kobold that no one noticed jumps
up from behind a statue. He has a bow and a quiver. He shoots you
Dave for, oof, 4 hp. You're down to 2/6. Mike, your move, and then
Ed, Mark, the spear kobold (who's still on Mark) and finally Dave. If
you're rolling at home, the kobold is AC 9.
You can now see the room since you have a torch there. There is a
large circular fountain in the center of the room. It is not active but
has some water in it. A center spout is carved with what appears to
be ivy. Around the base is more ivy and some thorns, and an
inscription "For the unblest". There is a statue in the corner of the
room of a well-dressed woman with a skeletal face. There is a door
to the east. There is an open doorway to the west leading into what
appears to be a shrine or altar room.
There are two dead kobolds here. There are two alive, angry
kobolds here. There is some kobold room and board debris.
Dave: With a shouted exhortation to my gods, I slaughter that damn kobold!
Mark: AArrgghhh! I Brogg, shout the name of my diety and curse the kolbold that drew my blood! (I am a half-orc fighter/cleric). I then defer to Ed and
Mike: Being a practictioner of the art of "do the first thing that comes to
mind and you'll probably get lucky", I pick up the finger and threaten
the kobolds with it, yelling "Grick ung-ung-Shee! Grick
ung-ung-Shee!" which I'm hoping means something in koboldese.
DM: Okay, Mike, you show your severed finger to the wounded kobold.
He apparently is interested in it, and pays you 5 gold pieces for it.
Ed, the kobold has a little wooden spear and a loincloth. You wisely
decide against "searching his pockets". You claw/claw/bite, misssing
with the claws but biting for 4 hp. The kobold dies. Taste, not so
good. Okay Mark, you cast Curse on the kobold. You say your
deity's name, 37, nothing happens. Dave, you miss with your mace
on the kobold archer, and also say your deity's name. Wow, 00.
Okay, your deity appears. I'll roll randomly to see who your god is.
88, okay your god is Odin. Odin appears and rolls to hit the kobold
archer. He hits for, well it's a lot. Odin then charges you to destroy
that statue of the other god because it's blasphemous to him and
Good work guys, tough combat, another 100 xp. I forgot earlier to
award 50 xp for finding the blue potion. Mike, another 5 xp for your
treasure. Mark, remember that your xp is divided in half for cleric
There are four dead kobolds in the room. Refer to previous email
for room description, or please type LOOK or VERBOSE at the
command prompt. Initiative is over, act how you will.
Mike: > PUT WATER IN FLASK
> POUR WATER ON STATUE
DM: Okay, you do. The water is fetid and it's pretty nasty with kobold
waste. Now the statue is also. So is your flask, and some of your
hand. It looks like the fountain hasn't been working for a while. No
apparent change in the statue. However you find a small filthy key in
the fetid water.
Your torch flickers. You'll want to find another source of light soon,
leste ye be eatene bye ae gruee. Hey, the language parser ain't bad, huh?
Dave: I turn my attention from the Kobolds and begin working myself up
into a fury of rightoeus rage. My god wants that statue down? Well -
I'm the cleric for the job. I'd like to smash it with my mace, but if
I'm too angry I'll just push it down with my fury.
Mark: Is there a kobold left? I attack that bastard!
DM: Okay, Mark you attack the dead kobold. There are no more alive
kobolds. Odin's no slouch, it's not like he just winged the little guy
and split back to Valhalla, kettle on the stove or something. Please
type "LOOK" at the command prompt or read the damn email where
the room is described. Okay Dave, you shove the statue. It doesn't
budge. You got some of the dirty water that Mike poured on the
statue on your hands though now. You can smash it with your mace
but it has no effect. Make a wisdom check, okay, you suspect the
statue is magically enchanted- you may have to find another way to
Ed: Last I read, all kobolds were slaughtered, and a key was found in
the fountain. Even though I don't follow him, I say a quick word of
thanks out of respect to Odin and make a mental note never to fuck
with Dave's character.
I then do what any self respecting thief would do since nobody else
has yet, and search the body of the kobolds, starting with the archer.
After that I will differ to the party as to which door to go
through, and follow behind them into the room in shadows. Again, if I
see an enemy with a back, I'll stab it. I mean claw and bite it.
DM: Okay, you do. Three of the kobolds have loincloths and wooden
spears. You take the spears. The archer kobold has a short bow,
quiver with, uh, nine arrows, and a pouch. Inside the pouch is 12
copper pieces and a scratch ticket. Huh? Wait a minute, what the fuck... Yeah, that's what the module says "12 c.p. and one scratch ticket". Who wrote this shit? Whatever, anyway, you take the pouch, the money, and fine, the
scratch ticket. You also take a severed finger from one of the other
kobolds. Then you attempt to hide in shadows.
Mark: Well, I just wanted to make sure that that kobold was dead. Ok, I am
going to cast light on the Kobold's spear, and take it with me. I
start down the south corridor. Dave, good luck with that ticket.
DM: Okay, you do. You're now out of spells. Good timing, your torch sputters out. There is no south corridor, but there's an entrance west to the altar room and an imposing door that leads east.
As a reminder, there is a large circular fountain in the center of the room. It is not active but has some water in it. A center spout is carved with what appears to be ivy. Around the base is more ivy and some thorns, and an inscription "For the unblest". There is a statue in the corner of the room of a well-dressed woman with a skeletal face. There is a door to the east. There is an open doorway to the west leading into what appears to be a shrine or altar room. There are four dead kobolds in the room. The statue seems to be covered with a thin film of fetid water. And it's the owlbear, not Dave, who has the scratch ticket.
Mark: Geez, I am so out of the loop. Good luck with that scratch ticket Owlbear. I don't get a good feeling about that fountain or the statue. What
door did we come in from? I'll take my shiny spear and head into the
shrine/altar room to the west. You guys coming with me? Great.
DM: Okay, you go west. You came in from the north, that's the room where the wizard was. You step into a small altar room. It contains an altar. The altar is in the middle of the room, made of stone, and has a black cloth on it. There is some kobold offal. On the back wall is a fresco of the woman in the statue from the previous room. A small recess in the wall at her feet, about four feet up from the floor, contains two scrolls and a small white candle. A bunch of debris and old blankets cover the floor here behind the altar.
You are hungry. You'll need to eat soon.
You are tired. You need to rest soon.
Ed: Great dude. Cast light on the freakin spear. I'll just be attempting
to hide in fewer shadows then...
DM: The "Light" spell reduces Hide in Shadows by another 5%. Your
friends see you. Well, they see a wounded owlbear in the corner
holding a small bow and a scratch ticket.
Mark: Hey Ed, I'll set that lighted spear against any charging owlbears,
mind you!I think that are size class 'large', right?
Alright, I am going to grab those two scrolls and the candle. What's
on the scrolls?
I am going to step around offal.
Mike: I will eat the offal. And take a nap on the altar. While falling
asleep, I will hum a little tune about kobold offal and the man at the
five and dime, while fantasizing about making love to the statue of the
woman from the previous room.
Mark: Hey, what's on those scrolls, huh?
DM: Right, yeah, sorry, just had to roll randomly. Okay, they are Scrolls
of Animate Dead. One spell per scroll for both scrolls. They are
written in Common so anyone can use them. The zombie or
skeleton animated is friendly to you but not under your control. It's
an autonomous zombie. Or skeleton, depending. If you are 5th level
you could make a ghoul or 7th a wight. Great job finding those guys,
you get 500 xp each. You don't know what the candle does.
Mike, the offal tastes pretty bad, but you find a trapdoor under the
offal. Okay, you go to sleep. You have a dream about that five-and-
dime store guy. You remember that his name is James and that he
owes you 10 gp back in town. You can roll on the rumors table too
(1d20). When you wake up you have all your hp back, except that
one from your finger. So you have 3 out of 3 hp.
Ed, still not hiding in shadows. Dave, still not eating offal.
Ed: Um, I scratch the scratch ticket I guess...
then I ask dave for a cure light. Can my Owlbear throat articulate common?
If not, I try to mime the fact that I need a cure.
DM: Okay, you take a copper piece and scratch off the silver stuff. Roll
3d6, but don't sum them, just tell me the numbers. You mime
"Owlbear needs a cure" to Dave because everybody knows that
owlbears can't speak Common. Out of game, I'm not sure why the kobold didn't scratch the scratch ticket himself. I mean, when do you ever find an unused scratch ticket? Maybe he didn't understand how to use it, or maybe it was
like a birthday gift coming up for one of the other kobolds you guys
Mark: I bet that the scratch ticket was a birthday gift. Geez, if it is a
big prize, we are going to have to cross the entire Kingdom just to
cash it in. What an adventure...
Let's get out of this room. Crap, I don't remember how...
DM: Okay, you look around the room. You're in a small altar room off to
the west of the fountain room. In the altar room is an altar. Behind
the altar there is a trapdoor under the offal. In the fountain room is a
statue, a hallway north back to the entrance room, and an imposing
looking door heading east. Remember that you are tired, hungry,
low on hit points, and out of spells.
Dave: I've still got one spell - it looks like the Owlbear needs a cure, but
how is everyone on hitpoints?
Last I heard, I was trying to smash the statue. How's that going? I
mean, when my God comes down and tells me to do something, you know,
that's kind of what I want to do. But, if the statue's not smashable,
maybe there's some magic statue-smashing device further on.
Mark: Let's take a siesta in the altar room. Dave, don't blow that last
spell. I only cast light, not continual light, so I think that me
might need it, lest we get eaten by a grue. Heck, I forgot, we have a
candle. We could use that too. I am going to take a nap in a corner
without too much offal. I think that the Owlbear should take first
watch, he's got those keen owl eyes.
DM: Okay, you all sleep and take watches. Roll for random encounters,
3, okay, no random encounters. You all wake up with all hit points
and spells back. It is dark. You are all still hungry. Ed, you are no
longer an owlbear.
Ed: Fuck yea. By the way, I rolled a 4,4,3 on my six sided dice for the
scratch ticket. I still have that shortbow from the kobold too. How
many arrows do I have? And who is party leader? I'm the thief, so not me...
DM: 4,4,3, okay let's see. ("Please turn to page 42 in your module.")
Okay, you scratched two dwarven beards and one mug of ale. That
makes your scratch ticket worth 20 gp. Good job, you get 20 xp.
The scratch ticket is redeemable at participating general stores. You
have 9 arrows left in the quiver. Everyone is rested and ready to go.
I suppose you can continue searching the room, open the trapdoor
behind the altar, or open the large door heading east. Dave, no luck
destroying that statue yet, it is impervious to you.
Ed: Rob, since nobody seems to doing it, I check the trap-door for traps,
then open it...
Mike: I've already napped on the altar and had a tasty meal of offal, so I'll
take a couple of shifts of watch. While others are sleeping, I will
work on my secret project, with my back turned, of course, just in case
anyone wakes up.
DM: Okay Ed, you don't think that the trapdoor is trapped, despite its
name. It does seem to be locked, but the lock is old and rusty.
Okay Mike, you keep working on XXX XXXXXX XXX X XX XXXX,
XXX XX XXXXX'X XXXX XX XX XXXXXXX XXX.
Mark: I am going to smash that lock. Does someone have a hammer? Dave,
maybe we can drop that statue head-first onto the trap door. Give me a
Dave: Yeah - after a good night's sleep, and with some help from the
Owlbear, can we push that statue over?
DM: Okay, Mark, you grab a hammer and smash the trapdoor lock. Roll
strength, okay, you smash it. The trapdoor opens, revealing a ladder
going down about 10 feet to a small stone corridor. It looks a bit wet
down there. Dave, Ed is no longer an owlbear, but even with his
help you cannot push the statue over.
Or, at least, these are the sorts of things you would see if you had
some light, which you do not. So you guys are sort of standing
around in the dark holding yourselves.
Ed: I use my flint and tinder to light a torch or a candle or something,
then hand it off to Dave's character since it's hard to hide in shadow
holding fire. Then I vote we go down that ladder. What say you all?
We've been in this room for too many emails now. If the party starts heading down Rob, I'll do the same from the rear and in shadows. Of course, If there are any bad-guys with backs, I'll stab 'em.
DM: Okay Ed, you use flint and tinder to light a torch and give it to Dave. Dave, you get 1 torch(s).
You all go down the ladder into a small stone room below. More like a cavern.
The room is 10' x 10'. There is an orc with a chest. Just kidding. What there really is, is a passage off to the south, blocked by a cave-in. A bit of water pools beneath the big stones sealing the passage. On the ceiling, you see some pipes running down where the cavein is. The pipes seem to connect to something in one of the rooms above you. Also in the corner of the room is an old statue of a skeleton holding a kickass looking bec-de-corbin. It's a real bec-de-corbin, not part of the statue, and it glows faintly green. An inscription on the base of the statue reads "For The Blest".
Mike: Maybe those pipes lead to a toilet. When's the last time anyone in the
My character, noticing that "bec-de-corbin" is an anagram of "bed: once
crib" suspects that the weapon may have something to do with maturity
and loss of innocent. Further, "for the blest" anagrams into "brothel
fest," furthering my suspicions. However, it could also mean "fresh
bottle," thus having something to do with the water upstairs.
Dave: I cast bless on myself and grab that bec-de-corbin. I'm going to then
use it to destroy the statue upstairs. That seems like the best idea here.
DM: Okay Mike, you please Rebuss the god of anagrams with your
discoveries and gain 15 xp.
Uh Dave, okay... that's not what was really in the module. But I
guess it should work- the whole 00 Odin thing wasn't in there either.
Lemme think for a second. Pass the Diet Slice, thanks. Well okay Dave, you cast Bless and rip the enchanted kick-ass bec-
de-corbin from the skeleton. You climb back upstairs with the
polearm on your back and give a mighty swing, smashing it into the
statue of the goddess. The magic of the bec-de-corbin bypasses the
magic of the statue, and you hack the statue into little marble bits.
Great going everyone, you all get 1000 xp (Mark, 500 per class) for
finding the magic weapon and pleasing Odin. Mike, Ed, and Dave,
you all can level when you get back to town. Mark, you still need
some xp to level. Everyone is upstairs now.
However, smashing the statue sure is loud and you have angered
the kobold master in the next room. The imposing looking door
swings open, and the kobold master comes out. In front of him,
charging, is his owlbear pet. The kobold master stands back and
raises his Wand of Transmute Rock to Mud, saying 'zanzibar' to turn
the ground beneath you to sludge, slowing all of you- no save- while
you're in melee with the owlbear. "This cunning kobold laughs
wickedly while you meet your owlbear doom." (That’s what it says to say to the PCs in the little box around the text.)
That owlbear sure is angry, and seems to have previous experience
fighting in the sludge... (it's only partially slowed).
Mike: Invoking the power of Zanzibar, I climb into the windmill and ride it
to the energy sword. I love close combat!
DM: SYNTAX ERROR
Well, let's just say that you attack the owlbear. Okay, you hit for 2
hp. The owlbear looks more pissed off than anything. It attacks you
Mark, getting both claws but missing with the bite. Bad news, you
are hugged for 6 hp, knocking you down to 1 hp left, and you are in
the hug still. Ed, you creep up to the kobold master, but because of
the mud, you can't attack this round. The kobold casts a spell, make
a save Dave. 9 doesn't do it, you are momentarily dazed.
Ed: Unless I'm mistaken, I'm still in shadows since I took no action as of
yet since entering (providing that I rolled low enough) shadows. I'm
gonna go for the backstab on the cunning kobold master and let the
clerics and fighters slug it out with the Owlbear (I couldn't hurt one
of my own ya know...)
Mark: Dude, get me out of this owlbear hug! Can I make a strength check or something? I knee him in his owl groin.
Get this owlbear off of me!
Ed: Rob, I know I'm slowed, so I have to wait to nail the kobold next
round, but is the owlbear closer since it came right at us? If I can
backstab that thing this round I'll do it since nobody is helping Mark
out here. Dave, maybe you could do some sort of ranged spell at the
kobold to take him out for a couple rounds. Fear maybe?
DM: Okay Mark, make a STR check. 12 will do it, you groin the owlbear
for 4 hp and escape the grapple. You're slowed now, so you won't
act next round. Okay Ed, you try to backstab the owlbear. 14, nice
roll, you hit. Okay, you 5 hp times two is 10 hp to the owlbear. It's
still up. The owlbear roars in fury and backhands you into the wall
for, let's see, 7 hp. The kobold master cackles and drinks a potion.
He Potion of Fire Breaths you Ed for... 6 hp. This puts you down at -
3 hp and dropping. Dave and Mike, you guys are up.
Dave: HP check? I don't have fear, so unless someone's at -8 or
something I'm going to cast 'Summon Monster' to get a dire badger
right next to that Kobold bastard. Hey - do I still have that Bec De
Corbin? I'm not proficient - who can use that fucker?
DM: Right, as a cleric you cannot use edged weapons without a -3 non-
proficiency penalty. The thieves take a -4 non-prof penalty, and the
fighter takes a -2. Okay, you cast "Summon Monster", but the Dire
Badger is not on your level one table. Instead you get a... Celestial
Fox. The Celestial Fox nips at the kobold master for 2 hp. The
kobold casts PFE, but it doesn't matter because your fox only lasts
one round, and disappears.
Hit point check: Mark, 1/7 hp, 3/3 spells. Mike, 3/3 hp. Ed, -3/10 hp
and dropping. Dave, 6/6 hp, 1/3 spells. Mike's move, and then the
kobold and the owlbear go to town. Well, not literally.
Mark: I guess that I am chillin till next round.
Hold a second there Rob! The owlbear already attacked this round,
hitting Mark! That's why I was wondering if I could get him now before
I reached the kobold next round...This smells like the minotaur
situation all over again...
Dave: Hey - I thought we leveled? What gives?
DM: No, you have to go to town
and train to level, remember? Just cause you have the xp doesn't
mean you magically get all those hp and spells and whatnot. What
do you think this is, Everquest or something? RTFM.
Ed: We have not gone back to the town to train yet!
P.S. Heal me since I got screwed in the ass by my dungeon master.
Mark: I am bit confused about this whole owlbear situation. From what I
gather, I am slowed and waiting to attack. Ed, I think that you tried
to attack even though you were slowed. Rob gave you the attack, but
that was your round. The owlbear bitch-smacked you in the next round.
That kobold cast PFE for his part.
DM: Okay Ed, Mark is right. Good call Mark, you get 50 xp for clarifying
the situation. You're all in the mud and so you are Slowed, meaning
that you basically get to act 1/2 rounds. The owlbear has some
skillpoints in mud grappling, so he gets to go 2/3 rounds. So it's
really not a "minotaur" situation at all, more like a "Hlethgavi and the
fire elemental" situation. Indeed. Anyway, Chris's goblin was going
to die even if the minotaur hadn't killed him, so it doesn't really
Dave: On my next action, I cure Ed. I'm just slowed for movement,
right? I should be able to bust out another spell if'n I'm not
DM: Okay, Dave, you cast Cure Light Wounds on Ed for 5 hp. Ed, you're up at 2 hp. Not a great place to be, given the owlbear density in your part of the globe. Dave, you're now out of spells. Mike?
Ed: I get medieval on that owlbear's ass. Literally. If I live through
this combat, the first thing I do is pick Mike's character's pockets.
If he doesn't seem to notice the owlbear and the kobold, how will he
DM: Alright Ed, you backstab the owlbear again, for 6 hp. It looks bad
and angry now.
Mike: Hey, I'm back, sort of. I've been on vacation this week, and that
meant no email and no calls to the office. It was glorious.
DM: Hey, welcome back, you're just in time to be attacked by the
owlbear. Let's see, it roundhouses you for 10 hp, slamming your
bloody, 9-fingered, unconscious body against the wall. You're down
to -7 hp. The kobold master yelps in victory. Anyone? Bueller?
Mike: I built a chicken coop this week.
Mike: I attempt to distract the owlbear by performing a penis puppet show.
Mark: I chopp that owlbear with my broadsword, Rob.
DM: You hit for 4 hp, killing that owlbear dead. However, you still have
kobold troubles; the kobold uses the Wand of Transmute Rock to
Mud again *in reverse*, turning the sludge around your feet to hard
rock, immobilizing you! Er, no save. He then pulls out a sling and
some stones to finish you off... Remember that Mike is at -7 and
dropping folks. Sorry Mike, no puppet show except for the one the
owlbear previously performed with your unconscious body. This
looks pretty bad for you guys I have to say. Death by sling stones,
what a way to go.
Ed: Jesus! Ok Rob, I still have that shortbow and arrows from the other kobolds.
I fire on the cunning kobold.
DM: Okay, 76. Nope, Jesus does not arrive on the scene.
Dave: Am I out of spells? If not - I bust a cure on Mike. If so, I'll bind
his wounds or amke a heal check or whatever edition we're playing
Mark: Wait, am I dead? It seems to me that that kobold went twice!
Maybe I can't move my rock-bound feet, but I sure can bust a spell or
two before he slings me. For my part, I cast light on the kobold's eyes! Try that sling now, foul denizen of the earth's bowels!
DM: Great teamwork guys, but is it enough? Mark, you cast Light... kobold gets a 13 on the save, but it doesn't cut it... blinded! Dave, you are out of spells, so you bandage Mike at -8. Good going, that was close. Odin is pleased. Ed, you fire at the blind kobold twice, one arrow misses, the other hits, roll for damage. Hmm, 1 hp, okay you nick him. The kobold master screams in blind fury, drops his sling and pulls out a wicked looking dagger that glows black. He attacks... (1,2 Mark; 3,4 Dave; 5,6 Ed... 5.) He attacks you Ed. 20, double damage! That's pretty much what he needed I guess. 8 hp from 2, you're at -6 and dropping! Remember that you're at 1 hp Mark. Dave and Mark? The kobold is now in melee range; you have +2 to hit because he's blind.
Dave: The Kobold's in a blind rage? Well, bitch, I know about rage - my God
is motherfuckin' ODIN here! Mark, if you bandage Ed, I'll take this
scumbag dowtown. Downtown to MY house! My house is one of pain, and involves a morningstar to the head!
Ed: Double Damage. That's bullshit.
DM: Hey, I don't make the rules, I just roll the dice. If you're calling
bullshit, then I guess you're calling it on God. Anyway, okay Mark,
you bandage Ed. Dave, you attack the kobold leader with your
mace, because you I don't see a 'morningstar' on your character
sheet, and it's not considered a blunt weapon anyway. You hit for 6
hp, dropping that bastard. Good job everyone. 1250 xp each.
Okay, you guys free yourselves from the stone. Ed and Mike are
down. Searching the kobold reveals the wand, two other potions
marked with the symbol of the Grito Potion Guild, the black glowing
dagger, and the sling. There's a chest in the back with a flask of ale,
some owlbear grub, 1d100 sp (38 sp) and 1d20 gp (10 gp). Under
the coinage you find a strange letter...Dear Rubank,
How are you? I hope that you and the other kobolds are enjoying
your stay in the Temple of Zelba. The owlbear is on its way over.
Please be careful and remember to feed it daily (1/day) with the food
we will provide. If you need to contact us, go to the small cave by
the river just west of town and leave a note in a Potion Guild bottle.
You can leave the weekly owlbear progress reports there also. We
will have our revenge. My best to the wife and kids.
Master Gregory Vrill, MPG
Master of the Potion Guild
Now that the temple is kobold free, you guys can rest again. No
wandering encounters that night... Ed and Mike, you guys are both
up to 2 hp (after Mark burns a couple Cures the night before).
Unless there's anything else you want to do in the temple, you can
head back to town half a day away.
THIS CONCLUDES B2 "DESCENT INTO THE DEPTHS". Coming
soon: B3 "THE SECRET OF GRITO".
Mark: I bandage Ed. Kick his ass, Dave!
Is that owlbear carcass still here?
Mark: I'll hand Ed the dagger as he is the thief. I'll take the potions and
the coinage. Don't worry guys, I'll keep it safe. Mike or Dave can
have that wand.
I say that we head back to town and look into this Gregory Vrill
character. It sounds like this guy has something devious in the works.
Let's rest up one day at the temple entrance before we leave just in
case there are any wandering encounters in the forest. I can't wait to
Dave: Huzzah! We leveled! I thank the mighty Odin for my continual good
fortune and stuff.
DM: Okay, items acquired. I'll just pencil in the Wand on Mike's
character sheet as Dave has the magic Bec-de-Corbin; now all y'all
can say that you have a magic item. One more night of rest with a
couple Cures puts everyone at full. We'll pick up post-inf conference
with going back to towne.
Mark: Rob, we camp outside the temple for a night, then head back to town.
DM: Okay, you guys rest up to full hp and spells. Ed, you pilfer 3 gp from
the unsuspecting Mike. You then make the journey back to town.
Rolling for random encounters... 1, yup, you got some. Percentile,
18, and 1d4 is 3. Okay, you guys see 3 gnomes approaching on the
road. Reaction roll: 7. Not good. Surprise roll, 2. Not good either.
The gnomes, enraged, surprise you and draw their hammers. Mark
and Mike, gnomes hammer you for 3 hp each. Mike, that drops you
to 0. Ed, the last gnome casts Magic Missile and hits you for 4 hp.
You all can go. The gnome wizard is casting again...
Mike: So, 0 hp, am I unconscious? Rules on 0 hp may have changed since my
last adventure. Oh, it doesn't really matter with my character. I
launch into a fantasy sequence wherein a beautiful, evil sorceress has
planted an image of herself into my brain and is having sex with me
while trying to convince me to kill my companions.
Dave: I heal Mike and draw my mace. Yup, that gnome's toast.
Mark: Rob, I am going to stick my broadsword through that wizard's head. Arrrggghhh!
DM: Okay, Dave you heal Mike to full and pull out that mace. Mark, you
yell an oath to your god and attack with your broadsword. Um, let's
roll first for your god. 36, well, your god is Grisbane, god of half-
breeds. How about that. Anyway, you hit with your broadsword for 8
hp, lopping the gnome magic user's head off with one clean stroke.
Blood gushes from the neck as the body keels over. Mike, now
awake from your pleasant dream and coarsing with violent urges,
you attack with- well, I don't see any weapons on your character
sheet. You attack the gnome berserker bare-handed. You hit for 4
hp, grabbing his arm at the shoulder and ripping it clean off. Blood
gushes from the should as the body keels over. The third gnome
fails a morale check and runs away pretty fast and gets away. I
guess you put that mace away Dave. Ed, sorry tiger, we didn't need
you on the field today. But keep that bench warm!
Mark: Alright, I'll take the cash and the Gem to keep it safe. We will take
the studded leather, hammer and dagger to sell in town.
I'll pay the gaurds the 4sp, but comment that it is a bit steep for
such a minute hamlet.
I'll also casually ask the gaurd if he happens to know master Gregory
Vrill by chance? If he seems friendly, I will try to make some more
small talk about Vrill and the Potions Guild. Finally, I'll ask
directions for the General Store and Blacksmith's Guild and try to
unload the gnome equipment for training cash.
I suggest that we stay at the Griffon's Claw tonight, hang out at the
bar, and try to pick up some info on the Potions Guild and Mr. Vrill.
DM: Okay Mark, you take the valuables, good thinking, you wouldn't want
to lose those. You talk to the guard:
Brogg> GUARD, HELLO
Guard> WELCOME TO GRITO CITIZEN. THE TAX IS 1 SP.
You get -1 sp(s).
Brogg> ASK GUARD ABOUT TAX
Guard> THE MAYOR'S OFFICE COLLECTS TAX FROM ALL
TRAVELERS FOR DEFENSE OF GRITO. THERE HAS BEEN
RECENT ATTACKS FROM KOBOLDS AND OWLBEARS. WE
DON'T WORK FOR FREE YOU KNOW.
Brogg> ASK GUARD ABOUT GREGORY VRILL
Guard> MASTER VRILL IS THE HEAD OF THE GRITO POTION
Guard> MASTER VRILL COMES FROM THE VRILL FAMILY OF
GREYHELM. HE IS NEW IN TOWN.
Guard> I HEARD A RUMOR FROM THE BARTENDER OF THE
GRIFFON'S CLAW THAT MASTER VRILL HAD AN ARGUMENT
WITH THE MAYOR. SOMETHING ABOUT A WOMAN.
Guard> NICE DAY, CITIZEN.
Brogg> ASK GUARD ABOUT POTION GUILD
Guard> THE POTION GUILD IS ONE OF GRITO'S MANY GUILD
CHAPTERS. THEY SELL POTIONS.
Guard> NICE DAY, CITIZEN.
It's not hard to find the Blacksmiths or the General Store, as they're
right there in town. Okay, you go to the Blacksmiths Guild and sell
the studded leather for 10 gp, the hammer for 2 gp, and the dagger
for 1 gp, for a grand total of 13 gp. You guys are still a long way off
from paying for training. You might have to sell off a magic item...
You then go to the Griffon's Claw to get a room. Libations are 1 cp a
pop, and room and board for the lot of you is 2 sp per night. I'll take
that out of the gnome cash also.
Mark: Ok, I am going to sell that gem and one of the scrolls of animate
dead. I guess that I will try to do so at the Potions Guild. Is that
enough for our training? I think that Vrill is running a racket here,
attacking the town with his owlbears... Let's get trained. I will also
keep the drinks coming at a steady pace for Mike while we are at the
Griffon's Claw. I think that he needs some medicating.
Dave: Do we have a party treasure list? I think if we're selling anything, we
should be able to get some fat cash for that bec-de-corbin. Dibs on that +2
DM: Okay, you go to the Potion Guild. It's a small stone factory-looking
building on the edge of town, on the river with a large water wheel
kickin' it. The guild symbol is a big flask on a sign above the door.
Inside smells like sulfur and alcohol, it's kind of dark, and there's a
gnome at the counter. He's wearing spectacles, an apron, and a
badge that says "HELLO MY NAME IS GNARLS, ASK ME ABOUT
POTIONS". There's also a sign offering Oil of Protection from
Owlbears on sale for 50 gp a pop. Identifications are 10 gp each.
He'll pay you 400 gp for the scroll, and 50 gp for the gem, looking at
you suspiciously the whole time.
Dave, do you want to sell the bec-de-corbin? There's no party
treausre list. Mark has a scroll of making zombies and two potions,
you have the bec-de-corbin, Mike has the kobold's wand, and Ed has
the black glowing dagger. And there's no +2 mace my brother. The
Blacksmiths Guild will pay 1000 gp for the bec-de-corbin. Anyway,
with the 400 gp you guys all train, taking 1 week. It's another 1 gp
total to stay at the inn. Everyone, roll for hitpoints and decide if you
want to sell more stuff to get 100 gp for special training. Mark, you
level in Cleric so divide your d8 roll by 2, rounding down. Ed, roll a
d6. Dave, roll a d8. Mike, roll a d6. Dave and Mark, you guys get a
new first level spell. Ed and Mike, your thieving stuff marginally
improves. Mike, your character has some more alcohol-inspired
dreams that sort of look like covers of 1950s fantasy novels, like
you're a barbarian on mars with an axe in one hand, chainmail bikini
babe in the other, and there's a dead tentacled alien on the ground.
Dave: Yeah, I sell the bec-de-corbin. Odin's my god? Hunh. Worship of Odin
involved the occasional human sacrifice, and a lot of complaining about the
fickleness of the gods, but mostly drunken binges. They got any good gear in
the 750gp range at the smiths? I'm also going to spend another 200 gold -
you heard me right - on a night of Ale and Whores. Yup - I want to try to
get the entire town drunk and laid.
Oh - and I roll a 6 for hp. Plus my con bonus, so 7 hp.
Mark: As you will have been informed, Rob, I rolled a 6. I used:
http://www.irony.com/mailroll.html, it rolls for you and can email
your results. Pretty cool.
I knew that Gregory was up to no good. Enjoy that 200gp, Dave. I am
going to talk to this potion pushing Gnome, and tell him that I really
need something to protect my stables from owlbears. What kind of
services can he offer?
DM: Alright Dave, nice roll. Hmm, Mark, I think that die may be cocked.
But I'm in a good mood so I'll give it to you. 6/2 + 2/2 = 4 more hp for
Brogg. Dave, you sell the bec-de-corbin for 1000 gp. They have
basic armor for sale (plate mail, 400 gp; chain, 75 gp, etc), a +1
Shield for 500 gp, 10 +1 Sling Bullets for 200 gp, but no magic
maces. The guy will sell you a treasure map to a magic mace in a
nearby tomb for 100 gp... it's the tomb of Priest Dwayne Reddings,
fallen Father of St. Cuthbert so the Blacksmith guy says there could
be some undead or stuff. Take your pick. Basic weapons are for
sale too, normal PH prices. That magic shield has a picture of a
shield on it.
200 gp buys a lot of booze. I'll count that as special training for you,
so you get a bonus hp and a non-weapon proficiency, which will be
"Man of the People" for bringing cheer to Grito in this dire hour. The
party rages all night at the Griffon's Claw. In the morning, when
everyone is waking up and stumbling out hung-over, the place is
visited by two official looking guys and a bunch of guards. One of
the guys is kind of old, picture Wilford Brimley in a fur coat with a
snazzy cane. The other guy looks like a 30-something Colonel
Sanders with red hair and freckles, wearing a velvet cloak with the
Potion Guild emblem on it. They coolly regard the scene, and a third
dude, the Captain of the Guard, congratulates you on disturbing the
peace and says he'll be watching you. The Potion Guild guy looks
you in the eye and smiles, saying "Well I suppose we're lucky the
owlbears didn't visit last night, and I guess we have you to thank for
that. My thanks, *priest*." He stares a bit more and then they all
Mark, the gnome Potion Apprentice nods his head and empathizes,
saying that there's been a lot of that recently. You can buy Owl Bear
Protection Oil for crops and animals for 50 gp per vial, one vial will
protect four horses for a week or an acre of corn. You can also buy
Bolts of Dimunition which will shrink owlbears, or anything really, to a
more manageable size for 50 gp apiece, max 3. You also might just
want to invest in healing potions for 100 gp each, no limit. Finally,
you can buy Griffon Scent for 10 gp, but in addition to warding off
owlbears, you might attract griffons, so it's kind of a toss up. While
you're talking, that red-headed Potion Guild guy shows up with a few
other guildsmen. He's addressed as Master Vrill, and he's holding
your old zombie scroll! Master Vrill stares at you and says
"Owlbears, hmm? My sympathies for your cattle, half-breed.
Perhaps you should *buy some potions*." Mark, make a save vs.
Ed: First off, can the whole party afford special training with the loot
we have? I special train if the funds are there. Take it right out of
party treasure. I pay 10gp and get my dagger identified too. Rob, you
can add the dagger from the gnomes to my sheet too, and if it radiates
magic (dave, will you oblige?), identify that one too.
Mark, since you're about to get your ass charmed into buying potions
by Master Vrill, I suggest the 'healing potions for 100 gp each, no
Hit points I rolled are...hold on, need to google an online d6
program...Fuck. I rolled a 1. Well I'm a thief, so I guess I'm not
really supposed to go toe to toe. Rob, in town I buy some flint and tinder, 2 torches, 4 more daggers, arrows, and you guessed it, -50' cord with grapple. Throw in some caltrops while you're at it.
Mark: Crap. www.random.org gave me an 8. I would have used the site that I
used yesterday, but our server blocked it due to the fact that it was
I do have a 16 wisdom though, but as I am 2nd/2nd, I doubt that I can
resist Mr. Vrill's charms.
In my last moments of clarity, I come to the realization that we might
have already successfully destroyed Gregory's owlbear scam. I think
that we should get out of town.
Dave: Yeah, I'll bust a detect on the loot. I'll buy Platemail, a regular shield,
and the map; I know it's probably a fake, but what the hell. Odin likes shit
like that. That leaves me 280 gold, so I'll buy two healing potions and then
rations (read - beef jerky, trail mix, and a couple of flasks of whiskey)
and some torches. Do I meet Mark?
DM: Okay Dave, Ed's dagger and Mike's wand radiate (snicker). You buy platemail, a shield and the map. The map marks a path through the hills to a small graveyard just outside the ruins of Nyess, City of Spiders. It's the tomb of Dwayne Reddings, and there's a small inscription that says "Beware the Wight Reddings and the Whore of Hyannis". It looks like it's about a day's travel to the southeast. You then buy a week of booze, torches, and rations. Finally, you head over to the Potion Guild and buy two healing potions (1d8+2 each). Master Vrill himself hands them to you, takes your money, and hopes they serve you and your god. That leaves you with 70 gp and 7 sp total. You meet an anxious Brogg returning from the Potion Guild, with nothing but some pants and a crapload of potions.
Ed, you'll have to borrow or steal the money to special train. It ain't too late. Mark sold the gnomish dagger already. The dagger is identified at the Potion Guild as the Knife of Thuul, a +1 Dagger of Darkness (1/day). Don't forget about your scratch ticket, redeemable at the Grito General Store. You buy all that stuff for 20 gp (that includes a quiver of 20 arrows, for a total of 27, and a big bag of caltrops). Unfortunately, you don't have 20 gp either, just 3 gp and 11 hp, so you'll have to decide where to get the $$ before completing your purchases. I'll remind you that you already have a bow, flint and tinder (butyou could buy some more if you like), and two kobold spears.
Mark, you don't remember it so good, but you know that it was dire you buy lots of potions. So you sold all your stuff to the Potion Guild and bought 6 potions of protection from owlbears, 4 doses of griffon essence, a Potion of Rainbow Hues, and a Philter of Love. You now are pretty glad that the Potion Guild is in town and think that they're pretty swell guys too. Actually you're kind of just in time with all those potions, because as each of you are going about your business, you hear a yell from Stone Bridge and see that the guards are being attacked by a team of rogue owlbears! "Help!" they cry.
Ed: This adventure is getting out of hand. What does my 'glowing dagger'
do Rob? Did I get that identify yet? (I know the Mark sold the
Darkness Dagger...) I might need the info in the owlbear fight.
What time of day is it? Roll for weather too Rob, -if it's raining,
I'm gonna hide in shadows and move silently and backstab the heck out
of some owlbear. Mark, hand me one of those pro-bear potions!
DM: Anyway... your glowing dagger *is* the darkness dagger. It glows
black. Mark sold the non-magical dagger found on the gnome magic
user for 1 gp. Yeah you got the ID. It's like, dusk. It's, mm, fall, so
there's a chill and... 4, okay, a bit of fog but not raining. As you step
up you see that there are TWO owlbears, and four kobolds, which
are staying back in brush and sniping with slings and little bows. You
creep up behind an owlbear right as it grabs both arms of a guard
and rips him in half like a wishbone. It then raises its head to the sky
and howls in victory! Roll to hit. And you can easily take a potion
from the still somewhat confused Brogg. It's oil though, so you have
to rub it all over.
Dave: Anyway. I hate that Vrill guy. I say we check out this map - and Ed, I've
got a little cash if you need it for the special training - and then bust
open the potion guild. He'd have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for
us meddling kids!
But first, we've got an owlbear infestation to deal with! I draw my mace
and . . . it's clobbering time!
DM: Okay Dave, you charge up with Ed, mace
swinging. The owlbears are pretty much stomping the guards.
However, when you get there, there's sort of a qualitative shift in the
combat. You can almost see this glint in the owlbears' eyes as they
size you up. The kobolds yelp, one flees while a couple others
launch arrows... 8, 14, 16, 10 are four misses, *tink tink* against your
solid plate armor. Owlbear one... misses you completely. He hugs
your armor. Owlbear two... oof, knocks you over with one furry
paw/wing thing, and then stomps on your leg for 6 hp. They're pretty
serious. You swing your mace and... hit for 4 hp. A brace of 'lbears,
you better have game son. Your fellow PCs stand around like the AI
broke. Maybe they're caught on polygons or something. By the way
Ed, Dave's offering you 100 gp for special training, so you can take
that after the fight.
Mark: Alright, Ed... I have some pants and a bunch of potions, but I'll see
what I can do.
Rob, I dowse Dave with Griffon essence, and drink a potion of rainbow
hues. I am not sure what that does, but assuming it isn't a bad thing,
I am going to try to scrounge one of the dead guard's weapons after
Now what is the situation? How many owlbears? How many guards left?
Are the kobolds gone?
Dave: I'm so angry at the owlbears that I can't stand it. So angry! And then I
remember - I have a clobbering stick in my hand! What a good thing! I
clobber the owlbear with my mace. Clobber!
DM: Okay Mark, you dump the griffon essence on
Dave and drink the potion of rainbow hues. Dave now stinks like,
well, a homeless guy, and you begin brilliantly flashing all sorts of
crazy lights. Like a rotating Christmas tree or disco ball on acid. The
owlbears turn from Dave against their obvious wishes, and tag team
you, stumbling dizzily towards the light. Let's see, there's a couple
misses, a fumble so take your shot, and a smackdown for 5 hp.
Dave, you bean an owlbear macewise for 4 hp, and Ed that owlbear
gets the business end of the backstab for 8 hp. It's looking angry.
You guys are kind of dazed by Mark's strobing also. Kobold archers
launch some shit... Dave and Mark, hit for 2 hp each, and a bunch of
other misses; Mark because you're blinding to look at, Dave because
you're a plate mail tank. Keeping on, Mark you pummel the owlbear
with your fist for 4, and between Dave's mace and Ed's backstab, the
first bear is down.
The kobolds scatter into the darkness as you hear the sounds of
more guards coming, and casting... the other owlbear is held
motionless by a spell! With lots of guards and torches, you see the
two guys from the bar show up again, Master Vrill, and the other rich
guy who introduces himself as Mayor Broderick, Mayor of Grito. He
sniffs and makes a face in disgust, but then thanks you for your
assistance, and says that he'd like to see you in Town Hall later that
night. He's kind of having trouble looking in your direction though
due to the rainbow hues. Some of the guards kind of snicker at the
sensory overload thing going on. "Come on, Greg" says the Mayor
and he and Vrill and some guards return to town. The other guards
drag off the owlbear, aided by a couplle Potion Guild guys, and the
dead guards are taken away also. Good work y'all, another 100 xp
each. Ed, remember that Dave footed the bill for your special
training so go ahead. +1 hp and pick a non-weapon proficiency. I'm
just going to delete your scratch ticket and all of Dave's gold to pay
for that plus all that shit you bought earlier, by the way.
Dave: I rolled a three.
Oh my god - I dunno if I'm just giddy, but I'm still chuckling from the
image of shiny Mark and stinky armored Dave putting the smack down and then
chatting with the mayor.
So, the way I generated a three was by drawing a 2x3 grid on the blackboard
in my office, stepping back to the opposite wall, and hurling the piece of
chalk at the grid as hard as I could. It EXPLODED, and was even more
satisfying than I'd hoped it would be. I want to integrate this into my
classroom somehow - I'm still working on it. 'How do we draw the line of
P.S. I'm a hero, hey? Anyone mind if I meet the mayor without