Cinder kind of chuckles softly and goes to Marivhon, "Hey Mar, so check this out right? Few months ago Vrill was having some issues, so he goes to see a healer in Grito. He walks up the steps to the temple where an alcolyte leads him to the High Priest who asks him, 'What is it that ails you my son?' With this sober expression on his face Vrill tells him 'Father, I don't know what's going on, every morning I get up and look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?' The healer pauses a moment, casts a divination spell, then turns to Vrill and says 'I don't know, but your eyesight's perfect.' HAHAHAHAHA Oh man, sorry Mar, I don't mean to laugh at my own jokes. Shit, LOL though"
Cinder is grinning ear to ear. "Damn it Marivhon, Vrill's so ugly, he worked in a pet store and people kept askin him how big he was gonna get. You'll see it. We're gonna find that dickhead. Shit man, gotta pass the time somehow, right?"
I think Cinder's intent
was to pulverize the most wounded active
adversary. He just got a little excited and spacebared some pertinent flavor text. So there was only one cube to begin with. Fine.
To Marivhon: "Unngh. Sorry friend, I think I ate some really
bad rations if you know what I mean. You got any herbs for that?"
Cinder kind of thought we were leaving the way we came in, but if there is more cavern to easily explore, we might as well do a once-over before we go y'know? What kind of adventures would we be if we didn't? So after we do that, we go back the way we came. We got two wall-monkeys in the party and some rope.
"Well, what's wrong with you guys?"
I look around.
"Why didn't we just leave the way we came in?"
I sit and meditate. waiting to follow these "heros" out of here.
That Ochre Jelly Plain Just Done Got Away
Cinder, snapping to awareness, pulverizes the (deceased) Gelatinous Cube in hate! Very good, there.
Marivhon, you step up and smack some of that Ochre Jelly around, but it's hard to do because Dave is covered in the stuff.
However, the Jelly, sensing its friend is dead and the time is ripe, grabs Dave's helmet and leaps into the air! You see it land on a ledge and slink off into the darkness!
Dave, you no longer have the helmet that went with your armor.
Anybody wanna do anything, or are you continuing on your way?
Ok, I knew this wasn't gonna be good. Somewhere, in some parallel dimension, there is a being who's life Fate has tied inexplicably to Cinder's own. That being had to work 60+ hours out of the office starting at 5am every day last week. But that's a tale for another day.
Cinder howls with pain and surprise at the Jell-O bitchsmack he just took and swings on the cube that took the most hits so far. Cinder got a 12 adjusted to hit, so should that do it, the cube takes 8! points.
Here are a few more rounds:
19 adjusted for 8 damage
10 adjusted for no damage cause I just know that misses and...
another 10 adjusted to hit.
I can't really see Cinder being conscious 4 rounds later.
hmm. Jell-O is made from ground horse hoof...we just killed a bunch of unicorns...Cinder wonders what it means. Is it irony? Is it fate? Karma? Cinder will keep pondering this after combat on a successful WI check: Oooh, a 4.
"Save us Marivhon!!!"
I kartwheel over to Dave slap him in the face.
BR 19 tp hit the whatever it is.
"what the fuck are you guys doing?"
BR for damage 4 points with my staff.
The Cinder and Dave Comedy Hour
Welcome back to Cinder the Thief and Dave, Fist of Odin, in "Attack of the 4 HD Slimes!"
Cinder and Dave are still paralyzed with abject terror! Mike frowns.
Marivhon, good job, with Mike and Brogg's help you guys manage to destroy the Gelatinous Cube. The Ochre Jelly retaliates for the death of his friend/mount by oozing on Dave for 6 more hp!
Stay tuned kids, for the further paralyzed adventures of thief and priest!
Blinks. or maybe winks....
"I don't know what kind of freak show that pony had but this has got to stop"
BR 19 with staff who wants that shit on their hands 3 points +1/2 if you read the rules. heh. I know round down.
What Foul Magicks Spawned These Beasts?
Okay Marivhon, nice going, you smack the Cube. Brogg's two attack round... one more hit on the G'Cube for 7 hp.
Cinder and Dave seem to be paralyzed this round, by the ichors! Or maybe by fear...
Cube does 4 more to Cinder, Jelly can't quite leak into Dave's armor this round.
Mike the zombie pulls out his broadsword and does a slow zombie charge (think: slo-motion) at the Cube. 16'll hit, for... 2. Every little counts.
Back at it!
br 16 to hit 4 points of damage if it hits which it better I'm frickin 1st level etc. To the cube ya know.
Okay Marivhon, thanks for buzzing in, looks like Cinder and Dave get the apples. Because it sounded like Cinder was in the front (leading Brogg and Dave by the arms, quote unquote), he'll get some Gelatinous Cube action. Dave, meanwhile, gets an Ochre Jelly attack.
Cinder, make a save vs. paralyzation as the cube slams into you! You also take 5 hp. Dave, the Ochre Jelly oozes all over you for 6 - 2 = 4 hp after armor soak.
Brogg attacks the Cube! Brogg misses! Mike the zombie shoots a bolt at it, hitting for 3 hp!
(We're back in combat, so soon after the unicorns. C'mon guys, you just killed the unicorn king. You gonna let a couple random encounters get you?)
OK 1 for apple. nice
br 13 to hit for 4 points if it hits. with my staff
"ouch I sear this hat keeps biting my damn ear"
Maybe you could take a look at this when we get back to town Mike, you know in better light"
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Marivhon, Mike blinks a couple times when you wave the dead pixie in front of him. He turns to you and says "No... make... zombie... no... more...". Still. He decides that since you guys are camping out above the crystal falls for a couple days, he might as well kill some time. He takes the pixie's corpse and makes a hat with it. Blogroll zombie tailor skill: 19. For skill checks, remember, lower is better, so tucking in a fanciful fairy into the brim of a felt hat just... you know, it just doesn't really do it for you. Marivhon, Mike gives you the hat as a reward for a great first battle.
Cinder, okay, you nab Romeo's horn. Yeah, the signals down here in the caves pretty much suck. Hell, the unicorns all had to share a frickin' WebTV account.
Okay, eager to train (and kill another month and a half in Durth while your friends sit around wishing THEY could level train too), you... Uh, where are you guys exactly? You fell through a sinkhole somewhere back there... You head back in the direction that you came. Brogg finds a blind cave frog and Speaks With it, but it tells you it hasn't seen a sinkhole.
Sorry, that was pretty dumb I guess. Brogg should have more WI than that. I'll do better next time guys. At least you know I'm not having Brogg wander around with his pants down yelling "I'M GONNA GIT YOU OWLBEARS!!!"
Anyway, continuing through the caves... hmm, the cave floor here is strangely clean. And somewhat shiny. You keep walking a little bit, until you see it, coming right for you! You didn't even realize you were that close to it, because it's mostly invisible! It's a Gelatinous Cube! No, wait, there's something flying towards the air at you... it's an Ochre Jelly! No wait, it's both... it was an Ochre Jelly RIDING a Gelatinous Cube, and as the Cube came to a screeching halt, the Ochre Jelly flies off its back, right at one lucky victim! Dice off, d20s everyone. Mike's got a 7, Brogg's got a 13.
Well I can't train so I don't care where we go.
"you guys got anything to do now?"
I dangle the pixie corpse in front of mike.
"I think this might make a cool little minion. kinda a reminder for me."
I don't take any treasure.
"can I have a drink Dave?"
I do some monk stuff meditate, tumble around, write haiku etc.
IT IS OVER
Okay, looking at Dave's post a little more carefully, I see that on the next round, he smacks Andicorn again for 12 hp or so. That'll do it.
The reign of the Unicorn King comes to an end.
Sure, maybe Cinder you hit or something this round, do the 5 it takes, but let's say you hit next round, Andicorn gets in one more good jab, right into Brogg's spleen for 8, taking him deep into negatives, -6 hp. Cinder, Dave, and Mike tag team the unicorn and bring him to his four wobbly knees. Cinder cuts off a back leg, and Dave hits Andicorn's lower jaw so hard it falls off of his face, and blood pours out from the top part of the now-jawless mouth of the unicorn.
Working fast, you guys bandage Brogg and Marivhon, and decide to camp here for the night. Here's the treasure: 10 unicorn horns, Romeo's steel-tipped horn, Andicorn's enormous golden lance of a horn, and Andicorn's jeweled crown. Should be worth a fortune.
A cool 1000 xp apiece for the victory y'all. This puts Cinder and Mike into the realm of 5th level, but remember, you can't train down here in the caves. Yeah, where the hell are you guys anyway? When you wake up, Dave, give me a new spell list for the day. Actually, let's just say you guys stay down here a couple nights to heal to full... you've got lots of fresh water and horse meat! So you're all at full, Brogg'll take a couple Lights and a Speak w/ Animals for some orientation if necessary.
Three Rounds Later...
Okay y'all, you heard the man. 3 rounds of free attacks after Marivhon got the 20. Andicorn is AC:5, so total up the damage if you guys ever hit. Because Brogg's taking a vacation, I'll roll for him... Ha, one hit, two critical fumbles, and a miss. Brogg does 10. Andicorn really wishes he could take two critical fumbles on Brogg.
Well, looking at the posts, we've got everyone's three rounds exactly. Marivhon missing for three rounds, and Dave hitting in three consecutive rounds, totally fucking up Andicorn's world... but he ain't down yet! Mike the zombie gets in one shot for 4. Cinder then does 6 hp, and Andicorn looks like he's on his last leg... Marivhon, Andi takes out his hate on you for a round and horns you for 10, taking you down to -4 and dropping! Brogg's two attack round, one hit for 6 hp... Dave and Cinder, can you guys do 5 hp damage this round and finally wrap this up?