7.22.2006
King Tut
I think Dave healed me for like 8 hp. I think I'm in the positives. I take my halberd and try to cut off the caveman's other leg. I don't want to kill him (re-kill him?), I just want to immobilize him.
BR: 19 (snap bitch!)
I don't know how much damage halberds do. I rolled a 2 on a 10 sided and an 8 on a 12 sided.
By the way, we're not in a basement, and I don't see any blue plates, so wtf is Anax doing?
BR: 19 (snap bitch!)
I don't know how much damage halberds do. I rolled a 2 on a 10 sided and an 8 on a 12 sided.
By the way, we're not in a basement, and I don't see any blue plates, so wtf is Anax doing?
7.21.2006
Marivhon
I attack this affront to Lady Zelda
Hit ac 8 (how hard can it be to hit a legless caveman)
for 7 points of damage.
Hit ac 8 (how hard can it be to hit a legless caveman)
for 7 points of damage.
Schmektor:
OUCH!
"Bring it on Cave Biatch"
I thought Dave Fist of Odin healed Tut a round or two ago??? if not, well, it looks like Moth has TCB.
I'm not sure how the rounds have all worked out Rob. If the Demon split before my last rounds, you could apply the miss and the hit to cave-boy. If not, let me know and I'd happliy re-roll.
"Bring it on Cave Biatch"
I thought Dave Fist of Odin healed Tut a round or two ago??? if not, well, it looks like Moth has TCB.
I'm not sure how the rounds have all worked out Rob. If the Demon split before my last rounds, you could apply the miss and the hit to cave-boy. If not, let me know and I'd happliy re-roll.
Brogg:
I am feeling quiet.
I attack Captain Caveman. BR:19. That's 11 points.
Dave, Fist of Odin, healed KT.
I attack Captain Caveman. BR:19. That's 11 points.
Dave, Fist of Odin, healed KT.
Caveman Bandsaw Accident Is An Okay Band Name, Maybe Not The Best, Probably Like A St. Louis Indie Scene 2 Year Group
Anaxathoraxus is like, screw this, I'm outta here. He interdimensionally travels away to some other basement.
But have you seen the last of this terrible demon tailor tastemaker?
The caveman watches his creator teleport away with a small frown. "WHATEVER. TIME TO SMASH!" He's living the caveman cliche. Except for the whole 'leg sawed off with a bandsaw', which I bet no caveman in real life or in the comics ever had done! Who says there's no new ideas out there? God, that's actually pretty exciting if you think about it. Caveman power-tool-related industrial accidents, kids. You heard it here first. Damn that's hot.
Anyway, apparently it's time to smash Schmektor. Maybe it's the shiny gold key. You're smashed for 11 hp. Someone bandage Tut, will ya?
But have you seen the last of this terrible demon tailor tastemaker?
The caveman watches his creator teleport away with a small frown. "WHATEVER. TIME TO SMASH!" He's living the caveman cliche. Except for the whole 'leg sawed off with a bandsaw', which I bet no caveman in real life or in the comics ever had done! Who says there's no new ideas out there? God, that's actually pretty exciting if you think about it. Caveman power-tool-related industrial accidents, kids. You heard it here first. Damn that's hot.
Anyway, apparently it's time to smash Schmektor. Maybe it's the shiny gold key. You're smashed for 11 hp. Someone bandage Tut, will ya?
Moth
BR 4 for another attack on the demon. What happened, Blogroller? You used to be cool, man.
Next round BR 16, +2= 18 for AC 2! BR 2+1 for 3 damage. Hope the guy lasts long enough for that roll to take effect.
Next round BR 16, +2= 18 for AC 2! BR 2+1 for 3 damage. Hope the guy lasts long enough for that roll to take effect.
7.20.2006
King Tut
Anax? I think you misspelled ANAL
Cause you stink up the cave
Tut....T-U-T
Running this rave, making you my beat slave
Or is that BEATEN slave, cause you're dying
Your mama, son, dog, guinea pig are crying
A city destroyed by the Nile
Bred the basis
Put fear in your faces
Made me smile
Flexed awhile
Rose up centuries later
To teach you how to spell FLAVOR
Your beats litter the room
Like discarded confetti
Your words, methods, ideas, abilities? PETTY
Ocho dead...you got nueve or diez around?
Get naked and love my sound
Look, Anal, just turn and leave quick
Cause your name's longer than your dick
And the DiD crew about to get sick
On y0u
Now let me address the rest of your crew
Cause with you, I'm through...
Ocho? Oh you can't hear me
Cause you're body shattered already...
Caveman? You stepping up?
Son you just faced a bandsaw. A BANDSAW.
Metal
Is what you saw
Ripping your leg raw
I suggest you take a medical deduction
For your face
And your breath, like mace
This mic smells awful, I'm done.
Cause you stink up the cave
Tut....T-U-T
Running this rave, making you my beat slave
Or is that BEATEN slave, cause you're dying
Your mama, son, dog, guinea pig are crying
A city destroyed by the Nile
Bred the basis
Put fear in your faces
Made me smile
Flexed awhile
Rose up centuries later
To teach you how to spell FLAVOR
Your beats litter the room
Like discarded confetti
Your words, methods, ideas, abilities? PETTY
Ocho dead...you got nueve or diez around?
Get naked and love my sound
Look, Anal, just turn and leave quick
Cause your name's longer than your dick
And the DiD crew about to get sick
On y0u
Now let me address the rest of your crew
Cause with you, I'm through...
Ocho? Oh you can't hear me
Cause you're body shattered already...
Caveman? You stepping up?
Son you just faced a bandsaw. A BANDSAW.
Metal
Is what you saw
Ripping your leg raw
I suggest you take a medical deduction
For your face
And your breath, like mace
This mic smells awful, I'm done.
Marivhon 29 hp ac 3
made my save so I take 7 dave healed me for 2 and so I'm down 5.
I attack the Demon again.
hit Ac 0 and AC 5. For 10 hps and 14 hps.
I attack the Demon again.
hit Ac 0 and AC 5. For 10 hps and 14 hps.
Schmektor:
Uh yeah... after getting my souvenir skull, I also pick up the golden key that was around Ocho's neck. Once I reach the Demon I attack: 2, and 18. miss and a hit for 3 (2 +1).
"I come correct with my frosty-big cleaver
Last night I enjoyed your sister's warm beaver
Don't piss me off when I get mad lyrical
You want to bust my rhyme? now that would take a miracle"
"I may be new to the crew but we keep on rockin'
you tried to bring the rhyme but your skillz we are knockin'
You can try all day and night but you'll always be da punk
And now you'll lose the fight, and we'll take all your junk"
"Werrrrd"
"I come correct with my frosty-big cleaver
Last night I enjoyed your sister's warm beaver
Don't piss me off when I get mad lyrical
You want to bust my rhyme? now that would take a miracle"
"I may be new to the crew but we keep on rockin'
you tried to bring the rhyme but your skillz we are knockin'
You can try all day and night but you'll always be da punk
And now you'll lose the fight, and we'll take all your junk"
"Werrrrd"
Dave, Fist of Odin
Well, if nothing else, Moth's on the correct page.
That page is one of pain! Let's start by mitigating that - CLW on King Tut. BR 7, for 8hp back.
There you go, buddy! Allow me to suggest 'ranger' as a class, because they start with 2d8 at first level. I believe Rangers can be as crazy as the next fellow.
But that's only the first paragraph on the page - and for those playing along at home, the page is . . . well, let's just say the phrases 'paper cut' and 'lemon juice'. I'm not sure that really conveys the meaning as well as:
BR 16 hits, BR 5 for 8 damage. Paper cut? Lemon juice? No, Mr. Demon, Dr. Mace says ouches for you.
Eight ouches!
Then I bust a CLW on Marivhon - BR 1, for 2hp back. It's the thought, right?
That's three rounds - spell clobber spell. That's how we roll it, Fist of Odin style. Comments? Allow me to refer you to the following:
Noowwwwww . . . . .
I'm Dave, Fist of Odin and I come to represent
Sucker demon MCs all gotta repent
'Cuz the sins give no wins and no Norse favor-tism
I'm the Fist of Odin here and I bring Cataclysm
You might be all frontin' with you making a man
And O-o-o-ocho might have had a mad plan
But One Two Three and y'all gonna fall
Where's the undead? Where's his legs? Left out in the hall?
I gots a mad crew and we bring it to you
And I don't really know what you gonna do
Hell I don't know where we are - in the lobby? In the bar?
But when I jack you in the face it leaves more than a scar
Yeah, you charmed some guys. Yeah, you killed my bear.
Yeah, we took down your buddy and we don't even care
And let me tell you about round four
BR 17 and 6 for nine points more!
Peace out, Odin style.
That page is one of pain! Let's start by mitigating that - CLW on King Tut. BR 7, for 8hp back.
There you go, buddy! Allow me to suggest 'ranger' as a class, because they start with 2d8 at first level. I believe Rangers can be as crazy as the next fellow.
But that's only the first paragraph on the page - and for those playing along at home, the page is . . . well, let's just say the phrases 'paper cut' and 'lemon juice'. I'm not sure that really conveys the meaning as well as:
BR 16 hits, BR 5 for 8 damage. Paper cut? Lemon juice? No, Mr. Demon, Dr. Mace says ouches for you.
Eight ouches!
Then I bust a CLW on Marivhon - BR 1, for 2hp back. It's the thought, right?
That's three rounds - spell clobber spell. That's how we roll it, Fist of Odin style. Comments? Allow me to refer you to the following:
Noowwwwww . . . . .
I'm Dave, Fist of Odin and I come to represent
Sucker demon MCs all gotta repent
'Cuz the sins give no wins and no Norse favor-tism
I'm the Fist of Odin here and I bring Cataclysm
You might be all frontin' with you making a man
And O-o-o-ocho might have had a mad plan
But One Two Three and y'all gonna fall
Where's the undead? Where's his legs? Left out in the hall?
I gots a mad crew and we bring it to you
And I don't really know what you gonna do
Hell I don't know where we are - in the lobby? In the bar?
But when I jack you in the face it leaves more than a scar
Yeah, you charmed some guys. Yeah, you killed my bear.
Yeah, we took down your buddy and we don't even care
And let me tell you about round four
BR 17 and 6 for nine points more!
Peace out, Odin style.
He Really Likes That "TK Into The Ceiling" Manuever
Damage logged. The demon is beginning to get a bit weathered. The caveman's stump gushes.
HP check? Didn't we just do this like yesterday?
DFoO: 19/39
Brogg: 26/31
Tut: in the negatives, but since he don't got a class yet, he don't got any hp. Let's just say someone better bandage Tut before we get Tut 2.
Everyone else is full.
Alright Mar, the caveman is momentarily distracted by your acrobatic antics. The demon's having none of it though, and telekinesises you (Marivhon) into the ceiling. Save vs. Petrification for half of 13.
HP check? Didn't we just do this like yesterday?
DFoO: 19/39
Brogg: 26/31
Tut: in the negatives, but since he don't got a class yet, he don't got any hp. Let's just say someone better bandage Tut before we get Tut 2.
Everyone else is full.
Alright Mar, the caveman is momentarily distracted by your acrobatic antics. The demon's having none of it though, and telekinesises you (Marivhon) into the ceiling. Save vs. Petrification for half of 13.
Marivhon
for stylistic effect, say it was a musical or something better than a muscial, I'm not sure what that would be exactly, well the Buffy musical episode was realy good. In fact it's a fine example of the sort of staging I have in mind. Basically Thus.
I make a dex check to try and time my best hits of the round with the rapping. So as to add to the effect of the rhyme scheme using visual accompany(i)ment(how the fuck do you spell that).
BR 11 dex 17. using my NWP's Acrobatics, Cirque de Soleil, Le Parkour, and Yogi.
Cha check to sell the Scary fucking dude thing and the brutal sequence of attacks I hope will follow for me.
Cha Check is a 4 Cha is 10.
Get it? The Dutch invented Triple Sec too, not sure about bottles though.
I make a dex check to try and time my best hits of the round with the rapping. So as to add to the effect of the rhyme scheme using visual accompany(i)ment(how the fuck do you spell that).
BR 11 dex 17. using my NWP's Acrobatics, Cirque de Soleil, Le Parkour, and Yogi.
Cha check to sell the Scary fucking dude thing and the brutal sequence of attacks I hope will follow for me.
Cha Check is a 4 Cha is 10.
Get it? The Dutch invented Triple Sec too, not sure about bottles though.
Moth
BR 19 for my first save against the charm, so the enchantment is broken.
Moth busts out his lute and begins to play the opening strains of "Greensleeves"... then abruptly stops.
"Heh, fuck that shit..."
Moth busts out his lute and begins to play the opening strains of "Greensleeves"... then abruptly stops.
"Heh, fuck that shit..."
Yo Anax, man,
Don’t give a shit ‘bout your name,
Wish you’d shut your fuckin’ trap
And just play the damn game
Cuz’ I’m a slayer of demons
Balor to Arcanoloth,
When you get back to Hello,
The guy who sent ya was Moth
Yeah I broke out of your ‘chantment
Rolled 19 on the save,
Your ass might be from hell
But now it’s goin’ to the grave
And as for your buddy,
Yeah the guy I helped stitch,
You shoulda stayed in the ice,
‘stead of bein’ An’s bitch
BR 7+2= 9 for 6 damage against the demon if that hits. I seem to be stuck in italics...
7.19.2006
Dave, Fist of Odin
Clearing my throat, which turns into the start of a beat - it's actually a pretty sweet move, or at least a BR14-sweet move.
Then,
Fuck you demon bee-atch and your caveman catamite
You ryhmz stink worse than when I did j0-mamma last night
All you suckas gotta step off
(some, I guess, gotta die)
'Cuz I'm Dave, Fist of Odin and I rap the mike tight.
Make a save against your rap? You a drop-dead tool
I just rolled a fuckin' twelve and that MAKES it, fool
All y'all gotta step off
(I suppose some gotta die)
And what I'm'a gonna do? Take your ass on back to school.
So you made a little man, ain't that precious, ain't that nice
But when it comes to makin' checks - yo, I roll twennies on the dice
Now you wanna be gangstas
Gotta step off, gotta die
Hey - Anaxamothafucka, I beat you once, twice, THRICE.
What's that you say? It was four not three?
Well churn my butter and butt-fuck a bee!
You know what I'm thinking, my mace and me?
It's gonna be FIVE times to your head you re-
TARD I'm smacking you for a
one.
Fuck.
I stop the beat for a moment while the demon takes his shot. At least I didn't try to get away with rhyming 'what-nots' and 'rocks'. I mean, sure dude, you were just created, some crazy-ass motherfucker takes your legs off with a bandsaw,
With a bandsaw? That's just weird.
Anyway. If you're not feeling well enough to bust some rhymz out, Mr. Cave Man, maybe you shouldn't step up to where the big boyz are passing the mic around. You feel me?
Oh - wait - all you're probably feeling is the incredible agony of having your legs sawed off. Ha!
Hit point check? And I'll keep beat-boxin' if anyone else wants to grab the mic that I just dropped.
Then,
Fuck you demon bee-atch and your caveman catamite
You ryhmz stink worse than when I did j0-mamma last night
All you suckas gotta step off
(some, I guess, gotta die)
'Cuz I'm Dave, Fist of Odin and I rap the mike tight.
Make a save against your rap? You a drop-dead tool
I just rolled a fuckin' twelve and that MAKES it, fool
All y'all gotta step off
(I suppose some gotta die)
And what I'm'a gonna do? Take your ass on back to school.
So you made a little man, ain't that precious, ain't that nice
But when it comes to makin' checks - yo, I roll twennies on the dice
Now you wanna be gangstas
Gotta step off, gotta die
Hey - Anaxamothafucka, I beat you once, twice, THRICE.
What's that you say? It was four not three?
Well churn my butter and butt-fuck a bee!
You know what I'm thinking, my mace and me?
It's gonna be FIVE times to your head you re-
TARD I'm smacking you for a
one.
Fuck.
I stop the beat for a moment while the demon takes his shot. At least I didn't try to get away with rhyming 'what-nots' and 'rocks'. I mean, sure dude, you were just created, some crazy-ass motherfucker takes your legs off with a bandsaw,
With a bandsaw? That's just weird.
Anyway. If you're not feeling well enough to bust some rhymz out, Mr. Cave Man, maybe you shouldn't step up to where the big boyz are passing the mic around. You feel me?
Oh - wait - all you're probably feeling is the incredible agony of having your legs sawed off. Ha!
Hit point check? And I'll keep beat-boxin' if anyone else wants to grab the mic that I just dropped.
Marivhon
well, looks like OOcho is gone.
I just nod along to the rhymes and bump on over to attack the Demon MC.
BR to hit AC4 for 10 pts of damage.
I just nod along to the rhymes and bump on over to attack the Demon MC.
BR to hit AC4 for 10 pts of damage.
All That Just To Blogroll A 7
The demon has had enough. He presses 'Play'.
The name is Anax
Front to backs, thems the facts
Scorin points just like Klaxx
Dun know? I’ll send ya a fax
Word life
I’m hardcore rap’s new magician
The turn-it-on electrician
Demonic rhyme superstition
Getcha honeys in the money position
Simply P-I-M-P
The inter-D MC
From outta P-L-N-E
With psychic tele-kin-e
I rock unforgettable rhymes
From… thee olde skool times
Your lyrics are third level crimes
My beats epic level divines
Chillin up in this cave
Rhymes from cradle to grave
What? This foo’ is named Dave?
Power Word Raps is no save
Bounce
Anyway
I found a needle and thread
Some limbs, some teeth and a head
From a guy who was dead
Like Biggie Smalls eatin’ lead
With a charm spell or two
Word, I know what to do
Got me a monsta-boy crew
I’ll pass the mic a one-two
The Caveman takes the mic.
Let’s do a microphone check… this thing on? Let’s begin
Got a long story to… heck. The mic’s not on, not again.
So I just gotta yell, hell, hella stories to tell ya
I’m a goodfella from Pella, a Stoneage Antebella
Can we rewind the tape? We’re goin’ back a long way
When a man was an ape an big apes ruled the day
Crib chillin’ in a stone cave with my bitches and bros
Like Rumblefishin’ Matt Dillon, plus some stone age hos
None of yo fancy gps, your magic swords or what-nots
Just got a woolly mammoth Kangol and a fistful of rocks
I was like “Wilma! Let’s get the fuck outta town!”
Fuckin’ Land-o-Lost bitches know how to get down.
But and wouldn’t you know it, my mates, niggas, and sons,
My bitch-ass ho bitches all like “Nuh-uh boy, you done!
You done betta get us some mammoth or a big turkey leg
You steppin’ out? Then step up and bring back di-no egg.”
But I was like “Eggs? Bitch, I just got a fistful of rocks!
I don’t got a glaive-guisarme, shit, I dun e’en got socks!
To hell with these bitches!” And I one-two stepped away
And kept steppin’ like Gandhi all the way to Bombay.
To make a long story shorter, I stepped up to tha north
Threw a rock at a whitey and a big-ass stega-sorth
Finally fell through the cracks in the frozen white tundra
Where I froze without hos, without clothes like Allundra.
Now I wake up on a table and some dude saws my leg
I’m like “Yo bitch that ain’t cool!” All this for an egg?
So I’s breaks his machine, cause I’m mean and I mean it
Get my club on, my thug on, snap ya neck like a peanut.
That’s my story, it’s done, rolled init, gotta one
Time ta get gory, my son, Blogroll's legit just for fun
Got my eighth level thug on, gonna send you to heaven…
Blogrollin THAC-O, so hang on, uh... I Blogrolled a seven.
...
Dave FoO, make a save vs. spell. It turns out you actually do get a save, the demon's lyrics to the contrary. Brogg, since you're the only one there, the caveman swings and misses, but scores 200 xp for his sweet 'yell, hell, hella' rhyme.
The name is Anax
Front to backs, thems the facts
Scorin points just like Klaxx
Dun know? I’ll send ya a fax
Word life
I’m hardcore rap’s new magician
The turn-it-on electrician
Demonic rhyme superstition
Getcha honeys in the money position
Simply P-I-M-P
The inter-D MC
From outta P-L-N-E
With psychic tele-kin-e
I rock unforgettable rhymes
From… thee olde skool times
Your lyrics are third level crimes
My beats epic level divines
Chillin up in this cave
Rhymes from cradle to grave
What? This foo’ is named Dave?
Power Word Raps is no save
Bounce
Anyway
I found a needle and thread
Some limbs, some teeth and a head
From a guy who was dead
Like Biggie Smalls eatin’ lead
With a charm spell or two
Word, I know what to do
Got me a monsta-boy crew
I’ll pass the mic a one-two
The Caveman takes the mic.
Let’s do a microphone check… this thing on? Let’s begin
Got a long story to… heck. The mic’s not on, not again.
So I just gotta yell, hell, hella stories to tell ya
I’m a goodfella from Pella, a Stoneage Antebella
Can we rewind the tape? We’re goin’ back a long way
When a man was an ape an big apes ruled the day
Crib chillin’ in a stone cave with my bitches and bros
Like Rumblefishin’ Matt Dillon, plus some stone age hos
None of yo fancy gps, your magic swords or what-nots
Just got a woolly mammoth Kangol and a fistful of rocks
I was like “Wilma! Let’s get the fuck outta town!”
Fuckin’ Land-o-Lost bitches know how to get down.
But and wouldn’t you know it, my mates, niggas, and sons,
My bitch-ass ho bitches all like “Nuh-uh boy, you done!
You done betta get us some mammoth or a big turkey leg
You steppin’ out? Then step up and bring back di-no egg.”
But I was like “Eggs? Bitch, I just got a fistful of rocks!
I don’t got a glaive-guisarme, shit, I dun e’en got socks!
To hell with these bitches!” And I one-two stepped away
And kept steppin’ like Gandhi all the way to Bombay.
To make a long story shorter, I stepped up to tha north
Threw a rock at a whitey and a big-ass stega-sorth
Finally fell through the cracks in the frozen white tundra
Where I froze without hos, without clothes like Allundra.
Now I wake up on a table and some dude saws my leg
I’m like “Yo bitch that ain’t cool!” All this for an egg?
So I’s breaks his machine, cause I’m mean and I mean it
Get my club on, my thug on, snap ya neck like a peanut.
That’s my story, it’s done, rolled init, gotta one
Time ta get gory, my son, Blogroll's legit just for fun
Got my eighth level thug on, gonna send you to heaven…
Blogrollin THAC-O, so hang on, uh... I Blogrolled a seven.
...
Dave FoO, make a save vs. spell. It turns out you actually do get a save, the demon's lyrics to the contrary. Brogg, since you're the only one there, the caveman swings and misses, but scores 200 xp for his sweet 'yell, hell, hella' rhyme.
Brogg:
Saves, BRs:20,7.
Wha...what the fuck is on my hands?
Dude, Anaxathoraxus, you are going down! -G'bane style!
BR:2. Sonufabitch.
Alright, next round. BRs:5,19. I'll assume that's one hit for 10 points of damage! Take that, you freak!
Wha...what the fuck is on my hands?
Dude, Anaxathoraxus, you are going down! -G'bane style!
BR:2. Sonufabitch.
Alright, next round. BRs:5,19. I'll assume that's one hit for 10 points of damage! Take that, you freak!
Dave, Fist of Odin
You know, being the High Priest of Odin in these here parts has changed me. Matured me in unexpected ways. Perhaps I feel that with power comes responsibility, perhaps I'm just feeling the burden of my lofty position - but there's a certain wisdom that's been growing inside of me.
What I'm saying, is that even though this motherfucking shit-eating son of a three legged dog and a transvestite prostitute demon who's not fit enough to lick the balls of the guy who licks the balls of the guy who licks the three-legged-dog's balls - this demon, well, he'll have to wait another round for some clobbering, because first I cast Dispel magic on my friends.
That's right - instead of clobbering, I'm casting a spell that does NOT bring in a clobbering buddy. Weird, I know, but there it is.
THEN comes the clobber. BR 20! Hells yeah. Damage BR 2 - ah, well - for 10 points.
I take a hit off Marivhon's spliff while I do the clobbering, too.
So to reiterate - this is a complex post - first I cast dispel magic on Brogg and Moth. Then I clobber the demon for 10 hp while dragging off Marivhon's spliff.
What I'm saying, is that even though this motherfucking shit-eating son of a three legged dog and a transvestite prostitute demon who's not fit enough to lick the balls of the guy who licks the balls of the guy who licks the three-legged-dog's balls - this demon, well, he'll have to wait another round for some clobbering, because first I cast Dispel magic on my friends.
That's right - instead of clobbering, I'm casting a spell that does NOT bring in a clobbering buddy. Weird, I know, but there it is.
THEN comes the clobber. BR 20! Hells yeah. Damage BR 2 - ah, well - for 10 points.
I take a hit off Marivhon's spliff while I do the clobbering, too.
So to reiterate - this is a complex post - first I cast dispel magic on Brogg and Moth. Then I clobber the demon for 10 hp while dragging off Marivhon's spliff.
Schmektor:
I pick up the skeletal head of Lord Ocho and keep it as a souvenir. It will adorn my helmet on the next trip to the blacksmith. "Yeah that's right bitch. frosty cleaver, fingerless gloves, and a skull helmet over my mullet - a 'skullet'. Oh yeah... I am one bad ass muthafuckah. This is shit hot."
** Schmektor has a way of mumbling to himself... about himself **
I head over to fight the demon.
** Schmektor has a way of mumbling to himself... about himself **
I head over to fight the demon.
King Tut
4d6: 15
4d6: 20
Total of 35 pts. I don't know if I have 11 hp (!). If I'm still alive, I'll leave the legless caveman alone and throw a torch at the two charmed party members..."Snap out of it you useless charmed bitches!"
4d6: 20
Total of 35 pts. I don't know if I have 11 hp (!). If I'm still alive, I'll leave the legless caveman alone and throw a torch at the two charmed party members..."Snap out of it you useless charmed bitches!"
It's Like A Magic Trick Gone Horribly Wrong
Tut, my apologies, it looks like we posted at exactly the same time (or really, you posted while I was composing my own post), hence I missed your rolls. Taking those hot blogrolls into account, you manuever the bandsaw right into the Caveman. He yelps in pain and surprise and spends two rounds battering the bandsaw into pieces. In the meantime, though, you manage to saw off his right leg. Roll 4d6 twice (two rounds of damage). Then, the Caveman swings his club at you for 11 hp. That'll net Moth and Brogg another save vs charm also.
Schmektor, great job, you finally defeat the bitter Lord Ocho! His skeletal remains clatter to the ground.
Marivhon? Yeaaaahh.
Schmektor, great job, you finally defeat the bitter Lord Ocho! His skeletal remains clatter to the ground.
Marivhon? Yeaaaahh.
Schmektor:
Next two rounds: BR 14 and a BR 18 (hits AC 4 and 0 respectively). If they hit, 7 (6 +1) and 8 (7 +1) points of damage.
I would talk some sh-sh-sh-sh-shit but I am certain with Ocho turning towards me... that one of you will be buh-buh-buh-buh-bandaging my sorry ass.
I would talk some sh-sh-sh-sh-shit but I am certain with Ocho turning towards me... that one of you will be buh-buh-buh-buh-bandaging my sorry ass.
Marivhon
alright, I roll again to attack. I make a dex check to roll up some of gregolas' "special" pipe tobacco using all my mad skillz. Dex check, nice a 2 that looks like a very nice spliff. I guess I'll have to wait till next round to get it lit and take a toke but in the mean time I try to kick Ocho really hard. I hit ac 10, which prolly doesn't cut the mustard but my joint is rolled.
Next round I'll attack Ocho twice, and dex check to get my spliff lit.
Dex check hrm made by 2, it will get a little hairy there. After I light it I attack with my Halberd.
Well it's really hard to see if I hit or miss there cause I exhale a lot of smoke, so we'll just say that I showed him how to roll and smoke a joint in combat and leave it at that.
This isn't going so well so I'm glad Marivhon is getting lit.
Next round I'll attack Ocho twice, and dex check to get my spliff lit.
Dex check hrm made by 2, it will get a little hairy there. After I light it I attack with my Halberd.
Well it's really hard to see if I hit or miss there cause I exhale a lot of smoke, so we'll just say that I showed him how to roll and smoke a joint in combat and leave it at that.
This isn't going so well so I'm glad Marivhon is getting lit.
King Tut
I threw dice all over the place! I rolled at 18 to hit, I made cha checks, I made str checks, I made dex checks. I'm just waiting for something to happen! I don't know how many more checks or to hit rolls I need to make to see some kind of result.
Somebody needs to deal with an F'ing bandsaw that rolled an 18 and passed a str and dex check. My targets are caveman, tailor, and ocho, depending on who I can hit.
I feel like an invisible man here.
I'm about to bandsaw myself and roll a new character just so something happens.
Somebody needs to deal with an F'ing bandsaw that rolled an 18 and passed a str and dex check. My targets are caveman, tailor, and ocho, depending on who I can hit.
I feel like an invisible man here.
I'm about to bandsaw myself and roll a new character just so something happens.
7.18.2006
A Hearty Laugh
Okay Brogg, you artfully convince Tut to take his bandsaw elsewhere. The Caveman monster works to free himself from the straps, while Ocho squares off against Schmek and Mar, and Anaxathoraxus gets ready to stomp Dave FoO some more. Hmm, as for breaking the charm... Moth and Brogg, both roll new saves.
Tut, just so you know that if you ain't rollin dice, you ain't makin actions. Ocho laughs at your empty words.
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
Tut, just so you know that if you ain't rollin dice, you ain't makin actions. Ocho laughs at your empty words.
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
Brogg:
Yay, Caveman!
My Cha check is a 1. I am fucking slick.
Hey, that Demon just stomped on Dave, Fist of Odin! Now, that's not charming.
Does that free me? I mean, that's some fucking cold stuff, Anaxathoraxus. Dave, Fist of Odin and I are tight.
My Cha check is a 1. I am fucking slick.
Hey, that Demon just stomped on Dave, Fist of Odin! Now, that's not charming.
Does that free me? I mean, that's some fucking cold stuff, Anaxathoraxus. Dave, Fist of Odin and I are tight.
King Tut
"Whoa, Ocho just lost his lisp/stutter and started speaking Olde English style. En garde you undead froot loop."
Lord Ocho: No Mas Esta El Gato!
Lord Ocho just spears the bobcat and gets it over with. Turns to Schmektor to spear that one too next round. Prepare thyself, Schmek.
Marivhon
cool I attack ocho again, twice.
Sweet. Miss, miss. I know you are thinking don't forget the +1, well I didn't.
"Hey Brogg how about you quit fucking around and come do your gaddamn senses!"
Sweet. Miss, miss. I know you are thinking don't forget the +1, well I didn't.
"Hey Brogg how about you quit fucking around and come do your gaddamn senses!"
The Caveman Cometh (In Courier)
Dave FoO, okay, so the demon actually did cast Charm Person on the two dudes over there. So a Dispel might be effective. And your Hold Person is ineffective, as the Caveman isn't a person! He's a horrible monster stitched together by a demon and two half-breed adventurers!
"YEAAARRGGH!!" he yells as he prepares to smack the hell out of a bandsaw-wielding 1st level ??.
Round after, you Cure Serious on Mar. There ya go. But the demon stomps the hell out of your left foot for 8 more hp.
"YEAAARRGGH!!" he yells as he prepares to smack the hell out of a bandsaw-wielding 1st level ??.
Round after, you Cure Serious on Mar. There ya go. But the demon stomps the hell out of your left foot for 8 more hp.
King Tut
GG on that Cha check eh?
BR: 18, F'ing master of industrial machinery. I wheel that shizznit all over the place and generally freak out on people.
I want to wedge the tailor and the caveman against the wall with the bandsaw if I can.
Str and Dex check:
Str:5 (made by 5)
Dex:8 (made by 3)(I"m a dextrous MF'er).
This is getting out of hand so it's time to peace some people out via shop class machinery. "HOW U LIKE MY BUH BUH BUH BANDSAW?"
BR: 18, F'ing master of industrial machinery. I wheel that shizznit all over the place and generally freak out on people.
I want to wedge the tailor and the caveman against the wall with the bandsaw if I can.
Str and Dex check:
Str:5 (made by 5)
Dex:8 (made by 3)(I"m a dextrous MF'er).
This is getting out of hand so it's time to peace some people out via shop class machinery. "HOW U LIKE MY BUH BUH BUH BANDSAW?"
Dave, Fist of Odin
A caveman? A caveMAN? Fuck. I know what to do about that shit.
Oh. P-lyze save 12, makes it. I take 7.
I cast 'Hold Person' on the caveman. Then I drink an x-heal potion, for 13hp back.
How's O-o-o-... fuck it. How's that guy coming?
I'd dispel on Brogg and Moth, but I suspect that there's psionics, not magic, and so there would be no effect. Yes? Or are we playing that dispel magic does the deed here? I mean, I didn't see any casting, I just saw the demon put two fingers to his temple, and then -BAM- he's got some help making a Caveman.
Next round - hitpoint check? No, fuck it. Marivhon's hurt; I'll bust my Cure Serious on him. That's 4d8, right? BR says 16, +1 for the ring so 17hp back. If it's 3d8, BR says 14 +1 for 15 hp back.
Anyone else wounded? Anyone else want a piece of Dave, Fist of Odin? If the answers to those questions are both 'no thank you', I'll smack the demon again - BR 12, which hits AC 3, for (BR 6) 9 more points of clobbering.
That's my next three rounds, unless someone gets tanked before round 3.
'Hey demonic monster-making motherfucker - what's your name, buddy? Are you a soccer fan? Yes? Well, I call this move the 'penalty kick'. First you grab your nads, then I hit you in the face with my mace. Get it?'
Oh. P-lyze save 12, makes it. I take 7.
I cast 'Hold Person' on the caveman. Then I drink an x-heal potion, for 13hp back.
How's O-o-o-... fuck it. How's that guy coming?
I'd dispel on Brogg and Moth, but I suspect that there's psionics, not magic, and so there would be no effect. Yes? Or are we playing that dispel magic does the deed here? I mean, I didn't see any casting, I just saw the demon put two fingers to his temple, and then -BAM- he's got some help making a Caveman.
Next round - hitpoint check? No, fuck it. Marivhon's hurt; I'll bust my Cure Serious on him. That's 4d8, right? BR says 16, +1 for the ring so 17hp back. If it's 3d8, BR says 14 +1 for 15 hp back.
Anyone else wounded? Anyone else want a piece of Dave, Fist of Odin? If the answers to those questions are both 'no thank you', I'll smack the demon again - BR 12, which hits AC 3, for (BR 6) 9 more points of clobbering.
That's my next three rounds, unless someone gets tanked before round 3.
'Hey demonic monster-making motherfucker - what's your name, buddy? Are you a soccer fan? Yes? Well, I call this move the 'penalty kick'. First you grab your nads, then I hit you in the face with my mace. Get it?'
Great Job On That Caveman, Guys
Tut, the bandsaw is a giant saw that goes up and down on a massive metal table. The kind of thing you might have used in shop class, except this one is for sawing off limbs.
As you wheel it over to the monster table, the monster suddenly sits upright! Moth and Brogg high-five. The monster is a caveman!
Tut, roll to hit the caveman. The caveman grabs an extra limb to fend you off and flail at your head. You have partial cover from the bandsaw, but then again, you're non-proficient in industrial machinery, so roll and we'll see what happens.
Guys, you now have three tough opponents left. Go for it.
As you wheel it over to the monster table, the monster suddenly sits upright! Moth and Brogg high-five. The monster is a caveman!
Tut, roll to hit the caveman. The caveman grabs an extra limb to fend you off and flail at your head. You have partial cover from the bandsaw, but then again, you're non-proficient in industrial machinery, so roll and we'll see what happens.
Guys, you now have three tough opponents left. Go for it.
King Tut
Cha check: 2 (made by 6).
This bandsaw is pissing me off. Someone's going to get f'ed up. Hope you have healing potions. I'm going to slash up the undead body and then go for the tailor's face. "Fah Fah Fah Q ocho and your tailor buddy. You should have stayed in Korea and kept eating dogs." I didn't know band saws had engines anyway, I thought they were normal saws.
To the PCs: "Why don't we just get out of here and cave the whole place in? O-O-Ocho and his buddy can get sq-sq-squished."
This bandsaw is pissing me off. Someone's going to get f'ed up. Hope you have healing potions. I'm going to slash up the undead body and then go for the tailor's face. "Fah Fah Fah Q ocho and your tailor buddy. You should have stayed in Korea and kept eating dogs." I didn't know band saws had engines anyway, I thought they were normal saws.
To the PCs: "Why don't we just get out of here and cave the whole place in? O-O-Ocho and his buddy can get sq-sq-squished."
Moth
CHA check 18, as failed as failed can be!
"Whoa, Tut, man, quit messin' with our monster! Brogg and I have been working really hard on this thing."
"Whoa, Tut, man, quit messin' with our monster! Brogg and I have been working really hard on this thing."
I Pity The FoO
Okay, the bear and Schmek do a bit more. Ocho laughs "Ha ha ha hah hah! Your edged weap- edged weap- edged weap- Ah screw it." Ocho kills the bear. The bobcat rushes up but can't seem to get a paw in.
Tut, to get to the monster, you gotta get past Moth and Brogg. Make an opposed CHA check, i.e., all three of you roll CHA. Tut, in the meantime, it takes a full round to get the bandsaw up and running.
Dave FoO, the demon's had about enough of you. He Telekinesises you into the ceiling and then drops you to the floor. Make a Save vs. Petrification, you take 14 hp, save for half. When you land, he steps on over and prepares to stomp the hell out of your FoOt.
Tut, to get to the monster, you gotta get past Moth and Brogg. Make an opposed CHA check, i.e., all three of you roll CHA. Tut, in the meantime, it takes a full round to get the bandsaw up and running.
Dave FoO, the demon's had about enough of you. He Telekinesises you into the ceiling and then drops you to the floor. Make a Save vs. Petrification, you take 14 hp, save for half. When you land, he steps on over and prepares to stomp the hell out of your FoOt.
7.17.2006
Marivhon
fuck it, I run up and attack Ocho.
"I hope this works..."
doh, it doesn't work. a miss.
"hi Ocho r--rr--remember me?"
"I hope this works..."
doh, it doesn't work. a miss.
"hi Ocho r--rr--remember me?"
Schmektor:
Two more swings on the studdering stud muffin. This round miss (8) and next round - assuming he doesn't send me under- is a HIT!!! El Smacko de Ocho (18) for 6 points (5 +1).
sweet.
sweet.
King Tut
Since I can't seem to hit anything else, I'll peace out the body that they are working on. Big random saw ftw.
Dave, Fist of Odin
IQ check 4 - makes it.
WS check 15 - makes it.
BR 15 - makes it. BR 5 for 8 more points of beat-down damage. That demon's AC drops by one, too.
Next round I bring in a bobcat, to back Dr. Bear up against O-ch-ch-ch-o. Then we'll see where we all stand.
WS check 15 - makes it.
BR 15 - makes it. BR 5 for 8 more points of beat-down damage. That demon's AC drops by one, too.
Next round I bring in a bobcat, to back Dr. Bear up against O-ch-ch-ch-o. Then we'll see where we all stand.
Psionics Time
Okay Marivhon, you get the Aid. You, the bear, and Schmektor are still fighting Ocho. The bear does some damage but looks pretty bad. You miss. Schmek, you probably have a couple rounds to make up.
Tut, no the PCs aren't hurting themselves. It looks like the monster's pretty close to completion, at least physically, hard to say in terms of organs, feelings, etc. You miss.
Dave FoO, you step on up to the demon and smack him one good. The demon uses his psionics on you, make an IQ check and a WI check.
Tut, no the PCs aren't hurting themselves. It looks like the monster's pretty close to completion, at least physically, hard to say in terms of organs, feelings, etc. You miss.
Dave FoO, you step on up to the demon and smack him one good. The demon uses his psionics on you, make an IQ check and a WI check.
Brogg:
Hey K. Tut, Lay off Anaxathoraxus. We've got two more of these guys after this one.
Yeah, thanks, Moth. Hey, if you can prime that pump, I think we can get this chest finished real quick.
Yeah, thanks, Moth. Hey, if you can prime that pump, I think we can get this chest finished real quick.
King Tut
I'll go after the undead tailor, or whomever appears to be charming the PCs. I hate charm spells.
IQ check 3 (made by 8 or so) to figure out who's doing the charming.
BR: 10 (not sure what that hits) to try and hit him with the band saw.
What are the chamed PCs doing? Making another undead enemy, or injuring themselves? If they are making another enemy, how close are they to be being done? How do you break charm spells, by attacking the charming person?
IQ check 3 (made by 8 or so) to figure out who's doing the charming.
BR: 10 (not sure what that hits) to try and hit him with the band saw.
What are the chamed PCs doing? Making another undead enemy, or injuring themselves? If they are making another enemy, how close are they to be being done? How do you break charm spells, by attacking the charming person?
Marivhon
7/26 hp seems clear to me. I shall put it this way i guess. I am DOWN 19. Ocho does about 10 a hit. Now with my aid I can die if he attacks me then the spell wears off. I throw another femur, there's a lot of them around right?
I miss.
I miss.
Dave, Fist of Odin:
Ocho's a stroke, I figure, and other folks - like, say, an angry ton of bear - can handle.
The bear chart isn't posted, so I dunno which bear I get. Let's say a grizzly? They're pretty crazy.
And I really kinda wanted to know how many hp people are DOWN, so (for example) I know if I should bust an Aid, or a Cure Serious on Marivhon.
What the hell - Marivhon gets an Aid, for (BR 6) 8 hp, and that big +1 from the blessing of Odin.
Hee-wack!
Then I go up to the demon and smack his shit around. BR 20! Woo-hoo! BR 4, for 14 points of damage!
Rob - you've been rolling for the bear so far, and I'm cool keepin' on keepin' on, but if it's too much bookkeeping let me know and I'll roll that bitch around.
The bear chart isn't posted, so I dunno which bear I get. Let's say a grizzly? They're pretty crazy.
And I really kinda wanted to know how many hp people are DOWN, so (for example) I know if I should bust an Aid, or a Cure Serious on Marivhon.
What the hell - Marivhon gets an Aid, for (BR 6) 8 hp, and that big +1 from the blessing of Odin.
Hee-wack!
Then I go up to the demon and smack his shit around. BR 20! Woo-hoo! BR 4, for 14 points of damage!
Rob - you've been rolling for the bear so far, and I'm cool keepin' on keepin' on, but if it's too much bookkeeping let me know and I'll roll that bitch around.
7.16.2006
Moth
BR 6+2= 8 for a save.
"Yeah, Brogg, I think that's the spleen, actually. Let me give you a hand with that..."
"Yeah, Brogg, I think that's the spleen, actually. Let me give you a hand with that..."
Marivhon
I sit down and watch from my hidden vantage point.
Wis check hrm 16. Is there anything in this golden Jug I found on the floor? If so I smell it, look at it and drink some of it.
So....I throw a bone at Ocho. Hit ac 2 (ac 6 for non-prof) for however much damage a thrown femur does. I like having a 17 dex for throwing things.
Wis check hrm 16. Is there anything in this golden Jug I found on the floor? If so I smell it, look at it and drink some of it.
So....I throw a bone at Ocho. Hit ac 2 (ac 6 for non-prof) for however much damage a thrown femur does. I like having a 17 dex for throwing things.
Bearly Legal
Tut, it's not clear who you're attacking. Moth, it's pretty clear that Brogg is charmed, as he's normally a get-to-it kind of guy, but there he is helping out the demon tailor.
Moth, since you're attacking the demon, you get a Charm also, after you swing and miss. +2 to your save for being in combat.
Dave FoO, it should now be obvious re: hp, and when you summon a bear? It's under your control and comes in swinging that round, so please go ahead and roll CCB in the future yourself. I've been doing it but you can do it if you prefer. Anyway, the bear steps up to Ocho, gets the bite in, and gets an Ocho Glaive in return.
Ocho's still standing.
Moth, since you're attacking the demon, you get a Charm also, after you swing and miss. +2 to your save for being in combat.
Dave FoO, it should now be obvious re: hp, and when you summon a bear? It's under your control and comes in swinging that round, so please go ahead and roll CCB in the future yourself. I've been doing it but you can do it if you prefer. Anyway, the bear steps up to Ocho, gets the bite in, and gets an Ocho Glaive in return.
Ocho's still standing.
