I believe the ball is in your court, as it were, Rob. If you want to make it all over, as it were. Heh. As you were.
CCC: A Brief Aside
Thak, the gear is still there. House Erzsta has some class- they're not gonna loot your kills. We'll deal with that once this is all over, which could be by the weekend...
dancing lights work their magic on the gnome as he finishes that fine ditty up.
Again, I nod at that little master flash as he finishes. Hey Rob the drow didn't try to run off with KA and Orc Bucky's stuff/bodies did they? I assume we have some bodies on the stage for some propage as the gnome spits his shit.
Anywho, dancning lights kickin it for the gnome. I will even spell out stuff for the crowd like "up with the gnome, down with rome" etc. Anything you wantlittle guy just assume you have it and tell rob.
Yo it must be New Years! Pop tha Champagne!
Cuz just like Dick Clark, JR’s back at it a’gain!
His suit is like new but his rhymes are tha same
As lame and as plain as they were last campaign!
It’s like riding a train, from Bangkok to Spain
An’ once you arrive, Pedro serves up chow mein!
But you needn’t remain under John's mundane reign
Cuz I’m makin’ like Cain an’ droppin’ him like Hussein!
Karate chop all the sloppy wop crop that I drop!?
Yo Romeo, mop up that slop after I close up this shop!
Cuz yo best is just a stop on my way to tha top
An’ yo crown just a prop to cover your freaky-ass mop!
An yo rhymes don’t hypnotize, mesmerize or surprise me
They jus’ decry, imply, an’ summarize tha demise of thee!
Cuz as much as you, try, revise, improvise, disguise or plea
Tha prize is for guys on the rise an that guyz is me!
So Romeo, might I suggest you take a much needed rest?
An bequest tha Trip C crown, before I divest
An yo JR, please don't put this request to the test
Lest I do more than molest in this lyrical contest!
Oh Damn! TK's gots more skillz than the bank has got bills
An' his rhymes made more kills than the hills have got stills
So Johnny, take some pills or start writin' yo wills
Cuz you lookin' a bit illz, and like the Artic I chillz
An' so now, let me ask my holmes in tha dome
If ya down wit my poems, let me hear a Shalom!
Cuz while JR built a house, TK made it home
An' tha rise of the Gnome starts wit tha fall of J Rome!
Here's Round 3.
dig this trio
sangria and gambas
girls shake that ass
you know how we do
on a new frontier
competiton stand clear
Cause I'm goin uh uh uh uh uh uh up
Girls you there?
Be aware that this beat
Can shatter your rear
Had to beat down
from the land of clean sound
Peeps you there?
Versace on my clothes
I got too many, too many hoes
My album sales goin uh uh uh uh uh uh up
John Blow-me-oh, if you feel a twitch in the nerve
It's just the KT swerve
unconscious like Spock's pinch
Microeconomical, saving money like Grinch
I'm seein planetary vibes
Aliens visit just to peep my rides
My Lex is outside, plus I got a six-four
But my Benz is wrapped up around a telephone pole.
Before you walk
I'll have to teach you how to crawl
Blow-me-oh rhymes without a cock
but KT's got balls.
When's a good MC gonna step
uh uh uh uh uh uh uh up?
Well two to the four to the six
J Rome’s into chix with dix
With that face, he pays for trix
but KT just keeps dropping hits.
It's that time of year
KT decorates his tree with album of the year
Police at my door
Feds on my phone
makin too much money with my microphone
Income and capital gains
Lucky they don't tax me on the ass I meet
Out of the grind, out of the rain
Better head on down to Fascination Street
Cuz KT got the Cure
Go on, brush your shoulders off
you got a loud mouth but I know the type
flex and front
but couldn't squish a grape in a food fight
Do you want more?
K I N to the Gizzle
T U to the Tizzle
Only he can win the CCC
There’s a piece of each MC I slay
in every song that I song
When I drop my beats
An avalanche of praise comes along.
And, um, J Rome?
Like ET bitch, you better phone home
Cause your words are grimy
And mine gleam like chrome
I pop MCs like Jay Z pops Cris
Tal, that’s right, Cristal
You know the bigger they are the harder they fall
That means, if I ever fall, I’ll go BANG
Cause I’ve like about a sixty pound wang
J Rome, you’re out of the frying pan and into the blender
The only way you’ll survive is if you surrender
I got militant thoughts in my militant mind
Millions in the pockets and I’m still in the grind
Check that—I got a rhythmic mind with rhythmic thoughts
Hatching diabolical dreams and maniacal plots
Your head’s dented like your car
Face is busted like your bitches, your skills won’t get you far
Walk with me, with quickness
As I spit this
Means dinner to a Korean
KT, with an eagle eye be seein’
Golf balls, lost in the rough
Top Flight! Caw!
My beats will rub the lyrically unskilled brain raw
'Ok, I see said the blind man
To his deaf son,
As he picked up his hammer and saw.
Can you follow that?
Can the words pierce your cranial fat?
You’re comprehensionally challenged
And I’m La Bamba like Ritchie Valens
Should I go on, shall I continue?
Cause the best your posse can do is fling it’s own poo
Like a monkey, ape or chimp,
So I’m tryin to keep the lyrics simp-le
While I pop you and your crew like a pimple.
When I met your woman, she said ‘What’s your handle?’
I said Heywood Jablomie, and got into her like a vandal.
Next time you take the mic J Rome, buy some Crest
Cause after you’re done, this mic don’t smell the best.
So, other MCs can get hit by a bus
Cause all your CCC are belong to us
I don't give a sh*t what you started
I'ma finish this cause the mic smells like you farted.
Scotty beam me uh uh uh uh uh uh up"
CCC: Final Battle!
The beat cuts out and the stage goes dark. Then, a single spotlight shines down...
The King himself finally emerges from behind a curtain. Four thugs in all gold tuxedos carry out a large throne on a platform on their shoulders. On the side, four hot bitches with palm leaf fans cool off the King, and another fine lady in Chorus Line-styled tuxedo hotpants helps the King down off the throne, leading him to the middle of the stage.
The King is dressed simply in a silver Armani suit. Hanging from his neck is a medallion that reads "JR". You guys are close enough that you can tell that, long ago, this guy must've suffered massive head wounds, as his face is kind of fucked up and there's actually a dent in his head, like in his skull.
Hasn't kept him off stage though. A little bit of scratching introduces him...
"John R... John R... K-K-K-King John Romeo, the maestro, the king and grand poobah of the Cold Cut Collective..."
An unbelieveably fresh beat thumps out of the speakers.
The tuxedo lady hands John Romeo a cellphone and a microphone, and he begins his retort:
Well welcome y’all, I’m the belle of the ball!J Rome is… hold on yo, I just got a call…Huh, it’s your girlfriend on my cellpho’ and she’s down at the mallShe’ll see you tomorr’ morning after she and I ball.
John Romeo snaps his T Mobile shut.Check it out.I been hearin a lot of J Rome imitators:Instigators, naysayers, and a whole lotta haters-Your Dr. Seuss rhymes suck as bad as the Raiders!While I’ve got all the Gs and fat grills and some gators.And a beatbox? Oh really? Who does that anymore?This is 2-jiggy-7, not 1984!I bring beats from The Streets that Mike Skinner adore;Timbaland and The Neptunes ring me up for the score.My samples outrageous, contagious, courageous,Every DJ gets BJs who mixes and plays this-A style so wild that arch-druids call me ‘magus’-It’s wanton and wicked and takes all yer wages.The hip-hop that I drop is tip-top from the shop!Oh stop! Call the cops! I shoot straight to the top!Karate chop all the sloppy wop crop that you drop!I won’t stop cause I got the doo-wop that goes pop!Thee ladies beseech me to teach and impeach thee.I’m the original rapper who commenced CCC, see?Ain’t no thing to be King who’s butt-Tut’s element’ry…And a gnome? I’m J Rome! I rock the Twilos sediment’ry!Because…My rhymes hypnotize you, mesmerize and surprise youRealize you don’t know I supersized all the fries youFuckin’ ate off my plate you mother fucking ingrate youDo what I do cause you ne fais pas le parlez-vous! True!I realign and assign you, I fine right behind youI’m disinclined to consign my benign rhymes oh so newI declined you, Sinn Feined you, opined you on The ViewRhymes enshrined and entwined and unmined through and throughWhen I’m perpatratin’ a rhyme, I’m penetratin your mind-I make her feel divine uh like an old French wine.Cause I rock like the Jigga, DMC, and White Lines,An I’m rollin on E and for free cause I shine.Word.
John Romeo casually checks to see who’s beeping him.Your rhymes are clichéd and got played because they’dRather not be made by some guys who got gayed.Yo, J Romes words are like suade sway’d away in a glade!I got paid, I got laid… cuz J Rome got it made.
Yo, this is how I roll...
Oh shit, it's round three!And I'm rocking trip C professionallyAn' King Greathelm? -Did he flee?Cause my skills so fresh he'll be on his kneesThey call him "The Greatest"?Hell, I'm fantastic!I'm paid so much, I only carry plasticVisa, Masta, Discova, whateverTha receipt becomes tender when I autograph itI'm a lover, and a fighterAn' on tha stage, yo I'm a providerOf rhymes, to move behindsMy words so fast, cops be writin' finesAn so Greathelm, or LatehelmYou best come on outCuz TK is sowing, some serious doubtIn tha minds, of these trip C folkI've rocked em three times and you've plain choked...Oh, who's gonna be, the Trip C King?If ya fo King Koppel, let me hear you scream!Yeah, Yeah, Yeah...
"Check, check...Yes yes once again it's me,the lyrically angelic,the K to the T.Everybody, even the kids know meCause I've been exploding mics since I was threeStacking cheese by the hundreds of grandsEven at that age I wore lil' Timberlands.Now like I said you know it's meNo secrets at all, I'm the K to the TThe freshest and the cleanestThe leanest and meanestMaking other MCs suck a...haBefore Lucretta and the other bitches flee,Who this new MC be?"
CCC: Enter The Tot
KT, one of the sound check gnomes says:
"Shit. You're going up against THE GREATEST. That's all I know. All you need to know I guess. You'll call out, he'll respond, and you'll get your rebuttal. Hope you can shut him up. Good luck there King Tot!"
Who is our final opposition? I just need a name. Or I'm going to keep waiting until they post. Or I could use King Greyhelm, or whoever the guy is.
(beat box lead in)it's just how we roll, don't matter how you bring it
step up with fists or your rhymes made of shit
come one and come all for your castigation
step right on up and we'll whoop dat ass son
Don't say we didn't warn you of an impending beat down
These punk ass bitches dis'd us all around town
Now each one of you can see, with eyes all your own
we's left all alone defocatin' on yo microphone
(beat box lead out)
"it's just how we rolllllllllllllllllllll"
In Chris Rock fashion, I hold the mic out at arms length... then drop it.
CCC Fight: Round 4... Enough!
So you know, Roo Grotto is an impressive AC:4. Orc Buchanan has a less impressive AC:7.
Nice Tut, you cure Az back up to 5 hp.
Holy cripes Dag, you break Orc Buchanan's arm in round 3, and crush his skull in round 4. Thak draws some of Roo's blood in Round 4 also...
You all circle around, weapons drawn on the Asian. You're about to finish this off, when a shout resonantes throughout Bloodkeep... "Enough!" The record skips and scratches, and all goes silent.
Coming down the aisle are a host of guards... some Drow and some orcs from House Erzsta. About ten guys- er, some ladies too- marching towards you. At the lead is a young elf, who says "Enough of this nonsense. Leucrotta, desist. Return to the House complex. At ease, you rabble, lest we strike you all down."
To Roo Grotto, or Leucrotta, or whoever this joker is: "The contract is over. Go home and await further orders."
To you: "You needn't worry about more attempts on your life- at least not from him. Carry on."
The host takes Grotto back away, unless you want to stir shit up. If you do, go ahead and keep blogrollin. These guys have metal arms and armor, and are part of one of the controlling Houses of Twilos Lowcity, so, you know. You know. I know you know.
Anyway, assuming you all part company all cool, the backbeat track returns. All eyes on you. Commence the final round of the Cold Cut Collective. Whatever you've been holding back, better drop it like it's hot.
Round 3: I attack one of the assassins that just tag-teamed and knocked out Azoth.
BR20 for 12(BR5 +1 x2) and BR18 for 3 (BR2 +1).
I smack on Buchanan BR 7 - miss and BR 20 for 12 (BR5 +1 x2) - yes... again.
"That ain't right man... kickin a man in the jimmy... just not cool"
ROb - can I get a hitpoint count and a role call? I am curious to know who is left standing.
round 4 is more of the same. I stay on Roo, defering to him to make sure I stay on him.
Longsword 19 and a well nevermind. I do 4 points of damage. Unless Roo is ac 7 in which case I do an heh, additional 2.
Round 5. Miss with the longsword and a fumble with the flail. This has been a fight worth waiting for, for me.
In round 4 I'll cure the person that just dropped for BR: 90. Wait, that's 8 d20. Make that BR:7.
Wow, that's some fucking amazing cleric teamwork. Okay, in one round, Dag and KT bounce down and bounce back up.
The crowd goes wild. The intermission DJ starts playing that Detroit track that goes
"BouncebouncebouncebounceIn the clubAnd in the streetYou hear me bouncinYou hear me bouncin that beat
If you listen to WJLB "Strong Songs" you know exactly what I'm talkin about.
Tut hits up King Arthur, who's looking bad.
Thak I assume stays on Roo and hits him up good.
The three remaining assassins go for the clerics. They tag team Az for 15. Az, now YOU'RE down to -2 and dropping.
Okay Theo, you drop KA. That leaves two assassins. Roo cures hisself again. Buchanan kicks Theo in the nuts for 3. Both assassins are now full.
Your go, heroes. The crowd is loving it. You see a silhouette behind the curtain watching the battle... could that be the mysterious King Greathelm, the sponsor of the Cold Cut Collective?
2 arrows for King Arthur. BR 10 hits AC 8 for 4 pts, BR 8 hits AC 10 for 3 pts. I'm guessing these are probably both misses.
Nice, I will take my round 3 attacks. I begin the round by casting darkness on myself putting my AC to 0 for anyone who's not into seeing in the dark. 19+2 with my longsword and 14(+1, -1) with my flail. longsword for 4 and flail for 2.
I think I should check with the results until posting round 4.
Glad we didn't get to train.
Two arrows for King Arthur, BRs:4,1. Damn. Snap? BR:19. No.
Ok, two more in Round 4, BRs:15,5. A hit for 4.
Buckley the Chicken attacks Buckley the Assassin, BR:2?
Thank you kindly Azoth. I will deeply consider Apollo when I choose a diety.
What is the crowd doing at this point? Is there mass hysteria? I am curious.
At whatever point Azoth brings me around, I drop a CLW on Tut - BR6.
Thanks again Azoth.
I'm at -3, I could use a heal/bandage.
I cast Cure on Dag, BR 7.
Say, Dag, what god are you a cleric of? Cause if you don't have a god, there's this guy called Apollo...
I hand Dag a copy of Edith Hamilton's Mythology
and tell him to think it over.
I die next round... as in I cannot go to -7...so... someone please stop the poetic repeat of history before we all start singing the friggin' Gaddianheim song...
CCC: A Bloody Return
Wow, a guy has a lady over and this place just goes to HELL.
No no, this ain't fucking Chickens. If you want to play that, head over to DiD Factory and play Extremely Advanced Chickens- where you can spend a lot of skillpoints to make CHA do more than absolutely nothing.
Back to our combat- let's get this show on the road.
Thak hits Roo Grotto, who uses his Sanctuary spell to backstab the hell out of someone. That someone is Dag, who takes it hard for a massive 15 hp, putting him down to -5.
Frank Burton stays on the final assassin, and we'll just call him Buckley too, as that's a great name.
Buckley flees, and Frank follows him, cursing the guy's mom up into the stands. Not bad for a CHA check, huh? Gone from 5 to 3 assassins just like that.
Dag, since you're down, that crit fumb never goes off. Well that's handy.
Az, Frank Burton is gone, so I'll retarget your attacks to Orc Buchanan. Min dmg is 1 pt, so that's what you do.
The other King, King Arthur, decides there can only be one King on stage and keeps on KT. Miss.
OB takes his two attack round on KT and clobbers you for 16 with a pair of hot blogrolls. Oof, add that to your 5 already and you're down to -3. Sorry Tut.
Everyone else decided not to post attacks and play fucking Chickens. Round three steps on up.
Dag drops to -6; Tut drops to -4. Roo's Sanctuary is down, and he cures himself back to near- full.
Everyone turns on Thaka.
I think I'm gonna bring in a baby gnome. I'm gonna need some time to think about this guy. I want him to be a real terror, and a charmer. I should roll his stats to see what I have to work with. Hrm Str 3 and a dex of 2. 6 hitpoints. Well great now I have to rethink his whole background...
sweet my chicken is dead again. I'm gonna let you heavy weights fight it out a bit. Maybe Rob would like to make a chicken. Oh, my chicken gets to attack a 3 so I hit for for 6. so we are both dead. Wow these chicken fights are really deadly. We should do some investigation into cockfighting mortality rates to see if we are doing justice to these brave combatants....
Hmm. I have a Dex:2, HP:2, Cha:2 chicken named Buckley.
Dave's system confuses Buckley.
Buckley attacks Rob Roy!: A 6!!! Damage?: 4.
Cockadoodledooo! Bring it!!!!
whew I do 10 pts of damage to your chicken.....I believe both our chickens are dead. That is tragedy....
My new chicken is Rob Roy. He has hrm a 2 str a 1 dex and a 5 cha.
He has a 1 for initiative....
Dave has a nice alternate system for fighting chickens. You roll a d6 and add your str. They roll a d6 and add their dex. If the Str+d6 is higher then the chicken takes damage equal to the difference. The Chickens have a number of hp's equal to their str. Cha is all important.
Dag we used to play a game called Chickens. Each chicken gets a d6 for Dex, Cha, and HP. Then they battle. Things start with initiative. The winning chicken rolls a d6 to hit, and must equal or exceed the opponent's Dex. If he hits, he rolls a d6 for damage, 6's add and roll over (i.e. if you roll a 6 for dmg, you roll the die again and add the result to the previous 6, until you don't roll a 6)(6's do not add and roll over for stats, only for dmg). As far as I recall, the chicken who loses initiative gets to attack, even if he was killed by the faster chicken. A 1 is always a miss, regardless of the other chicken's Dex (so there is no difference between a Dex of 1 and 2).
All chickens must be named. Cha does absolutely nothing. There is no reward for winning, and there are no levels. It's just about kicking some chicken ass.
If one chicken wins and is not killed, his owner gets to fight again, and the next person gets to roll up a challenger (i.e. the loser "passes the mic"). If both chickens die, 2 new people get to play.
Bawk--- BuGAWK! Bawk Bawk Bawk!
My chicken stands on the sidlines and watches...
Pretty Boy Roy tags you with a 4. He does 5 pts dmg...can you survive?!?!?!
mr. beaksly got an 11 to hit.
My chicken has 2 dex, 6 cha, and 2 hp. 2 for initiative. go.
round 2 is my hit on ac 5 for 6 hps.
My chicken has a 5 str and a 4 dex. I also have a 5 cha. My initiative is a 6. His name is sir beaksly
CCC: Combat Round 1 Update
Roo Grotto Jr. drops Sanctuary.
Thak misses Grotto.
Az drops a Bless spell on y'all.
Dag misses his save and attacks Orc Buchanan the orc warrior, hurting him bad.
Orc Buchanan tries to return the favor, only to miss.
Tut shoots King Arthur, another one of the gang, hitting for a bit.
Theo wounds Roo for 1 pt; Roo laughs. "Ra ra ra!"
King Arthur charges Tut and smacks him for 5 pts.
Tut, Frank pauses when you tell him you'll help get his ship back. "Yeah, damn it, you better." He turns and attacks the guy next to him, grabbing the guy's hammer and smacking it backwards into the guy's face. "Quit hitting yourself" laughs Burton. "What are you, retarded?"
Will be updated after the New Year. Happy New Year's, everyone!
Sucka MCs don't know
That TK Royale is boss with a shortbow!
Sanctuary, BR:15. No prob.
On the half-orc, BRs:7,18. One hit for 1.
Crap... save BR 14 which misses, so I guess in round 1, I attacked one of the other assassins.
OOOF. BR 1 and BR 8 which hits AC 11....uh yeah... round 2 = not so great for Dag.
So Frank Burton's back for more, eh?
Alright, Round 1 I'm dropping a Bless on everyone. Apparently, this only affects those "not already in melee combat." I hope this means Theodore, Myself, and Threnody still benefit.
Second round, I'm taking a stab at Burton. BR 13, bless should negate the suckitude of my weapon, for 1-1= 0 damage. Hm.
I shoot Gritto 2x. Save= 3, so I shoot someone else.
BR 6 = miss
BR 13 = hit AC 5 for 4 pts.
"Burton you son of a bitch, we went easy on you. You should back US up, we'll help you get your ship back. You seem like a good fellow." CHA check = 11.