8.26.2005
A Lawful Good Time
Dave, badger brought and potion drank. Then Don Katsu unleashes his deadliest move! He says "Watch this ancient move called Everybody Move One Seat To The Left! It is so powerful!!!1!" Everyone's attacks go off on somebody else!
But actually given your rolls it totally sucks. Brogg, you heal the modron for 3 hp. Marivhon, you miss Dave. Dave, you miss Cinder. Cinder, you hit Brogg for 5. That's about all.
Don Katsu is exasperated. "That was the result of my greatest move! God you guys suck so bad. YOU SUCK SO BAD!! Hahahahahhaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah. Now I just Sun Greet you all SO BAD!!! HAhahahahahahahahahah"
Then, finally, you guys get some tactics together. The angry badger is totally sick of this chop-socky crap. Brogg has one more good firebreath in him (it's 3d6+3), and Cinder finally attacks someone who isn't a PC. Moby Ru is defeated! He disappears in a pile of nasty gray sludge.
Marivhon, the pixie says to you: "Okay genius, tell me this. How, possibly, could I be of any help, especially if I have to stay in this goddamn hat. Please, just speculate wildly, I'm eager to hear some hypotheticals. Whaddya want me to do, blow in your goddamn ear? Sing you a goddamn fighting song? Attack your head lice? Jesus Christ!"
Don Katsu Sun Greets the badger, sending him to the same bad place as Moby Ru went.
Cinder, you miss, and now we're all back in steady rotation. Can you finish this?
5 pulls out a pack of cigarettes. "You wanna smoke?"
Shi: "Uh... Well, sure, why not. I am the Master of the Quick Flame, of course. Ha ha!"
5: "Ha ha, yeah, that's rich."
Shi, reading the label: "'Primus Brand Cigarettes... A Lawful Good Time.'"
5: "Yeah, you know, Nirvana, everything is Primus this and Primus that."
Shi: "I hear you."
5: "So what's the deal with the hot stoner Nestea babe?"
Shi: "Oh, that's Grunna, the valkyrie who used to live here. Mysterious X captured her."
5: "Uh, isn't that kind of dumb? Why didn't he just kill her? Does she make really good iced-tea or something?"
Shi: "Kill her? A hahahaha," Shi laughs heartily. "Oh no. She's basically like a god." Shi considers this. "I guess, at least. I'm not too sure what her deal is."
The two friends are silent for a moment, watching the fight, quietly enjoying their smokes.
5: "So... what, you bonin' her?"
Shi: "Are you crazy?!"
5: "No, I think you're crazy if you're not hittin' that!"
Shi: "Well, I think Mysterious X seduced her with his magical powers of erotic seduction. Then he slipped on those shackles and she lost her memory."
5: "Really? So I guess someone around here at least is getting some. And I thought you monks were supposed to be celibate."
Shi: "I'm not sure Mysterious is getting any. I think the only way it happened is he had some help from Primus." Inhales, holds, exhales. "Primus hates all this shit. I think they're planning on using her to promote their new book 'No Gods Allowed'."
5: "Another best-seller, I'm sure."
Shi: "Mm. Anyway, that's why she's still here. Marketing."
5: "That's tough. Those must be some kick-ass shackles to chain that untamed piece of ass."
Shi: "You're just lucky those shackles are still in place. If she heard you talking like that, it'd be POW! Valhalla!"
5: "Heh. Oh, oh my god! They killed Moby Ru! FUCK YOU, MONK-HATERS!"
Shi: "Relax. Don Katsu's still got this under control. Besides, Moby Ru died with honor."
5: "Honor? Fuck that, dead is dead!"
Shi shrugs, silently puffing away on his Primus brand cigarette.
But actually given your rolls it totally sucks. Brogg, you heal the modron for 3 hp. Marivhon, you miss Dave. Dave, you miss Cinder. Cinder, you hit Brogg for 5. That's about all.
Don Katsu is exasperated. "That was the result of my greatest move! God you guys suck so bad. YOU SUCK SO BAD!! Hahahahahhaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah. Now I just Sun Greet you all SO BAD!!! HAhahahahahahahahahah"
Then, finally, you guys get some tactics together. The angry badger is totally sick of this chop-socky crap. Brogg has one more good firebreath in him (it's 3d6+3), and Cinder finally attacks someone who isn't a PC. Moby Ru is defeated! He disappears in a pile of nasty gray sludge.
Marivhon, the pixie says to you: "Okay genius, tell me this. How, possibly, could I be of any help, especially if I have to stay in this goddamn hat. Please, just speculate wildly, I'm eager to hear some hypotheticals. Whaddya want me to do, blow in your goddamn ear? Sing you a goddamn fighting song? Attack your head lice? Jesus Christ!"
Don Katsu Sun Greets the badger, sending him to the same bad place as Moby Ru went.
Cinder, you miss, and now we're all back in steady rotation. Can you finish this?
5 pulls out a pack of cigarettes. "You wanna smoke?"
Shi: "Uh... Well, sure, why not. I am the Master of the Quick Flame, of course. Ha ha!"
5: "Ha ha, yeah, that's rich."
Shi, reading the label: "'Primus Brand Cigarettes... A Lawful Good Time.'"
5: "Yeah, you know, Nirvana, everything is Primus this and Primus that."
Shi: "I hear you."
5: "So what's the deal with the hot stoner Nestea babe?"
Shi: "Oh, that's Grunna, the valkyrie who used to live here. Mysterious X captured her."
5: "Uh, isn't that kind of dumb? Why didn't he just kill her? Does she make really good iced-tea or something?"
Shi: "Kill her? A hahahaha," Shi laughs heartily. "Oh no. She's basically like a god." Shi considers this. "I guess, at least. I'm not too sure what her deal is."
The two friends are silent for a moment, watching the fight, quietly enjoying their smokes.
5: "So... what, you bonin' her?"
Shi: "Are you crazy?!"
5: "No, I think you're crazy if you're not hittin' that!"
Shi: "Well, I think Mysterious X seduced her with his magical powers of erotic seduction. Then he slipped on those shackles and she lost her memory."
5: "Really? So I guess someone around here at least is getting some. And I thought you monks were supposed to be celibate."
Shi: "I'm not sure Mysterious is getting any. I think the only way it happened is he had some help from Primus." Inhales, holds, exhales. "Primus hates all this shit. I think they're planning on using her to promote their new book 'No Gods Allowed'."
5: "Another best-seller, I'm sure."
Shi: "Mm. Anyway, that's why she's still here. Marketing."
5: "That's tough. Those must be some kick-ass shackles to chain that untamed piece of ass."
Shi: "You're just lucky those shackles are still in place. If she heard you talking like that, it'd be POW! Valhalla!"
5: "Heh. Oh, oh my god! They killed Moby Ru! FUCK YOU, MONK-HATERS!"
Shi: "Relax. Don Katsu's still got this under control. Besides, Moby Ru died with honor."
5: "Honor? Fuck that, dead is dead!"
Shi shrugs, silently puffing away on his Primus brand cigarette.
