I've never really clobbered a piercer before.
So Up I go - as soon as I get up, an Angry Badger is coming online. Two piercers? One priest and his Badger Buddy. That's the ratio.
Well, and maybe a half-orc fighter-cleric, a human thief, and a zombie or so.
Oh, and after the badger, I begin to clobber. Here are some rolls:
14 - 5
12 - 6
20 - 5
5 - 3
15 - 2
Those are just the straight rolls, since I've forgotten all my modifiers. Maybe bump up the damage by one, since the mace is 2-7 damage; and at my new level I've got an 18 THACO, I think.
It's A Good Thing It Didn't Land With The Other End Facing You. Think About It, Cowboy.
Okay, well, when everything here is taken care of, you can pick Brogg's pocket. According to his character sheet, Brogg has 37 gp and 5 sp. Take as much as you want. But first...
You head over to the body. It's fairly old, being all skeletal and shit, but not quite yet calcified, so you'd guess it's been here a couple years. Strange thing is, looks like the cause of death was impalement. With a stalactite, right through the torso. Huh!
Cinder, searching the body, you find it was pretty well outfitted. The cloak is in shambles, but the clasp is gold and depicts a tree. Also oddly enough, there's a wooden lute in perfectly good condition. You think it sort of, hmm, glows? There's also a fancy ring, a decayed pouch that reveals a small white gem and 30 gp. Finally, there's a well-preserved book; the pages are coated with some special substance, and it's open to the following poem:Ode to the Piercer, by C. F.Don’t you lose yourself in the cavern, or the cave
Will be your grave when the piercer let go
Piercer get one shot do not miss your chance to blowThis opportunity come once in a piercer’s lifetime yo
Holy shit, you think, this must be the corpse of the famous poet Carl Ffleudenssen who disappeared in the Durth Mines a few years back! Piercers, huh. You collect up the treasure.
I'm not sure why you're trying to lasso the stalagmite, because it's on the ground. "Mites go up, tites go down", all that. But anyway, you practice your lassoing skills. Just before you make the successful lasso... you hear a strange rumbling from above you... piercer attack!
The piercer rolls a 7, missing you. The conical monster drops to the ground and begins to hiss, slowly- damn slowly- inching towards you. You ignore it for now and secure the rope around the stalagmite.
Then, reverse piercer attack! The stalagmite is a reverse piercer! As you tighten the rope, you see a small beady eye open at the base of the stalagmite! It launches into the air, before arcing back down and... 14, that hits you! You take 4 points of damage, are knocked to the ground on your back, and pinned beneath the heavy stone carapace of this fearsome monster. The big, non-pointy end of the reverse piercer ended up facing you. You can see a large stony maw, exuding drool with a nasty black tongue. The reverse piercer begins inching its way up to eat your face! You've got a couple rounds before you get a nasty bite attack. A few feet away, the normal piercer continues to try to come at you. Given its land speed, you figure you only have 26 rounds, plus or minus a few, before it gets to you.
However, Dave (and Brogg, Abby, and Mike), the rope, despite jerking all over the place, is secure.
Priestess of OOG:
Mark is up north till Tuesday, so yea, I think Brogg fights and heals a la Mike the Zombie. Aww what the hell, Cinder picks his pocket. BR: 14%
How much gold is that?
Well the first thing Cinder does is loot that body. He tells himself he's just checking for traps and danger and stuff, and kind of half heartedly glances around while he's going through that dude's pockets. BR: 18% plus about 10% for not really being into it is 28%, and still might catch any trap-like danger.
After that, Cinder ties a loop on the end of the rope and effortlessly flings it onto the stalagmite. BR: 11. He then looks around real quick to see if anyone saw him miss, walks a couple of feet closer and
He walks right up to the stalagmite, about one foot away and BR: 20!
Cinder watches the loop fall perfectly centered over the point.
"Total swish!" Feelin pretty good now, he tosses the rope over the edge to Brogg and Dave.
The Sound of Brogg's Silence
In-game or out-of-game, yo? If OOG, should Brogg just follow along, heal and attack a la Mike the Zombie? I can take care of that for ya.
Hey Cinder, great job! Drop that rope, eh?
Note: Brogg is going to be pretty quiet for the next couple of days. Please, don't ask him about it.
Climb Walls Makes No Sense: An Essay
Okay Cinder, up you go. I don't think surprising kobolds is something you have to worry about, carrying a fricking light coin like that though. Anyway, you climb up the chasm wall; it's pretty easy with all the rocks and handholds and stuff. I always wondered why low-level thieves basically suck at all their thief abilities, like open locks, find traps, hide in shadows, but climb walls is outrageously high? This was the main improvement of 2nd ed in my eyes. That and some of the spell stuff I guess.
Anyway, like I said, up you go. It's 45 feet to the top or so, which if you think about it, is probably a pretty damn scary climb. You pull yourself to the edge of the chasm, and find yourself standing in a cave. It's fairly large. It looks like there's a passage leading out.
A couple things of interest: one, there's a nice stalagmite if you want to tie off the rope. Two, over in a corner of the cavern, it looks like there's a dead body! Hard to say though, there's a lot of rock formations and stuff, all you can see are some legs sticking out, plus this awful smell.
Hell yea I can scale that cliff.
"Gimme that rope. Better gimme that light coin too."
Cinder rubs a little dust on each hand and kind of softly claps them together a couple of times.
BR: 18% on the climb walls, no problem. But when I just about reach the top, I'll hear noise to make sure I don't surprise any kobolds or anything like that. BR: 4%! Damn I'm good.
The T-Shirt Would Look Something Like This
INTERLUDE- BEST SERVED COLD (Conclusion)
Jerry's stump ached. He looked up apprehensively at the weather station. He and Jacobo were the only ones to escape the station intact once the controls were destroyed. Crouching behind a rock, he whispered: "Do you see them coming yet?"
Jacobo told him to shut up, but then said: "No, not yet. But when they come out, I'm totally going to sling the first guy in the eye." Jerry and Jacobo agreed to ambush the survivors, leaving the tower, and positioned themselves quite far away down the mountain trail, you know, just in case there happened to be a lot of survivors.
Jerry shook his head incredulously. "Well I'm no good. And speaking of things that are no good, your plan sucked. I need more monkeys next time."
Jacobo took it in stride: "Yeah, I can't believe the lightning struck the little guy. Now be quiet, it sounds like something is happening..."
The entrance door slammed shut, and the whole tower began to shake. Cold, hard rain plummeted on the boy and the gnome cripple, as storm clouds gathered around them. "This sucks so bad" moaned Jerry, as he rubbed his stump.
Then, silently, the observation dome at the top of the station broke off from the support tower, with a massive shake and impressive display of blue flashes.
"What the fu..." said Jerry in a quiet voice, watching the weather station collapse and fall down the mountain. A huge crash shook the countryside, knocking the two allies to the ground. Smoke curled up from a distance where the weather station must've fallen.
"Oh my" said Jacobo, standing up. The boy slowly walked over to help Jerry to his feet, both of them gazing, unblinkingly, up at the ruins of the ancient station. They stood together in silence for several minutes, in shock. Then, Jacobo uttered a single word.
Jerry nodded slowly, and said "Hell yeah. Totally owned."
As the two survivors walked slowly back down the mountain path in the pouring rain, Jacobo turned to the gnome and said:
"You know, my father wrote a three part treatise on the seventeen human emotions. Regarding revenge, he concluded that it ultimately left the slighted party unsatisfied at best, in horrible anguish at worst."
Jerry listened and nodded his head. "Yeah, I think I heard that. So?"
"So," said the boy, "you know what? I think... I think my father was wrong. Completely wrong. I feel pretty darn good." He smiled and looked back at the tower. "Yeah, you know? Ha ha! Those guys didn't just bite it, they bit it harder than I ever could imagine. That was fucking sweet!"
Jerry himself laughed: "Heh heh, that was pretty crazy."
"I think I'd like to see that on a t-shirt or something, know what I mean?"
Jerry concurred, saying: "Wow, really, is all I can say. Well, that, and, next time, I think I'm going to bring a bonus monkey or two, you know, just in case." Jacobo agreed that was a good idea, mages are always such targets. Jerry exclaimed: "You know what I could use right now is a tall beer. Yeah, a nice draft on-tap of whatever. Pisser light or make it a Guiness, I don't care, just give me a goddamn beer! A ha!"
Jacobo: "Yeah, and one for me too!"
Jerry didn't think that was such a good idea. "I mean, you're like what, twelve years old? How about a nice milkshake or something."
"Fuck that, I like double damaged an evil priest. I survived the destruction of the goddamn dungeon. Give me a fucking beeeeer!" Jacobo and Jerry bust out laughing so hard they had to stop their descent down the mountain. "Whoo hoo!" yelled the gnome cripple, splashing in the mud, "Give the lad his fucking beeeeeeer!"
One week later, at the Griffon's Claw.
"You know what?" said Jerry to his young friend over two tall foam-drenched glasses. "Whass that?" slurred Jacobo.
"Revenge is kind of like beer. They're both..."
Rope? I've got rope!
Cinder, how about you scurry up this chasm and secure the rope up top?
Dave, Fist of Odin
A cure on Cinder: 6
A cure on Cinder: 2
A cure on Cinder: 5
A cure on me: 8
A 'cure' on Mike (Our Zombie Friend): 7
I'm tapped out of first level spells now. Ah, well. If we only had some rope...
It Begins Anew
Actually, what's even scarier is the idea of Brogg searching Cinder's ass for a potion, you know, just cause a guy might be hiding one there? In all my years DMing, I don't think I've ever had this exchange:
PC: "I search the bandit."
DM: "Okay, you find a broadsword, leather armor, pouch 2 gp. Not much."
PC: "That's it, huh? I don't believe it."
DM: "Well that's what you found."
PC: "I search his ass."
DM: "... Nice work everyone, 200 xp, that's it for this campaign."
Anyway, Cure Lights go off, we gots Brogg at 12/14, Cinder at 1/16, and Dave still at 12/22. Then you cast light...
The light spell illuminates a giant underground chasm. It's a good thing you guys didn't explore this cave in the dark, because as it turns out, you seem to be down in the chasm, on a small ledge about 40 feet from the chasm's top. With the AOE of light, you look back, to a short tunnel into the limestone that goes into the chasm wall about 20 feet, widens up to a matte gray, nonreflective mirror. It's flanked by a pair of bas reliefs of what look like frolicking storm giant maidens. So you're in this short tunnel, which then opens up into the middle of the chasm. You can see across the way- looks like it's about 30 feet wide, and you can see the top of the other side about 30 feet up. On your side, peeking up standing on a slim ledge, the top is about 40 feet up? And then looking down, ugh, looking down is a bad idea. You know, gaze into the abyss and it gazes back. You can't see the frickin' bottom, it's deeper than 60 feet. The chasm also stretches for more than 60 feet lengthwise. No bridges, ladders, people, towns to train in, Vrills, none of that. Just you and the chasm.
Ha ha! Good luck getting out of this one, adventurers!
I guess that it is just as well I didn't drink a potion smuggled in Cinder's ass.
Anyhow, I drop two Cure Lights on myself, BRs:5 and 4, and one on Cinder BR:1. Hmm, sorry buddy. Dave, Fist of Odin, perhaps you could help Cinder out a bit.
Finally, I will cast Light on one of my coins. But, if I hear anyone coming, I pocket it. What do we see?
Hmm, okay, well you guys are right. Cinder didn't have any potions. In fact, Cinder, you don't really have anything except what you can get out of the new party treasure. Which means Brogg, all you did was bandage him at -3 and left yourself at 0.
No matter, just means that after saving Dave from falling, you dragged Cinder's body through the mirror and dumped it on the floor.
Anyway, nothing happens during your rest. Cinder, you're up to 0 hp, Brogg, up to 3, and Dave has 12 hp. You guys can change spells, Cure Light those Wounds, etc. Of course, it's still totally dark and cold and you have no idea where you are.
Cinder, you don't hear shit because you're actually unconscious all that time. Brogg, you have this crazy dream about a troll flying up on a hippogriff up this mountain. You're looking up at him wishing you had a hippogriff. He saves this princess and everyone around you cheers. Then under the weight, the hippogriff begins to buckle...
It is STILL dark and you are STILL likely to be eaten by a grue.
On my watch, I will use my 'Hear Noise' Ability!
Hey, I'm a crappy thief. It's the least I can do.
Oh yeah... I guess that I pulled that healing potion from Cinder's arse. Well, that was good thinking hiding it there, Cinder.
I am going to sit tight and not make any noise. After my watch, I tell the guys about what I heard and get some rest.
I dream of hippogriffs and half-troll elvish archers.
I think that Vrill cast Grease on himself then read a scroll of Permanence. Damn that guy.
Ok Rob, apparantely during the last combat, Brogg pulled a healing potion out of my pack to split. I was kind of assuming that Vrill and Co. had me going for the 'nothing but loincloth' look, but who knows. Can you go over my character sheet and tell me what if anything I have on my person.
I'm gonna scoop up the longsword vs. adventurers since I have no weapon, and put on Sarah's ring and necklace if it's alright with you guys. I think I'm without armor and I'm getting at least a "+1" feeling from one of these....
"Where'd you guys find that ogre? Seemed like a pretty nice guy."
It's Pretty Lame When Your Guy Just Dies
Hi there Brogg. Welcome back to the campaign.
No, you can't make anything out with infravision, except you, Cinder, and Dave. No sign of Vrill. No idea where you are, but it's got some cave-like qualities: cold, damp, dark (meaning you can't see ANYTHING), stone floor.
Resting is a good idea. Dave and Cinder get back 3 hp each. But Brogg, really late into your shift in the dark, you think you hear a couple faint voices. (Nothing you pick up with infravision.) Sounds like two humans talking, unfamiliar voices, waaay far away... in fact, you might just be hearing echoes from Grisbane knows where:"Well, there haven't been any 'leaks' in about a week now, so maybe we're good.""I guess, but we still need to explain to the foreman how we lost 30.""Yeah, he's not so happy about the leakage. Did your guy turn anything up?""No. In fact, I heard my guy died on the road. I really hate that, you know?""Yeah, that sucks. Let's go back."
Do what thou wilt.
(I didn't change the blog post formatting, but I like it. The post beginning after the title was kind of annoying- I generally had a short witty intro comment as the first line just to make sure the meat of the game was its own paragraph.)
Hmm. Can I make anything out with my infravision?
Perhaps we should keep still for a bit. Even if Vrill chose the cave, we are in no shape to face him. I will take first watch while Cinder, Dave, Fist of Odin, and Mike the Zombie relax.
I load my new crossbow, ready to loose one of my 2 new bolts at anything that might approach.
BTW, did you notice our post formatting changed to put the title on its own line? Did anyone intentionally do that?
C1: Against The Unicorn King
It is cold and dark. You can't see a thing.
What do you do?
The Conclusion Of The B Series
Just as the ancient weather station begins to collapse, you leap through the mirror depicting a cave... you feel cold and all goes black...
Congratulations, guys, you made it. 4000 xp each. This levels all y'all, Dave and Cinder to 4th, Brogg to 3rd/3rd. Assuming, of course, you can make it to a town... don't roll hp yet. And yeah Brogg, you can find a quiver of 1d20 bolts.
Dave, Cause Light helps Mike out, but his arm is only partially on. Maybe if you got a good tailor? Brogg, as nice as it looks when Sarah's robes are put on Mike, Mike bursts into flames and yells "AARGHH! HOT! HOT ROBES!". In retrospect, maybe the lawful good priestesses' robes shouldn't go on the undead. You 'stop-drop-n-roll' Mike.
Alright, cave it is. Although I am not sure that a cave is likely to be a good place to rest.
As for the loot, I am going to take Rupert's crossbow and his gauntlets. I can use the crossbow and I always wanted some cool gloves. Are you sure there weren't any bolts laying around?
Let's put Sarah's robes on Mike the Zombie, yeah that looks nice.
Assuming that we do get to rest, I am going to take 3 Cure Light Wounds and Light for the next day.
That was pretty intense. Let us thank Grisbane (and Odin) for our good fortune.
Dave, Fist of Odin
Cave it is - we need a place to rest.
If Vrill is there, I've got some stuff to say to him - some stuff that involves a cause wounds and a mace to the head. If not, I give someone a cure, and Mike (Our Zombie Friend) a cause light - does it reattach his arm? - and then I stroke the plate mail, "It's okay, baby, daddy's here," and then fall asleep, perchance to dream.