Mark Is Not Your Daddy
Cinder sez:Correct me if I'm wrong Mark or Rob, but don't potions not turn off after attack?
Whoa there buddy. Who's the GM? Sure Mark might be the one with the shiny new PH, DMG, all that. Why don't you have Mark consult the DMG to see who determines the rules? It ain't Brogg that's for sure. Potions of Invisibility last for 1 hr or until discharged like normal invisibility. What you'd want is a Potion of Improved Invisibility, that'll last for 1 hr regardless of your actions. It's a pretty good guess that a Potion Guild Master is about to arrive on the scene, so you can take it up with him if you'd like.
Anyway, Cinder, you drink two more potions, returning invisible and being healed to 15/16. We've never played with potion mixing and let's not start. As before, you can drink two potions in a round if that's your action. I'll also assume you're getting in position for another hearty backstab? Cause there ain't no window.
What's the duration on my invisibility potion? Correct me if I'm wrong Mark or Rob, but don't potions not turn off after attack?
I guzzle a healing potion, and if I'm visible, I'll down my last potion of invisibility. BR:66% on the potion mixing table. Whew.
Cinder smiles as 4 hit points worth of flesh mends before his eyes.
Good to go. If there's a window nearby, I'll peek out of it.
Thumbs Up For Zombies
Mike gives you a 'thumbs up' and makes another zombie. Maybe it's just the bad lighting in here, but this new guy... he seems strangely familiar
. Then again, all zombies sort of look alike, even though you're trying not to be racist or 'humanist' or whatever.
Brogg, you don't have time to grab the owl's key, but you can Cure Light yourself. You're now at full. Cinder and Dave?
Alright, I slap a Cure Light upon myself. BR: 4, Thanks be to Grisbane!
If time allows, I will also acquire that owl's key.
Dave, Fist of Odin, I believe that wizards approach, perhaps your Silencing spell could work to our advantage!
Mike, it seems that we are one zombie below our limit!
Assault On The Barn, Part II
Okay Brogg, you cast Light. Good move.
The light spell partially illuminates the large barn you are in. You see several things of interest. There are a lot of stalls that used to hold collies. You are now surrounded by the bloody, dismembered corpses of many lovable border collies. A badger, covered in gore and berserk with hate, polishes off the last of the collies with Mike the zombie's help. Mike that helps himself to a small collie snack.
There are also the corpses of a large owl partially sticking out from under an enormous, dead bear. The owl's beak and wings look covered with metal, as do the bear's talons. Around the bear's neck, sure enough Brogg, you spot a large key on a leather thong. Thinking quickly, you grab the key. As if to inform you what it's a key to, an embossed emblem on the handle depicts a stormcloud and a lightning bolt. Finally, at the very back, where the Growlbear's stall was, you see a large metal trunk covered in hay and owlbear filth.
You guys also spot *another key*, on a leather strap around the owl's neck! But you don't quite have time to grab it.
It sounds like there are some people coming, you hear some yelling, some of it closer, some further away. It seems there will be a couple people entering on foot next round, and you hear a couple horses further off? You each have one round to prepare...
HP check, Brogg: 10/14; Cinder: 11/16; Dave: 16/22. One of the zombies is down, and the badger disappears in a bloody snarling rage. The two zombies creep up to the barn entrance to ready a surprise attack...
Ahh! Perhaps that is the *tink* of a key, no?! For my part, I cast Light (upon a dead collie) and have a look about the bear.
Let's quickly dispatch these remaining collies, boys. For I believe that our fight has just begun!
Oh, and how many hp's have I got?
Bear With Me
Okay Brogg, you swing a mighty broadsword this time and smack the bear soundly in the face. Your sword splits open its left eye and the bridge of its large nose, and blood and eye juice go everywhere. The bear staggers to the left and the right, before slowly lurching onto the ground. If you could see, you'd see it collapse onto the dead body of its partner, the owl. Vrill's prototype Growlbear has been destroyed. You think you hear a small metallic *tink* as the bear's body lands on the ground...
That's a 13%, I guess no rabies.
Ok, I am going to finish this bear off! Feel the steel, Teddy Ruckspin!
BR:13. That hits AC:6. That'll hit any bear in my Monster Manual! Take 6 points of damage, ursoid!
By the way, what the heck is that collie chewing on?
No. Appearing: 1
% In Lair: 70%
Treasure Type: N
# Attacks: 3
Damage: 1d4+1/1d4+1/2d4 (claw/claw/bite)
Special Abilities: insane rage
Alignment: Neutral evil
Psionic Ability: nil
This vicious killer is the yardstick by which all other insanely angry animals are measured. Badgers normally prefer to live in little burrows known as 'setts', but at the slightest provocation, be it the telly on the fritz or poking him with a stick, and the badger just goes OFF. Stand back sirs. After emerging from their dens, generally found in temperate lowland regions, the badger lays to waste all in its path with a ferocious claw/claw/bite. This little fellow gets so angry even death itself is held at bay- the badger can fight down to -11 hp. Yes, negative ELEVEN. Badgers are part of a larger class of mammals which include berserk skunks and wolverines.
Round 3 Will Make You Wince
Twenty years from now, the poet Larrs of Greyhelm will write:The collies circled 'round their preyThe zombies loved and lurched and theyRelentlessly ate dogflesh that dayWhen dogs and dead did duel.The collies' collars were gold and gayThe zombies' wrath gave them paws to prayOne cold dark night at the end of MayWhen dogs and dead did duel.
Brogg, a big miss. Cinder, your backstabby bonus cancels out the penalty for fighting in the dark, and you just bearly hit. Ha ha! Get it? 8x2 = 16 and you kill that bear dead... no, wait... he's fighting into negative hp! He's still up! Just bearly
! Larrs is going to use a couple of those in his sonnets.
Dave, good going, owls are tough to hit, and you too have a -4 THACO going on, but a 19 does the trick. You smack that guy for 8, feathers everywhere and the owl is dead. You're healed for 3 hp from the mace, but then the bear smacks you again for 5! You're now at 16/22 hp.
Angry badger, zombies, and collies all go. They all tear into each other... you hear the groan of one zombie falling! Brogg, it looks like one of the collies is gnawing on something! You hear some collies yelping as they get torn into... looks like only a few are left. Plus you all hear the badger totally going nuts over there. (Badger stats to be posted next for future reference.) Dave, a collie bounces off your plate mail again. Brogg, collie bite for... 1 hp. Sad, but roll d%... if you roll 1-5%, make a save vs poison!
You see a light quickly turn on and then off in the house. You think you hear the sound of a few people running towards the barn! There's an almost-dead bear here, and four collies left. Do your worst!
Dave, Fist of Odin
Clobbering Time! This is really my crucial skill, you know.
And allow me to walk the walk with an 18, which is really a 19 with my Whore of Hyannis. Damage? Why, an 8; I rolled a 5, +1 for being a mace, +1 for magic, +1 for strength. That should fuck up the owl.
Can I get a hell yeah? Or rather, can I get a description of what's going on, where we are, and what we're fighting? An owl, a bear, and some dogs, yes?
Ok. Cinder's gonna finish what he started. Maybe. What does the wounded bear think about a 13 to hit? If it's good, then he takes 8! damage.
That owl is next. What is it with birds and Cinder? He's thinking of becoming a ranger and naming 'avians' as his hated class.
Whoa, that's some wand...
Alright, collie time. I draw my broadsword and go for some dogflesh! Taste the fury of Grisbane, you rabid frisbee catchers! BR: 9. That's a 10. I hit AC:10, sweet.
Zombies vs. Collies Round 2
Okay Cinder, normally drinking a potion is a free action you can do along with attacking, but drinking two potions constitutes your round. You're healed 8 up to 9 hp, and you cure the poison leaking off the owlbear's metal beak. The owlbear takes another 6 hp and roars in pain.
Dave, you first pop off an Angry Badger. Stats to come when I can upload images (I'm 'blogging' away from home), but go ahead and roll for him. He's got three rounds, three attacks per round, THACO 17, 1d4+1/1d4+1/2d4. There's like eight collies and it's about to become a real mess. I'll go for him this round. He rips into a collie for 7, biting off its front leg and sinking an angry claw into its nose. One down, seven to go.
Brogg, then you pull out the wand, point it at the owlbear and turn away, grimicing and wincing. There's a huge purple blast out of the wand! 45%, you beat the owlbear's magic resistance (it wasn't that good anyway) and 13, he fails the save! You deconstruct the Greater Owlbear into his constitutive parts!
If you guys could see, which you still can't, you'd see the owlbear split into a giant owl and an angry, heavily wounded bear. Good job!
Collie time. Cinder, a couple collies bark your way, one of them biting you for 2 hp! Dave, collies bounce off your plate mail but it ain't for lack of trying. Brogg, 3 hp of collie damage; that's a paw for 1 and another bite for 2. One zombie yells in pain "ow, goddamn COLLIE!" The zombies fight back, all three of them hoisting one up into the air, it's yelping, they bite into its soft collie flesh.
Cinder, the deconstructed owl launches at you in retaliation, and pecks you for another 3. Brogg, the bear lurches towards you, but is deflected by your potion! Dave, bear attack, one paw gets through for 4 hp. You then heal Cinder for 7, plus ZERO, healing Cinder to 11. You guys get to go.
Wait a second! I backstabbed it in complete suprise! Shouldn't it be initiative now?
DM>reach the big snoring
There's no way. Let me guess. This is what makes it a Greater
And my armor is shredded by it's sword wings. This thing pisses me off. And Brogg, -you want to be friends with this thing?!
made of metal and ready to rock. Metal beak, check. Sword wings, check. Killer's eye, check.
It's a frickin robot
for god's sake.
Ok. Just so you know Rob, my AC was
3 and is now 5. My next action will be to dump both
a potion of healing and a potion of cure poison down my throat at the same time since I am gonna fail that save vs posion. By the way, the robot takes an extra 6 from the poison. Healing potion rolls an 8 if I'm up next round.
Cinder is so aggravated he curses out loud.
Dave, Fist of Odin
Wu-oh; sorry about brain-farting.
I summon the collie's natural predator - the Angry Badger! So angry. Then I commence the clobbering. How many collies?
Whoops - no, I mean I summon the badger, and then I heal Cinder. I roll a 7, which is pretty good. Is that +1 per level, or just a straight +1?
After that, comes the clobbering.
Sorry about missing the Silence on the thief, but I guess that's the breaks. I was gearing up for the fight - read that as 'drinking a lot of ale' - or something, I suppose. And this way, we'll get the people from the house out; better to deal with them sooner than later, right? Right?
Aww geez, I suck at plans.
Noooooo! May the spirit of Turf forgive me!
I point the Wand of Deconstruction and the metal behemoth and ...will it to discharge?!
Dave, Fist of Odin, the collies, the collies!
Commence The Attack
Okay Brogg and Cinder, you guys each drink a potion. Brogg, you begin to creep up into the barn. Cinder, you're moving a little faster though, and reach the big snoring thing in the back first.
Nice rolls there. This is what you'd imagine you see, if you had some light. There's like this big-ass owlbear, except instead of dumb owl wings that don't work, he's got big bladed sword wings. He's like an owlbear made of metal
and ready to rock
. Metal beak, check. Sword wings, check. Killer's eye, check. It's almost a good thing there's no light or you probably wouldn't have even tried to fuck with this guy.
But an invisible super backstab starts you off on the right foot. Somehow, with preternatural theives' luck, you get up to the sleeping behemoth and stick that broadsword right between two metal plates covering Vrill's monstrosity. Double double damage is pretty sweet. The greater owlbear awakes with a roar of pain, and... claw miss, claw hit! Beak HIT. You take 15 hp right off the bat Cinder, as the owlbear grabs you around the throat, pecks you hard in the stomach, and then hurls you across the barn with a roar. The bladed wings rend your leather armor to shreds. Cinder, with that beak hit, make a save vs. poison! The owlbear, excuse me, greater owlbear, gets a 10 on his save, failing, so he's poisoned also. Cinder, gimme 1d12 for extra poison damage.
Brogg, Dave, it's not clear what you're doing. It's hard to see (except with Brogg's infravision), but you know that creatures are waking up. You hear the barking of several collies and the crash of Cinder into the wall. What's it going to be, Brogg, mittens or wand? It might be a little late for friendship... Dave, let me know if you want a maximum viper or whatever, and I'll provide the stats. You guys can go ahead and roll THACOs, dmg, etc.
The collies by the way are leaping out of their pens to attack. There's going to be a few on each of you. Your moves, zombies will go last. It's getting pretty loud in here... you better find that key quickly.
Broadsword of Deconstruction
Cinder wipes the 'Viper Venom' blade poison on his broadsword, and guzzles a potion of invisibility. He's not fuckin around on his first backstab attempt here.
To Dave, "Fist of Odin, we need to smite this Growlbear without alerting Vrill, and there are many collies inside. Could Odin plunge this barn into silence?"
I advance to the barn quietly. If Dave casts silence then no problem, -if he doesn't, then I BR: a 06% to move quietly! Nice. I am gonna backstab the hell out of that bear.
Damage: 7 doubled for backstab is 14, doubled for critical hit is 28. Plus poison, -whatever that does.
Excellent. I drink one of my protection from owlbear potions and draw my Wand of Deconstruction.
I will slowly approach the large sleeping creature, and try to grab it's forelimb with my mittens of friendship. If this does not seem to befriend the beast, I will discharge my Wand of Deconstruction upon it!
Assault On The Barn
Okay Cinder, you toss the bow in Vrill's hedges. Uh, I guess you're right about those proficiencies. But you're not right about xp: it's >15 DX, not greater than or equal to. You can advance to 4th level after 30 xp, but you have to train first. It'll take you 2 weeks, 400 gp, and another 400 gp for special training. At the Blackwall Thiefs you'll get 20% off if you train with them.
Okay Dave, you're right. I'll change the spell list later to add some raven stuff. I think Odin has some dogs or wolves or something and a six legged horse that you'll be able to summon later. You don't have to declare which animal you want to summon, you decide that when you cast the spell. You can also roll randomly if you're having trouble deciding.
Cinder, you fill in the other guys about what to expect. Brogg, you put on the Mittens and advance towards the barn. I'll assume the other PCs are coming with you, maybe hanging just a little bit back.
Brogg, your half-orc infravision works up to 60' (I just checked in your Players Handbook). As you creep up to Master Vrill's barn, you see a lot of heat inside! About half a dozen dog-shaped heat sources, evenly spaced along the perimeter. Looks like they're prone. You also pick up a much larger heat source towards the back! It's about the size of a Plymouth Horizon, size and shape kinda. Well, maybe a little smaller. You all can hear loud, inhuman snoring
coming from the back of the barn.
What do you do?
Cinder pulls out his PH1 and flips to the weapons table. "Thief...theif...K, there it is. Now let's see bow. Huh. No bow. Can't use bow."
I toss my shortbow in a bush.
Dave, Fist of Odin.
I'm sorry. Instead of Paris Hilton, I'd like to change my guy to 'MAXIMUM VIPER'. He's straight out of Mortal Kombat, and can kick that fireball-throwing pussy's ASS.
MAXIMUM VIPER!!! I'm thinking about getting that tattoo, with a mean looking snake, and the latin characters underneath. It'd probably be 'MAXIMUM VYPER', though, so it's cooler.
I mean, Dave, Fist of Odin is thinking about getting that tattoo.
Hey - there should be some sort of Raven thing on my summonable list. 'Cuz Odin plays it that way, homes.
Dave, fist of Odin
Sounds good - I'm glad that you're not relying on me for the plans. 'Cuz my plans involve drinking, busting phat rhymes, and clobbering - and that's pretty much the extent of any plans I might make. Remember, the Fist of Odin is the antithesis of sneaky!
And I'm revamping my spells list to reflect the new info. I hope that's not a problem for anyone. Paris Hilton coming online! I mean, only if she's packing a gun.
And Rob - way to waeve a story! I'm so drawn in, sometimes it feels more real than grad school. Especially when I did the robot in plate mail.