Dave, Fist of Odin
Hey all - back from special training. It was a hoot - my special training involves drinking a lot with summoned monsters.

Them badgers know how to put it AWAY, yo.

I'm fine with the plans - Greyhelm? Sure. Arena of Spiders on the way? Fine.

Hey - we know this Oracle dude isn't sailing or in the mountains, and he's not 'up in the rave'. So he's pretty fucking far away from the Monks of Motherfuckers - or whoever they are. Right? I don't have a real good sense of geography, but I'd think we'd want to look at some inland plains or forest, far from the Bastards of Retarded Flowers.

There might be a few places like that in the world.

Anyway. Why do we care about the Oracle, again? I can see tracking Vrill down, 'cuz he knew something about the Knights of Amtrak - or no, sorry, knights of Armek - but what do we know about those guys? Just that Vrill didn't like them? Just because some bastard hates a group of folks, doesn't mean they're a bunch of straight Gs, you know what I mean?

I stock up on potions, too. I spend 400 gold on healing potions. That puts me down to 50 gold. My third level spells are dispel and summon; 2nd are summon, spirit hammer, Aid, silence, hold; firsts are cure light (x3), summon, and cause light.

What was that about my being the high priest? Oof. I'm not really a high priest kinda guy, you know. Except in these monk motherfucker times, maybe you want the Fist of Odin to be in charge.

So, okay. We gotta fuck their shit up. Odin's fist has spoken and shit.

And I'm good to go. Do we need to do anything more in this village?
Cool, I'm off to Greyhelm.
While I wait around I teach some excercises (how do you spell that) to any villagers that will hang out in the square. Teach bullies how to give headlocks, wimps how to kick people in the nuts etc. Handbag safety may be important for the ladies from the looks of things around here. I see if mike will help out to get people used to a friendly zombie. My con is low so mostly I hang out and tell people how they are doing things wrong but by watching I could still learn a few things.....
  Greyhelm Is Heck Of Good
So it sounds like the plan is to go to Grito. Okay, Brother Orcsides agrees to come. "Although I think it's unlikely that the Oracle of Gryss, uh, went to Greyhelm." Gregolas is going to come too. "I mean, I already got my shit together for road trippin' dude. Not like I unpacked since we got back. Got to pick up some stuff. I got mad peeps in Greyhelm, it's heck of good."

Anything I should know before we roll this adventure onwards? Are you guys going to stop off at the City of Spiders and check out the arena, or is it directly to Greyhelm?

Greetles is a little apprehensive about everyone leaving all of a sudden. "Well if you do happen across a bookstore, I'd be most appreciative if you could pick up a couple books on, I guess, how to be a good mayor? Maybe The Prince or Bill Clinton's autobiography or something, I'm not really sure what's out there."

Marivhon, this time Halfling Dan successfully Picks your Pocket. Please remove 30 gp. Thanks!

Halfling Dan yawns and thinks "Man that was too easy, these guys are suckers. I'll try robbing from that thief next."
Hey, Marivhon, I wouldn't worry so much about Smallwood. That guy's a druid. -You know, he's true Neutral. Unless you are burning squirrels or something, they aren't the type to get all righteous. Sure, we should watch out for him, but I don't have any hard feelings towards the guy. -We just killed his werewolf.

Hey, Dan! Maybe you might have better luck finding half-pussy if you weren't hanging around an Orchard filled with zombies. Try The Griffon's Claw, guy.

And finally, brother Orcsides... Look man, I know something, I know that the Oracle of Gryss is not in Shady Orchards. So that's a start. Sometimes faith means letting the fates lead you. I know that we don't have a map to the Oracle of Gryss, but we know that he isn't on a boat, he isn't dead, and he isn't in the mountains. That's a start.

One thing that seems odd to me is the whole Knights of Armek thing. Vrill said some stuff about them long ago. I think that he was building an army of Owlbears to fend them off or something. I don't know if the MoPs have anything to do with that, but it seems that Vrill knew some stuff about bigger things at work. Maybe we should start with Vrill. If we can't get anything out of him, the maybe Master Parsifal.

Either way, I think we need to go to Greyhelm. Vrill's lawyer, Mr. Willowby Caruthers is there. I am sure that he knows where Vrill is.

Brother Orcsides, you're coming with us. Take care, Greetles.

Oh, BTW, we should keep up on our reading of Vrill's posts on the Potion Guild Blog. That guy likes to talk.
  A Good Question, Halfling Dan
Brogg: "I've got Faith, brother Orcsides! -Something that it seems you need a little more of."

So Brother Orcsides thinks about your words and nods. He says, and you're not sure if he's
serious or just being smug, "So does that mean that Grettin and Shettin need to have some more faith too? I mean, really, what's the plan here, we're not just talking about going on a treasure hunt or something, this is serious. How do we find the Oracle of Gryss? Can you search your faith?"

Okay, maybe he's being a bit smug. Just to make the point, he continues, sort of bitterly: "So what, you just type in to the command prompt:


And it doesn't really get it, so the computer responds

I don't know what you want to SEARCH.

And so you refine your command like


And the computer's all

You find one Oracle of Grisbane. (Your score just went up five points: 16/200. You are a: Junior Adventurer.)

Just like that huh."

Brother Orcsides sighs. "Look, sorry for being all snappy, but when your priests- your friends- are butchered, it pisses a guy off. And when in a moment of need, High Priests Grettin and Shettin cast a Commune, which is a frickin' 5th level spell, you know, like Flame Strike? Like Plane Shift? Like fuckin' Raise Dead?! When you drop a Commune, you expect answers. You don't expect: 'Oh here's a wacky riddle about how the Oracle didn't go to the dance party!' So yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe my faith is a little shaken. Followers of Grisbane- other priests too- just dead now, and we got squat. So really, Brother Brogg. I'm not trying to be a dick or anything here. Speak With Animals ain't gonna cut it. Do you have a real plan?"

In a more general sense, what is the plan? A plan basically consists of going somewhere, and the places you can go aren't that many: Greyhelm, Durth, the City of Spiders, and misc.

Halfling Dan sits down on the couch and says: "So this is Grito. Huh." (Pause.) "So what's a halfling gotta do to get some pussy around here?" Marivhon, Halfling Dan is kind of bored and tries to pick pockets you, but he fails (undetected). Oh well, he'll just try again next post.
I think that druid will be a real problem for us he could ruin everything you guys have been working on. I don't really care what we do next.... I can wait on this map thing no biggie. "You shouldn't have ot worry about Kaz the Minotaur ruining anything for you.....Greetles, or I mean your honor"

"I don't think we will be able to do very much about the MoP anytime soon. We can check out the Oracle thing, if thats what you'd like to do Brogg..."
Yea, Cinder was in the bar in Greyhelm wathcing it live when that Jet Blue pilot was landing that plane. 'The Shive' usually keeps their T.V. low, but the barkeep totally turned the volume up and everybody had their eyes glued to the screen. That landing was fucking incredible if I may say so myself. I guess you don't really need your wheels pointed in the right direction to land those things.

"Urkles the Accountant considers the idea of opening a bar in the mayor's old house...You know that your finances aren't in the greatest of shape."

"Listen friend, that's good and all. You just tell me how much we'd need to get this place up and running. Get me some numbers, and we'll go from there."

Ok. It seems Marivhon wants to chase some treasure, so the way I see it, we've got 3 options:
1)Find Vrill
2)Find Treasure
3)Find the Druid with Small Wood. (That was really juvenile).

The druid will be hard (haha, EDIT! I just noticed this. Totally not intentional), cause though Brogg could speak with animals to try and find him, I think they wouldn't tell us cause if they are on anyone's side it's the druid's. I want to find Vrill bad, but Marivhon has a map, and even though he's kind of new, we've done a quest for every party member except him so far. I guess I'll vote for either Vrill or Treasure. If Mar really wants treasure, I'll do that.

So what's it gonna be everyone? Door number 1, 2, or 3?

EDIT #2: Ok, I was typing this before Brogg posted his last bit. He reaaaly wants to go see the Oracle, but I think we need to find Vrill. Ugh. Cinder really wishes the monks hadn't destroyed his friend's temples, cause it's hard to change the mind of a priest who's in a holy rage/fervor/etc. Brogg dude. Mysterious X is way to high a level. Maybe we gain some xp and fight another day?
Huh... I always picture the Oracle as this hot priestess that talked in a echoing whisper. You know, in a cave filled with candles that backlit her translucent robes just so... Hmm. Bummer.

Oh well, even if the Oracle of Gryss is a dude, I have got to find her, I mean him, brother Orcsides. And maybe I don't know something that the Grand Master of Flowers doesn't, but I do have something that the GMoF doesn't! I've got something that that brownie hunter will never have! I've got Faith, brother Orcsides! -Something that it seems you need a little more of.

So yes, I am going to find the Oracle. I am going to find her, and get ...shit. I mean I am going to find him, and get his guidance in this MoP problem.

Who is with me?!
  The Oracle Refuses To Pay $20 To Go To A Shitty Rave
Okay Brogg, Brother Aaron Orcsides nods in approval: "Yeah! I think that's a really good idea Brogg! Uh, hey Brogg, can I talk to you for a sec? Maybe, um, over there."

Brother Orcsides says "Um, yeah, so that's a good plan, but two things. First off, what's your plan for finding the Oracle? The guy went missing right after the MoP thing blew up, even Grettin and Shettin don't know where he is. Don't think that the MoP haven't tried to find him- they can non-magically Speak with Animals and Plants! At least we know he's not dead though, because Grettin and Shettin communed with Grisbane to try and find the Oracle, and got this poem in response:

Neither mountain nor wave
Nor dead in a grave
Nor up in the rave
Will you find this lost knave.

I was like 'Yeah thanks, now we know he's not, you know, raving hard or something. Sheesh!' But at least he ain't dead. So unless you know something the Grand Master of Flowers and the High Priests of Grisbane don't know, I'm not sure what we can do about that.

Oh, and second thing, yeah, the Oracle of Gryss is a guy. 100% dude. FYI and all that."

Greetles reads his new Dragonlance book over a cup of Earl Grey, looking over at a pile of paperwork and sighing. "Just an hour or so of reading, then I'll get back to it."
Holy Mother of Grisbane! Those MoPs ransacked the Grisbanic temple too?!

That shit isn't very Lawful Good if you ask me.

Ok, screw Vrill for now. I suggest that we seek out the Oracle of Gryss. Maybe she knows what can be done. Shit, maybe Leuco would even put off the whole Contrarian thing to help out now.

Guys, I have to go see the Oracle. I just have too. Maybe she knows something about the Knights of Armek too. I wonder if these MoPs have anything to do with them?

Are you guys with me?

Hey, I think I am 20gps light...
Looks like Cinder's post turned out okay. Just like that FUCKING JET BLUE AIRPLANE, HOLY SHIT, DID ANYONE ELSE SEE THAT? MOTHER OF CHRIST!

Marivhon, Greetles thanks you for the book. "Hmm, thanks. Minotaurs, I think those guys are pretty neat. There aren't any spoilers for Dragons of Spring Dawning are there? Because I haven't read that one yet. Maybe if you guys go on another adventure to Barnes and Nobles you could pick me up a copy? I can pay you in advance just in case, no big deal if you don't find one on your adventures. Um, any mayor stuff I should do, proclamations or anything? Otherwise I've got some weeding that needs taken care of, and I don't trust the zombies to avoid my new tomato plants."

Tell ya what, as a starting gift for the new guild, Grimes just gives you two extra-healing potions and one invisibility potion. For future notice, extra-healing potions are 250 gp and invisibility potions are 300 gp. Buy as many as you like.

Greetles is open to the idea of a vineyards. He'll have to examine the soil and the water. If it's not too much to ask, maybe you could pick up a volume or two on viticulture?

Urkles the Accountant considers the idea of opening a bar in the mayor's old house. Urkles is kind of an uptight dick in turns out- he says "Well that all sounds very nice, but you do you intend to call it? The Murdered Mayor tavern? Drinks Are On The Deadman? Let's think about this some more, I'll check the numbers and get back to you. You know that your finances aren't in the greatest of shape."

Halfling Dan doesn't really see what problem there is with being a halfling. "And what's that you're saying about my momma? Yeah, that's what I thought." Brogg, Halfling Dan tries to pick pockets you later, he kifes 20 gp with a blogroll of 18.


So, also at the end of Dave's training time, word arrives from Durth, in the form of one Brother Aaron Orcsides. Brother Aaron brings recent news of the Monks of Progress, from the perspective of the temple of Grisbane (of which he's a 3rd level priest).

It's bad.

Basically, the monks have run all the temples out of town, and Durth has an addendum to the city motto:

Durth: We Rock!
And we're proud to be
100% god free!

The MoP, in a campaign spearheaded of course by the Mysterious X, and executed most notably by Shi Jukka, claim to have removed all priests and temples from Durth. In reality, says Orcsides, some of the temples fled to underground caves. Those priests who wouldn't leave, or were slow to leave, were murdered. "I saw that Jewka guy personally rip apart five or six half-breed priests! It was horrible! My god, Grisbane, where art thou?"

The Bar of Odin is closed. Most of the Odinites fled to Greyhelm, but the high priest was too drunk to get up and got Quivering Palmed. Dave, when you hear this news, you do a quick calculation based on Brother Aaron's news and realize you must be not only the highest level priest in Grito, but you're probably the fifth or sixth most powerful priest in the clergy of Odin in the world. Not sure if that's good news or not.

Currently, there seem to be no plans by the MoP to further take over Durth or to mobilize on other cities. Still, it sucks for the clerics.
Well I guess I'm back in town, at least lets say when I get back in town, I sit around and meditate. Do some cartwheels and practice my new acrobatics NWP. I fill the party in on whats happening in Durth. I'm fine with going after vrill but I would like to check out this map that the blackwalls gave me for the pixie. I pat mike on the shoulder. "looking good my friend."

"so you guys setup up some poor slocks etc, got your man greetles to be mayor, oh by the way here's that Kaz the Minotaur book call it a mayoral present. Here's what gets me. What about the druid who saw what really happened and got away? He might be know around town and might want some revenege or truth or whatever. Maybe we should take care of him. What do you think Brogg? Guys? Abbey?
Dude, Ed, you freaked the blog out.

I recovered your post as best as possible. Try not to include HTML script in the posts, eh?
  Oh My God
Um. Blogger just freaked out. I really don't feel like typing that post again, -you can kinda read it in between all the percent signs. Huh. If anyone wants to go ahead and delete it, I'll paraphrase:

I fail both IQ and WI

I drink the 200 bottle of wine with Gregolas

I suggest we get moving on Vrill.

Cinder misses both his IQ and WI checks. I mean he just pulled 2000gps out of a safe. What the fuck do you think is on his mind? So far it looks like these brave adventurers are gonna be caught with their pants down. Fist of Odin 0n the couch at Shady Orchards Cinder's like Hey Gregolas. Check this shit out. He holds up the bottle of wine he lifted. Blackwall appraised at 200 motherfuckin GPs per bottle. This is the good shit my friend. Reaaal primo stuff. It's called Bouvewadaie or Boovwhardie or something. I don't know. It's good shit though. Grimes said he already had a few bottles in his cellar. You should hit some of this. Cinder takes a swig from the bottle. Hmm. Yea pretty good. You know maybe Shady Orchards should get a vinyard going you know? That would be pretty cool although it's totally hard to make good wine grapes I hear. The soil has to have the right amount of acid I think and the temperature has to be just so...I dunno. I think we should do it. Maybe you should get with Greetles on that Greg. I could totally see you being our wine taster, you know how to appreciate the good shit. Shady Orchards Vineyards. That doesn't really have a ring to it does it? Cinder wants to buy some potions from the guild. 2 Invisibility and 2 X-tra healing. I just spent 10 mins trying to locate the Blackwall potion price list in the old posts. Can someone put that on the Reference Page? Hey guys, I'm feeling like we need to get our asses moving and get up on Vrill. His ass has had a vacation as far as I'm concerned. What do you say?
Hmm, that Abbey has sure been acting strange lately.

Brogg is not so sure about halfling as a description of race. To him, that would suggest that Dan's parents were not of the same breed, which, I am quite sure that they were. I ask Dan what he thinks about being called a Halfling. Does he prefer Hobbit?

I think that we should convert the old Mayor's residence into an inn. I like Shady Orchards the way it is, kind of cozy, kind of creepy. I don't want a bunch of drunks stealing the apples. With the old Mayor's place converted to an inn, we could keep some rooms open for the Blackwalls, and maybe even make a little bit of cash. I talk to Urkles about the idea. You know, we run some numbers.

If he likes it, I suggest that we find an innkeeper. Maybe we should put an ad in the classifieds.

Here are my checks: IQ:15, nope, WI:20, nope. Aw, crap I spilled my beer!
  Nous Continuons
Okay, just pushing things along a little further here.

For three nights, Abby goes to the window and incants "D O O M". Finally, on the third night, maybe one of you looks out the window where she's looking. At first, nothing, then after a few moments, her dead eyes fixed to the stars, you see a shooting star race overhead and disappear into the southern sky.

How's that for an omen?


About three weeks before the end of Dave's training time, Grimes finally sends his accountant to take a look at Shady Orchard's operation. In that time, you guys have acquired three more Blackwalls on the lam: two guys you might remember are back, Jurgen and Broch, plus another guy up from Greyhelm, Footpad Dan, a bitter little halfling. Then the accountant shows up, one Mr. Lindsey Urkles.

Urkles takes a look around the place, making himself at home in the mayor's office. He spends several days walking through town, jotting small, seemingly illegible notes in a yellow legal pad. Never without an attache case crammed full of papers. He seems rather neutral and non-committal to anything you might offer, but definitely spends a lot of time thinking about the Tower of Illusion and Shady Orchards itself. Periodically he sends a letter back to Grimes via some merchant or caravan leaving Grito.

Anybody want to do anything? Oh, and everyone give me IQ and WI checks (Alertness bonus applies).
  Abby Gets A Little Creepier
Hell yeah. You guys are starting to get a reputation. Some kid around Grito asks if you have a mixtape. And yeah, if anyone asks, I'll just say "well see it's like we're referencing Tolkien, you know... I mean, he had rhymes and stuff."

The Blackwalls will ID the potions, Cinder. Let's see... you've got a Potion of Plant Control and a Potion of Polymorph Self.

Back in Grito, well, I guess there's no reason why you can't just take the small safe, and then later bash the hell out of it with a crowbar or your magic sword or something. Okay, inside is a cool 1000 gp, an old bottle of gin, and a deed to the mayor's house.

With that in hand, Greetles could move on in, but frankly he sort of prefers it out on the farm. "Maybe if you wanted to open that tavern, or have a place to live without lots of zombies and Gregolas around, you guys could do that over there?"

Okay, Greetles first action as Mayor of Grito is to sign the death warrant for Kimber Broderick III. He's scheduled to die in a few days.

Blacksmith Tom is taken away by the Slaver's Guild to work in the Durth mines. Whenever he's ungagged, he curses Greetles' name and swears by his father's arm that he'll get revenge.

You also dig up the old mayor's body and destroy it more thoroughly.

Then, finally, Kimber III is led out one morning surrounded by a crowd, to a big tree actually not too far from Shady Orchards. Tied up, hauled up, and hanged 'til he's dead. And that's the end of that.

Everyone's back in Grito, and unless there's more crap to do, we can just fast-forward to the end of Dave's training. What a strange start to Greetles' term in office. The same night Kimber hangs, Abby floats over to the window, looks outside, and creeps everyone out by moaning "D O O M."

What will you do?
Brogg is pretty happy about how things went in Grito. At the Shady Orchards reunion party, he represents.

Yo, yo, check it.
I be the pimp of all thingz Grisbanic
Now Ronnie is Mayor jus’ like I planned it
Watch ya toes, cause I be steppin’
Ask Grettin and Shettin’
They ain’t forgettin’
How unicorns done fell like rain
Little half-G’s be shoutin’ my name
Broggtorius! Broggtorius! (What, what?!)
Yo cut it. Drop it there…
What’d I just hear?
MoP’s gave me grief?
Fuck dat holmes! I signed Katsu’s release!
Yo, MX gots to wait for his fate
Where I pluck that G-Flower!
Stick it in a vase!
Or plant em’ in tha ground
Like the Mayor of this town
And it don’t stop there
Till they cut his son down!
Cuz his son’s in town square, up in tha air
Swingin from a noose
To the holla’s and hoots!
Of a town in cahoots
With tha rhymes I produce!
Even dead Mayor is sayin’:
“My son did my slayin!”
“And Big Tom too!” -He outta that race.
He gotta new place with bars in his face.
All cuz they wanted a taste
Of the baddest Half-Race!
Got their coup de grace!
Filled my trophy case!
Yo, I gots to stop, your checks be bouncin’
Go see my accountant, you be in debt
Had to much, of the rhymes I pronouncin’

Congratulations, Ronald.
Cinder reaches into the potion guild box and pulls out...hmm. 2 potions. The minimum number he could find. Well here's some percentile: 75 and 69 (huh huh huh).

And let's not be too quick to say no dice to that safe upstairs shall we? We've got 3 warm bodies here, each with a full set of tools, and as I recall the description read 'There's a small safe in the corner.'

I get Zombie Mike and Charles to help me pry the floorboards or whatever else needs to be done to get that small safe out of there. Maybe Dave, Fist of Odin can do his own version of open locks when we get back or something.

Cinder tells Grimes, "I fully intend to get this ball rolling. I think the real bling is gonna come when the illusionist gets his tower up and rolling, but in the meantime we'll get some crew down to Grito, stake out our territory, which will be all of Grito, and fuck any Chess Clubbers that try and get in our way. I think Charles might be a good man to head up operations when I'm out of town."

And down in the celler Cinder steps up to that Blackwall and is all like:

Yo, check out my bass, midrange and treble
The rhyme that you're spittin is zero level
Sit back, hit that, and tip that drink
My name's Cindah, and I'm ready ta speak
You a gay-ass bard and you singin ballads
But my shit's spicy like a taco salad
Cause I'm raised on the street
Where I'm stealin ta eat
And I'm quick on my toes and to spit on a beat
And on a Saturday morn (I'm sippin the Old 'E)
I got too much coin (convert it ta jewelry)
I drop pills, stab Vrills, get down, give chills
Sippin whiskey with Grimes as he's countin his 'mills
So don't step ta me if your shit is wack
Cause shit is wack'll get a knife in the back
I'm a bad muthafucker and my guild is Blackwall
And if your daughter is home you know I'm makin a house-call
And I be knockin her boot
Stealin yer loot
And nine months later ya see I's layin my root
Yeah I live by the sword (bitches know it's long)
Makin rich men poor (mama why's that wrong?)
So if dis is the wrong way, I don't wanna be right
Cause my purse is full, and my step is light
And yo, Cinder's the name
And ya'll know the game
Spittin verb on da curb, puttin suckas to shame. Word!!!

Cinder throws his hands up and is all like "What? What? Uh-huh, aaaiiighht!" But clasps his boy Blackwall on the back like it's all good cause we just rhymin and shit.

Then he heads back to Grito.
Wow, Ronald won! That's great news.

Excellent campaign, Ronald. I know that you will do a great job with Grito, much to the benefit of this sleepy hamlet's residents.

I think that we should have a party at the Orchards when Cinder, Marivhon and Gregolas get back.

I am not really sure what we should do with those two in prison. I feel pretty bad for Blacksmith Tom. I think that Kimber probably had it coming though. I suggest to Greetles that he give the people what they want and hang Kimber. Do that for the People. I think that sending Tom into exile might be good enough, as he was just a paid hitman. Either way, I think that we need to dig up the Mayor once again and burn him. We can't afford to have that guy really talk. I enlist Mike and some Blackwalls to do that.

I otherwise keep a low profile and wait until the guys get back. I will help Greetles with my new accounting skills if he likes.

Hey, does Greetles get the Mayor's former residence?

Oh, and Marivhon, it's "The Knights of Armek". The Knights of Amtrack run a pretty shitty locomotive business.
  The Dwarf Better Not Bogart The Grisbane
Okay Marivhon, you return to the temple of Grisbane and get Gregolas Half-Elven. He's sleeping on a bench in the courtyard, looks up at you with tired eyes and says "Word." Grabs his pack and he's good to go.

As for the Arbiter, I guess you're asking about Leuco the troll. He's a bad-ass half-troll half-elf Cleric Ranger. Gregolas has met him down outside Greyhelm. "Yeah that dude is trouble with a capital TER, bro. He can like shoot an arrow through a guy and hit another guy behind that first guy. Plus he's a troll so he regenerates, it's a little unfair if you ask me. Now it's his job to save all the uh, you know, what's that word? Like owlbears and manatees and shit. Fuck em, like if squirrels wanted to be in the Grisbane temple, do we got to take them too? What about dwarves, man? Don't they got their own god? Perpetratin if you ask me, don't gotta be all bogarting Grisbane."

Hope that clears things up.

Uh, Dave? 1100 gp? You should be keeping track of $$ on your character sheet. I really have no idea how much money you should or shouldn't have. If you wanna go back through the previous posts, add it up, go ahead. Otherwise, why don't we just say you had exactly 1000 gp and now you have no money like it says on your char sheet. In any case, Advanced Summoning is fine for a NWP. Critters get to stick around for one extra round and have one more hp per HD.
alright trained leveled etc.
I hang out with grisbanes kids maybe wait for greg to sober up and see if he's ready to get back to grito to make some money and chill on the farm. "we really should get back and check in on your plants."
on the road back to durth hopefully. What do the grisbane kids have to say about that arbiter eh? Just think brogg might like to know. In durth I buy greetles a copy of Kaz the minotaur. Heros of dragonlance book 2 I believe. "Sorry they were out of the Legend of Huma."
  Dave, Fist of Odin
Well, last I heard I had 1100 gp. Is that still true? I want the special training, so if I don't got the cash - Cinder? Can you help me out?

for my non-weapon proficiency I'd like to increase my clobbering. Level 2 clobbering, maybe? I dunno. Rob - you know what I like to do. Let me know. Or maybe 'advanced summoning' or something.

Hp? Why, I blogroll a 4, +1 for CN bonus, +2 for special training. 7 more hp, baby!

I'll update my spells later, when I've got a more private moment.
  This Is Complete BullshOOOF
Marivhon in Durth.

Sure, Jukka doesn’t take it personally. It doesn’t really seem to affect him one way or another. I mean, the guy offered to train you, right? He’ll take 200 gp if it’s important to you too. Then you train! Huzzah, that –1 CN penalty sucks nuts though.

Well, maybe Jukka did take it a little personally after all, as he does make a comment like “And it won’t be personal when at last we do battle and I destroy you. Never forget, Marivhon, the life of a monk is a life of constant struggle and battle. Do you know that there can only be three level 8 monks in the world, at all? If you wish to make it to level 8, you must first fight and kill one of the three. And thus it goes every level thereafter. So, enjoy the next five levels, because after that, it gets a little hectic. Plus, you’ll have lower level monks seeking you out trying to destroy you and take your belt. To be a monk is to walk the path of death. Good day, Marivhon 2nd level.”

Sure, you can find a couple RLG ninjas who didn’t make it to the MoP run. They seem kind of bummed they didn’t get to go actually. They’re hanging out in this bar called Flawless Fantasy. One of them, Nogutta, was sick that day, stomach pains. The other one, Wideo Bon, he’s been playing World of Warcraft and totally forgot about it. Nogutta’s reading a comic book while Bon ‘games’ at FF. I think you know the types, so unless you have lots to say to them, it really doesn’t go anywhere. Yeah, they’re pretty bummed out about being the last of the Red Lotus Gang, but Wideo’s Necromancer just got 56th level and a sweet new staff he’s been waiting for.

The Temple of Odin has become a bar. The priests of Odin tend bar. ‘Nuff said. It’s a little sad, but maybe not so much, because frankly it’s not so different from how things used to be.

The Blackwall Thiefs are really skeptical of this while MoP thing. From their perspective, “Monks of Progress” will be bad for Thiefery. The Thiefs, they kind of like the existing way of things, feudal systems, gods, adventurers, long swords do a d8, brigands and monsters and all that. Sure, it sucks to have a wolf-demon creep under your bed and eat your babies, but hey, gotta take a little bad with the good. They don’t really know what to do about it at this point though, and as of yet, the MoP haven’t harassed them. The Thiefing continues.

The hat pixie, well, let’s just say that hanging out with you hasn’t really been the highlight of his enchanted life, so what the fuck, sell him. Maybe the Blackwalls have some crystals that need tending, because you certainly didn’t, you cheap motherfucker.

You trade the pixie and the hat for a treasure map. It’s a map to the legendary lost ancient Arena of Kyuss, just within the City of Spiders! It looks like you don’t have to venture too far within the CoS, which is probably a good thing. The legend on the map reads:



Hmm, straight to the point. ‘K.

Oh, and no one has any idea about any “Knights of Amtrak”.

Cinder at the mayor’s house, and then to Greyhelm.

Okay Cinder, you find a jewelry box with three rings each worth 100 gp and two gems worth 50 gp each. You find an ornate letter opener worth 20 gp. Charles takes a couple things, and Mike the zombie finds a giant purple fur cloak that he digs. You also find an old Potion Guild box with 1d4+1 potions. Give me a 1d4+1, then give me that number of d% for determining what the potions are. No dice on the safe upstairs, too bad.

When you guys leave… it’s clear that someone came into the house while you were gone! In a study downstairs, a painting was moved, and a wall-safe stands open! Hmm.

Okay, you give 500 gp in beads to Stanislaus. Well done, he agrees to help out in the ‘trial’ tomorrow.

Anyway, off to Greyhelm. The trip is uneventful because any event would take like a week in real time to resolve. So, you’re there!

Grimes likes the way you think. “Yes, it certainly seems that things could be happening in Grito now, Cinder my lad. Yes indeed. My lady?” Gets some more whisky. “Mm, thanks my dear, that hits the spot. Yes indeed that hits the spot. So, why don’t you get some of the boys together there up in Grito, whoever happens to wander in to town, and get things rolling? I’d suggest watching the tavern, the town guard, and this new Illusionist fellow who appears to be somewhat of a, shall we say, wild card? Tower of Illusion, mm? Of course, you’ll need a bookkeeper to keep track of revenue and keep lines of such open between me and thee, Cinder my boy. You just get things rolling and I’ll send someone up there in a few days. Let’s see just how much of the old business Grito has to offer, shall we?”

Well, you’re not so sure about that right now, but Greyhelm pockets certainly have some business to offer. 3 PPs, okay, you steal a fancy hat worth 10 gp, an excellent bottle of wine worth 200 gp, and a money purse with 11 cp, 2 sp, 5 ep, 10 gp, and 2 pp.

This Blackwall Thief just shakes his head and says “Fool, if you’re gonna rap, rap. If you ain’t, ain’t. But don’t be all talkin’ about it and ain’t doin’ it. Check it:

Yo, I was made in the hood, never knew my own dad
An my Mom workin hard and it made me so sad
H-town- word- rough when you jus be a lad
Mother fuckers causin ruckus jus like a Limbo slaad

Got shivved Got loot Got a bran new suit
Spit trut Recruit Stone cold to do it
Gone from eatin ol root now to caviar and fruit
Once was knockin on doors now I’m knockin fat boot

Sucka Thief be all frontin I’m like “Just gimme something”
Don’t ask for much just a large rhyme or something
Yeah kid you heard right I just rhymed something with something
Like an archmage from outta space I pull these rhymes outta nothing

From Denny’s to Durth it’s cold party rockin flavor
Step up to the plate take swing do me a favor
An ya dun know I don gotta be rap’s new savior
Just a Blackwall mother fuckin cold playin instigator.

Now, as for the election…

Dave, Stanislaus considers your words, but replies: “What sort of election only has one candidate? A rigged election, my friend. I think it best if my name remains on the ballot just to present the, mm, illusion of fairness here. Do not worry, I have no intention of becoming mayor. By this time tomorrow night, Mr. Greetles will be in office, and I shall be the invincible master of the Tower of Illusion! Ha ha ha!”

Okay Brogg, you’ve paid 250 gp to Stanislaus, and Cinder paid another 500 gp, so you’ve paid all the deposit to get things moving. Now you just owe him 1250 gp in goods, payable over time.

The next day, everyone gathers in the town square, with the two prisoners and the mayor’s rotting corpse. Dave, you step on up to ‘Speak with Dead’. Stanislaus is in place over there somewhere. You make the motions of casting, and command the dead to speak!

“Uh… yes… it is… me… Mayor… Broderick. Ooooh. I am… dead… yet… I speak.”

Dave, Fist of Odin: “I command you spirit! I ask you now, is your murderer- or, perhaps, murderers,” with a glance towards the chained up nephew and blacksmith, “are these criminals with us today?”

Dead fake mayor: “Hmmm…. with… my… spirit’s eye… I sense… my blood… on the hands… of two men!”

Gasps from the crowd.

DFoO: “And who are these murderers? Speak spirit!”

DFM: “My… nephew… Kimber Broderick the Third!”

More gasps. The nephew yells “Bullshit! This is complete bullshOOOF” as a guard clubs him on the head.

DFM: “Wait! There is… more. My nephew… did not… work… alone! Blacksmith Tom! Blacksmith Tom done killed meeeeeee!”

More gasps. Blacksmith Tom just shakes his head and looks at you with intense hate.

And so there it is. The mayor is laid to rest. The mayor’s nephew and the blacksmith are taken back to jail. That night, the ballots are cast, and counting goes on until morning. Sure enough, by 9 AM the next day, Ronald Greetles is declared mayor, and sworn into office by noon.

500 xp everyone, good job getting Greetles elected. Dave, this levels you. A cool 1000 gp for special training to 5th. You might have to take a loan from a certain Thief, depending on how much $$gp you got.

Greetles is a little overwhelmed by the whole thing. This is sort of his first time having to do any public speaking, or, shit, any contact with the public at all. The first task before the mayor’s office, of course, is what to do with the nephew and blacksmith. Some are clamouring for the ‘ultimate price’, execution. Greetles asks you guys what to do, because he really has no idea. According to Charles, who knows a guy in the Grito jail, the nephew and the blacksmith are spending a lot of time talking about how bogus this whole election thing was and how they’ll find out the real truth…

What will you do?
1st off, I will hang out with Jukka and explain the whole priest of odin in the party had to do it thing. We're both lawful so maybe he gets that for me it wasn't so personal. I try to play it off like I thought the RLG we're kinda shitty but after the whole MOP thing I had few options. Long of the short I would like to hang out with Jukka for my intro to 2nd level. If I can I try to get his take on the MoP movement and ask if he's heard of the knights of amtrack. I still give him 200gp if he'll take it. "Give it to those kids if you must, but I will not accept your help for free. I do not want to be indebted to you"

I then head to the Blackwalls, try to get the skinny on the whole MoP thing from their point of view. Then I attempt to track down any RLG left in town, maybe with the help of the Blackwalls.

I am just about to sell the hat to the Blackwalls. "any ideas pixie buddy, you're about to get sold to some very shady cats?" I ask around about the priests of odin too.

In summary whats up Durth, are there any RLG left? hows the MoP thing playing out?
HP roll nice 3-1+2=an even number. non weapon will be acrobatics... If the pixie has no ideas he's gone for a treasure map, and I let him know it.
  Dave, Fist of Odin
Well, of COURSE we can't trust this guy. He's an illusionist. But, what the hell - it sounds like a plan I can get behind, and the kind of plan an illusionist would like.

But as a good faith measure, I'd like him to bow out of the race. Whatya think?
Yeah, I am down with Stanislaus' plan. I think that if Greetles were the Mayor of this place, we could probably come up with some money. If not, we could always go on an adventure for some cash.

Speak with the dead, Dave, Fist of Odin.

I'll cross off the 500gp for the backyard burial.

I also donate 250gp to cover half of Stanislaus' down payment.

Still, I think that we really have to watch this illusionist guy. I mean, anyone that would go along with this plan surely can't be trusted too much. That, and he has illusions.
Wow this is moving fast.

Ok, a lot to post.

First off, "Hey Mar, thanks for passing that safehouse message on to the Blackwalls in Durth."
Cinder will pen a letter to Grimes in Greyhelm to arrange a fee schedule if they do decide to send a representative down to Shady Orchards. Cinder wants to charge just enough to cover Shady Orchard's monthly taxes, plus little extra for profit's sake. You know what, fuck it. Cinder will head to Greyhelm in person to talk to Grimes. He'll probably have shit to fence from the Mayor's house, and with the illusionist setting up his adventurer tower, shit is happening in Grito and in a few years, the Blackwalls might really want a significant presence here. This might be the groundwork for a new guild branch. Plus Cinder just likes the way Grimes rolls. He's gonna spend some GP's on a a few of the most expensive blunts for sale in Grehelm, and roll it with some kind bud from Gregolas, "Let me know how much that is bro, I won't jew ya."

Cinder is totally down with letting the illusionist set up shop. Cinder actually had plans to some day (maybe with the help of Greetles as mayor) fund mineral and other natural resource exploration around Grito, with the hopes of creating an industry boom that would make Grito grow, and attract people and business alike to loot and pillage. This adventurer tower is like a dream come true. What better than an influx of adventurers with magic items and gps? Shit, a blackwall branch in Grito could even provide thieves for the tower of illusions.

In fact, Cinder wants this to get rolling so bad that he takes the initiative and speaks with Stanislaus himself. He tells Stanislaus about his potential plans for a guild, the possibility of stocking his tower with thieves (which could probably be free if the thieves could keep a percentage of the loot they took from adventurers they killed), and things of that nature. Cinder reaches into his Roos and pulls out the 500gp downpayment from his personal stash (in jewelry form). "Let's do business. Anything else you need, just let me know. Charles and I could probably do a couple of dry runs on the Labyrinth of Illusions too, you know, -test things out and all."

Cinder tells the party that he gave the green light to Stanislaus, and tell them "Check it out guys. I just had an idea. Shady Orchards isn't the most profitable farm eh? But this illusionist is setting up is tower. What if, after the mayoral elections, we turn Shady Orchards into a tavern? Fuck guys, we certainly have the space with all this land. We could convert the barn into rooms for travellers and adventurers and shit. Hell, if this illsionist tower takes off, we could be motherfucking rich. And with Greetles as mayor, we control the liquor liscenes. Monopoly baby. Cash money. Dave, Fist of Odin, I know your're down. We'd have Blackwalls in here, adventurers, priests and shit. It would be the most adventurerist place in the region. I think we gotta look into this."

Now for some good old fasioned looting.
Cinder heads to the Mayor's house with Charles and Mike. I need an IQ and WI check for loot it seems.

Damn. Got em both. Cinder is up on it again, and decides that cocaine really helps with his game, so he asks Charles if he 'knows anybody.' Cinder tells him that he's got 100gps for some blow, but no way in hell is he giving Charles the money till he sees the goods.

Ok. Room upstairs with safe needs another IQ and WI. IQ:8, WI:2 Nice, that makes both again (Those two are modified with the -4 for my Alertness).
Open locks is 50% so I turn it over to Charles and Mike. "This one's pretty tough guys. I can't get past that last tumbler." One last modified WI check = WI:10 which misses by one. Cinder does another line of blow cause this shit is obviously starting to wear off.

When Cinder is in Greyhelm, he's gonna head to the tourist district and pick some pockets too. He's all about the loot.
Make 3 and miss 2.

Cinder also starts working on his next rhyme, and sees if some of the Greyhelm Blackwalls are into freestylin and shit, cause you gotta check out what Cinder's spittin.
  A Preemptive Retort From A Master Of Illusion
In case Stanislaus' offer of 2000 gp seems a bit steep, he replies:

"Surely you are a man of business. Consider this, then. My Tower of Illusion, once built, will challenge adventurers the world over. Many brave and wealthy heroes will venture here to discover its secrets and plunder its halls. Imagine the tourist gps this will generate. An industrious kobold mayor might even consider starting an 'adventurer tax'. Citizens of Grito could get jobs as henchmen, hierlings, torchboys, tour guides. The Tower of Illusion will not be for the ill-prepared, your General Store stands to make a fortune in the trade of 10' poles and 50' rope. 2000 gp seems a small price to pay for such an attraction. Grito shall no longer be known as the Greyhelm that also-ran, it shall be known as the Adventurer's Mecca!"

He strokes his chin thoughtfully and offers you some more scotch.
  A Time Of Strange Allies
Holy fuck, did everyone just post on the same day? I must reward this effort with 40 xp to everyone.

Hmm. Well, being a Man of These People certainly helps, as does the fact that all y'all, except Marivhon, are Heroes of Grito. The election is postponed until after the mayor's murder has been sorted out.

Nice thinking Dave, Stanislaus agrees to meet with you that night before everyone gathers in the town square. Apparently things like levels, xp, spell circles, 'can't cast that damn spell' are lost on the rabble, but not this Illusionist.

You head out to the construction grounds. Stanislaus is currently residing in one of those temporary trailer things while the building is going up. He greets you warily, invites you in, offers you a scotch. Roll to disbelieve! Heh heh, just kidding. He's got his three half-orc guards and two gnome workmen in there going over some plans for level 4: The Labyrinth of Illusion.

You guys talk late into the night, trying not to, you know, confess to the murder, while trying to enlist his help. You get the feeling that Stanislaus might even be on to the whole thing anyway though. Finally, he offers to help out... he'll provide a ventriloquism spell, implicating the nephew and the blacksmith, and he'll essentially drop out of the race, but still officially be on the ballot just for 'fairness'.

In exchange, he wants two things:
1) no hampering construction of the Tower of Illusion, and no taxes on it or the land, ever.
2) to be paid informally over the next year or so 2000 gp, but only in magic items, gems or jewelry (to stock the treasure chests in the Tower of course). 500 gp payable now. (Yeah, the Mardi Gras beads will work just fine.)

Failing this, you might have to admit you can't cast the spell, in which case a priest of Issac of the Jug will be called in from Greyhelm. And good thinking but no, there's no longer a Potion Guild in Grito, so you can't buy a potion of ventriloquism.

What say you?


Marivhon, sure thing Gregolas will come along to Durth. "Sure thing bro. Just give me a sec to find my gear." You give him a couple hours, really, to find his stuff, behind the couch and down in the basement, and outside, as it turns out. "Ai'ight, kine bud? Check. Margarita shaker? Check. Wallet chain? Check. -15% to Pick Pockets, pretty good huh? +1 hat? Check."

"Let's rock."

The journey to Durth is pretty uneventful. Gregolas is pretty good at hitchhiking and gets you guys a ride on a caravan. He's either talking non-stop about stupid shit or passed out. For a description of Durth, well, there's a previous post. Basically it's a mining city in the mountains, cue fantasy music. Oh, wait, you're from Durth. Whatever, you go back home. Hmm, new "Denny's".

Gregolas tells you he's gonna hang with the priests of Grisbane. "I got peeps there. Later dude, we got some food if you get hungry and stuff."

You head off down to the Red Lotus Gang... but find the entire place destroyed.

Yup, no more RLG.

Sitting amongst the ruins and the carnage is Shi Jukka from the MoP. You almost miss seeing him as he's got a pretty good Hide In Shadows, especially when he's meditating after slaughtering some ninjas.

"Hmm. Don't I know you? Right, you're one of those guys who tried to fight Mysterious X and left shamed without honor."

You don't really know how to take that, but Jukka, calm as a stone, continues.

"I know what you're thinking, but don't. Don't try it. You're like what? 2nd, maybe 3rd level? No, 1st? Wow, no way. It's not worth it. I just killed the Red Lotus Gang. The look of confusion on your face tells me you don't know why. Let me tell you a story, 1st level monk..."

Fortunately, this time Shi Jukka's story is short. Real short:
1) the Red Lotus Gang killed his family, and
2) it was about time Shi Jukka took revenge.

There you have it.

Stop me if I'm putting words in your mouth Marivhon, but let's just suppose you kind of pathetically kick a stone and ask Jukka if he's seen 200 gp hanging out around here.

"Sorry. I just had a team of dwarves come down here and remove everything of value and donate it to needy orphans. Your 200 gp was probably in there."

You explain about the whole leveling, special training thing. Jukka nods and considers this thoughtfully.

"Tell you what. I'm going to be around here for a couple more days. If you want, I can teach you a couple moves, like the Spine Driller and Emperor Hashimoto's Seven Word Haiku."

In other words, you can special train with Jukka to 2nd level free of charge. Important note! This does NOT make you a Monk of Progress and you cannot take any special Monk of Progress special abilities.

Let me know if you want to do this. If not, well, then just cough up 200 gp again and special train wherever, like back at the Grisbane temple (special training to 2nd is +2 hp and one NWP). If you do, then Shi Jukka shows you some stuff for two days, then you complete the rest of your training (for free by yourself) back at the temple anyway, but first Shi says to you:

"I am going on another adventure, Marivhon. Why? Well, when your best friends are killed in front of your eyes it's the thing to do. Anyway, if you make it to 4th or 7th level, seek me out at the bottom of the sea, and I will teach you even better moves, such as Iron Cloth, Otaku Smash, or even the legendary Dragon Punch, which I myself am in search of. Farewell, 2nd level monk, perhaps we shall do battle one day and I shall avenge more deaths in your blood."

And with that sort of creepy statement, Jukka stalks off to have more legendary solo adventures.

Finally, after leveling, you check in with the Blackwall Thiefs. They say thanks for letting them know about Charles and the flophouse, they'll try not to send too many convicted felons on the run to Grito, but you should be expecting a couple a month maybe? That work for ya guy? Great, thanks, you're swell. They'll also give you a cool 250 gp for the pixie, or, if it's monk magic that you want, instead of 250 gp, they'll give you a treasure map that'll lead the way to some magic weapons and gear.
Descent into Depths is an old school 1st Edition AD&D adventure run by the Infinity Group.

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