I'm at 7 out of 26.
Dave is down 5 out of a shitload
Brogg is down 5 out of 31 and charmed by a demon
everyone else is at full as of this post.
I have used all 3 of my potions. It's about round 5 in the fight.
I'm hiding by the door. wis check Rob to take in the scene a 6! I miss. heh.
  Dave, Fist of Odin
I'm still waiting for my bear, and hit point check. Perhaps I'm lagged, or in the Tart - but this time, I'm really trying to post! Really!
Well, I guess I'm not getting healed eh? I hide in shadows made by 10% and move silent made by 30%.....I move to the only entrance to the room.
I put away my flamethrower, having set the wicked undead ablaze.

I draw my golden longsword (which, if I understand correctly, once belonged to a paladin of Issek of the Jug... craziness) and attack...

well, I'll just do some rolls, whether I attack Ocho or the Demon is based on who I think is a greater threat. What does my Knowledge (Demonology) tell me? Can I tell that Brogg is charmed? IQ 18 (fail) and Wis 1 (pass). If I can tell the demon charmed him, I attack that. Otherwise, Ocho.

Move Silently BR 82 (fail) and Hide 66 (fail) so no backstab,
BR 3 +1 for attack. 9 damage if that hits.
Next round BR 19+1. 10 damage if that hits.
  King Tut
Ok, the cave-in would have been really elegant and awesome, but the pcs are still up there. Is it obvious that Brogg is injuring himself? If so, I'll restrain him. If not, I'll grab the band saw and attack the remaining enemy (if there is room).

Normally I'd go for the CCB, but with the undead and ichor and stuff, I'm not sure if it's sanitary. I pull my shirt up over my mouth like a surgeon's mask.

Asta la pasta undead dude.
Sweet well I'm at 7 hp so I back off since 3 people can be on him at once it's time for somebody else to help out.

I throw my Ninja star. I miss, I'll get that later......

Ok guys either heal me give me a potion, both or take care of this guy.
  SOON YOU WUH Is Not A Korean Businessman
Schmek and Mar, dmg logged. Brogg, you're doing a good job helping the demon make his monster pal. Mar, there is the one obvious threat of Ocho, but Anaxathoraxus may be a threat depending on how you view demons. No other skeletons left though, besides Brogg's friends.

Ocho sticks you for 12 hp this round Mar. "I g-g-got you g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-good, fleshy buh-buh-beast. Soon you wuh... soon you wuh... soon I KILL YOU."

Ya Tut, go for Berzerker maybe. Although that wasn't an Oriental Adventures class, it was from Dragon magazine. (Check out the Table Talk page for more info.)
Just so I don't really regret it later.

There is now only one bad guy left and his pal Brogg right?

If so cool. Well I Drink my last potion and attack 2 times.

Cool 8 hps and now I'm at 19.

Hit ac 4 and hit ac 5, 13 and 9 hps of damage.

Yeah I do dish it out now. thaco 17 and damage is either 1d0 +4 or 2d6 +4 3/2 a round. Just wish I had some Hps. AC 3
Hey, sure thing, Anaxathoraxus. Yeah, that tooth has to go.

Here's a dex check, if it helps: BR:3! Yeah!

So, who are we working on here? I mean, what's the plan? Is this a friend of...Oh, yeah, just a sec...Ok, I've got it...you can pull now. So, is this a friend of yours?

Hmm. I think that went in my eye. Is that bad? Should I have a mask or something?
Another 15, this time for 8 points (rolled 7 +1).

"I know a speech therapist you could talk to about that stuttering. She helped out a cousin of mine."

And Rob... why you gots to bring up my lack of a strength bonus? You gots to know how dat hurts. Don't you think I'm already a little self concious about that?

Don't be a hater.
  Brogg's New Job
Sorry Moth, Ocho and the skeletal horde are exactly 180 degrees from each other. You turn around and give a blast, frying most of the horde... the ones that remain, DFoO turns just fine. 0 skeletons left, so the way is clear guys, although given that El Rey de Esqueletos is basically backed into a corner, only three of y'all can melee with him at once.

Marivhon, you sure can dish it out. Here's another OG attack for... mm, miss.

Brogg, okay, you get Charmed. No, you're not going to fight Ocho. Actually, the demon tells you telepathically his name is Anaxathoraxus, and he could really use a hand here. Yeah, thanks. If you could just reach that... no, that other... no, that needle over there. Yeah, great. And just pop that bad tooth out when you have a sec. And just connect that ichor pump. This is looking really good, just terrific. Hold that fluid tube steady now.
  Dave, Fist of Odin
?Se llama Ocho?


!Te llamas Anocito!

For those playing along at home, that's 'little asshole', using both the diminutive and the familial, for a triple insult. I'd come up with something more creative, but in the heat of battle I'm kinda tapped out on the espanol. I'm the Fist of Odin, not the goddamn Translating Robot of Odin here.

And Zelba might have my soul and shit, but when you're a servant of Odin you kinda figure you're fucked on that account one way or another. Zelba, Odin - they'll figure that shit out when the time comes. Out of my hands. I just want to fuck Vrill over - not because he did us wrong - in my book, he got us out of the airport somehow, so mad props to him - I just hate that dickweed, and that's really all that it breaks down to.

First off, I turn some of these undead fuckers. Not the ones Brogg animated, of course, but the other undead dillholes.

Then - hit point check? With both what we're at, and out of how many? Thanks!

I'm either bringing in a bear, or . . . no, fuck it, after I turn I bring in a bear. Then we'll see how the woundingness is coming along, for cures or clobbering or badgers or whatnot.
I chug a Potion of Healing for 6. -I guess I am down 9 now?

Anyway, for that Charm: BR:3. Yeah, he's cool. Sorry Demon. Totally my bad. Hey, is it ok if I attack Ocho?

If so, BR:5. AC:6 for a miss, I'm guessing. 9 Points if I am wrong.
Don't forget Bugs, Jugs and Hugs, they are stirring it up with those skeletons.

This Ocho guy looks scary.
I go crazy on the remaining horde of skeletons with my Flamethrower. IQ check 15 (just pass), WIS check 7 (pass) to hit as many as possible. Can I hit Ocho too? Then maybe he'll be on fire so Schmektor's cleaver and be +2.

12 damage. -1 charge. I love this thing.
round 3.

drink a potion yeah I'm at 11.

I attack 20! well I only do 16 hp.

"I could really use a cure light!"
  ME LLAMO... O... O...
  Stuttering Isn't Funny Guys
Nice Brogg, of the 20 skeletons, 4 of them go on holiday. The skeletons tag you for 4. Dave FoO, skeleton'd for 5 hp. I'm assuming Tut and Renwick are out of melee.

Brogg, the demon is just going about his business making a monster. You walk on over and insist he attack you, so he takes you up on your crit fumb to bitchslap you for 10 hp more. He then tries to Charm you into going away, make a WI modified save vs. Spell, with a +2 bonus since you're in combat.

Hmm, Tut, there's no obvious barrels full of oil, but the demon tailor does seem to have a giant bandsaw for cutting up bodies that he's not currently using. Also, this place is pretty old, so if you wanted to spend a couple rounds and make a couple STR and IQ checks, you might be able to cause a cave-in. Of course, that's sort of non-selective for undead and un-undead, but the former outnumber the latter. Lord Ocho is currently involved in... well, there he goes hitting Marivhon with the Ocho Glaive for 11 more hp dmg. Marivhon, consider that your notification. "Eat-eat-eat my Gl... my Gl... my Gl... my Gl... my Gl... my Gl..." Next round maybe you'll get to hear what he's trying to say.

Speaking of, okay Mar, you do a lot of damage to whasshisface. Schmektor not so much, but at least you hit. Don't forget about your STR bonus to damage, which is... oh right, plus zero. Carry on. And let's just say the cleaver was ID'd. It's the infamous Hatchet Pyrovore, which is +1, +2 vs. fire guys. Or guys on fire, which makes it somewhat more useful. Ocho is neither, being undead. So really, you do 2. Not enough to take his attention from the monk though.
Well that sucks, time for a potion. yeah I'm at 16!
I attack 2 times hit ac 4 for 11 and ac 0 for 15.
"come on boys, it's just you and me...and this douche bag."

The uh rest of the party will hopefully get here in time to heal me....

If I get reincarnated can I reroll my physical stats?
Sweet... round two, I swing the cleaver. If a 15 hits, I trim his finger nails for 1 point of damage.

Does this clever have any adjustments on my hit or damage rolls? or does it just magically frosty... perhaps doing more damage to things that are on fire?
  King Tut
I glance around the room a bit. I don't think wading head long into the horde will do much good...

1)is the horde headed for the advance PCs also? Is there any sort of mass damaging effect present (e.g. barrels, preferably filled with oil? or large rocks that can be dislodged to take out numerous skellies?)? Basically, what's the best way to peace some fools out?

2) What is the skellie king and the "other undead" doing? Is the "horde of skeletons" the same as the "other undead guys"?

IQ: 3
Wis: 11
(do you keep track of character sheets and rolls or do I? I pass the IQ check by 8 and fail Wis by 2).
I hold the Jug boys back for a moment, and Turn some Skeletons. BR:4 I turn 4.

Dave, Fist of Odin, and at times Zelba, slap a Turn my brother.

That being accomplished, I turn the Jugs boys against the remaining skeletons.

I am going for that Demon guy. BR:1. Oof. Ok, next round... assuming I am not hurt real bad, BRs:7,12. Those hit ACs 5 and -1 for 8 and 12 points, respectively.

Bring it, Abyssal Asswipe!
  El Ocho Esta Muy Grande!
Okay Schmektor, Moth, and Marivhon, you guys are in melee with Lord Ocho. The other PCs are too slow to make it up there before the horde of undead interposes. You hear that, other PCs? You're now fighting a skeleton army. Can't get to El Ocho.

Schmektor and Marivhon, miss. Moth, flame on, damage logged. Marivhon, since Ocho is a large undead guy, there's no way you can stun him. Instead, he pulls out the Ocho Glaive and OGs you for 10 hp.


Rewinding, it looked like Vrill had a well-distributed group of adventurers. Guy heavily armed and armored, guy in robes, two guys in light/moderate armor, plus Ron Ball, priest of Jesus.

Uh, no offense to the religious amongst us, but that's really Ron Ball's god. Any similarity with any theologic-historial figures is purely coincidental.
Ok well I wouldn't have played it that way, but alright. I attack O-o-Ocho.

round 1 miss

The guys Vrill had with him any other guys in robes, platemail, leather or any other class giving away info? Did they look hurt? Anything else of note about them? Wis check missed with an 11.

Can I stun Ocho?
How big is this guy is he over 7 foot 4 or 550 pounds? if not open hand attack on round 2.
Flamethrower hit on Ocho... do I have to roll for that?

BR 3. Not that it matters in this case, but it's 4d6 damage, right?

Well, BR 8 for damage if I don't have to aim or something.

-1 charge on FT.
I charge the throne, frosty cleaver in hand... and SWISH. um...yeah. BR 3. hmmm. De Ja Vu. I look up at him with the "oh shit... I just missed, didn't I?" look on my face.

sorry all.
Okay, jug and key taken Marivhon. Brogg, nice work reanimating those guys. Wow you have a big party now.

Up to the Belfry. There's nothing of interest there... except wait! There's Gregory Vrill and his posse coming out of the mage tower!

Vrill looks at the portcullis and the blue safety shield. "Shit! Those dumb adventurers... now we're all trapped inside here. Well that's just fucking BRILLIANT." Vrill spots you above and flips you off, shaking his head in disgust.

"WAY TO GO MORONS," he yells up. "WELL I'VE GOT THE FIRST GOLD KEY. SEE YOU INSIDE YOU SAD SACKS OF SHIT." He does a double take and squints up at the belfry. "Wow there's a lot of them up there. Well, as I've always said, I prefer QUALITY over QUANTITY, heh heh. Anyway guys, let's go wrap up this module." He holds up a gold key, and heads over to Castle Greyhelm with his five other adventuring pals. In they go.


You race down there to try to kick his ass and steal his key, but he's already inside, and the golden lock has somehow resealed the door. You shrug and return to the chapel, head over to the stairs, and descend into the crypts.

You light a torch or something and pass through a scary hall full of dead bodies, bones and stuff. It opens into a larger stone chamber, where a throne of bone has been erected! Sitting on the throne is a very large skeleton king, and there's some other undead guys here too. A demon in black robes stands off to the side, stitching together some body parts to make a monster. Everyone looks up as you enter.

The skeleton king stands up. "I am L-L-Lord Ocho," it hisses. "We have re-re-remade all muh-muh-mortals here into agents of the duh-duh-d-d-dead g-god... Balboa! Welcome to your new... your new... your new duh-duh-destiny!"

That's when you notice the golden key on a chain around Lord Ocho's neck. I think we all know where this is going.
Hey Tut, just FYI, I know a guy who knows a guy,who said that La Badlandsa Tours Inc. is under federal investigation. -Something about timeshares in the Concordant Opposition. Might be a good time to sell.
  King Tut:
I gather my halberd(s), clean up a bit, and do a quick search of the room (don't want to fall behind, so real quick).

d6: 3
d20 (IQ check): 7, pass
D%: 6

Then I catch up to the rest of the crew.

Dave, Fist of Odin: "Doing pretty well, considering. I don't think your name is unusual at all, where I come from, there are a lot of people named X, [body part] of Y."

Brogg: "Actually I haven't taken the CPA exam yet. Within the next couple of months. I think the exam still exists. I don't think the fed can do much of anything given their lack of control over gasoline prices. Home building hasn't slowed down at all from the numbers I've seen. Those numbers came from the imps. They didn't fight too well but I believe their financial indicator data is sound. The whole Mordenkainen's thing was crap. Real estate is good, but the real money is at the La Badlandsa tour program right when it started...those gusy are printing money now. 'So nice, you must see yes?'. I've never heard of the God of Half-Breeds, but if you have his W-2 I'll take a look. If the business starts blowing up, I'd like to hire your new skeletons as assistants--I can save some money on vision/dental/health insurance, no?"
The way I see it, Zelba is a Big Undead Evil Monkey on my back. Yeah, yeah, she got me out of Hella Airport, but Grisbane's my number one.

Hell, only reason I asked Zelba for help was to get back up top and represent for the big G.

Anyway, let's look at this Crypt. I'm thinking there should be something interesting down there. I mean, if I was Vrill, I'd check out the crypt.

Hey, speaking of Evil, I Animate Dead those three Jug Skeletons. It's permanent! I can have up to 5! I am going to call them the Jugs, Hugs and Bugs. Awesome!
I'll go with Marivhon to the Belfry. BR 3. Anything interesting up there? I'm guessing we'll soon descend to the crypts, so I check my flamethrower, make sure it's in good working order.

"And Mar, man, I really don't follow any gods. I'm more of a humanist, but that's not really an appropriate term, seeing as I'm not even fully one myself. I realize that you guys saved me, for which I'm eternally grateful, but I think you sent yourselves, not that it was the work of Zelba. Odin sounds more interesting anyway. Not that I'm bashing on your goddess. You do your thing, I'll do mine."
jug taken.
iron key taken. search. a d6 2
Check the belfrey real quick, search there. a d6 is a 4
move silent made with a 6
hide missed with a 69! dude.
  The Altar Room
Just to be clear, those of you playing at home, King Tut's "claw claw bite" amounts to a feral accountant having what appears to be a violent epileptic fit. Tut, maybe Monk is a good class for you?

Brogg, Cured. Moth, hmm, thinking about these imps, you remember reading up on a previous imp infestation in the mines of Durth about 80 years ago. A large demon had been summoned through a existing Gate (one of the deep mines has a water problem, so a demon gate was set up to bring some strong labor through in times of need), and as the Gate was closing, a bunch of imps swarmed on in through it. They seem to be 'unwelcome guest' side effects of demon summoning through standing portals (i.e., not via the Gate spell or Implore or something... more artifactual).

You head deeper into the Chapel towards a massive altar of Issac at the back. Along the way, Marivhon, you kick something on the ground. It's a golden jug. You take it and move along.

You find a grisly scene at the back. Three corpses, long since dead- now just skeletal- but essentially ripped limb from limb. Their brown Issac-Jug robes lie in tatters and their holy symbols have been destroyed. The massive statue of Issac above you on the wall has been defaced. You find a small iron key amongst the bones, but it doesn't look like it fits the golden padlock outside.

All to see here, so unless you have something else to do, it's Up, Down, or Out.
"We are not done. She wants Vrill and the Girl returned to her before she forgives us our sins, as is her right."

"She saved your life, through us. Do you think that you are now paid to her in full for that?"

scary fucking dude is a great NWP for Marivhon, I'm glad I took it.
IQ check is a 9, so I pass.

d6 is a 4.

d% is an 83.

"We're here because of Vrill. Now I've never met the guy, but I have read his blog. He's highly uncool and fancies himself the hero of this adventure. He's also fucked around with these guys before. The other reason is to save people... at least I'm into that, I dunno about the others here, but that's cool. I thought we were done with Zelba, Marivhon? What about that other guy you served?"
d6 a 1! % 69 dude.

"we are here because the Dark Lady Zelba commands us too find and Kill Gregory Vrill the twice born, and his abomination daughter."

"I believe he is somewhere here in the Castle area. You should thank the Lady Zelba that we arrived when we did. She is the god of Death whom we serve, until such a time as she calls us home."

When we get to the Alter room if we don't fight immediately I search for traps and secret shit.

traps I don't find any (93%) search for secret shit 4 out of 6. If we fight I'm ready with a hit on ac -1 for 5 pts of damage.
D6 = 6, % = 17
d6:6, d%:62.

Wow, well done. I Cure Light myself for 2. That feels good.

Yeah, I agree with Moth. Let's do the altar room. Carefully, now...

Schmektor, I believe that we are looking for Gregory Vrill and his companions. See, we need Vrill dead. Again.

King Tut! Nice moves... The ol' CCB, eh? Hell, it works for Blink Dogs, why not an ancient CPA. You did say you were a CPA, right? Well, I just happen to have a NWP in accounting! Hey, aside from all of this shitty imp stuff, what do you think about the FEDs aggressive stance on inflation? Do you think they are being overzealous? Shit, I used to have something like 200 shares of Mordenkainen Inc. back before the bubble popped. Shit was going through the roof. Should've moved some into real estate before the market tanked. -Could've at least written that shit off... that goddamned line of Mordenkainen Aquatic Spells was fucking vapor. -Do what you know, know what I mean? Anyway, welcome to the party. Ever hear of Grisbane, God of the Half-Breeds?
  Search That Shit
Alright Moth, gimme an IQ check. At the very least, you know that these guys probably aren't from the same place the Knights of Armek are... you'd guess something else has happened here.

Schmektor, I'll let the PCs themselves tell you what they think they're doing here.

Anyone searching the altar room, gimme a d6 and d%.
"Hey, uh.. I suddenly realized that I have no idea why we are here... I'll check Cinder's journal entries on his PDA and try to find out the reason for storming Greyskull--er--helm. Anybody want to give me the nickel version? If we are here to more or less pulverize, pillage, and plunder, then I'm all for the altar room, Moth... as long as we don't waste too much time getting to the crypt. All kinds of nasties hang out in crypts... it sounds like a fun place to check out..."

"But if we have a specific mission, I'll forgo fooling around in the crypt to accomplish the mission."
I take a look around the chapel, unless it's like ankle deep in imp shit, in which case fuck finding stuff, the shit can have it.

"Greetings, Tut. How'd you end up in a shitty place like this, no pun intended? I'm Moth, a... bard and demonologist of sorts, but not really. Any idea what's going on here? Are these imps in league with the Knights of Armek?"

I try to recall if I know anything about these imps. I examine the spoor if I have to, if that will help me identify them or recall pertinent facts.

My vote is we head to the altar room.
  Shitty Imp Battle Done With
Wow, you guys are a little powerhouse of imp destruction. You kill about half of 'em and scare the other half away into the rafters of the chapel... they won't be bothering you again!

Anyway, there's the Altar Room ahead of you, stairs up to the Loft and Belfry, and stairs down to the Crypt.

What do you do brave adventurers?
Attack rounds 1, 2, & 3... No shit... My attack rolls are 20, 19, 20. That makes for 14 (7x2), 6, and 10 (5x2). I spread the love around, theoretically cleaving two imps in half and giving a third a decent gut wound.
  Dave, Fist of Odin
Hello, ummm . . . King Tut. How are you? Are you a real king? That's rather an unusual name - although, as Dave, Fist of Odin, I suppose I'm one to talk, hey?

Well. Time for introductions later, perhaps, because right now there's some clobbering to do! I bring in a badger, and then do some smashing. Here are three rounds of fightin':

BR 13 (hits AC 2) for 7 points.
BR 10 (hits AC 5) for 5 points.
BR 17 (hits AC -2) for 8 points.

Then, we'll see.
  King Tut
I carefully place my halberd in the corner and go in for the ol' claw/claw/bite.

Claw BR: 3 for 3 pts.
Claw BR: 20 for 4 pts (natural 20 and natural 4).
Bite BR: 13 for 3pts.

(1d4 dmg).
round 3 will be a hit ac-2 for 5 hps.
round 4 will hit ac 4 and ac 3, for 12 and 9 hps respectively.
I eyeball the new guy suspiciously.
"you're either gonna fight them, or seriously piss me off!"
"yeah you the guy hiding behind the halberd. Do what I'm doing with mine and it'll make you feel a whole lot better."
  Shitty Imp Battle And A New PC
Brogg, Dusty finally is effective. By "little imp" I mean little, each one is about a foot tall. Dusty wounds but not kills one. Looks like there are maybe twenty of these guys altogether.

Make that 19, Brogg smacks one down. Bigtime.

Marivhon, in two rounds you take out three more. 16 left. And yeah, hidden at first and all that.

Moth, not so lucky this round, swing-and-a-miss.

Marivhon, you don't see any animals here but I'll let you know. Instead, what you do see is cowering in the corner, one of Castle Greyhelm's Royal Accountants, Mr. Tut. Tut was clearly driven mad when he was trapped in the Chapel here for months, surviving by eating Imp turds, and he'll be thankful for you guys helping him escape. So thankful, actually, that Tut joins your party as a new 1st level whatever! Yeah! Steve, don't worry about classes, just be whatever class you want. You're 1st level, and sure you can have a (non-magical) halberd plus some other random equipment.

One thing Tut, please title your posts consistently by your guy's name. Misc titled posts are a luxury of the DM; you'll kindly observe that all the PCs title their posts only by char name. Thanks, the Management.

Dusty takes 8, dropping him. Brogg, Moth, and Marivhon, 5 hp apiece. Schmektor, 2 hp and some misses. Dave FoO, Renwick, and Tut are currently out of commission and thus outta the swarm.

Next rounds, go.
Descent into Depths is an old school 1st Edition AD&D adventure run by the Infinity Group.

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