Abby: Yells "AAAUUHGHGHG!"
Badger 1: IX-NAYED
Badger 2: brilliant round of furious damage. Goes INSIDE U5, shreds intestines, comes out mouth.
Brogg: destroys U6 with a solid WHACK. Yeah, U6 gives his life for Andicorn.
Cinder: shows off his horrible THACO.
Crazy Bobcat: two paws of pain. Wounds a corn.
Dave: attack, finished what the bobcat started on U7 with Odin's blessing.

King of Unicorns: dispels super badger 2 with his magical giant horn.
Romeo: roundhouses crazy bobcat then grabs him and hurls him down the waterfall into a magical crystal, causing fantastic CGI explosion. Bobcat everywhere. Pixie mad.
U8: Dave, miss.
U9: Brogg, miss.
U10: Cinder, hit for 3.
U11: Dave, miss, goddamn these crappy unicorns.
U12: Dave, hit, finally, for 4, armor soaks 1.

Zombie Mike: rolled below his THACUNICORN.

HP update.
Brogg: 16/21
Cinder: 15/21
Dave: 22/28
Marivhon: 6/7 (we're still waiting to resolve the monk vs pixie combat, now 1 round behind)
Mike: 5/13
Cinder scowls at the smoldering corpse of the unicorn that interposed and makes a dex check to out-maneuver any unicorn that wants to try that again as he swings on Andicorn.

BR:11 is sure to miss.
Dex check: 1! Cinder jockeys for position and tries to hold it till he can swing again next round. Glad that wasn't my Thac0 roll.

Ok, Blog stuff is back to normal. Marivhon, make sure that you delete the html stuff in your blog post. In your first blog you deleted half of the html and inadvertently href'ed your post. It made Blogger crazy. Almost as crazy as the Dave, Fist of Odin's bobcat. Anyway...

Damned interposing unicorns! I am taking another swing at Andicorn, if some other pony else wants to play hero, so be it! BR:15! Yes, AC:1 for 9 points of damage! Grisbane's blessing is upon us, comrades! Fight for the glory of Half-breeds!
  Freak Out
Is anybody else getting the freaked-out blog layout today? With like the giant grey background? Hey Marivhon, you don't have to keep posting the Descent into Depths URL in each of your posts. I'm reminded of a retarded kid who keeps saying "HI MY NAME IS STEVEN! HI MY NAME IS STEVEN!" Maybe it's a browser thing? I dunno, but according to the post log you posted twice, once just an empty post with Descent into Depths as the title, maybe that's what's fucking everything up?

Anyway... okay Marivhon, you climb down to the crystal cavern. Sure, there's lots of stuff down here. Mostly a lot of large pretty crystals- four feet tall, one foot around jutting out of the floor. A couple are even suspended in midair! You see a fairy gardener tending the crystals who seems very upset. The one foot pixie in overalls flies over to you with a little pick he uses to clean the crystals and attacks! "En garde!" he yells, and stabs you for 1 hp.

Meanwhile, back upstairs. Cinder, you whine enough and Dave cures you to full. Dave, okay, you double summon a pair of angry badgers. Ya, the bead is one shot, so it bursts into ash. The badgers are pissed that one, what's that other badger doing over there? I mean, you have a hard day at the office, the old lady's yelling at you because you're smoking too much and why don't you ever take her out to dinner anymore? Then you get called back to fight some UNICORNS for fuck's sake, and meet your evil twin. The badger(s) just can't take it and go berserk on those unicorns.

Time out. It kinda seems like the blog has been posted into the sidebar. Maybe some html code is fucked up, like there's a or something missing.

Okay, because there's just so many fucking attackers, let's do this serially. I'll graciously let all you guys go first (except for zombies), then all the unicorns. Besides, we don't really do initiative anymore anyway.

Abby: floats around.
Badger 1: 6 attacks on U1. HOLY FUCK, 4 hits and one 20, he turns it into glue.
Badger 2:3 hits on U2, dusting him.
Brogg: tries to attack Andicorn, but another unicorn leaps and interposes! 7 hp to U3.
Cinder: tries to hit Andicorn with flaming oil, but U3 interposes again! Aflame and dead.
Dave: summons a crazy bobcat. Bobcat smacks U4 for 3 hp.

King of Unicorns: recognizes the evil and terror of the badgers, hits badger one with horn, dispelling it!
Romeo: nods seriously, pulls out his crossbow, shoots Dave for 5 hp, platemail soaks 1.
U4 (wounded): smacks badger two for 4 hp
U5: Dave, whiff
U6: badger two for DOUBLE DAMAGE 10 hp!
U7: Cinder, hit, 3 hp.
U8: Brogg, whiff.
U9: Mike, hit, 5 hp.
U10: Dave, whiff.
U11: Brogg, horned for 1 hp.
U12: Dave, hit, 3 hp. Your plate mail soaks 2.

Zombie Mike: shoots U4, killing it.

HP update.
Brogg: 16/21
Cinder: 18/21
Dave: 25/28
Marivhon: 6/7
Mike: 5/13

Well sounds like nobody stopped me and I climbed down the wall. I roll wis. 15 not so good. I am not sure I'd really get whats going on. I look around the crystal cavern with no unicorns and finish climbing down. I look around real careful like for a round looking for something important. Wisdom roll. 8 not too bad not so good. Might be enough to hear the fighting. I try to sneak my way back up ms 12 yes. hs 7 NICE. I come back up very quiet like. let me know how long that takes. I'm at full and have a staff ready. If I do see something in that cave though let me know.
  Dave, Fist of Odin
The first thing I'm a gonna do, is double-summon a couple of angry badgers, with the pearl of double-summoning. Is that just a one-shot? Then Aid on myself, BR a 6, +1 for the ring so I've got 7 temp hp and that tasty-hot bless action.

If I'm having lag or something, the next things I'd do are bring a bobcat online, quaff my blitzkreig potion, and then begin the clobbering; but if anyone gets in a bad way I'd bust a heal, and if Andricorn or one of the other 'corns get all spellcasty I might bring a silence 15' radius down on their ass.
Um, hold on on sec. Cinder did want that cure. The way you know is that he specifically asked for it. Cinder tells Dave, Fist of Odin "Thanks friend. I'd rather be in tip top shape before combat begins. Once it hits the fan I've got two healing potions so I'm all good from there, -you'll be too busy clobbering once the fight starts knowwhudamsayin?"

And while Marivhon is sneaking, and Brogg is handing me Greek fire, and Dave is healing, Cinder is putting blade poison III on his broadsword. That's why he bought it, and we're not space-baring through that.

And as far as all those unicorns teleporting, just let me say "Holy motherfuckingmotherofGrisbaneOdin shit!!"

Cinder hurls his Greek fire into Andicorn's face. Just let me say right now before I roll that a big part of me hopes I miss here, cause if I face Andicorn here I may not live through this next round.

BR: 15!

Is there splash damage on other unicorns? The did teleport in very closely together as you mentioned...

How much damage does that oil do, was it 2d6? Well, here's 2d6 anway: BR:5 and 6! for a total of 11.


Holy Crap. May Grisbane help us now... 12 fucking unicorns? We are dead.

Alright, well I am going down fighting! Let's at least kill this Andicorn!
Broadsword the big guy, BR:13, that hits AC:3, for 7 points of damage.

It was nice knowing you, boys!
  Unicorn Frenzy
Dave, Cure Light is, and always has been, 1d8 in 1E. In any case, Marivhon's healed to full. I'm guessing Cinder doesn't want it so bad, given that he's got a lot of hp left and the combat, like it or not, is about to begin.

Marivhon, you climb down the wall in full view of the unicorns, who gasp in amazement. "Look everybody!" yells Halftone BrownEye, "it's a monk!"

Dave, you're guessing if you leapt for it, you could get there in two rounds, but you'd take a crapload of damage from the fall. You say hell with it, lace up those boots, and start to run, when Brogg lets loose with a mighty TOSS and TWANG. The unicorns look up even further and Andrew the Fair yells "Look everybody! Adventurers!" Brogg, both the oil and the bolt miss. Your adventurer friends all look off to the side, embarrassed for you.

Andicorn yells "UNICORNS... TO ME!" And all the unicorns form a circle around their king. In a flash... they disappear!

You're momentarily confused by the unicorn-less-ness of the magical crystal cavern, when in another flash... all the unicorns dimension door into the room, surrounding you (except for Marivhon, who's on the wall).

Andicorn stares at you majestically and says "Initiative, bitches."

There's about 12 unicorns here. Go ahead and go everyone.
Oh, hey yeah, thanks Mike. I'd really appreciate it if you would hold the torch. Nice tote.

Uh, what's that?.. Oh crap, the new guy is going for it!

Alright, quick plan: Cinder, take a vial of oil. Dave, Fist of Odin, can we have a light? Thanks. Alright, let's toss some oil on these ponies!
For my part, BR:11. That's AC:7, AC:5 if Strength counts.

After that, it is crossbow on Andicorn. Heavy fire on Andicorn! BR:8 Hmm. AC:10. No Strength for X-bow, eh? Cinder, Mike, Heavy fire!

Dave, Fist of Odin, let's block that ramp!
So I guess nobody has a rope. I guess everybody fell and hit their heads. I tell Brogg of to the side as I catch up down the hallway. "I guess it's best you don't flaunt your role in all of this, I won't push the leader thing, just know I've got your back." I finally end up at the cave of crystal or whatever and my jaw drops.
"Is that fucking huge guy Andicorn?" I look at Brogg.
I shake my head and start to move silent and hide in shadows too. 70 and 89. I then move over to the edge and get ready to climb down. Wis check 9. I will start to climb down.
I hope somebody stops me or at least follows. If not well I wait a sec to hear their plan.
  Dave, Fist of Odin
Oh - two more things:

Who is this 'David, Fist of Odin' of whom you speak? He sounds like a straight G, whomever he is, and I would like to meet him someday. I would say, 'Hello, David, Fist of Odin, it is nice to meet you. Perhaps you would care to partake in some cold beverages together?' And he would say, 'Why yes, Dave, Fist of Odin, that sounds like a capital idea, and then, perhaps, we might find some clobbering to perform upon the unblessed.'

'Cuz that guy - he's not me, is what I'm getting at here, Cindre.

Also, when I get a mount with a missle weapon, the weapon is going to be an actual MISSLE. Not an ICMB - just a surface to surface conventional kind of thing.

And my horse will be called 'Veronica'. That was the other thing. I just wanted to clear that up.

All of this clearing up and healing and shit, of course, I'd do after we fell, and before the crystal cave and all, unless it's too late in which case I don't, but later after the unicorns are dead I'd still bring up the names thing. Both of the two different fists of Odin, there, and of 'Veronica'. And yes, I'm really going to insist on the single-quotes there.
  Dave, Fist of Odin
Hey all,

Sorry for the delay. Yeah, I bust a cure on Marivohn. Ummm - I roll a 4, so that's 6 points. Right? Cure light is d8+1? I'm confused by the fall, I guess. If a cure light is only a straight d8, then I still get a 5 (from the RoBH), so either way Marivohn's at full.

Yeah, confused by the fall, since I'd do that back there, not casting overlooking the unicorns. Cinder, umm - sure, I can bust a cure on you, but I've only got 3 a day, and you're the sneaky thief archer. I'm just saying. But if you really, really SUPER want it here's one for you, too - BR gives a . . 5, so that's 7 or 6, depending. That only leaves me one left for today, so you gotta really, really SUPER want it. Let me know either way.

Anyway. That's a shitload of unicorns there, all right. Before making some sort of plan, which will involve me summoning some shit, casting Aid, and then just generally clobbering some unicorns, I have two questions:

a)How far away is Andricorn - how many rounds will it take me, if I start running now, before I could smack the shit outta him?

b)How the FUCK does a unicorn use a crossbow? I just want to know, 'cuz eventually when I get a horse or something, I'll be buying my mount a missle weapon.
  We're Talking Unicorns
We're talking a dozen or so unicorns, to be more or less exact.

Cinder, yeah, it's pretty tough to hide in shadows. See, it doesn't take years of practice, growing up on the mean streets of Greyhelm, all that. You just have to kill monsters. Killing golems and giants are particularly good for learning to hide in shadows. If you've ever played Pool of Radiance, you'll know that a hill giant is where it's at for getting big xp. I mean, golems are good too, but they're a pain in the ass to fight, you need magic weapons, they've got magic powers, etc. Hill giants, just line 'em up and watch those levels start to roll.

Anyway, we're talking unicorns, not hill giants. This is C1: Against the Unicorn King, not G1: Against the Hill Giant Chief. So yeah, somewhere in the neighborhood of 10-15 unicorns.

Neigh-borhood! I love it. That's probably how one refers to a flock/pack of unicorns, a neighborhood. As in "My lord, a neighborhood of unicorns approaches. Should I ready the trebuchets?"

So right, unicorns. 10-15, plus or minus another 1 or 2 here or there. They keep moving around, there's misty spray from the waterfall, magical shiny crystals, it's hard to keep count. Besides, unicorns all look alike.

Except... for that one bigass boss unicorn with a giant golden horn. I mean, the horn is really huge.

So maybe we are talking giants after all. Giant golden horns that is. It's the size of a lance. Easily five feet long. And that unicorn wears a red velvet cape and a jeweled crown also! It must be ANDICORN, KING OF UNICORNS.

You're apparently Against the Unicorn King, at long last.

Those of you scouting note that it looks like the other, amphorous cloud of between 9-16 minus 1 unicorns seem to be orbiting Andicorn giving him props. Telling him what a fantastic mane he has, how much they admire his giant horn (snicker), generally sucking up to the greatest of all unicorns.

In addition, on a WI check, you notice that one unicorn isn't doing so much orbiting and sucking. He's wearing studded leather armor and has a crossbow. You'd guess he's Andicorn's bodyguard. Maybe you've heard the rumor, whispered in bars and dark alleys, that Andicorn is guarded by a fearsome Unicorn Fighter, Romeo.

Oh, and Brogg? Mike the zombie helpfully offers up his Odin the Violator totebag if you don't have a pack and need to store the torch somewhere. I mean, he'll still carry the totebag, but you can put your torch in it.
When Dave, Fist of Odin chimes in, maybe we can scoot back a bit. Cinder asks him "Hey, uh...can I bum a heal?"
Cinder is gonna move away from the party just a bit and do a hear noise to try and eavesdrop on the convo. Might as well slip into the shadows while I do this.

Hide BR:27% Cinder pauses here and sheds one small tear at the fact that a 27% at fourth level does not let him fucking hide in shadows.
"God I suck."
Hear Noise BR:73% Right. We all know how hard is is to hear.

With all the stealth and cunning of your average muddy peasant, Cinder is also gonna look at the unicorns and try and pick out their leader. Perhaps he can tell by their body language if they keep differing to, I dunno, a unicorn who is totally bigger than all the other ones or something...wasn't Andicorn supposed to have a golden horn? I look for a golden horn on one of 'em. Bow is drawn.

Holy Crap! A magical crystal cavern?! Alright, seeing as we can see with all of these glowing crystals, I put my Continual Light torch away. I guess that since it isn't burning, I keep it wrapped up in a cloth or something. Maybe I need to get a backpack.

How many unicorns are we talking about? Do I see one that looks like a leader? Can we hear them talking over this waterfall?

I am going to defer until Dave, Fist of Odin heals Marivhon, but I draw and load my crossbow.
  Unicorn Got The Powers, Yeah
Okay, first off, hp check.

Brogg: 17/21
Cinder: 16/21
Dave: 23/28
Marivhon: 2/7
Mike: 10/13

And well, no, Abby didn't fall down the sinkhole. She slowly floats down to rejoin the group though.

Marivhon, nice climbing, but I guess the rest of the party decided to continue down through the caves. So let's just say you climb back down, and then you can take Cinder's ninja star if you want. Brogg, horns taken. Cont light torch pulled out. Where do you store that thing anyway? Cinder, you grab a little raft kind of thing just in case.

Okay, you head through the caves, following the little stream. It begins to stink like, well, like a zoo or a farm. Yeah, kind of like horse shit. I guess that poem was wrong:

Unicorn smell like flowers, yeah
Unicorn got the powers, yeah
I go crazy when I think of you
Don't know what I'm gonna do
Unicorn smell like flowers yeah
Gonna kill some hours yeah
Have a drink/their shit don't stink
Unicorns smell like flowers yeah

It starts to get fairly pungent. There's some more crappy unicorn art decorating the walls along the stream as well. You travel for about 20 minutes, when you hear the sound of the water picking up. Fortunately, you're walking on dry land raised up next to the stream, which starts to get deeper and faster. Then, you come to a waterfall! The stream falls into a big hole in the ground, which opens up about 20 feet below you... into a magical crystal cavern! It's all lit up with magical glowing crystals. It looks like there are some unicorns down there having a conference. As you're above them, in the shadows, they don't seem to notice you.
The tunnel continues dry around the waterfall hole also. A scouting mission determines that the tunnel continues to a large ramp that spirals down into the conference chamber below. Other than that, it's a dead end. A dead end.

As we move underground, Cinder's SOP will be to hang back a little, and slip into shadows anytime the direction of the tunnel changes or branches off, or noises are heard. Just so you know.

Cinder turns to Brogg "Hey Brogg, I saw your comment you left on Vrill's blog. What a jackass. I left him one too. He's so pathetic, he's learning fireball, but for some reason I can't for the life of me muster the slightest bit of fear."
Ouch, BR:14 does not cut it for Breath Weapon. That puts me at 9. I cast a Cure Light upon myself for 8 putting me back at 17! Wow, Grisbane must really want me to kill these unicorns, I have never had such luck with the Blog Roller.

I agree with Cinder, I think that this underground stream is just what we have been looking for. I pull out my Continual Light torch. Dave, Fist of Odin, I think that our new friend, Marivhon needs some TLC. Oh, and by the way, thanks for the vote of confidence Marivhon, but I really like to think that we are more of a collective, with the leadership role changing depending upon the needs of the group. Lawful Evil as you are, I am sure that you understand.

Maybe we should rest a bit before continuing onward? Oh, does Abbey really fall into the sinkhole?

Oh yeah, I have taken the liberty of holding onto those unicorn horns for us all.
Well if anybody makes their save, let's just storyline it that Cinder broke their fall, cause I sure as hell didn't make mine.


"David, Fist of Odin, wouldest thou heal our brave friend Marivhon? No unicorn could best him, but this pit sure fucked him up good." Turning to Marivhon, "You're pretty good with that staff friend, -hey, can you use this?" Cinder hands Marivhon the single throwing star that one of the Durth ninjas gave him. " I'm more of a dagger man myself"

Cinder suggests that we follow the river deeper into the underground unicorn lair, but first he climbs out and hacks off a decent size piece of wood to float next to him in case the river gets too deep. Cinder can't swim you know...
Brogg I am truly impressed. I pat him on the shoulder. I know now why you lead us. Later after looking confused at the various sites I fall into a sinkhole. ouch I'm at 2 (I failed my save). I hobble up onto my staff and stare at the pictures on the wall. I blink a couple of times. Rub my back a bit then I will try to climb out of the pit since it's only 10 ft and we're in a tunnel so it shouldn't really be that hard. 81% made it by 14. Once at the top, if I am, I look back down and ask if someone has rope.
  The Hard Thing About Painting With Your Horn Is That You Can't See What You're Painting
Okay Marivhon, nice shot, you hit Salisbury right in the teeth with your staff, shattering his entire jaw, and the unicorn falls to the ground in convulsions.

Cinder, you get one hit, and combined with Dave's next roll of 8+2 or 3 and Brogg's 10 hp, Ponce the leader has been decimated.

Good rolling guys. Add three more unicorn horns to party treasure, and continue on your way.


You keep questing into the mountains, along little-used trails. Your path is hard and unforgiving. It is as if the gods themselves would test your resolve to, well, kill some unicorns. Here and there you find ancient dolmens, statues, testaments to ancient and angry gods left by unspeakable beastmen from the dawn of time. Or you pass a giant cliff face, carved with hieroglyphs and runes that sages debate long into the night over the most minute of meanings. Perhaps they are meant as gifts... or warnings.

Eventually... uh oh, a sinkhole happens! You guys all fall 10 feet into a shallow underground river. Everyone make a save vs. BREATH WEAPON or take 1d6! I'll let each of you roll, but if you don't chime in, you'll just fail your save and take 5.

It is cold, wet, and dark. The light shines from above, revealing what appears to be an ancient tunnel. One beam of stray sunlight casts its rays upon the limestone walls, revealing strange scrawls! They look like little stick figure horses done in charcoal and white paint, and you see some ancient characters that, with difficulty, the learned amongst you can decode:


What do you do?
Ok, Salisbury, here's some more broadsword loving! BR:11 Hmm, that's AC:5, if that does it, 10 points of damage.

Your next, Ponce!
Cinder grits his teeth and lets loose two arrows at Salisbury.


That hits AC 7 and 6. Cinder mutters under his breath "God my Thac0 sucks."

If those hit, the damage is 4 and 5. Cinder is still hangin back a bit.
Well, I do have that 17 coming up next for 3 hp of damage which I guess would go to salisbury if he's still up. When my turn comes around. I kick him in the rear haunches. Then I have 2 rounds of whiffing. Again if anyone gets low on hp I give them my heal po. I try to stay to the rear of the Unicorn. If I get hit I run.
  Don't Fuck With The San Cristobal Potion Guys
Okay Brogg, you smack Salisbury for 11 more hp. He's a little tougher than Yellow Snow, though, so he ain't dead yet. Salisbury retaliates by horning you for 3 more hp. Dave, Ponce the leader turns on you and attacks! AC: 1, huh? Ponce rams his horn right into your armor, chipping off the tip but not doing any damage.

"Ouch," says Ponce. "Bit my tongue there... damn that smarts."
Oh my God, that Vrill is so fucking evil! We are definitely going to have to track him down and stop him before he does anything else. Also, what about those Knights of Armek? What happened to them?

Don't listen to Vrill's rabble Marivhon, that's how he works. He is a split-tongued liar. He'll slit your throat without so much as a blink. Oh, and I have to admit, I originally glossed over your Ability scores, Marivhon, and I have to say, upon a second inspection, I am pretty impressed that you have come so far despite such obstacles. You must really have a will of iron.

But, I digress. Back to business. How about some Salisbury Steak!? BR:16, 6; that's AC:0 for 11 points of damage! Yes! The Will of Grisbane guides my blade!
  Public notice of offical action.
Potion Guild
Mr. Vrill.
We hate to inform you but you have filed for dissolution of your guild contract, as this is an official guild site please refrain from posting any further personal thoughts or comments here. If you wish to renew your contract so as to allow continued communication on this site please contact me or any other master of the guild and we shall be more than happy to renew you license subject to the standard fees. This site is expensive to maintain and is meant for guild business only. If you continue to post here we will have to address your continued involvement with guild business as we would any unwelcome participant in guild matters.
Master Idres Holveg San Cristobol Potion Guild.
  Unicorns Have The Best Names
Hmm, sorry about that guys. I booted Vrill off the site. I mean, I know I should be impartial, but that was totally uncalled for.

Anyway, okay Marivhon, you nab the potions and generally fail to hide in shadows or move silently. Don't worry, even mid-level thieves basically suck at everything except climbing walls. I wrote this essay on it a few posts back. Gotta love 1E.

Back to the combat! Brogg hit, I guess that 3rd level in fighter really paid off. Cinder, also one hit, and with 11 hp, Yellow Snow is defeated! Brogg, sure enough you stick your broadsword in his eye, and Cinder, your arrow shoots his horn right off.

The two other unicorns stick it out though. Marivhon, miss, you get a nice golf clap for effort though. Dave, hit for, uh, 8 I think. Maybe 7. Let's just play it safe and say 7. You clobber Salisbury the middle unicorn mercilessly. Mike the zombie, swing and a miss.

Salisbury and Ponce D'Unicorn swing their horns with berserk rage. Marivhon, it comes right at you, 20 double damage, for 16 hp! You're dead, thanks for playing.

Just kidding there! Actually, Brogg and Cinder, you guys get the apples for your murder of Yellow. A hit on each of you, Brogg for 4, Cinder for 3.

Coming back into rotation, we've got Marivhon and Dave with a pair of whiffs. Mike the zombie shoots for... 1.

  Gregory Vrill, EX-Master of the Grito Potion Guild, EX-MPG
Hello there, LOSERS.

Vrill here. You know, it's been a while since you've tried to WRECK MY LIFE and I was just wondering what you were up to. Actually, I could care less. I wanted to tell you to stay the hell away from me. I've quit the Potion Guild, giving up my duties as Potion Guild Master. I've quit the collie business. I don't have a family. I'm not adventuring. There's absolutely no reason for you to attack me. Capiche?

Sigh. But somehow, I doubt that will work. Let me put it another way. Thanks to our last adventure, I'm now 5th level. That's right, and do you know what that means? I've got 3rd Circle spells. And do you know what spell I took? That's right, FIREBALL. So if you come after me, I'm going to fireball your ass, with a -2 to your save because YOU'RE LAME.

Mariv... Moronov... whatever your name is, new guy, here's a private message for you. 1) Monks suck. I'm sorry but it's true. Why don't you try making something useful with your career. Like carpentry or software tech support. You could try: http://www.phoenix.edu/ . 2) Don't adventure with those guys. I don't know what on earth compelled you to hang with them, but I'm guessing it wasn't the, oh, raising of the undead, murdering of innocent women and children, destruction and theft of private property, butchering pets and farm animals, or drunken lewdness. I think you don't know your new 'friends' like I do.

Speaking of which, OH MY GOD I can't believe what you did with my daughter. Killing her wasn't bad enough, that you had to reanimate her head? That is fucked up beyond words, I mean, you guys SEE that, right? What's next, renting her out to bachelor parties?

Anyway, in sum: 1) don't come after me or I'll FIREBALL you, and 2) I hope those unicorns kill you.

G. Vrill.
EX-Master of the Grito Potion Guild

P.S. Nice Dungeons and Dragons 'weblog', dorks. Do your moms drive you to the internet cafe so you can jack in, or do you ride your razor scooters?
Back to Dave fist of Odin. " I don't really need anything right now but thank you. I really only know how to use this staff and kick things. I can't wear armor and well I don't really need a shirt. But thanks I guess. So how long has Brogg been your leader?"
Ok I try to sneak away from my meal grabbing Cinders potions. I blink at him a couple times and nod. I grab my staff and roll 53 for move silent 64 for hide in shadows which means I leave a trail of bread crumbs and ask Cinder "when do I drink the 3rd potion you gave me" as I duck behind a tree. I try to keep my eyes peeled for more trouble and will use the potions on the party if anyone gets hit real bad. If a unicorn looks real hurt AND party member is about to go down I'll run in movement 15 and kick the unicorn blog roll 3. if the unicorn stays on the other char I attack again with my staff 6 swish. basically I play support. "fucking Unicorns" I spit on the ground.
extra rolls 17, 6, 4
damage 1d3 3,2,1
Whoa Dave, Fist of Odin, perhaps autopiloting six rounds into combat isn't the best strategy... I mean, we might need a heal or two or some similar kind of thinking-like maneuver. Not that I am dishing on Clobbering or anything...

And what's this crap about a limp? I've got no such thing!
  Dave, Fist of Odin
Hokay. These fagicorns are going down SO hard.

I say that out loud and shit, too. Most of my comments I just make in my head to my armor, and she lets me know the good ones.

'Fagicorns? That's pretty good trash talk, honey. Give it a shot and see if you can get 'em all riled up.'

Here are some rollings: (Thaco 18 now!)

14 - 5
9 - 4
17 - 8
12 - 3
19 - 4
4 - 5

It looks like these fagicorns aren't so tough - I'm not going to bother bringing a badger online or anything.
Before we leave town...

Cinder walks up to Marivhon. "A monk huh? I heard you guys are pretty bitchin when you get to higher levels. Point is, right now you suck. Bad. So you better take these." Cinder reaches into his Roos of Holding and hands Marivhon a potion of healing (1d8+2) and a potion of invisibility. "If you bleed, drink the first one. If the shit hits the fan, chug the second. We're going to fight Andicorn the Unicorn King, and it probably won't be pretty. Ask Brogg, -he got cornholed pretty good by one of 'em on the way into Durth. If you look close he's got a limp."

And back to the present...

Looks like Yellow Snow has the apple, which is fine with Cinder as he'd really rather not step up to one of the bigger ones since he's just a pussy thief.

Cinder hangs back and fires two arrows right at Yellow Snow.
BR:7 and 16!

The 16 should hit, for let's see...2 damage. Taste the pain.

Oh wow, that seems like a really good idea, Yellow Snow. But I have a good idea too, how about I SHOVE MY BROADSWORD THROUGH YOUR EYESOCKET!?

BR:16, that's AC:0 on Yellow Snow! And BR:4, 9 points of damage!

Half-narwhale?! Are you freaking kidding me?! Taste the fury of Grisbane, pony!
  Yellow Snow
Okay Cinder, you buy another potion and send a letter to Greetles. Vilenda nods thoughtfully when you mention the farmhouse, and says that she might know a couple guys who need to lay low. Actually, she introduces you to twin ninja brothers, Luke and Lawrence Wang. They're perfect identical twins, but it's not like those guys from GI Joe who take turns completing a sentence. They're both completely actualized individuals. But you can imagine a situation where having a perfect twin would be helpful to do a ninja job, like give you the perfect alibi. Luke goes to the party and makes himself very visible while Larry sneaks into the dojo and steals the Blue Buddha. Anyway, the heat is on and the ninjas need to lay low for a while. They'll go to the farm, password: 'Fireforge'. Luke says thanks and gives you a ninja star.

Brogg, so yeah, the temple of Grisbane asks you to look after this guy Marivhon. You know, he's this half-elf who's trying really hard to be a monk. They think it'd be good for him to get some life experience, hang out with the Champion of Grisbane, all that. He's kind of sickly and prone to indiscretion, but you know, he's trying really hard.

So there ya go. Marivhon, don't worry about the stats they're great, don't worry about the race thing, sure enough you're a 1st level monk. Do roll hp though, 2d4 at 1st level (and -1 for cn penalty). The two hd at 1st level is a monk thing. Just so you know, there's no private messaging or anything, just email me or post to the website. Website is better. Hey Mark, if you can add some monk stuff to the player's ref page that'd be great. Also maybe you wanna add Marivhon to the title page of the big pdf file.

Another point of business: hey Paul, Ed told me Godfrey wanted on. If Chris could email one of us, or you just give us his email, we can invite him on in. Now would be a fantastic time to join, and it'd take some of the 1st level heat off of you.

Dave, M'Shillane tells you that if you want more blessings from her bountiful garden, you best be better comin' home wif some big-ass bling.

And with that, you leave for adventures! For those of you just joining, this is module C1: Against the Unicorn King!


Okay, so you head north out of Durth, Temple Town, all that into the mountains. Following the info Dave gleaned, you follow a small trail that winds up through the rocks. The Durth mountains are very majestic. Anyway, a few hours up the trail, you stop for lunch- you guys DID buy rations, right? So you're having a little picnic, when from behind some rocks step not one.

Not two.

But three. Three unicorns.

The biggest unicorn has a green bandana on, and says "Hey, how's it going. Hmm, that lunch looks pretty good. Yup, pretty good indeed, doesn't it Yellow Snow?"

The smallest of the three, Yellow Snow, says "Sure it does boss. Suuuure it does."

"Yup," says the big unicorn. "We sure'd like to have some of that. So I says, why don't you give us that lunch, and all your gold while you're at it, and no one will get hurt."

The unicorn bandits look at you all serious and threatening. What do you do?
Marivhon! Excellent, a very good name. Marivhon the Monk, nice alliteration, or Marivhon Half-elven, very nice as well.

Well, Marivhon, since the Elder(s) Grettin and Shettin have asked that I take you under my wing so to speak, let me give you the 411 on the world of Descent in to Depths!

First off, I see that you have created a character sheet, very nice. If I were you, I would just bump that Wisdom up to the minimum and be done with it. Also, I see that you have 4 Hit Points. Not one of us rolled our 1st level HP, so if I were you, I would take some liberties there as well. That is 2d4, I believe.

Now, on the front page, you will find a link to DiD Player's Reference Page. There you will find a lot of valuable information regarding abilities and whatnot, and soon there will be all you need to know about Monks as well. However, for starters, I can tell you that you have an AC of 10. Monks have this great ability of not getting Dexterity bonuses to their Armor Class. But worry not, your AC will slowly improve, at a rate frustratingly slower than that of the rest of the party. I don't poke fun, we all have our shortcomings. I myself am limited to 4th level Cleric while Cinder has to make due as a 1st Edition thief.

As for postings, we pretty much try to keep things in game. A note or two from the players is cool, however, if you want to discuss meaningless "real world" stuff at length, keep it to email. Rob also reserves the right to title his posts. Us players just title our posts with our character's names. It keeps confusion to a minimum.

Let me know if you have been able to read the DiD from the Beginning PDF. That is a great primer for jumping in. If you have trouble opening it, I can email it to you as an attachment.

Anyhow, enough with that garbage. It is a pleasure to have another half-brother in the party! Grisbane has blessed us indeed! And speaking of the Half-Breed on High, he has challenged us with a valiant quest: to round up Andicorn and his renegade Unicorns that plague the Mines of Durth! Come Marivhon, let us test your salt on the field of battle!

Oh, and BTW, if you were wondering about Mike the Zombie, know this: he is a Zombie Master.
  Dave, Fist of Odin
Hey Marivhon - how you doin'! Any friend of Brogg's a friend of mine. You met Cinder, Mike (Our Zombie Friend), and Abbey? Interesting story, there. Yup, not every day you see an animated head of a little girl floating with a dress. Hey, you want a drink? Not every day you meet a half-elf monk. Hey - when you hang with elves, do they call you 'half-human'? I'm just curious. Brogg always goes off on some weird religious thing when I ask him. He's a good guy in a fight, but a bit too intellectual for me sometimes. Know what I mean? Me, I like the drinking, and the clobbering, and really, that's kinda how we play it, Odin-style.

So - I notice you're not dressed for - um, well, for much, there, with your pants and your staff. I got 50 gold if you want to buy a shirt, or some armor, or - what's that? A monk? That's cool, that's cool - always glad to talk about the clobbering. I prefer a side arm swing, see, and with the mace you really can get the power that the length of a staff would prevent. Wo - all right, I guess you're right about the reach there.

Hey - you wanna meet my armor? I call her Amy, 'cuz I'm usually too drunk to pronounce her real name, but she's cool. She says 'hi'. Sure, with the no shirt and all you can really move around, but I tell ya - nothing better than a good suit of armor when you're clobbering someone, especially when that suit of armor keeps a running story in your head. Sometimes, it's like poetry, when everything works together - but I guess you know about that, hunh?

So, anyway. You want some cash, knock yourself out. If you want to hear about Odin sometime, or do some sparring, let me know. Me, I'm not one for the missile weapons - I like my clobbering up close and personal - but maybe the guys'd go in with me if you want a crossbow or something - we could use some artillery, I guess. Just don't shoot me in the back!

No, I know. Wow. You're pretty serious, hey? Well, good to meet you - you sure about that drink? Odin smiles on the drunk - at least, as far as I know. Actually, I'm pretty sure Odin doesn't give a rat's ass what we do, most of the time, except when he comes down and gives me a quest and shit. Yeah - 'fist of Odin', it's earned, there. I was just telling my new friend here - umm, what was your name again, baby? Shellane? Shirelle? No, no, I just want to make sure. Aww baby - what you gotta be like that for? I was just getting to the good part, where Odin himself came down and bid me to smite this unholy bitch . . . .
  And along comes Marivhon.
Well, thats his name. He's got 30% resistance to sleep, he hates bards and heard that Brogg was the kind of guy togo out there and fight the good fight and didn't mind getting his hands a little dirty. I have a pair of pants and a quarterstaff. I hope it's not very cold. Stats straight down. Str 10 Int 14 Wis 5 ahem. Dex 17 Con 4 Cha 8. 6 Dice straight down so you know. Well it's my only set and well gee monks should be a lot more wise than that. And they probably shouldn't cough so much. let me know what to do. Is there a private posting for these sorts of things or should I just email rob and mark? When are you getting married Rob?
  Hey guys not sure what I'm doing but I'm a fast learner.
ok folks. I am posting this because I don't really have email accounts for everyone and if I understand this correctly you will all see it. I am going to play a monk named Marivhon. He's a half elf and a monk. Any other questions..... Well aside from the it's not ok by 1st ed I think I have DM permission and it get's me in the party I hope. But hey if it doesn't really fit I'm starting 1st level so I can just die. I am LE, that means Lawful and Evil for those of you out there reading this to your children. I can have a character sheet but if I roll stats I doubt I'll have what it takes to be a monk. It's not as easy as you'd think to have no hit points, no armor class and not really do any damage. Any way to moral of the story was to say hi and get in on the xp. Let me know whats up. bishopofapples@yahoo.com Paul
Cinder sells the 100gp white gem and forks over some cash to buy an invisibilty potion through the guild.

As for Jurgin and Broch, that's cool. Cinder knows how things can go south fast. Bummer about those twelve farmers. Cinder pens a note to Greetles telling him to accomodate the two of them, and give them my personal regards, and to make sure he asks for the password next time.

Cinder is happy enough that he got to go dutch with Journeywoman Vilenda, I mean, he is just an apprentice. He mentions to her that he's got some property, -a farm out in Grito, that can be used as a safehouse for guildmembers in need. It's the perfect place to lay low since the guild really doesn't have a presence there, which is fine cause Grito kinda sucks anyway.
He tells Vilenda the password and asks her to get word to Grimes at his chapter next time they have a footpad headed over that direction.
That's great, a new party member! Of course I can show him the ropes.

(However, a half-elf monk? I guess that I will have to note that in the racial class restrictions for the DiD Campaign Reference Page. He probably has unlimited advancement potential, eh?)

C'mon fellow, let me introduce you to the boys! Uh by the way, what is your name?
  But You'll Need +2 Or Better Tools To Get The Water Elemental's Jade Statue!
Okay Brogg, you learn how to draw. It's a nice meditative thing you can do I guess. 20 gp buys you a sketchpad, 3 flasks of oils, and like 2000 pencils. With a couple of those pencils you write a letter back to Greetles and send it off.

Cinder, the Roos of Holding don't hold tons of stuff. A few potions, thieves tools, daggers, that's about it. You probably could fit some mixed nuts or an apple in there too, but I mean, you're sort of limited by the size of the opening, which is about two inches. Jurgin and Broch, Jurgin and Broch... yeah, they turn up on the Blackwalls roster. Seems their last job went south and they accidentally murdered twelve farmers. Apparently Jurgin is a pretty smooth talker, so maybe he fast-talked Greetles and didn't need the password? The Guild will extradite them if you think it's a problem.

Yeah, ransoming that baby was pretty sweet. I mean, if assassins get a little table, okay, roll %, oh, you assassinated the duke. Didn't have to break into the castle, fight the guards, open the door, attack the duke, escape, none of that, just roll on this table and oops! No I di-int! Baby ransoming I'd think would be easier. Anyway, you can buy some silver tools if you'd like, although, well, you have to get them custom made. The silversmith nods his head thoughtfully when you mention werewolves, and says "Oh yeah, I heard about this one werewolf who carried his gems around in a locked box." As if silver tools would, you know, help out opening the werewolf's jewelry box.

Okay, sure, you pick up on Vilenda, but being how you're an Apprentice and she's a Journeywoman, you have some nice conversation, go dutch on drinks, and she shakes your hand and tells you she had a nice time. Sometimes, it doesn't matter how smooth your CHA is, some women just like the high levels. Sorry there.

Dave, clobbering is a fine NWP. It's no substitute for spec though, so as a Cleric, you'll get +1 dmg whenever you use blunt weapons.

But the big news is, I've just extended an invitation to Paul. Brogg, a wayward half-elf monk will be accompanying you on your quest. Maybe he's got a letter from Grettin and Shettin, maybe like pinned to his cloak like Paddington Bear:

Pleeze look after this monk.
Grisbane Temple

He'll be first level, so, you know, take it easy on the guy.
Descent into Depths is an old school 1st Edition AD&D adventure run by the Infinity Group.

What type of dice? How many dice?

3 Sided

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