6.24.2006
  Renwick:
All right here goes.

I dash in and pull any fallen compainons out of the cage and hope someone shuts the door on the knight.

Br. dex 5 Br. Str 15

I didn't make a str but maybe something will hash out.
 
  Moth
I'll stay in the cage and keep on swinging.

BR 20. 14 damage.

BR 19. 10 damage.

BR 11 (+2= 13 for AC 7). 6 damage if that one hits.

Wow. I think I won.
 
  Marivhon
uh at work can't read it all looks bad. I attack...with the halberd through the bars all guard styly
I need healing I'm at 4hp........and no potions.
round 1 on koa1 miss
round 2 miss, and hit ac 2 for 11
round 3 hit ac -1 for 12 points
round 4 miss miss
round 5 I bandage Schmecktor even If I have to get in the cage.
 
  Schmektor Pause-And-Studies
Schmektor, swing and a miss. Moth, you bandage Schmektor at -4, swing, miss, and you're free to leave the cage if you want. The door's wide open.

Renwick, DINK DINK. You guys really aren't ratcheting up the damage on KoA1 this time around. Brogg, BZZZZZ for 12 hp, you're down to 7 hp. Looking rough here guys.
 
  Renwick:
I'll shoot another magic missile when the time comes around, lets hope I do better than last rounds minimum damage.

Br. 9. Eh not bad.
 
  Moth
I'm not gonna risk the flamethrower, tempting as it is.

I bandage Schmektor. Does that mean I'm now trapped in the Tart with Brogg and the KoA?

If it does, BR 4 to attack and miss. If not, I'll try to get back out.
 
  Schmektor-
In between those painful chainsaw hacks, I swing again for BR 5.... then I look up with that "Oh shit I just missed the last chance to do damage before I go under...again" look on my face. c'est la vie.

Any bandages would be appreciated.

**good memory Rob. I had forgotten all about that death oh so many years ago...

in my unconcious stupor I gurgle "The horror... the horror!" through my bloody coughs.
 
  Renwick And Moth Do Some Math
Renwick, these Knights definitely don't bleed. In fact, when the flamethrower Knight drops, it just collapses into an empty suit of armor! Maybe it was possessed by a ghost or something, or maybe it's some kind of golem or automaton. Or maybe just a crazy form of metal life you've never even heard of before!

You're a smart guy, so I'll assume you'll waive that Sleep spell then. Magic Missile shot off, then. DINK.

Moth, if you can make combined DX and IQ checks, you can find a blast angle where you won't hit PCs or damage the Tart. You'll have to try each round. Failing that, you can always bandage Schmektor to keep him from dying. [NOTE: We play that when unconscious (-1 to -9), you drop one hp each round until 'bandaged'. When you hit -10, you're dead. Steve, Schmektor's PC, once had a cleric in a table top game I ran who went all the way from -1 to -10 in ten rounds and died without anyone bandaging him, so it might be a sore spot with Schmektor.]
 
6.23.2006
  Moth
A flamethrower? Sweet! Let's see if I can figure out how this thing works... BR 15 says yes.

Assuming I can use it on the Knight in the cart without hurting other party members or their possessions, I will, but I'm guessing that I'd just kill Schmektor, Brogg and Cinder and destroy our Tart. Not cool.

Flamethrower has 14 charges. 6 gp found. Lifesavers, eh? I help myself to a green one.
 
  Renwick:
The Fist of Odin is in frickin Korea man. I guess they don't have the frikin internet there. Or maybe Korea is such a blast that you don't even need the internet there. Anyway don't count on a big Fist move until wednessday at the latest.

Dungeon Master did that other night bleed when he was hit? If he did I will try a sleep spell on the other knight.

If not I magic missile that bitch again. Br 6pts.

Poor Cinder he really could lay down some heavy rhymes.
 
  Schmektor Vs. Black And Decker
Schmektor, nice blow. BBZZZZZZ for 12 hp... hey, you're still up! Even though a small knight just chainsawed into your thigh.

Brogg, those are some really great rolls there. But I guess it's been a while, and you don't remember what the Wand of Deconstruction was actually for. It was for owlbears. And other magical fused beasts. Not chainsaws, which are just great pieces of technology. Apparently Grisbane didn't grant you the wisdom to know the difference. Maybe because you're a Servant of Zelba now? Anyway you touch the Wand and wish real hard. Somewhere, a princess gets a pony.

Round 2 BSZZZZZZZZ Schmektor for 11, dropping him to -3. KoA Chainsaw Massacre then turns to you Brogg. Schmektor, you still get an action before you go down. But hey, Cinder's not sawed.

Moth, good thinking. The Knight has a kickass flamethrower. On an IQ check you can figure out how to use it... it's got 1d20 charges left, and each charge does 4d6 in a cone of flames. Oddly, the Knight also has a pouch containing 1d6 gp and a half-eaten pack of LifeSavers.
 
  Moth
Hmm. Not much I can do here... I check the fallen Knight to see if he's got anything I can use to help out Schmektor.
 
  Brogg:
Oh shit, I hope this works...

I rush over to the Tard Cart, and getting as close as I can, I point my Wand of Deconstruction at the KoA's chainsaw.

I try to get the Chainsaw only. -From the side or something, not straight at it if the KoA is behind it. Basically, I want to be touching the Chainsaw.

A hit roll? BR:19! A Dex check? BR:5! No shit. How about a Charisma check while I am on fire? BR:3! HA HA HA HA! Oh God, I make a Con check too! BR:18 Ahhh! Noooooo, I die!

Grisbane grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference!
 
  Schmektor-
"LET"S DANCE!!!" BR18 hits for 8hp of frosty cool cleaver mania.

and now I brace for what I am sure will be one of the most painful experiences of my life.
 
  You Certainly Do Have Initiative
Schmektor, bold move. Being, as it were, a prisoner-carrying wagon, it locks from the outside, not the inside. Anyway, okay, you're in melee with KoA1. And he's not going to provide a fun, safe campground. He's going to provide a lot of chainsaw PAIN.

Everyone else, you figure you have about one more round before Schmektor gets sawed off. Schmektor, you have initiative.
 
  Schmektor-
I get in the tart. and lock the door behind me. All the while screaming "C'mon MUTHA FUCKA! you want a peice of this?!?!?!? OH HELL YAH! C'mon BITCH!"

*fingers crossed*
 
  A Life Hangs In The Balance
Wow, nice work guys. Schmektor, you sprint off towards the Tart, while Brogg and Moth take down KoA2! You did it, you defeated a full KoA. One down, one to go.

Schmektor, you figure you've got about one action before Cinder gets chainsawed in half. Choose wisely adventurer!
 
6.22.2006
  Moth
Another attack on the Knight. BR 18! So with +2 I hit AC 0 for 5 damage.

Are we going to try to subdue the knight in the trap, or just haul him back and hope he doesn't chainsaw his way out before we get him into Stanislaus' dungeon?
 
  Brogg:
Hmm... This is kind of harsh without DFoO(Z?).

I really hope he wakes up.

Anyway, I chop this Knight. BR:9. By the Power of Grisbane, I do 11 more points of damage.
 
  Schmektor:
Dx check failed - I'm happy to have just done damage to him. I spend round three running back to the tart to perhaps be of assistance to Cinder if Dave, Fist of Odin is able to stun the K of A somehow.
 
  Knight Fighting, Round Trois
Schmektor, don't worry, you weren't damaged by the first blast. As for attacking the weapon, hmm. That's the kind of thing a NWP is good for, but tell ya what. Make a DX check at -6 and we'll talk. For the time being, I'll just put the damage down on the Knight itself.

Moth, hit and damage accrued, every li'l counts, according to New Order.

Marivhon, when the hell did you become such a tank? Damage done, and the Knight is beginning to not look so good.

Renwick, okay, you get all four spells off. Yeah, it looks like magic damages the Knights! That's also a shitload of hps.

Finally, Brogg, damage done. A couple more rounds like this, and you think you'll have it made...

Marivhon, the Knight cranks it up full blast. 20 hp damage.

Guys, you hear the squealing sound of wood and maybe even metal ripping apart back over in the Tart. Also the sound of Cinder screaming. All with the droning buzz of a chainsaw...
 
  Brogg:
No, this is my two-attack round! BRs:10,9. That's AC's 1 and 0. Damn, I think that's two hits. 13 and 15 points of damage, for 28 total!

Take that, Can Man!

Yeah, Marivhon, let's keep that caged one alive. I don't think Stan can use a dead KoA in his dungeon.

Thanks for the Strength, Renwick.

Hey, Dave, Fist od Odin (Zelba?), could you Dispel Magic on that caged guy? Remember, that stunned the last one. Maybe we can take his Chainsaw away if he is stunned!
 
  Renwick:
I hope I can get a few prep spells off before things get going

1. Shield.

2. Str. on Brogg for 2pts.

Regardless, as soon as that bullshit is taken care of I make one of these knights ride the lightning for 21pts. I'll go for the one the guys are on if I can get a clean shot, but if not I'll nail the one in the cage.

Does the lightning hurt them?

Next round I'll huck a Magic missile at which ever one I hit previously for 9pts.
 
6.21.2006
  Marivhon
It meant that I set off the trap as Brogg wanted me to. It is a Mega-Wizards card and as of late I have been playing a lot of it. Yes I am attacking the same knight as the party so as to concentrate fire. I'm sure Cinder will be fine, he's a champ.

Round 3 is another attack. I think I'll need a potion first though I'm back at full and out of potions. hrm I hit ac 3....doh for 7.

Round 4 will be a hit on ac 2 and ac -1 nice. for 10 and 11 points.

Hey Brogg how are we going to take this guy alive....in the cage he doesn't seem be be willing to just ride back to the tower of illusion?
 
  Moth
After the round where I miss horribly, I try again. BR 16 +2= 18, for AC 1. 3 damage.
 
  Schmektor:
Save BR 15... crap... OUCH! 2/3 HP in one attack... remind me to quit SUCKING... I'll stick it out on the front line for another round and see how it goes... I may need some sweet clerical lovin' after this. Swinging again with the frosty cleaver - BR18 for 5 in damage. Any chance I could hit that flame thrower with that hit? I would love to disable that thing.
 
  Knight Fighting Round DOS
I don't understand what "sprung the Monkey" means Marivhon. I'm assuming you're in melee with KoA2 like the rest of the gang, but "sprung the Monkey" could be interpreted to mean letting Cinder/KoA1 out of the cage.

Brogg, solid hit, but don't you get two attacks this round? I was assuming the Dust Devilling was done pre-combat, as I gave you all a couple pre-combat rounds to get ready. Marivhon, nice two attack round. Smacky smack. Moth, well then.

Marivhon, you've got the apple, and the Knight bashes you in the face for 13 hp.
 
  Moth
Fair enough. I'll take however many rounds to get to Cinder and try to take his gold longsword, and maybe those gloves of dex +1 too. I need some shoes too, but I'll leave the guy his Roos. Some checks: 43% for move silenly is a fail. 14% hide is a success, and 33% for pick pockets is a success, not that I probably needed that to take anything from the poor guy.

If & when I get a chance, I'll take a swing at one of those Ks of A. BR 5, +1 for STR and +1 for enchantment. These guys aren't "adventurers" by any chance? Didn't think so.
 
  Marivhon
Ok, I sprung the Monkey. I attack with my Halberd. miss.
Next Round hit ac 2 and ac-1. for 13 points of damage and 8 points of damage.
gots to love 3 every 2.
"bring it on Amtrak!"
 
  Brogg:
6 on that save, I guess I am at 19. Oof.

Someone, take that chainsaw away from that Knight!

I bring down the broadsword on this Flame-throwing guy, BR:17. That's 9 points.

Nice hit Schmektor, it's great to have someone else on the frontline!
 
  Fight The Knight(s): Round 1
Brogg, okay, Dusty brought. You and he run up to Knight 2 after trapping Knight 1 inside the Tart. Cinder begins yelping and banging on the bars like a chimp. Brogg, as you and Dusty charge, Knight 2 unleashes his Flamethrower on you two. Each of you make a Save vs. Wands, to take 12 hp, save for 1/2. I guess it doesn't matter one way or another for ol' Dusty.

Schmektor, you run up also... the 17 is a hit! Looks like the cleaver damaged the Knight. Of course, now you're a second level guy in melee with an iron golem. 7 hp doesn't look like it does a ton of damage to the Knight.

Moth, if you want to take some of Cinder's stuff... well, you are a Chaotic Good Thief, yes? Stealing may not be very Lawful, but I'm sure you'd put it to Good use. Guys, go for it, Cinder's been out of commission for over a month. You'll have to take a couple rounds to get it from Cinder on the side of the cage though. You can always return it, but yeah, magic weapons are a must to be effective in this combat.

Schmektor and Moth, just so you know, the Knights of Armek look like little 5' tall walking suits of full plate mail. There's a picture Mark drew some time ago in the archives somewhere.

You hear the distinctive sound of a chainsaw being operated from within the cage.
 
  Moth
Not sure if I can really be of use here, what with not being able to hurt the Knights with my non magic weaponry. I also vote we try to smack Vrill up after this. Judging from his latest Blog entry, I'd say he's stealing our module. What a jerk.

Rob, you implying that it'd be ok to, uh, borrow some of Cinder's magic stuff? I figured it'd be frowned upon. I'll ask the other team members what they think.

Hm. What would Zelba do?
 
  Schmektor:
OH SHIT!!! spilled milk under the bridge. I stand by my original action. Oh well... us big guys are kinda slow on the uptake. If a magic weapon of some kind is required to hit these buggers... After this round, I will waste a round hauling my ass over to the 'tart' and borrow a magic sword from Cinder.
 
  Brogg:
Whoa Schmektor, my boy! From what I remember, these guys require magic weapons to hit.

Hell, maybe that chilly cleaver is magic. -I guess your getting a poor man's Identify.
 
  Schmektor-
On Brogg's command, I charge the second knight who is standing off to the side (holding what I'm sure is a gun of some sort but that we are too dumb to recognize) and attack with the fury of my cleaver. BR 17... hope that hits. If it does, 7points of damage. if it doesn't.. DAMN. hopefully dusty will have better luck.

"I love it when a plan comes together" Good thinkin Brogg!
 
  Brogg:
Perfect. Ok, just wait until that first Knight gets inside.

Once Marivhon springs the trap on the first Knight, I summon a Dust Devil, and charge the second Knight with Dusty. Dusty has 5hp. Dusty is sweet.

I wonder where Mike the Zombie 1k is. He has that great chainsaw...

Hey Renwick, that Strength stuff would be great.
 
  He's Gonna Get All Up In That Shit
Also, Cinder was a great man who has a lot of great magic items. Something like three magic swords, magic gauntlets, a magic robe, some good potions... it'd be a shame for that to all go to waste.

...

Anyway, Cinder's in the Tart, you all are in Grito, everyone's trained, tanned, refreshed, well-stocked on iron rations, and ready to rock. No sign of Vrill, by the way, but there's been some activity in the Potion Guild, and the few apprentices you see around town look exhausted. Off you go into the Greyhelm environs.

You drive the Tart about a day south of town, not wanting to get too close to the ruined city just yet. Then you break out the barbecue, ready the trap, sit back and watch.

After a few hours, a cougar gets in there and freaks the hell out of the bait, but the cougar is readily dispatched and works surprisingly well with said barbecue. We don't gotta RPG this one out.

Night falls. The stars come out. It's sorta nice. Calm. Quiet. You take watches, and reminisce about the days you used to take watches all the time.

Then dawn comes, and Cinder screams, waking you all up.

There's a Knight. Er, two Knights actually. One of them is cautiously approaching the Tart's open hatch, while the other stays back about twenty yards, with what looks like a large tube or pipe at the ready. Huh. You figure you have a couple rounds still before Knight One gets up in there.

Well, this is what you wanted... yes?
 
  Marivhon
"hey Moth, Cinder was a great man who stared death in the eye and lost. We hope he gets better some day but the boy is really fucked up right now."

I change his diapers and give him a sponge bath with a very solemn look on my face. The sorrow is all encompassing, overwhelming even. I feed him some yogurt and wipe his mouth. I even shed a tear for the poor soul.
 
6.20.2006
  Marivhon
"I can't think of a worse idea as long as cinder doesn't object. Cinder just say something if you don't like this plan. Yes I run fast and I think this is a horrible idea but it gets Stan off our back for the money and if it works it should work quickly so I'm all for this horrible idea."

I think after we get the temple think situated we need to hit Vrill if we can. If we are leaving Cinder in the Tart (short-hand) say on the road to Greyhelm maybe it could server as a trap for Vrill too. He might be using to road to move back and forth.

let's do this.
 
  Brogg:
Yeah, I Yahoo!

I send out an application to Job ID: 44-6-MH440, Accounts Recieveable. -Hey, you've gotta keep your options open.
 
  A Fucking Belt Of Regeneration
Renwick, the belt is pretty damn good. It's a Belt of Regeneration, and it has 3d20 hp left in it. It'll keep you alive, returning 1 hp/round after you fall below 50% of your health. Might want to use it wisely. I'll assume you're NOT wearing it unless you tell me otherwise.

And true, there's more combat to be had in the Arena of Nyuss, or Kyuss, or whatever. Might be a good source of magic items/weapons/$$ for the temple.

Schmektor, perfect. Fingerless gloves are hot.

Brogg, okay, the cart is a go. You and Greetles test it out a few times one afternoon, and then enjoy some lemonade after a solid day's work. Gregolas hasn't heard from Arvid and the guys. He thinks they headed south to hang out around Greyhelm; they didn't want to leave the mainland like the rest of the church.

Give people one more day to post and take care of business 'round town before moving on.


---------------------------------------------------------
Zelba fund: 16,050 gp left!

Do you Yahoo? Check out Yahoo's new HotJobs service, and find a job that's right for you!
 
  Renwick:
Hey I ID that shmancy belt.

I take lightning bolt for my third level spell and invisibility for my second.
Heres the rolls 53, and 76. I don't learn Invisibility, maybe next level.

We could always fight for some more of that monk treashure, it could get us some Zelba money.

I'll kick in 400gps to the Zelba fund.
 
  Schmektor:
Cool to the touch, eh? I like the sound of that... and you know what that means... I drop a couple copper on some fingerless gloves... AWWW HELL YEAH. Nothing says "bad-ass" like fingerless gloves. uh.. ok.. fingerless gloves and my champion mullet. I'll be saving up for my camaro... with T-Tops... yeah, T-Tops and a friggin 8 track loaded with lynard skynyrd and blue oyster cult BIATCH!
 
  Brogg:
Greg, maybe you should lay off the chronic for a bit. Just try a week at first. -Nothing crazy.

Hey BTW Greg, have you seen Arvid, Ralph and the boys lately? Do they still hang at that place in the woods?

Ok, I am going to spend an extra 100gps to make the cart trap really nice. I've got some time to burn, so I'll get whatever local expertise I can to help. Heck, I'll even build a cage-within-a-cage thing to give Cinder some protection. -Kind of like a shark cage.

I'll put another 500gps towards Stans work.

Let's do this. Oh, and BTW when we set the trap, I disconnect the donkey and hide it. I want everyone to be hidden except for the trap. I'll even put some planks up to the cart to make it easy for the Knight to get inside.

Marivhon, since you are fast and sneaky, how about you be the one to spring the trap? We'll be a distance back.

Damn, this is going to be sweet!
 
  Bingo
"Link! Bingo. That's it, that's 100% it." Pause. "Bingo." Pause. "How the hell could I'a forgotten that one? I think maybe the G gotta cold chill on the weed for a while, a little detox. Things are pretty hectic around here, and who's gonna hold down the farm when the crazy outer space golem army comes to kick our ass? I mean, you guys'll prolly be storming Greyhawk Castle, vorpal swords and crap like that. So who's gonna keep the home fries cookin? Fuckin' Greetles? There's gonna come a day when the shit goes down, you know? All the shit just comes home to roost or whatever. There's gonna come a day. And when that day comes, you just gotta be a man, you know? It'll be like one of those movies, where there's all this crazy shit goin' down on the lawn, and I'll step out of the house and be like 'Hey you... get off my lawn.' Like in an all-white suit. Damn, I need to get me an all-white suit, that is so PIMP. Then I'll just be standing there staring 'em down, it'll be like that calm before the thunderstorm, before the hurricane, before shit goes bananas. Then I'll totally pump my shotgun with one hand, all Samuel L, and be like 'Come on you mother FUCKS. Come to poppa.'" Gregolas leans back and exhales. "Yeaahhhh. Huh huh. 'Bingo'. Huh huh."

...

Anyway, Marivhon, Stanislaus is really excited about this temple to Zelba idea. He puts his best bugbears on the job. With your starter gps, CHA check, and Moth's donation, you have 16,950 gp left to go on rebuilding the temple.

Brogg, okay, you rig up a little thing with a rope and a pulley. It takes some time, but people are training and there really isn't much else to do in town. Cinder seems happy enough to sit in the cart, I guess. Right Ed? Right Cinder?

Schmektor, good thinking. The cleaver's pretty nice. Don't forget that one reason why it did so much damage is that, being a frost giant, Jonathon had frost giant strength (20, which is +8 on damage by the books, although technically MM never took that into consideration). Still, it'll count as a battle axe (1d8 damage for S,M,L creatures). You don't need to get it sharpened, as it seems pretty damn sharp already. And actually, it's a little cool to the touch. You might even say 'frosty'. On a hot Grito day, you can even see a little wisp of frosty air coming up off the cleaver...

Schmektor and Moth, just in case, I should say that while you're in town, you're staying at the PCs farm, a nice place called 'Shady Orchards' (or abbreviated SO). SO is on the edge of town, and has two main permanent occupants: a kobold named Ronald Greetles and a half-elf named Gregolas Half-Elven. Greetles used to be mayor of town, and manages the PCs money. Gregolas hangs out on the couch and watches a lot of TV. This guy named Brian Smallwood also seems to be around a lot, and Bri and Greg seem to maintain a running dialogue about what's on TV and life in general. They also frequently bemoan loss of their Xbox and TiVo, although Bri seems more accepting of it, while Gregolas bitches about it all the time. They watch a lot of the USA channel, and discuss the quality of shows vis-a-viz HBO serials. The occasional Grito peasant comes by to get some fruit or milk from the farm, and Greetles also takes care of a few part-time farmhands.

Any more town stuff to take care of, before heading back into the Greyhelm environs to find a Knight of Armek?
 
  Moth
Dagger and lute acquired, hp rolled. BR 5 + 2 gives me 7, but that gets divided down to 2.

I dunno much about this whole Zelba thing. I figure fair is fair, and you guys definitely saved me and the townsfolk from ending up in that pie, so I'll try to help out. I kick in 50 gp. It's not much, but hey, the sooner you guys pay your souls off, the sooner that creepy goth chick leaves us all alone, eh?

I'll try the CHA check, just for a larf. BR 19. No. Hell no.

As for the INT check, BR 13, so yeah, I know Vrill is working on a new spell... not that I know much about this "Gregory Vrill" fellow.

I'm cool with Brogg's plan to try and catch a knight in the 'cart, but I don't really think it will be that easy. I also feel kind of bad about exploiting your retarded friend. What's his story?
 
  Schmektor:
Before we leave the giant's humble abode, I snag that damn cleaver. I wipe MY OWN blood off the thing and tote it out with the rest of our loot. The thing did 10hp damage to me in one of those rounds.. I am assuming it will do the same or close when I use it. Rob-let me know what to roll for "big ass cleaver". I chuck 25 GP into Cinder's pocket when I put back the flint and tinder... just for good karma.

When in town I pay for special training to level 2 fighter. Damn that was expensive. For a NWP, I study up on Masonry... you know to start working on the temple at some point. I also pick up some miscellaneous supplies and pay to get the cleaver sharpened.
 
  Brogg:
I just took my 515gp, assuming we split it.

I then change Cinder. Damn, Renwick you get the next one.

Geez, Marivhon, that's some freaky shit. I admire your passion, but damn dude, that's some real freaky shit.

I am about 4G's short of my share to rebuild the temple.

I still say we get one of these Knights of Armek. We can put him in the Tard Cart with Cinder. -Maybe Cinder could be the cheese in the mousetrap, if you will.

Rob, I work on making a rope-pulled mechanism for closing the Tard Cart.

This is the plan: We take the cart to the outskirts of Greyhelm, open the door with Cinder drooling inside, and hide in the bushes. Then, when a Knight enters the Tard Cart, we close the door, trapping him inside!

Is everyone cool with that?
 
  Marivhon
"dude his name is Link, how fucking baked are you? Let me see that"

I take his spliff. Smoke some and settle in for some cops.

"yeah man I'm pretty freaked out, but this Zelba chick is serious. I gotta finish up with her before I can fix things up with Grisbane. You know? I mean It's like drugs, you gotta not mix to much of the good shit or you wake up on somebodies lawn fucked up wasted and bleeding from your ass."

Cha check for Stan a fucking 1 Rob. Maybe I get stan all baked up and he takes 20% off. I'll give him 2k on the spot just to set the scene if he's a go. I ask him to just get started with that and we'll try to get him a knight of armek as soon as we can.
 
  Greensleeves
Okay Marivhon, you do what you have to do. Zelba appreciates your consecration. Gregolas is pretty weirded out though. You get the sense that he's not 100% on board with this whole Zelba thing.

"Uh, no offense dude, but weren't you a monk of my god? Grisbane, 'member him? I mean, who's this Zelba babe anyway? Sounds like a knock-off of 'Zelda'... you know that Nintendo game? That was the shit, like you had this little bow and arrow, and hearts for life, you'd meet a fairy and she'd all like 'you're awesome here's a heart'. I played this Zelda game where you drive this little ship around, like this little boat in the water. Fuck I'd get so baked and just enjoy driving my boat around in the sea, not like going anywhere, just me and the waves. My little guy, the elf dude, what was his name anyway? At first I thought that bro's name was Zelda, and I was like 'that's kinda lame'. He'd just chill on the prow looking at the horizon, while I drove that shit all around."

"Uh sure, alright, I'll give you a Bless or two, between pals, we go back a ways dude. But I'm not 100% on board with this whole Zelba thing. Giant testicles and killing Steve... look, cuz we're bros, cuz we're tight, lemme cold tell you what I'm feeling. I'm feeling that you're pretty weirded out from being dead and shit. Which is totally understandable, I mean I totally get that, but it don't mean you gotta become all Silence of the Lambs and shit. Look, let's just crack a cold one, watch some 'Cops', it's Vegas Cops so you know there's gonna be some crazy shit. Let's just have a beer, smoke a fatty, chill the f out."

You can decide whether or not you chill the f out with Gregolas.

In any case, 'Scary fricking dude' is a fine NWP, Marivhon. As is 'Luting', Moth. Don't forget to roll those hp. There's not a lot of demand for lutes these days, so you can get one for 4 gp. The party used to have a magical +1 Lute, but somehow Stanislaus the Illusionist got ahold of it and stocked it in his dungeon. And although there's no more blacksmith, there's a pawn shoppe (where you get the lute) that'll sell daggers at cost (2 gp, unless you want a fancy silver one with an onyx handle for 35 gp).

As for the temple, it'll be an even 20,000 gp to get it restored. Between Brogg, Dave FoO, Marivhon, and Renwick, that's 5,000 gp each. Stanislaus's guys (his gnome and bugbear construction teams) will help you out. If anyone can make a CHA check, he'll drink some scotch, play some video trivia, and take 10% off your share for being a great guy.

...

As for Vrill, you hear about him through rumors. Grito has become a ghost town, practically. There are a couple stores still in town, kept in business by amateur adventurers, the Griffon's Claw is still open for example. But Vrill himself, you never see. On a CHA check, you'd hear the rumor that Vrill seems to come and go almost magically! On an IQ check, you'd hear the rumor that Vrill is working on a new spell, something to break down a magical barrier... the word is that there are still some people trapped in Greyhelm!

And cheers, Moth, for the 'blacksmith, mayoral race' reference. Ah, those were the days...
 
  Marivhon
hey Rob I'm gonna see if out illusionist friend will hire out some of his stone masons to help us get to work on the temple and his corridor to it. How much cash would it cost to get things moving?
 
  Marivhon
"It's ok with me if you guys tag along."
"but I'm gonna keep my eyes on you, it's a little suspicious...Zelba sparing you, it's like you are a gift from her to us. You should help us build her a temple."

Rob I take the giants testicles, not the head. I had a sec to think about it and well they seem a better sacrament for a shrine than the head. It's messy I'm sure, but you know a gods work it's sometimes dirty. I say we make granny and the dwarf help build the temple to the god, who through us, made their lives go on. What a kind god Zelba is. I want to grind up the testicles with the old monk bones I'm carrying around from the weird other plane we went to with all the fucking doors. I will then pour the pulpy nasty shit over the unearthed remains of Steve during a full moon and move them down to the old temple to Zelba and bury them there. Can I buy a few blessings from Gregolas to help out with this....?BTW I think my NWP is scary frickin dude. I have a horrible con and a wild eyed look, and a great big Halberd. I carry bones around and stink of blood I think it works for me. I don't know what it would do except intimidate those who are susceptible.

Brogg it might be time get this temple going. It doesn't have to be big, but it should have heart, preferable a couple.
Rob did I read that right, Vrill is in Grito?

Is this before or after we train? Brogg are we still looking for a knight of armek or are we going to nab Vrill? I say we nab Vrill then build the temple if we can. Hey Rob it's also important to me how I know Vrill is in town....
 
  Moth
Alright, assuming we've gone back to Grito, I drop 300 gp for special training. I'll take playing the lute (luting? lutery?) as my NWP. I'll also buy a dagger if there's still a blacksmith in town. I think the one we had got run out for being a murderer or something. Fuck him, I voted for Greetles! I'll also try to acquire a lute. What's the price on those?

I play "Greensleeves" over and over. It's the only song I know.
 
6.19.2006
  Schmektor:
I'm all for some temple building... Zelba came through for me in a pinch. I feel some obligation. What else is on the agenda? Other than some training, could we get some construction done?

And thanks for the info Moth... I'm still sweeping out the cranial cobwebs.
 
  Level Draining Is No Laughing Matter
Moth, the treasure listing has already been divided by the number of PCs. Everyone did their part (except Cinder of course), so I just divided all the loot by 6. The only exception is the belt that Renwick found.

Just to be clear on the $$ conversion, 200 cp = 1 gp, 20 sp = 1 gp, 2 ep = 1 gp, and 1 pp = 5 gp. In other words, if you liquidate everything you got, including the gem, each PC gets 515 gp.

Marivhon already took care of his training. Moth, after you train, you'll have 215 gp left. Schmektor, you'll have to borrow 235 gp to pay for all your training costs. Everyone else, don't forget that Zelba really wants her goddamn temple rebuilt. It'll start coming out of your CON or your levels if you don't start coughing up the $$. Let's just say Zelba has some spectre repo-men just dying to drain some levels.

Get it? 'Just dying to'... Ha ha, get it?
 
  Moth
On Clubs: These deal 1-6 against Medium opponents and 1-3 against large opponents.

On Two-Weapon Fighting: According to p. 70 of the DMG, characters can opt to utilize a second weapon in their other hand, forgoing the use of a shield, as long as the second weapon is either a dagger or a handaxe. This causes you to take a penalty of -2 to your primary weapon attack and a -4 to the secondary attack. Penalties/bonuses for low/high Dex scores factor in, but can't give you a positive bonus on either of these attacks.

I'll leave dividing up treasure to those with seniority here.
 
  Conclusion Of D3: Fight The Giant. Wrap-Up Crap And Misc Info
So Steve had a few questions, that I want to answer here for general use:


SYSTEM: We're playing 1st edition, with Unearthed Arcana rules and some house rules (like: 20s are automatic double damage, doubled after all 'adds' are added, 1s are automatic critical fumbles, meaning that the enemy you're attacking gets one full round of melee attacks on you).

CLASS ADVANCEMENT: Fighters roll a d10 for hp. Check this website for full info regarding classes, advancement, and abilities:
http://www.mjyoung.net/dungeon/char/index.html
It's also linked off 'DiD favorites' under Rob.

Training to a new level takes 1 week per new level. It costs 100 gp per new level. For special training, it costs 150% of that, and special training gives you +2 hp and one bonus non-weapon proficiency. NWPs are fairly freeform and innocuous, things like Heavy Drinking, Fast Running, and Speak Spanish. There is no special training after 9th level, as 'special training' is game mechanics for paying for extra tutoring, community college classes, etc.

WEAPON DMG: Clubs I think do 1d6 for small and medium creatures, and 1d4 to large. I should admit I have none of the books, so someone else should double check this.

TWO-WEAPON FIGHTING: Cinder was fighting with two weapons, one in each hand. I think you can do this with clubs, but there are serious penalties... again, it's somewhere in the DMG... could someone check this?

WHO THE F*** IS ZELBA? Zelba is the Goddess of Death. Really, she's the Goddess of the Undead, until Orcus marginalized her. The very first adventure of 'Descent into Depths', which was email only, not on the blog, was in Zelba's ruined temple, just outside Grito.

In short, Gregory Vrill hired some kobolds to tend to the first owlbear he ever made, and they were living in the temple. The ruined temple of Zelba was later turned into Vrill's owlbear factory, then taken over by the Church of Grisbane (Brogg's deity, the God of Halfbreeds), and finally destroyed by Lord Rupert, aka Lord Roderick Skullbones, Death Knight of Orcus. Now it's just abandoned.

Zelba lives in Terminal Z of Hello Airport, another plane of existence where the dead go to hate being dead. It's not quite Hell or the Abyss, it's just boring. Zelba returned the PCs (except for the new guys Schmektor and Moth) to life and to the Prime Material Plane, in exchange for killing Vrill and Vrill's bizarre daughter Abbey. Oh yeah, and they also have to rebuild her ruined temple.

ON-LINE GAMING: We've never done simul-cast DiD, like a conference call or over AIM or something. It'd just be hard to coordinate, but if anyone has ideas, feel free to speak up. Might be a way to resolve combats quicker than one week. Gmail Chat might be the best way.

...

Anyway, here's the loot:

Renwick, you find a human-sized belt of strange blue leather! It's got a silver buckle with three black stones and looks pretty good.

There's a lot of coinage, so I'll divide it into 6 (for the 6 PCs except Cinder), and here's everyone's share:
1000 cp, 500 sp, 300 gp, 100 ep, and 27 pp.
There's also one gem each worth a cool 100 gp.

Marivhon, head taken. It's the size of one of those big-ass medicine balls from elementary school gym, but you have a Tard Card you can put it in.

Schmektor, to train to 3rd with special training will cost you 750 gp. You'll gain 2d10 +4 hp, plus 1 weapon prof and 2 NWPs.

Moth, to train to 2nd thief with special training will be 300 gp. You'll gain 1d6+2 hp, divided by 3 (the +2 for special training adds in before dividing by 3), and 1 NWP.

Marivhon, special training to 6th is 900 gp, please. Thanks.
 
  Schmektor:
D6 = 5, D% = 61% (I'm pretty sure that means I found 61% of nothing)

To Marivhon - "you know... I don't remember much... I was on the road to find a group of traveling performers... the next thing I know, I'm falling into a cave and I find you guys battling a giant. I don't trust giants... so I sarted swinging. You mind if I tag a long for a while?"
 
  Moth
A 5 for the d6. % 83.

"Uh, I'm pretty sure if Zelba wanted us dead, we'd be, y'know, dead. I dunno much about priests of Zelba, though. Is that what you guys are? I mean, rescuing people from pies is cool and all, I just didn't know Lady Z was into that. I'm Moth, and I'm trying to get some shoes. Who're you guys?"

How much do I need for special training?
 
  Marivhon
d6 is a 2. % is 50. I will gain 4hp after I special train. How much is that? I sell the 5 crystals I got from steve for a cool G. I drink my bottle of Rolling Rock. I want to take the Frost Giants head if it isn't too big so I can give it to Zelba. If it is too BIG I will take something worse that guys wouldn't like to talk about.....you know...wink...those.ahem. anywho.

"so who the fuck are you guys...?
I eye Schmektor and Moth with extreme suspicion.
"so you just happened to be in the pie as we walk in here eh?"
"well I guess if Zelba wanted you dead you'd be dead. Or maybe not, I guess."
"If she wants you dead I'll have to kill you ya know..."
"Hey Brogg does Zelba want these guys dead...?"
I point at the former Pie People.
I keep my halberd safe in hand as I look for loot.
 
  Renwick:
I roll it! A d6 for a 1 huzza!

on the % I get a 44%.

I'm going over the spells and will make up my mind tonight.
 
  You Win
Holy shit do you guys crank out the damage now. Renwick, Marivhon, and Moth combined did about 50 pts in two rounds. The frost giant's all like

"HEY WAIT A MINUTE NOW"

He pauses to catch his breath and bends over, resting on his knees. He looks a little asthmatic? He holds a hand up to take a time out.

"HUH HUH YOU GUYS ARE PRETTY GOOD I'LL GIVE YOU THAT. OKAY, OKAY PEACE."

You circle around him, blades drawn.

"OKAY, HERE'S THE DEAL. I'LL LET YOU LIVE, AND EVEN GIVE YOU A FEW BIG GEMS FOR BEING SUCH BADASSES. YOU TAKE YOUR PIE PEOPLE AND GET OUTTA HERE, AND WE'LL CALL IT A DRAW."

You slaughter him.

...

Renwick, you're right, sorry. Forgot you were 5th level now, thought you were advancing to 3rd and 4th. Okay, you get to pick two 1st or 2nd circle spells when you get to 4th level, and two 1st, 2nd, or 3rd circle spells when you get to 5th level. Remember, you still have to roll to learn them.

...

Alright everyone, this officially concludes D3: Fight the Giant. You fought him pretty good. 4000 xp. That levels Schmektor to 2nd and 3rd fighter (you are a fighter, right?), levels Moth to 2nd thief, and Marivhon to 6th monk.

Feel free to rescue the peasants and return to Grito to train. Vrill apparently isn't winning the campaign just yet. He's actually back in town doing some spell research, you hear, before sojourning back to Greyhelm in several weeks to finish the job.

The giants have some treasure too if you want to search around. d6s, looking for 1s, plus anyone who posts gimme a d%.
 
6.18.2006
  Moth
If this giant thinks he can stop me in my quest for shoes, he's sadly mistaken.

I put away the bow & arrow and draw my sword. BR 13 +1 hits AC 6 for 7 damage.

Next two rounds, more attacks.

BR 11 probably doesn't hit, but does 12 damage if it does.

BR 17 probably does hit, for 11 damage.

As for the townsfolk, I'm CG, so Granny and Franz, Dwarven Cobbler are useless.
 
  Marivhon the Monk.
BR for a save. huh. a 1 nice. I attack. hrm...nevermind.

Next round miss and a 19 for 15 hp of damage. I could probably use a heal as well.

Yes Brogg happy Birthday!!
 
  Renwick:
I rolla 16 for my save +1 from shield for 17 makes it. So I guess that I take 6pts of damage.

Crank up another magic missile for 10 pts.

Just first and second Rob? I don't get a third circle even though I can cast it?

I'll blow my last magic missile next round for another 10 pts.
 
  Bear Pie
Thanks to the magic healing power of Zelba, Schmektor is up at 6 hp.

Brogg, hit and save made, you only take 6 from the kettle juice. Back down to 4 hp.

Dave FoO, I'll assume you wanna CLW Brogg back up to 10 hp. The bear comes in swinging, and does 15 hp in two rounds before the Frost Giant cleaves it in two and adds both halves to his pie. Don't forget to roll your save.

Jonathon is starting to look a little under the weather.
 
  Brogg:
Wow, what a fury of activity!

Alright, thanks for the ring, Marivhon! That kicks ass! I am now AC:0! Yeah!

Ok, thanks for the Stength, Renwick. I think I am two rounds behind.

First round, I Cure Light myself for 7, putting myself at 10, I think.
Second round, I bring some broadsword fury on Jonathan. Oops!, I made a mistake... I don't get 2 melee attacks a rouns until 7th Fighter, not 5th. My bad... I guess I was unreasonably awesome. Sorry.

At any rate, here's my attack, BR:19! That's a hit. With my 18/30 strength, I do 13 points of damage!

Man, I've got to update some Reference stuff...

Oh yeah, BW save, BR:20. No shit. Brogg's on fire! -Nice shot Elf guy!
 
  Dave, Fist of Odin
Ha ha! I bust in, and pop a CLW on Schmektor. Have 5 hp back, buddy!

Then I bring in a bear. BR says - Brown Bear. I guess that's okay.

Then I pop another CLW on Schmektor.

Then I attack! BR 3. Well, it's the thought, right?

Then I'll bust another CLW on whomever needs it (for 4). Or if not, the clobbering: BR 14, for 5 damage.

Another round? CLW (6 hp) or clobbering (8 hp).

Hey - did I roll new hp? If so, great - if not, I roll a 3, for 6 more hp altogether. You know.
 
  Schmektor:
GURGLE.... unconcious at -2.
 
  The Giant Called You A 'Loser'
Okay Renwick, spells learnt. As for the Improve Sales spells... well maybe you're right. Maybe guys like Vrill and Steve think they have to work all the angles. Your three other spells can be either first or second circle, take your pick. Gotta roll to learn them though.

Brogg, did you catch that? +3 STR.

Renwick, that's some hefty Magic Missile damage. Jonathon the Frost Giant bellows in pain.

"EEEARRRG!"

...

Moth, the two other people in the kitchen with you are the other surviving members of a caravan that set out from Grito to the nearby town of Durth. You guys wanted to buy some shoes, as Grito was mostly destroyed and you heard that Durth has some good shoe stores. En route, the giants' ogre minions jumped the caravan, killed the guards and knocked you out. You awoke here in the pie. You still have all your stuff though, they didn't quite get around to taking your goods, so don't worry about that.

Long story short, their usefulness in combat depends on your alignment. If you're good, they're useless and liabilities. If not, well hey. Human(oid) meat shields. A grandmother and a dwarf cobbler who was looking for work. Right now they're cowering behind you. I guess that makes you the current meat shield. Fortunately, the giant's attention has been turned to a group of adventurers who happened to show up right at the last minute.

...

Marivhon, okay, dmg noted. Brogg, well today is like your fucking BIRTHDAY. I guess that +2 works with your AC after all.

...

Schmektor, today is definitely not your birthday. Well, given that you are AC 10, the giant hits you. I don't know how many hp you had, but you've got 10 less from a big ass cleaver. Guys, Schmektor's probably somewhere in the -5 vicinity, and he'd like your band-aid.

Marivhon, Renwick, Dave FoO, and Brogg... all of you make a save vs Breath Weapon as the giant hurls some boiling water at you!

"HAR HAR NOW YOUR ALL WET! LOSERS!"

Apparently giants not only aren't that funny, they also have bad spelling.

Your move.
 
  Schmektor:
I don't know if it is the giants' comedic prowess or the bloody apron... today is not my lucky day. In my haste to shift attacks to the next giant, I trip and fall flat on my own club... (yeah... critical fumble baby... gotta love the '1')
 
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