French The Princess
KT, who exactly are you planning on surrendering to? The dead guard captain? Threnody and Azoth?
All the (live) guards are gone.
You can put some black dots on peoples' faces, no problem. No one to surrender to. No one to take the Princess from you. No idea where the 18 and under bar is. ("18 and under"? That's not what the guards were talking about...)
You bind Dag's wounds and distribute some Goodberries. Rushing downstairs to surrender, there's no sign of the guards or Theodore. Well, damn.
You head back into the building, and rest up a bit. Everyone has at least 1 hp now and is conscious. You can train if you so want...
Theodore, you come to. There's a bag over your head and you're tied up. Not a good sign. Plus you feel like shit. Like 0 hp shit. Nearby, some familiar guard voices are discussing your fate.
G1: "So, those assholes got Captain Bekkers! That totally sucks!"
G2: "Yeah, but at least we got the Princess. We should get outta here."
G3: "Captain Ambassador Bekkers knew the contact though... you guys remember who that half-elf was?"
G2: "All I remember is watching fuckin' 'Forest Gump' on his couch. Guy was pretty out there. We could head back to his pad, although that place was damn creepy."
G3: "Yeah... yeah. What are we gonna do with 'him'? I mean, 'her'? And the false Bekkers too, we can't just leave them around while we wait for our ship."
G1: "Well... shit. I bet Captain Bekkers would have a great plan. Looks like the assassins managed to cleverly disguise Her Highness. Maybe we need to go back and kill those guys? If we like kill the wizard who ensorcered her or whatever-"
G3: "'Ensorcelled' is the word I think."
G1: "'Ensorcelled', 'encircled', 'circumsized', whatever. If we kill the evil wizard the spell will break! Uh, isn't that how this stuff works?"
G2: "Fuck if I know. G3 is the master of magic knowledge apparently. Well Mr. Ensorcelled, what's the plan?"
G3: "Look, just cuz I know how to spell a damn word doesn't make me 100% Arcane Knowledge Boy. I just read a lot of fantasy books."
G1 (snickering): "Dork."
G3: "Bite me. Naw I don't think it works like that. Maybe it's like that story where... you know... uh, the Sleeping Beauty story?"
G2: "You mean, like, if... if we... if you and her..."
G1: "Huh. So, who's gonna do it."
G2: "Fuck that."
G3: "It's just a little kiss, don't be such a fag."
G2: "Great, loverboy. It's your idea anyway. Go ahead, what are you waiting for, 'french' the Princess."
Theodore, uh oh.
And dude, actually I forgot that magic-user non-prof penalty is even worse. It's -5, not -3 I think, making my THACO with a bow around 26. I totally suck at missile combat.