9.19.2005
This Is Complete BullshOOOF
Marivhon in Durth.
Sure, Jukka doesn’t take it personally. It doesn’t really seem to affect him one way or another. I mean, the guy offered to train you, right? He’ll take 200 gp if it’s important to you too. Then you train! Huzzah, that –1 CN penalty sucks nuts though.
Well, maybe Jukka did take it a little personally after all, as he does make a comment like “And it won’t be personal when at last we do battle and I destroy you. Never forget, Marivhon, the life of a monk is a life of constant struggle and battle. Do you know that there can only be three level 8 monks in the world, at all? If you wish to make it to level 8, you must first fight and kill one of the three. And thus it goes every level thereafter. So, enjoy the next five levels, because after that, it gets a little hectic. Plus, you’ll have lower level monks seeking you out trying to destroy you and take your belt. To be a monk is to walk the path of death. Good day, Marivhon 2nd level.”
Sure, you can find a couple RLG ninjas who didn’t make it to the MoP run. They seem kind of bummed they didn’t get to go actually. They’re hanging out in this bar called Flawless Fantasy. One of them, Nogutta, was sick that day, stomach pains. The other one, Wideo Bon, he’s been playing World of Warcraft and totally forgot about it. Nogutta’s reading a comic book while Bon ‘games’ at FF. I think you know the types, so unless you have lots to say to them, it really doesn’t go anywhere. Yeah, they’re pretty bummed out about being the last of the Red Lotus Gang, but Wideo’s Necromancer just got 56th level and a sweet new staff he’s been waiting for.
The Temple of Odin has become a bar. The priests of Odin tend bar. ‘Nuff said. It’s a little sad, but maybe not so much, because frankly it’s not so different from how things used to be.
The Blackwall Thiefs are really skeptical of this while MoP thing. From their perspective, “Monks of Progress” will be bad for Thiefery. The Thiefs, they kind of like the existing way of things, feudal systems, gods, adventurers, long swords do a d8, brigands and monsters and all that. Sure, it sucks to have a wolf-demon creep under your bed and eat your babies, but hey, gotta take a little bad with the good. They don’t really know what to do about it at this point though, and as of yet, the MoP haven’t harassed them. The Thiefing continues.
The hat pixie, well, let’s just say that hanging out with you hasn’t really been the highlight of his enchanted life, so what the fuck, sell him. Maybe the Blackwalls have some crystals that need tending, because you certainly didn’t, you cheap motherfucker.
You trade the pixie and the hat for a treasure map. It’s a map to the legendary lost ancient Arena of Kyuss, just within the City of Spiders! It looks like you don’t have to venture too far within the CoS, which is probably a good thing. The legend on the map reads:
STEP ON UP AND FIGHT FOR BLOOD AND VALOR AND MAGIC WEAPONS
IF YOU DARE
Hmm, straight to the point. ‘K.
Oh, and no one has any idea about any “Knights of Amtrak”.
…
Cinder at the mayor’s house, and then to Greyhelm.
Okay Cinder, you find a jewelry box with three rings each worth 100 gp and two gems worth 50 gp each. You find an ornate letter opener worth 20 gp. Charles takes a couple things, and Mike the zombie finds a giant purple fur cloak that he digs. You also find an old Potion Guild box with 1d4+1 potions. Give me a 1d4+1, then give me that number of d% for determining what the potions are. No dice on the safe upstairs, too bad.
When you guys leave… it’s clear that someone came into the house while you were gone! In a study downstairs, a painting was moved, and a wall-safe stands open! Hmm.
Okay, you give 500 gp in beads to Stanislaus. Well done, he agrees to help out in the ‘trial’ tomorrow.
Anyway, off to Greyhelm. The trip is uneventful because any event would take like a week in real time to resolve. So, you’re there!
Grimes likes the way you think. “Yes, it certainly seems that things could be happening in Grito now, Cinder my lad. Yes indeed. My lady?” Gets some more whisky. “Mm, thanks my dear, that hits the spot. Yes indeed that hits the spot. So, why don’t you get some of the boys together there up in Grito, whoever happens to wander in to town, and get things rolling? I’d suggest watching the tavern, the town guard, and this new Illusionist fellow who appears to be somewhat of a, shall we say, wild card? Tower of Illusion, mm? Of course, you’ll need a bookkeeper to keep track of revenue and keep lines of such open between me and thee, Cinder my boy. You just get things rolling and I’ll send someone up there in a few days. Let’s see just how much of the old business Grito has to offer, shall we?”
Well, you’re not so sure about that right now, but Greyhelm pockets certainly have some business to offer. 3 PPs, okay, you steal a fancy hat worth 10 gp, an excellent bottle of wine worth 200 gp, and a money purse with 11 cp, 2 sp, 5 ep, 10 gp, and 2 pp.
This Blackwall Thief just shakes his head and says “Fool, if you’re gonna rap, rap. If you ain’t, ain’t. But don’t be all talkin’ about it and ain’t doin’ it. Check it:
Yo, I was made in the hood, never knew my own dad
An my Mom workin hard and it made me so sad
H-town- word- rough when you jus be a lad
Mother fuckers causin ruckus jus like a Limbo slaad
Got shivved Got loot Got a bran new suit
Spit trut Recruit Stone cold to do it
Gone from eatin ol root now to caviar and fruit
Once was knockin on doors now I’m knockin fat boot
Sucka Thief be all frontin I’m like “Just gimme something”
Don’t ask for much just a large rhyme or something
Yeah kid you heard right I just rhymed something with something
Like an archmage from outta space I pull these rhymes outta nothing
From Denny’s to Durth it’s cold party rockin flavor
Step up to the plate take swing do me a favor
An ya dun know I don gotta be rap’s new savior
Just a Blackwall mother fuckin cold playin instigator.
…
Now, as for the election…
Dave, Stanislaus considers your words, but replies: “What sort of election only has one candidate? A rigged election, my friend. I think it best if my name remains on the ballot just to present the, mm, illusion of fairness here. Do not worry, I have no intention of becoming mayor. By this time tomorrow night, Mr. Greetles will be in office, and I shall be the invincible master of the Tower of Illusion! Ha ha ha!”
Okay Brogg, you’ve paid 250 gp to Stanislaus, and Cinder paid another 500 gp, so you’ve paid all the deposit to get things moving. Now you just owe him 1250 gp in goods, payable over time.
The next day, everyone gathers in the town square, with the two prisoners and the mayor’s rotting corpse. Dave, you step on up to ‘Speak with Dead’. Stanislaus is in place over there somewhere. You make the motions of casting, and command the dead to speak!
“Uh… yes… it is… me… Mayor… Broderick. Ooooh. I am… dead… yet… I speak.”
Dave, Fist of Odin: “I command you spirit! I ask you now, is your murderer- or, perhaps, murderers,” with a glance towards the chained up nephew and blacksmith, “are these criminals with us today?”
Dead fake mayor: “Hmmm…. with… my… spirit’s eye… I sense… my blood… on the hands… of two men!”
Gasps from the crowd.
DFoO: “And who are these murderers? Speak spirit!”
DFM: “My… nephew… Kimber Broderick the Third!”
More gasps. The nephew yells “Bullshit! This is complete bullshOOOF” as a guard clubs him on the head.
DFM: “Wait! There is… more. My nephew… did not… work… alone! Blacksmith Tom! Blacksmith Tom done killed meeeeeee!”
More gasps. Blacksmith Tom just shakes his head and looks at you with intense hate.
And so there it is. The mayor is laid to rest. The mayor’s nephew and the blacksmith are taken back to jail. That night, the ballots are cast, and counting goes on until morning. Sure enough, by 9 AM the next day, Ronald Greetles is declared mayor, and sworn into office by noon.
500 xp everyone, good job getting Greetles elected. Dave, this levels you. A cool 1000 gp for special training to 5th. You might have to take a loan from a certain Thief, depending on how much $$gp you got.
Greetles is a little overwhelmed by the whole thing. This is sort of his first time having to do any public speaking, or, shit, any contact with the public at all. The first task before the mayor’s office, of course, is what to do with the nephew and blacksmith. Some are clamouring for the ‘ultimate price’, execution. Greetles asks you guys what to do, because he really has no idea. According to Charles, who knows a guy in the Grito jail, the nephew and the blacksmith are spending a lot of time talking about how bogus this whole election thing was and how they’ll find out the real truth…
What will you do?
Sure, Jukka doesn’t take it personally. It doesn’t really seem to affect him one way or another. I mean, the guy offered to train you, right? He’ll take 200 gp if it’s important to you too. Then you train! Huzzah, that –1 CN penalty sucks nuts though.
Well, maybe Jukka did take it a little personally after all, as he does make a comment like “And it won’t be personal when at last we do battle and I destroy you. Never forget, Marivhon, the life of a monk is a life of constant struggle and battle. Do you know that there can only be three level 8 monks in the world, at all? If you wish to make it to level 8, you must first fight and kill one of the three. And thus it goes every level thereafter. So, enjoy the next five levels, because after that, it gets a little hectic. Plus, you’ll have lower level monks seeking you out trying to destroy you and take your belt. To be a monk is to walk the path of death. Good day, Marivhon 2nd level.”
Sure, you can find a couple RLG ninjas who didn’t make it to the MoP run. They seem kind of bummed they didn’t get to go actually. They’re hanging out in this bar called Flawless Fantasy. One of them, Nogutta, was sick that day, stomach pains. The other one, Wideo Bon, he’s been playing World of Warcraft and totally forgot about it. Nogutta’s reading a comic book while Bon ‘games’ at FF. I think you know the types, so unless you have lots to say to them, it really doesn’t go anywhere. Yeah, they’re pretty bummed out about being the last of the Red Lotus Gang, but Wideo’s Necromancer just got 56th level and a sweet new staff he’s been waiting for.
The Temple of Odin has become a bar. The priests of Odin tend bar. ‘Nuff said. It’s a little sad, but maybe not so much, because frankly it’s not so different from how things used to be.
The Blackwall Thiefs are really skeptical of this while MoP thing. From their perspective, “Monks of Progress” will be bad for Thiefery. The Thiefs, they kind of like the existing way of things, feudal systems, gods, adventurers, long swords do a d8, brigands and monsters and all that. Sure, it sucks to have a wolf-demon creep under your bed and eat your babies, but hey, gotta take a little bad with the good. They don’t really know what to do about it at this point though, and as of yet, the MoP haven’t harassed them. The Thiefing continues.
The hat pixie, well, let’s just say that hanging out with you hasn’t really been the highlight of his enchanted life, so what the fuck, sell him. Maybe the Blackwalls have some crystals that need tending, because you certainly didn’t, you cheap motherfucker.
You trade the pixie and the hat for a treasure map. It’s a map to the legendary lost ancient Arena of Kyuss, just within the City of Spiders! It looks like you don’t have to venture too far within the CoS, which is probably a good thing. The legend on the map reads:
STEP ON UP AND FIGHT FOR BLOOD AND VALOR AND MAGIC WEAPONS
IF YOU DARE
Hmm, straight to the point. ‘K.
Oh, and no one has any idea about any “Knights of Amtrak”.
…
Cinder at the mayor’s house, and then to Greyhelm.
Okay Cinder, you find a jewelry box with three rings each worth 100 gp and two gems worth 50 gp each. You find an ornate letter opener worth 20 gp. Charles takes a couple things, and Mike the zombie finds a giant purple fur cloak that he digs. You also find an old Potion Guild box with 1d4+1 potions. Give me a 1d4+1, then give me that number of d% for determining what the potions are. No dice on the safe upstairs, too bad.
When you guys leave… it’s clear that someone came into the house while you were gone! In a study downstairs, a painting was moved, and a wall-safe stands open! Hmm.
Okay, you give 500 gp in beads to Stanislaus. Well done, he agrees to help out in the ‘trial’ tomorrow.
Anyway, off to Greyhelm. The trip is uneventful because any event would take like a week in real time to resolve. So, you’re there!
Grimes likes the way you think. “Yes, it certainly seems that things could be happening in Grito now, Cinder my lad. Yes indeed. My lady?” Gets some more whisky. “Mm, thanks my dear, that hits the spot. Yes indeed that hits the spot. So, why don’t you get some of the boys together there up in Grito, whoever happens to wander in to town, and get things rolling? I’d suggest watching the tavern, the town guard, and this new Illusionist fellow who appears to be somewhat of a, shall we say, wild card? Tower of Illusion, mm? Of course, you’ll need a bookkeeper to keep track of revenue and keep lines of such open between me and thee, Cinder my boy. You just get things rolling and I’ll send someone up there in a few days. Let’s see just how much of the old business Grito has to offer, shall we?”
Well, you’re not so sure about that right now, but Greyhelm pockets certainly have some business to offer. 3 PPs, okay, you steal a fancy hat worth 10 gp, an excellent bottle of wine worth 200 gp, and a money purse with 11 cp, 2 sp, 5 ep, 10 gp, and 2 pp.
This Blackwall Thief just shakes his head and says “Fool, if you’re gonna rap, rap. If you ain’t, ain’t. But don’t be all talkin’ about it and ain’t doin’ it. Check it:
Yo, I was made in the hood, never knew my own dad
An my Mom workin hard and it made me so sad
H-town- word- rough when you jus be a lad
Mother fuckers causin ruckus jus like a Limbo slaad
Got shivved Got loot Got a bran new suit
Spit trut Recruit Stone cold to do it
Gone from eatin ol root now to caviar and fruit
Once was knockin on doors now I’m knockin fat boot
Sucka Thief be all frontin I’m like “Just gimme something”
Don’t ask for much just a large rhyme or something
Yeah kid you heard right I just rhymed something with something
Like an archmage from outta space I pull these rhymes outta nothing
From Denny’s to Durth it’s cold party rockin flavor
Step up to the plate take swing do me a favor
An ya dun know I don gotta be rap’s new savior
Just a Blackwall mother fuckin cold playin instigator.
…
Now, as for the election…
Dave, Stanislaus considers your words, but replies: “What sort of election only has one candidate? A rigged election, my friend. I think it best if my name remains on the ballot just to present the, mm, illusion of fairness here. Do not worry, I have no intention of becoming mayor. By this time tomorrow night, Mr. Greetles will be in office, and I shall be the invincible master of the Tower of Illusion! Ha ha ha!”
Okay Brogg, you’ve paid 250 gp to Stanislaus, and Cinder paid another 500 gp, so you’ve paid all the deposit to get things moving. Now you just owe him 1250 gp in goods, payable over time.
The next day, everyone gathers in the town square, with the two prisoners and the mayor’s rotting corpse. Dave, you step on up to ‘Speak with Dead’. Stanislaus is in place over there somewhere. You make the motions of casting, and command the dead to speak!
“Uh… yes… it is… me… Mayor… Broderick. Ooooh. I am… dead… yet… I speak.”
Dave, Fist of Odin: “I command you spirit! I ask you now, is your murderer- or, perhaps, murderers,” with a glance towards the chained up nephew and blacksmith, “are these criminals with us today?”
Dead fake mayor: “Hmmm…. with… my… spirit’s eye… I sense… my blood… on the hands… of two men!”
Gasps from the crowd.
DFoO: “And who are these murderers? Speak spirit!”
DFM: “My… nephew… Kimber Broderick the Third!”
More gasps. The nephew yells “Bullshit! This is complete bullshOOOF” as a guard clubs him on the head.
DFM: “Wait! There is… more. My nephew… did not… work… alone! Blacksmith Tom! Blacksmith Tom done killed meeeeeee!”
More gasps. Blacksmith Tom just shakes his head and looks at you with intense hate.
And so there it is. The mayor is laid to rest. The mayor’s nephew and the blacksmith are taken back to jail. That night, the ballots are cast, and counting goes on until morning. Sure enough, by 9 AM the next day, Ronald Greetles is declared mayor, and sworn into office by noon.
500 xp everyone, good job getting Greetles elected. Dave, this levels you. A cool 1000 gp for special training to 5th. You might have to take a loan from a certain Thief, depending on how much $$gp you got.
Greetles is a little overwhelmed by the whole thing. This is sort of his first time having to do any public speaking, or, shit, any contact with the public at all. The first task before the mayor’s office, of course, is what to do with the nephew and blacksmith. Some are clamouring for the ‘ultimate price’, execution. Greetles asks you guys what to do, because he really has no idea. According to Charles, who knows a guy in the Grito jail, the nephew and the blacksmith are spending a lot of time talking about how bogus this whole election thing was and how they’ll find out the real truth…
What will you do?
