How Do I Shot Bow? Theodore, nice shotting there. You totally kill the guard.

The Ambassador bleeds some more. You search the hotel room; sure enough, you seem to be in a Ramada Inn. Here's what you find:

1 bottle shampoo/conditioner mix
1 shower cap
3 towels (2 damp)
1 Gideon's Bible
1 Fairy Paradise Island yellow pages
1 'Welcome to Ramada Inn!' souvenir pen
some sheets and pillows

Roll a d4 to see which guard you killed:
1) guard stuff, Captain's Gun!
2) guard stuff
3) guard stuff
4) guard stuff, keys to the van

Guard stuff is a suit of human studded leather with the symbol of Onze on it, a long sword, a crossbow, and misc coinage worth 1d100 gp.

...

Dag, the guy shrugs and says "Fuck if I know. Try the donut shop over there, Dunkin Donuts? I bet those fucking pigs are there." He takes your 5 sp for this useful information. Sure enough, there's a Dunkin Donuts.  ¶ 2:15 PM