10.30.2006
Retro Repost
Gentlemen, for your consideration. Given that things have been pretty slow while you all furrow your brows and ponder your next moves, I thought I'd repost something I found while digging through the DiD archives.
I give you: The Caveman's Reprisal
...
[The scene is a dark cave, in which the demon necromancer Anaxathoraxus has stitched together a Frankensteinian undead caveman! The demon surgeon turns to the PCs and sings his song.]
The name is Anax
Front to backs, thems the facts
Scorin points just like Klaxx
Dun know? I’ll send ya a fax
Word life
I’m hardcore rap’s new magician
The turn-it-on electrician
Demonic rhyme superstition
Getcha honeys in the money position
Simply P-I-M-P
The inter-D MC
From outta P-L-N-E
With psychic tele-kin-e
I rock unforgettable rhymes
From… thee olde skool times
Your lyrics are third level crimes
My beats epic level divines
Chillin up in this cave
Rhymes from cradle to grave
What? This foo’ is named Dave?
Power Word Raps is no save
Bounce
Anyway
I found a needle and thread
Some limbs, some teeth and a head
From a guy who was dead
Like Biggie Smalls eatin’ lead
With a charm spell or two
Word, I know what to do
Got me a monsta-boy crew
I’ll pass the mic a one-two
[The Caveman gets off the operating table, roars in rage, smashes an EKG machine, and takes the mic.]
Let’s do a microphone check… this thing on? Let’s begin
Got a long story to… heck. The mic’s not on, not again.
So I just gotta yell, hell, hella stories to tell ya
I’m a goodfella from Pella, a Stoneage Antebella
Can we rewind the tape? We’re goin’ back a long way
When a man was an ape an big apes ruled the day
Crib chillin’ in a stone cave with my bitches and bros
Like Rumblefishin’ Matt Dillon, plus some stone age hos
None of yo fancy gps, your magic swords or what-nots
Just got a woolly mammoth Kangol and a fistful of rocks
I was like “Wilma! Let’s get the fuck outta town!”
Fuckin’ Land-o-Lost bitches know how to get down.
But and wouldn’t you know it, my mates, niggas, and sons,
My bitch-ass ho bitches all like “Nuh-uh boy, you done!
You done betta get us some mammoth or a big turkey leg
You steppin’ out? Then step up and bring back di-no egg.”
But I was like “Eggs? Bitch, I just got a fistful of rocks!
I don’t got a glaive-guisarme, shit, I dun e’en got socks!
To hell with these bitches!” And I one-two stepped away
And kept steppin’ like Gandhi all the way to Bombay.
To make a long story short, I headed up north
Threw a rock at a whitey and a big-ass stega-sorth
Finally fell through the cracks in the frozen white tundra
Where I froze without hos, without clothes like Allundra.
Now I wake up on a table and some dude saws my leg
I’m like “Yo bitch that ain’t cool!” All this for an egg?
So I’s breaks his machine, cause I’m mean and I mean it
Get my club on, my thug on, snap ya neck like a peanut.
That’s my story, it’s done, rolled init, gotta one
Time ta get gory, my son, Blogrollin’ legit just for fun
Got my eighth level thug on, gonna send you to heaven…
Blogrollin THAC-O, so hang on, uh, it’s a… seven.
I give you: The Caveman's Reprisal
...
[The scene is a dark cave, in which the demon necromancer Anaxathoraxus has stitched together a Frankensteinian undead caveman! The demon surgeon turns to the PCs and sings his song.]
The name is Anax
Front to backs, thems the facts
Scorin points just like Klaxx
Dun know? I’ll send ya a fax
Word life
I’m hardcore rap’s new magician
The turn-it-on electrician
Demonic rhyme superstition
Getcha honeys in the money position
Simply P-I-M-P
The inter-D MC
From outta P-L-N-E
With psychic tele-kin-e
I rock unforgettable rhymes
From… thee olde skool times
Your lyrics are third level crimes
My beats epic level divines
Chillin up in this cave
Rhymes from cradle to grave
What? This foo’ is named Dave?
Power Word Raps is no save
Bounce
Anyway
I found a needle and thread
Some limbs, some teeth and a head
From a guy who was dead
Like Biggie Smalls eatin’ lead
With a charm spell or two
Word, I know what to do
Got me a monsta-boy crew
I’ll pass the mic a one-two
[The Caveman gets off the operating table, roars in rage, smashes an EKG machine, and takes the mic.]
Let’s do a microphone check… this thing on? Let’s begin
Got a long story to… heck. The mic’s not on, not again.
So I just gotta yell, hell, hella stories to tell ya
I’m a goodfella from Pella, a Stoneage Antebella
Can we rewind the tape? We’re goin’ back a long way
When a man was an ape an big apes ruled the day
Crib chillin’ in a stone cave with my bitches and bros
Like Rumblefishin’ Matt Dillon, plus some stone age hos
None of yo fancy gps, your magic swords or what-nots
Just got a woolly mammoth Kangol and a fistful of rocks
I was like “Wilma! Let’s get the fuck outta town!”
Fuckin’ Land-o-Lost bitches know how to get down.
But and wouldn’t you know it, my mates, niggas, and sons,
My bitch-ass ho bitches all like “Nuh-uh boy, you done!
You done betta get us some mammoth or a big turkey leg
You steppin’ out? Then step up and bring back di-no egg.”
But I was like “Eggs? Bitch, I just got a fistful of rocks!
I don’t got a glaive-guisarme, shit, I dun e’en got socks!
To hell with these bitches!” And I one-two stepped away
And kept steppin’ like Gandhi all the way to Bombay.
To make a long story short, I headed up north
Threw a rock at a whitey and a big-ass stega-sorth
Finally fell through the cracks in the frozen white tundra
Where I froze without hos, without clothes like Allundra.
Now I wake up on a table and some dude saws my leg
I’m like “Yo bitch that ain’t cool!” All this for an egg?
So I’s breaks his machine, cause I’m mean and I mean it
Get my club on, my thug on, snap ya neck like a peanut.
That’s my story, it’s done, rolled init, gotta one
Time ta get gory, my son, Blogrollin’ legit just for fun
Got my eighth level thug on, gonna send you to heaven…
Blogrollin THAC-O, so hang on, uh, it’s a… seven.
