8.27.2006
Sung To The Tune Of...
Forty years hence, Charles Lleudenski will receive a promotion to Assoc. Libr. after writing one of the greatest odes ever composed to a clay golem. I post for your enjoyment his verses below.
"A MODEL GOLEM HYDROUS SILICATE"
He is the very model of a golem hydrous silicate
Made from dirt and soiled earth and other stuff particulate
A man of clay of whom you’d say his manner is impeccable
Fif-ty h-p (and that’s plen-ty) and armour class delectable
Two-d-eight per each attack, is certainly respectable
(Although you know his choice of foe is often, mm, contextual)
Raised by rabbis, baked with love, and from the kiln umbilicate
He is the very model of a golem hydrous silicate.
You’ll find the Monster Manual has descriptions complimentaries
“Golem, Clay” (as it will say, if you were reading incidentallies)
A friend to all, bricks large and small, he’s related to them chemicallies
An Aramaic Hecatoncheires, a handsome Hebrew Heracles!
Two arms and legs, a head (no face) atop a neck peduncular
Bred from finest clays and jams collected deep spelunkular
No jewelry to be found within, or gemstones quite carbuncular
He’s still as stones, no sounds or tones, or prophecies or-uncular
The strong and silent type it takes to treat a lad avuncular
He is the very model of golemnis crypto-homunkular!
Immunity to weapons edged from bastard sword to bitches’ dirk
And magic users must beware because most magic just doesn’t work
From duties large to duties small this deutiful friend will never shirk
(Although he has a tendency to sometimes, mm, just go berserk)
Oxide of aluminum and dihydrogen monoxygen
Index of plasticity is an impressive one-hundred-ten
Illite, smectite, bits of sticks, and kaolinite-serpentimen
A man of clay, hurrah, hurray! Of magic and legerdemain.
The ritual is difficult, nonignominious and intricate
He is the very model of a golem hydrous silicate.
Unver-sed in T.S. Eliot’s Felicius an-gelicate
Unlearned in laryngology and lepidoptera and l’etiquette.
But never will you catch this chap in flagrante delicate
He is the very model of a golem hydrous silicate!
"A MODEL GOLEM HYDROUS SILICATE"
He is the very model of a golem hydrous silicate
Made from dirt and soiled earth and other stuff particulate
A man of clay of whom you’d say his manner is impeccable
Fif-ty h-p (and that’s plen-ty) and armour class delectable
Two-d-eight per each attack, is certainly respectable
(Although you know his choice of foe is often, mm, contextual)
Raised by rabbis, baked with love, and from the kiln umbilicate
He is the very model of a golem hydrous silicate.
You’ll find the Monster Manual has descriptions complimentaries
“Golem, Clay” (as it will say, if you were reading incidentallies)
A friend to all, bricks large and small, he’s related to them chemicallies
An Aramaic Hecatoncheires, a handsome Hebrew Heracles!
Two arms and legs, a head (no face) atop a neck peduncular
Bred from finest clays and jams collected deep spelunkular
No jewelry to be found within, or gemstones quite carbuncular
He’s still as stones, no sounds or tones, or prophecies or-uncular
The strong and silent type it takes to treat a lad avuncular
He is the very model of golemnis crypto-homunkular!
Immunity to weapons edged from bastard sword to bitches’ dirk
And magic users must beware because most magic just doesn’t work
From duties large to duties small this deutiful friend will never shirk
(Although he has a tendency to sometimes, mm, just go berserk)
Oxide of aluminum and dihydrogen monoxygen
Index of plasticity is an impressive one-hundred-ten
Illite, smectite, bits of sticks, and kaolinite-serpentimen
A man of clay, hurrah, hurray! Of magic and legerdemain.
The ritual is difficult, nonignominious and intricate
He is the very model of a golem hydrous silicate.
Unver-sed in T.S. Eliot’s Felicius an-gelicate
Unlearned in laryngology and lepidoptera and l’etiquette.
But never will you catch this chap in flagrante delicate
He is the very model of a golem hydrous silicate!
