5.16.2006
Day ?: Life's A Bitch
By the way, nice work everyone, posting like that, getting on the ship and all. D2 nearing completion, it looks like, innit?
Anyway, the gnome cracks his knuckles and takes a second before answering. "Well, listen, lemme just tell you straight. What's going on in that door behind me? It's a holy war. Er, maybe not so... holy, but it's definitely a war between gods. We are in the underworld after all. Now I don't know who's on what side and all, but I'll just say this. It's not like gods fight by lining up all their tin soldiers, everyone rolls to hit and all that. Gods create and destroy reality. So I'm tellling you that you can't come in, mainly for your own safety. If I kill you here, you don't die, you just drop your stuff, I donate it to the temple, and you wind up back in the terminal you started in. You go in there? You could end up uncreated. Or altered in some bizarre way. Maybe your arm just happened to be where Mr. or Mrs. Big wanted to put a juggernaut, now guess what, you're part of the juggernaut, rolling around with your arm stuck in the damn thing, because your arm is the damn thing. Okay?"
"But you seem awfully particular about getting in there. So here's the deal. The only people I let in have direct permission from the gods. Or at least, one of the gods. How do I know if you have permission? I don't know, but I just know. It's easiest if you're a god yourself, and sorry, none of you fit the bill."
Ron pipes up happily. "But my god Jesus is in all of us... he IS all of us! I am JESUS!"
The gnome blinks. "Uh... riiight. Anyway, some of the others I've let in have been either footmen, attendants, or raw fodder for the stuff of creation. I'll tell you this, too. No one's who's ever gone through that door has come out. Actually, no one or no thing has ever come out, at all. So, whatever. It's fine if you wanna stand here and chat, I guess. I mean, you see what my day's usually like. By the way, the temple?" He points to the huge iron cathedral of Zelba behind you. "As you can see, that's off limits too. And ol' Frank, he's not as chatty as I am. Step onto the walkway, expect a nice little fight there. Yeah, it's been like that for a while now, ever since I got on the job. Something... something's happened with Ms. Z, I think. Or to her." He's talking in lower tones now. "Really, I dunno what, just a feeling. But it used to be, I guess, that lichs from other planes, Drow lords, those kind of guys, they'd come here on pilgrimages and such. No more, place is just closed. But last time I let someone in, they went in there, and got what it takes. Of course, the last time I let someone in, it was a skeletal ooze. Ooze made of skulls, sort of."
The gnome sits back up on the stool, and yawns. "Yeah, it ain't laughs a minute here, but it pays the bills."
Vrill shakes his head. "Wait a minute guys. You gonna believe everything this rent-a-cop tells you? You have to be a GOD to get in? Give me a break. We're on a 5th level adventure. Look, just because an NPC says some shit doesn't mean you have to buy it. And don't buy into the whole 'oh he's unarmed and unarmored and looks pretty plain, that must mean he's a badass!' thing. Oldest trick in the DM book. Don't believe the gnome hype."
Anyway, the gnome cracks his knuckles and takes a second before answering. "Well, listen, lemme just tell you straight. What's going on in that door behind me? It's a holy war. Er, maybe not so... holy, but it's definitely a war between gods. We are in the underworld after all. Now I don't know who's on what side and all, but I'll just say this. It's not like gods fight by lining up all their tin soldiers, everyone rolls to hit and all that. Gods create and destroy reality. So I'm tellling you that you can't come in, mainly for your own safety. If I kill you here, you don't die, you just drop your stuff, I donate it to the temple, and you wind up back in the terminal you started in. You go in there? You could end up uncreated. Or altered in some bizarre way. Maybe your arm just happened to be where Mr. or Mrs. Big wanted to put a juggernaut, now guess what, you're part of the juggernaut, rolling around with your arm stuck in the damn thing, because your arm is the damn thing. Okay?"
"But you seem awfully particular about getting in there. So here's the deal. The only people I let in have direct permission from the gods. Or at least, one of the gods. How do I know if you have permission? I don't know, but I just know. It's easiest if you're a god yourself, and sorry, none of you fit the bill."
Ron pipes up happily. "But my god Jesus is in all of us... he IS all of us! I am JESUS!"
The gnome blinks. "Uh... riiight. Anyway, some of the others I've let in have been either footmen, attendants, or raw fodder for the stuff of creation. I'll tell you this, too. No one's who's ever gone through that door has come out. Actually, no one or no thing has ever come out, at all. So, whatever. It's fine if you wanna stand here and chat, I guess. I mean, you see what my day's usually like. By the way, the temple?" He points to the huge iron cathedral of Zelba behind you. "As you can see, that's off limits too. And ol' Frank, he's not as chatty as I am. Step onto the walkway, expect a nice little fight there. Yeah, it's been like that for a while now, ever since I got on the job. Something... something's happened with Ms. Z, I think. Or to her." He's talking in lower tones now. "Really, I dunno what, just a feeling. But it used to be, I guess, that lichs from other planes, Drow lords, those kind of guys, they'd come here on pilgrimages and such. No more, place is just closed. But last time I let someone in, they went in there, and got what it takes. Of course, the last time I let someone in, it was a skeletal ooze. Ooze made of skulls, sort of."
The gnome sits back up on the stool, and yawns. "Yeah, it ain't laughs a minute here, but it pays the bills."
Vrill shakes his head. "Wait a minute guys. You gonna believe everything this rent-a-cop tells you? You have to be a GOD to get in? Give me a break. We're on a 5th level adventure. Look, just because an NPC says some shit doesn't mean you have to buy it. And don't buy into the whole 'oh he's unarmed and unarmored and looks pretty plain, that must mean he's a badass!' thing. Oldest trick in the DM book. Don't believe the gnome hype."
