Okay, you've made your case. The crowd goes nuts for awhile, until the lights go out. A hush again falls over the crowd, and a single spotlight shines down on John Romeo's dwarf announcer.

It’s Don Rick at your servs
Your rap battle hors d’oeuvres
With permission to swerves
Before you get your deserves

I just wrote this poem
For he who take it on hoem
If you’re an ettin or gnoem
So give it up for the Roem

John Romeo takes the microphone.

Thanks to Don Rickles- Now I’m back on the stage
First seat, first place Read it on the front page
Solo adventure- just me ‘Gainst a priest and a mage
And a few other suckas who’ll suffer my rage.

Now John Romeo read you a little tale of woes
About these five special homies who don’t even knows
You can go buy this adventure down at the book sto’s
JR1: J Rome… Versus Some Fucking Homos.

Our adventure begins in a bar as it should
Now I’m tellin the truth like I speak Lawful Good
Romeo large countin Gs gems and jewels
When, Alertness Check made, in come some damn fools!

One’s a thief who be frontin Forgettin he’s far from Durth
Steppin like he back home on crap Blackwall crap turf
JR asks him nicely Gotta cough up the dough
If he want to thief… Unless he want to go.

With part two the DM’s got a textbox to read
Outloud bout these NPCs who think they PC’d
The thief’s lips start a flappin, like he’s makin a queef
About how he who be ye thee original Thief?

J Rome rolls init rolls a crit gets a hit
But knows that a bar fight just ain’t that legit
Tells the thief and his friends to step over to C’s
To battle it out, with his fags versus meeze.

Part three now the climax where the story unwind
Imagine the J man in the back of your mind
The Cold Cut Collective, the scene of the fight
Thank gods J’s equipped with a Rod Lordly Might!

Then there’s some stuff that happens, I won’t bore you to tears
Suffice it to say that this rap battle takes years
Some crystal moron blasts in, and a zombie, half-orcs
But at last Romeo has defeated those dorks.

10,000 xp plus roll treasure type BLING
My reward from the DM for the lyrics I sing
All in char, my alignment, plus I role-played this good
My game was in-game like you knew that it would.

That’s the end of the story, this module’s come to close
Where J Rome walks away with the BLING and some hos
You can turn off the lights and please close de dos

Tune in once again when J Rome fights more foes!

And that concludes the Cold Cut Collective. The crowd goes wild for the hometown favorite of course. The judges, a halfing, an elf bard, and two humans consult for a while, while some house music plays.

"We have reached a conclusion," announces Boromir V, halfling cleric of Yondolla Greensleeves. "While there were many great rappers here today, it is clear that three in particular were outstanding and deserving of bronze, silver, and of course... the gold medal."

"The most original, most outstanding artist today... is the Crystal Love. We as judges feel that rather than getting bogged down in personal attacks, Crys Love's message of Love is timely and rises above the standard battling we're all used to here. One Love, y'all. One Love."

"Unfortunately, the Crystal Love is no longer with us. Anyone who can track him down, we'll pay a 1000 gp reward. We set aside the gold medal and crown until his much desired return."

"Total bullshit," says John Romeo. "Who- what the fuck even was that guy? I bet he's not even on the goddamn signup sheet."

"Moving along, the silver medal goes to... and this was a hard decision, ladies and gentlemen. The silver medal goes to... Brogg&Cinder&Dave&Marivhon&Mike&Renwick. Next time guys, have a group name, okay? Well done. You have some superior lyrics and comedy gold. Well, comedy silver. You can pick up your medals here at the table, along with 1000 gp and 3000 xp apiece. Nicely done. Let's give them a hand."

The crowd applauds, and Boromir V continues. "Finally, of course, the one and only John Romeo takes the bronze!" The crowd yells its approval. Romeo walks over to the table, grabs the medal, tosses it into the crowd, and flips you the bird. "See you later, asswipes. God that was LAME!" He stalks out of the Triple C Brewery.

"One Love, y'all," says Boromir again shaking his head. "There's no reason to be a dick about it and take it all personal. We were just having some fun, isn't that right?" The crowd screams its approval once again.

So there it is. Well done everyone. The xp acquired is sufficient to level... well I don't know because the website I usually check is down right now. At least it levels Renwick. So go ahead and take that level Renwick... spend 200 gp, plus another 100 gp if you want special training for +2 hp and one NWP (it's a good bargain). You can take time to do spell research if you want also, but it'll cost you.

We'll now take a week-long break.