7.12.2005
Greetles Can Spell "Rudimentary" And "Entendre" But Not "A Lot"
Just so you know guys, you'll all be a little bored for the next week while the DM chills in New Orleans. Actually, 'chilling' is probably the diametric opposite of what I'll be doing. So I'll try to take care of stuff now before I go.
Cinder, pickin' pockets. Okay, you eschew plebian gps for the time being and look for some crazier stuff. You get two things of interest. First, you steal a baby and ransom it for 200 gp in unmarked gems. Then, you lift a sweet set of trainers, that turn out to be magical! You get some Roos of Holding, and they're black with a red roo on them.
Dave, Mike the zombie thinks that murdering some unicorns sounds fabulous. Now that you think about it, you're pretty sure that Odin's cool with the undead. You remember hearing a legend where Odin actually killed himself, hanging himself from some tree, but came back to life. You're not sure why, maybe just to prove he's got Greater God Cajones. And there's the whole Valhalla, dead soldiers thing. It's kind of a radical interpretation of the text, but you might even say that Odin was an Undead God of the Undead! But that's sort of nuts, better just leave it at the firebreathing God of Beatdown.
In fact, Mike really digs that side of Odin, and donates 10 gp to the temple. For a 10 gp donation, he can get either the baseball hat or the tote bag. He figures that since he's going on an adventure and probably will get some stuff, he gets the Odin tote bag. It's got a big picture of Odin, kind of hunched over, grinning maliciously with his fist pumped, and in big comic book letters it says "ODIN IS... THE VIOLATER!"
Odin's got sort of an unusual PR strategy, in that he doesn't really have one. Most faiths, particularly Grisbane, because of the poor public perception of most half-breeds, except for half-elves, and Isaac of the Jug, enjoy a rather extensive marketing and relations budget. For Odin, though, the priests just sort of take turns and say things like "Wouldn't it be cool if Odin fought crime and smashed guys with a bat! Hell yeah I'm gonna put that on the breakfast cereal."
Anyway Dave, I'm not sure how much cash you have, but the temple will give you 200 gp in tithes for you to spend as you wish. They'll also give you a Potion of Healing (1d8+2) and a Potion of Blitzkreig (+1d4 to ST and CN, -1d8 to DX for 20 rounds). You have no cash left over some special training, and your character sheet is way out of date, most of that stuff is gone from when Vrill captured you. Maybe Brogg or Cinder want to help you out with some $$, but training cost a shitload of money.
Now that Mike sees everyone buying some potions, guys, Mike thinks that he could use a couple himself. Maybe a Potion of Cause Light Wounds, if such a thing exists? (You doubt it.) Or a Potion of Prevent Turning or some such shit.
Dave, good thinking asking about the unicorns. Okay, as much as James- it's not Jimmy, damn it, it's James- as much as he wants to help, you decide to try your luck elsewhere. In fact, while you're staying at the temple, a couple guys come in with bad wounds for healing. After hefty donations, you talk to them a bit. Turns out one of those guys got a unicorn horn right in the eye! They tell you that they were ambushed by three unicorns as they were heading to the fjords for some ice fjishing. Hmm, you think. They draw a little map of where they were when the unicorns jumped them and took their gold. It's about a day north of here, en route to where Grunna's lodge should be! Well that's convenient, you think. You give them a Cure Light Wounds on the house and tell that guy to put an icepack on his eyeless socket. Cure Blindness is out of his pricerange and wouldn't help anyway, what that guy needs is a Regeneration, and DMC Death & Dismemberment certainly doesn't cover that!
As for special training, well, you get a weapon proficiency and two non-weapon profs. You guys are free to think up your own NWPs because, you know, you've all been playing D&D for awhile now. But here are some suggestions:
A new language, like Minerspeak, French, or Gold Dragon
A basic skill like running, swimming, climbing, alertness, read lips, or drinking
A combat-helpful skill like blind-fighting, quickdraw, super moves, or dirty fighting
A profession like alchemy, tailor, surgery, mining, drawing, shipbuilding, or town guarding
A knowledge skill is always helpful, like history, geography, lore of the underdark, or modern literature
At higher levels, it might be possible to get crazier skills like Command Army, Catch Arrows, or Superspellcraft. You never know, and it'll get harder to get 'special training' you might have to go on a quest or something. But for now, you're still low level and it's cool.
Ring of Big Heals, Aid... yeah that makes sense. It gives +1 to Aid. And oh yeah, help yourself. It's a calzone with four different cheeses. Pretty fucking tasty.
Brogg, when you guys are preparing to leave for the mountains, one of the acolytes comes up to you with a letter. It arrived a few days ago for you and your friends. Here's the letter:
From the desk of R. Greetles
Dear Sirs,
How are you doing? I hope you are having alot of adventures and getting alot of gp and xp. I am fine here. We are doing some nice farming. This is the principle reason I am writing you because although I know you must be very busey, I have a few questions that only you, as masters of the farm, can address.
Sincerely yours,
R. Greetles
Nameless Farms
P.S. You didn't happen to borrow my copy of Dragons of Autumn Twilight perchance? It's okay if you did but I seem to have misplaced it. Enclosed is 1 gp for a copy of Dragons of Winter Night if you happen to come across a Barnes and Nobles or something in your adventures.
Sure enough, there's 1 gp taped to the letter, although Cinder beat him to it.
Oh yeah, and I HEART that unicorn picture. The stubby gold horn is exactly what it looks like.
Cinder, pickin' pockets. Okay, you eschew plebian gps for the time being and look for some crazier stuff. You get two things of interest. First, you steal a baby and ransom it for 200 gp in unmarked gems. Then, you lift a sweet set of trainers, that turn out to be magical! You get some Roos of Holding, and they're black with a red roo on them.
Dave, Mike the zombie thinks that murdering some unicorns sounds fabulous. Now that you think about it, you're pretty sure that Odin's cool with the undead. You remember hearing a legend where Odin actually killed himself, hanging himself from some tree, but came back to life. You're not sure why, maybe just to prove he's got Greater God Cajones. And there's the whole Valhalla, dead soldiers thing. It's kind of a radical interpretation of the text, but you might even say that Odin was an Undead God of the Undead! But that's sort of nuts, better just leave it at the firebreathing God of Beatdown.
In fact, Mike really digs that side of Odin, and donates 10 gp to the temple. For a 10 gp donation, he can get either the baseball hat or the tote bag. He figures that since he's going on an adventure and probably will get some stuff, he gets the Odin tote bag. It's got a big picture of Odin, kind of hunched over, grinning maliciously with his fist pumped, and in big comic book letters it says "ODIN IS... THE VIOLATER!"
Odin's got sort of an unusual PR strategy, in that he doesn't really have one. Most faiths, particularly Grisbane, because of the poor public perception of most half-breeds, except for half-elves, and Isaac of the Jug, enjoy a rather extensive marketing and relations budget. For Odin, though, the priests just sort of take turns and say things like "Wouldn't it be cool if Odin fought crime and smashed guys with a bat! Hell yeah I'm gonna put that on the breakfast cereal."
Anyway Dave, I'm not sure how much cash you have, but the temple will give you 200 gp in tithes for you to spend as you wish. They'll also give you a Potion of Healing (1d8+2) and a Potion of Blitzkreig (+1d4 to ST and CN, -1d8 to DX for 20 rounds). You have no cash left over some special training, and your character sheet is way out of date, most of that stuff is gone from when Vrill captured you. Maybe Brogg or Cinder want to help you out with some $$, but training cost a shitload of money.
Now that Mike sees everyone buying some potions, guys, Mike thinks that he could use a couple himself. Maybe a Potion of Cause Light Wounds, if such a thing exists? (You doubt it.) Or a Potion of Prevent Turning or some such shit.
Dave, good thinking asking about the unicorns. Okay, as much as James- it's not Jimmy, damn it, it's James- as much as he wants to help, you decide to try your luck elsewhere. In fact, while you're staying at the temple, a couple guys come in with bad wounds for healing. After hefty donations, you talk to them a bit. Turns out one of those guys got a unicorn horn right in the eye! They tell you that they were ambushed by three unicorns as they were heading to the fjords for some ice fjishing. Hmm, you think. They draw a little map of where they were when the unicorns jumped them and took their gold. It's about a day north of here, en route to where Grunna's lodge should be! Well that's convenient, you think. You give them a Cure Light Wounds on the house and tell that guy to put an icepack on his eyeless socket. Cure Blindness is out of his pricerange and wouldn't help anyway, what that guy needs is a Regeneration, and DMC Death & Dismemberment certainly doesn't cover that!
As for special training, well, you get a weapon proficiency and two non-weapon profs. You guys are free to think up your own NWPs because, you know, you've all been playing D&D for awhile now. But here are some suggestions:
A new language, like Minerspeak, French, or Gold Dragon
A basic skill like running, swimming, climbing, alertness, read lips, or drinking
A combat-helpful skill like blind-fighting, quickdraw, super moves, or dirty fighting
A profession like alchemy, tailor, surgery, mining, drawing, shipbuilding, or town guarding
A knowledge skill is always helpful, like history, geography, lore of the underdark, or modern literature
At higher levels, it might be possible to get crazier skills like Command Army, Catch Arrows, or Superspellcraft. You never know, and it'll get harder to get 'special training' you might have to go on a quest or something. But for now, you're still low level and it's cool.
Ring of Big Heals, Aid... yeah that makes sense. It gives +1 to Aid. And oh yeah, help yourself. It's a calzone with four different cheeses. Pretty fucking tasty.
Brogg, when you guys are preparing to leave for the mountains, one of the acolytes comes up to you with a letter. It arrived a few days ago for you and your friends. Here's the letter:
From the desk of R. Greetles
Dear Sirs,
How are you doing? I hope you are having alot of adventures and getting alot of gp and xp. I am fine here. We are doing some nice farming. This is the principle reason I am writing you because although I know you must be very busey, I have a few questions that only you, as masters of the farm, can address.
There are alot of workers here now on the farm. Most of them are zombies, I think we have 26. There were two others, but one of them wandered off and another fell apart and I couldn't fix him, so he became compost. They all arrived last month but we haven't had any more come in the last couple of weeks. They are hard workers if you tell them exactly what to do, and two of them seem to have rudimentary intelligence and act as good middle management. In addition, Cinder, two friends of yours from Greyhelm are here, Jurgin and Broch, they say they are business associates of yours. They don't really work so hard because they say they can't be seen outside. And Brogg, there is a friend of yours here named Gregolas Halfelfen. He also doesn't really work so hard because he sleeps alot although he's trying to grow some plants in the cellar. I guess he reminds me of Tanis Half-Elven.
I am filling out paperwork for the DMC Mines and Farms insurance, and I am not sure what to put as the 'title' of our farm. 10 Old Grito Farms Lane is the address and I suppose we could call it that. I asked the workers and here are the suggestions. The two talking zombies proposed "Farm Applefarms" and "2". I think we can rule those out, although we do have some apple trees. Jurgin wants to call it "The Bunny Ranch" which is odd because we don't have any rabbits. In fact, because of the zombies, we can't have any livestock whatsoever. I bought a sheep but the zombie scared it so bad that it died. Gregolas wants to call it "Fahrenheit 420" which I also don't understand because it doesn't get that hot here. I might suggest "Shady Orchards" because we do have orchards, so we do have shade, and the double entendre of the word Shady suits our gang here if I may be so bold. Please return to me the favor of your correspondence with a name so that I may file the paperwork and legitimize our operation.Sincerely yours,
R. Greetles
Nameless Farms
P.S. You didn't happen to borrow my copy of Dragons of Autumn Twilight perchance? It's okay if you did but I seem to have misplaced it. Enclosed is 1 gp for a copy of Dragons of Winter Night if you happen to come across a Barnes and Nobles or something in your adventures.
P.P.S. Brogg, thank you for your information regarding halfbreeds. I apologize for my unthoughtful remarks re: Tanis Half-Elven. I am trying to learn alot about half elves from Gregolas. I have been in correspondence with Masters Grettin and Shettin on some matters of Grisbane theology, as Gregolas seems loathe to answer most of my historical questions. The Masters generously provided me with a book called The Book of Grisbane and it is rather large. I am learning alot about Grisbane. -RG.
Sure enough, there's 1 gp taped to the letter, although Cinder beat him to it.
Oh yeah, and I HEART that unicorn picture. The stubby gold horn is exactly what it looks like.
