Into The Shark Tank, Or: "Let's Get Tipsy!" Let's just skip ahead a day to the Fair. We'll clean up retroactively if need be. And, "low level operative"? He was the freaking Guildmaster of Grito! And Cinder, as you're about to see, Vrill's fully intent on living up to his promise that he's done fucking around.

But first, you disguise yourself as Yves Meifer. Roll INT and CHA to see how good it is. With the disguise kit and help from your friends, you get a +2 INT and +4 CHA to your rolls. You want some flasks, you can buy them from the Blackwall Thiefs guild shoppe. Dirk Saunders, nicknamed "G. P. Saunders", will sell them to you for 1 sp each. I'm going to assume that you'll take most of your stuff- potions, dagger, but leave the bow and arrows with your pals. Grimes would really prefer it if you didn't get yourself killed, but you do what you have to do.

You guys spend the afternoon getting "Master Yves" ready for the evening. You think he looks pretty good! For a balding monkish guy that is. Regardless of the INT rolls obviously.

You're at the door of the Potion Guild by 6 PM. There's a ton of people here, on the grounds, waiting to get in, already milling about inside. Apprentices are dressed in brown, Masters in black, and Affiliates like yourself in red. There are also some guards and dignitaries here. It's somewhat formal, but somewhat relaxed too. However, you do have to show your credentials at the door.

You wait in line and step on up. Here you go, into the lion's den. You momentarily think back to Grimes' office, the painting of that thief climbing the wall. So calm and collected. Be the thief, you think. You hear Grimes' words: "disguise, infiltration, reconnaissance...". Be the thief.

You're snapped suddenly back into the present by the door apprentice calling the name on your badge for you to step forward. "Master, uh... Meef... Master Meefer?" The apprentice on the other side of the door grins and tries not to snicker. It's Meifer, damn it... MY-fer, like cypher with an M, you think, cursing these guild nerds. He looks at the scroll you have, and waves you on through. "Thanks for coming Master MEEFER." The other apprentice laughs out loud. As you walk in, your sharp thief ears hear him quietly making fun of you trying to get the door apprentice to crack up: "Master... QUEEFER? Is there a Master Queefer here? Or Master Richard Bader? Master Bader everyone... give him a hand." Real mature, you dorks, you think. But you're in. Disguise and infiltration have been achieved. Now for the rec...

"Excuse me... Meefer" you hear one of the guards inside you just passed say in a gruff guard voice. "If you'll just step over here." Shit. Already caught! Instinctively your hand grips the dagger and a potion of invisibility... the crowd could be used to your advantage. "Here you go sir. It's a secret ballot. You'll be anonymously reviewing poster 5.17. That's in the poster hall straight ahead. When you've seen enough, please deposit the slip back in the box." The guard hands you a simple white form and a small pencil:

2nd Annual Greyhelm Potion Guild Scientific Exposition
Poster: 7.13
Please rate this poster on the following attributes (circle one):
Ingenuity: A B C D E
Clarity: A B C D E
Effort: A B C D E
Comments:

You ease your grip on the knife, take the form and pencil, and step into the Guild.

Holy shit, altogether there are easily a few hundred people here. There are several large halls where things have been set up. There are also some food tables. You grab a celery stick and enter the main poster hall. You've got some time before the 7 PM unveiling- why not scope the halls and look for poster 7.13? Keeping an eye out for familiar faces of course.

Well, it turns out the 7 class posters are in the 'Cutting Edge' section, which is currently blocked off until after the ceremony. However, getting over there to find that out takes a bit of time, and you see some other interesting stuff being demonstrated in the big Potion Guild science fair. There's a lot of guys talking to each other pointing at beakers, pictures taped up onto boards, writing things on chalkboards here and there, it's hectic. Here are some highlights, amongst the usual crap like better, cheaper potions of healing, longevity, philters of love, and herbal ecstacy:

1) You first head through the 'Personal Protection' section. You see an interesting poster on a new "Poison of Friends". No, not potion, poison. Blade poison in particular.
2) Another useful potion might be the Pufferfish Swords Potion. You see it demonstrated- the apprentice drinks it and huge freaking swords sprout out all over his body. Hug this, owlbear! you think.
3) From the 'Lifestyles' section: Potion of the Morning After. It's a hangover cure, fetus abortive, and 24 hr retrograde amnesia elixir all in one.
4) 'Performance Enhancement' section: Potion of the 5th Level Magic User. One fireball, please.
5) Also in Performance Enhancement, which seems to be a crowd favorite: OneUp Potion. You get +1 to everything that day.
6) Finally, it looks like there are some non-Potion Guild vendors here. Some marketing guys from the Brewer's Guild are here. You see a gorgeous babe giving out free samples of their new beer "Brewmaster's Selection: Adamantium". It looks like they're also trying out their new slogan: Let's get tipsy! and mascot: Warren the Wolfman, who looks like the kid from "Where the Wild Things Are" but 35 years old now and enjoying his drink. It's trying to cater to demi-humans maybe? You're not sure about that one. Adamantium is pretty tasty stuff though.

An announcement is made that the main demonstration is about to begin in the Meeks Auditorium. Most everyone is heading off into a large lecture hall with a stage at the back, currently obscured by a big curtain. You think fast, looking around to see if there's any way you could get in there first, but the crowd is too thick. You resign yourself to taking a seat near the back, close to the exit.

The room is packed. A tall man in black master's robes gets up on the stage and says "Ladies and gentlemen thank you all for coming. I would like to welcome you all back to the Greyhelm Potion Guild for our 2nd annual scientific exhibition!" Applause. This must be the great "Master P" himself! "It is my pleasure to introduce Master Parsifal Meeks, Master Guildmaster of our great Guild!" More applause. Okay, maybe you were wrong. Anyway, Meeks takes the stage... and it's a kid! No wait, it's another gnome... dwarf? Yes, it's a dwarf. But a human dwarf. Master Parsifal Meeks is a midget in shining gold robes. You can see one of those cheesy-ass ioun stones floating above his head. You bet he thinks that's pretty cool, "oh look at me I can survive without food or water". As the applause crescendos, you fantasize about butchering all of these Potion Guild assholes, or maybe having three Odins show up again and spear them all.

"Thank you everybody, friends and Guildsmen" he says in that annoying little midget voice, stretching out his arms like a preacher or something. "Tonight we have a marvelous new invention to share with you all. I thought our modest little science fair" polite laughter from the crowd, although you're not sure what's funny? The word 'modest' is not comedy gold. Oh wait, maybe it's a midget saying the word 'little'. You laugh at that.

"...our little science fair would be a good venue for its first public demonstration. This, my friends, is an invention that will change the course of Potion Guild business for years to come!"

With that, the curtain begins to rise. As you watch, you notice someone come in late, "excuse me, pardon me" stumbling down the row, and sits down next to you. Out of the corner of your eye... no, it can't be. You turn your head just a little. Unbelieveable. But the black master's robes and scruffy red hair are a dead give away.

Master Gregory Vrill just sat down next to you. He catches you looking over at him, gives you a thin lipped smile. "How's it going" he says quietly to you. Clearly not a question.

Be the thief.

The curtain is lifted, revealing a huge contraption on the stage, manned by two obviously overworked and very nervous apprentices. Think "Beaker" meets Anthony Michael Hall. It's a huge, ramshackle device of wood, metal, and glass held together by chains and leather straps. All sorts of chambers and tubes go every which way. There's a large funnel on the side, and a spigot or bung in the front. The audience seems generally confused.

"This!" exclaims Guildmaster Meeks, "this... is the Universal Potion Machine!" Stunned silence. "A demonstration! Apprentice Niles, bring me the platter!"

You're only half paying attention, trying to come up with a good plan. Stab run mock? Mock stab run? Stab stab stab?

One of the sweaty apprentices runs over to a side table and picks up a large serving tray. He takes it over to Meeks. "What have we today Apprentice?" asks the Guildmaster, clearly enjoying himself. The apprentice says something quietly. "SPEAK UP!" yells someone in the back. "Uh," says Apprentice Nils, "we have, uh..." Like a deer in headlights, he's just staring out at the audience.

The Guildmaster doesn't sweat it though and takes the platter. "Thank you Apprentice. Let's see. We have here..." uncovering the platter "some fishsticks!" He walks over to the big funnel on the contraption and puts in a few fishsticks. "We have the golden hair of a beautiful maiden!" He holds up something you can't really see, and puts it in the funnel. "And finally, just for good measure, we have a bottle of 987 Gunter's Creek Brandy!" Nervous laughter from the crowd as Meeks pours the bottle in the funnel. He then turns a big crank, and the whole machine starts to shake.

You're trying to watch Vrill at the same time. Sitting calmly next to you, he is clearly up to no good. He's reaching in his robes for something... you get the dagger ready... Vrill adjusts himself, clears his throat, watching the stage intently.

"Master Nettles! Please join me on stage." The Master of the Greyhelm Guild, Master Nettles, walks up. He's the guy who introduced this other guy. Meanwhile, Meeks pulls out a flask and puts it under the spigot, collecting the thick ooze that the machine somehow produced.

"Master Nettles! I hold before me a Potion. A Potion no man, and no apprentice" more laughter "no apprentice made by hand. A Potion made by machine! Will you please tell me what this Potion does!"

Nettles takes it, smells it, tastes a little. Thinks, begins to speak... no wait, he smells it again, holds up the flask to the light. What a drama queen. "To my eye, good master guildmaster, this is... a Potion of Aquatic Control. Seemingly the same as one my own Apprentice Barry synthesized not a fortnight ago."

"A proof then! Niles, bring the shark tank!" Niles rolls out a large glass tank full of water and two small dogfish. The Guildmaster drinks the potion and commands the sharks to fight. "Fight! FIGHT!" the midget yells, pointing for no reason at the sharks. The two sharks instantly go nuts on each other, quickly turning the tank dark with blood. The Potion Guild crowd seems to love it, breaking out into cheers and applause. Guildmaster Meeks raises up his arms again beaming, shouting over the crowd "Yes my friends! Out of any materials! Any reagents! Anyone can make them! Make any potion known to man! And a countless number of potions unknown! Yes indeed!"

"Great," deadpans Vrill, next to you, apparently speaking to you! He kind of half turns and says in low tones "just what we need, to be put out of jobs. Very well done." He then looks at you smiling. You're still not sure what's going on here. "Hello," says Vrill to you. "Master Gregory Vrill, Grito. Nice to meet you." He shakes your hand, but then stares a little more intently at you. Mostly in a confused way, not really so much a gay way.

"Uh, I'm sorry," he says carefully, eyes narrowing, "do I... Have we met?"

How did you do on those checks, Meifer?  ¶ 1:55 AM