5.15.2005
Down the Dwayne
Really guys, the 'Dwayne' puns were spontaneous, it wasn't planned that way. I just thought it'd be funny to have a wight named Dwayne.
Anyway, Cinder and Dave, you guys make mincemeat out of Dwayne. That's really just an assload of damage, enough to totally fuck up his shit. Dwayne looks to the sky, I mean the ceiling, and yells "Why god? Why have you cursed me, your damned servant?! I..." but you guys are sick of monologues by now and stuff an old shirt in Dwayne's mouth as his wretched undead body crumbles into dust.
Then there's like this flash of light and you hear soft heavenly music. From the altar you see what looks like a big white glowing thing and a tall handsome man with wings and a halo steps out. He says "I am Soltar, angel and divine servant of Cuthbert of the Cudgel. I thank you gentlemen for destroying a pretty big evil here on this glorious day of our lord. Your efforts towards peace have not gone without acknowledgement in the gay lands above. I bring a gift, from the holy ash tree of The Cudgel, as a temporal token of the divine love of our lord." He then pulls out three apparently identical cudgels, looking like top-heavy driftwood or something, and solemnly hands each of you one of them, doing one of those pope 'smile and nod' things. Written along the edge of each cudgel in big letters is the word CUTHBERT. He then turns and walks back into the glowing light that disappears in cue with someone turning down the church music.
Maybe you misheard him? Maybe he said "gray lands above" but you swore he said "gay lands". Anyway, just to tidy up here, let's just say that Dave casts a Det. Mag. Nope, the cudgels aren't magical. Cinder, I think I know what you're thinking, and you bet you could sell those cudgels for 50 gp a pop. However, Dwayne's ring and mace are. Dwayne also had a nonmagic ring and a nonmagic shiny necklace with a holy symbol on it. I'll leave it as an exercise for the reader to guess what the fucking holy symbol is.
Final assumption is that Dave picks up the mace. It talks to you in your head! It says "Hello Dave. I am Amournan, the Whore of Hyannis. Damned be the mortal who wields me and doomed be all those who impede his way. I shall aid you in destroying your enemies and bringing you comfort from their blood run cold. I am a +1 Footman's Mace, and I heal you 1d(level) each time you strike a pure- that is, unwounded- foe, be he man, child, or beast from hell. It will be a pleasure to serve you."
Nice work everyone, another 500 xp apiece. Unless there's anything else you want to do, it's on to Greyhelm? Dave, you know of a temple to Odin there, maybe you could get a restoration spell or something. In any case, when you get on the road, someone roll for wandering encounters.
Anyway, Cinder and Dave, you guys make mincemeat out of Dwayne. That's really just an assload of damage, enough to totally fuck up his shit. Dwayne looks to the sky, I mean the ceiling, and yells "Why god? Why have you cursed me, your damned servant?! I..." but you guys are sick of monologues by now and stuff an old shirt in Dwayne's mouth as his wretched undead body crumbles into dust.
Then there's like this flash of light and you hear soft heavenly music. From the altar you see what looks like a big white glowing thing and a tall handsome man with wings and a halo steps out. He says "I am Soltar, angel and divine servant of Cuthbert of the Cudgel. I thank you gentlemen for destroying a pretty big evil here on this glorious day of our lord. Your efforts towards peace have not gone without acknowledgement in the gay lands above. I bring a gift, from the holy ash tree of The Cudgel, as a temporal token of the divine love of our lord." He then pulls out three apparently identical cudgels, looking like top-heavy driftwood or something, and solemnly hands each of you one of them, doing one of those pope 'smile and nod' things. Written along the edge of each cudgel in big letters is the word CUTHBERT. He then turns and walks back into the glowing light that disappears in cue with someone turning down the church music.
Maybe you misheard him? Maybe he said "gray lands above" but you swore he said "gay lands". Anyway, just to tidy up here, let's just say that Dave casts a Det. Mag. Nope, the cudgels aren't magical. Cinder, I think I know what you're thinking, and you bet you could sell those cudgels for 50 gp a pop. However, Dwayne's ring and mace are. Dwayne also had a nonmagic ring and a nonmagic shiny necklace with a holy symbol on it. I'll leave it as an exercise for the reader to guess what the fucking holy symbol is.
Final assumption is that Dave picks up the mace. It talks to you in your head! It says "Hello Dave. I am Amournan, the Whore of Hyannis. Damned be the mortal who wields me and doomed be all those who impede his way. I shall aid you in destroying your enemies and bringing you comfort from their blood run cold. I am a +1 Footman's Mace, and I heal you 1d(level) each time you strike a pure- that is, unwounded- foe, be he man, child, or beast from hell. It will be a pleasure to serve you."
Nice work everyone, another 500 xp apiece. Unless there's anything else you want to do, it's on to Greyhelm? Dave, you know of a temple to Odin there, maybe you could get a restoration spell or something. In any case, when you get on the road, someone roll for wandering encounters.
